Children and anger UPDATE (pg 4)

[SillyMe]

Does anyone have a child who gets angry and hurts themselves? I'm talking about young children. My dd is only 7 years old and just started hitting herself. She's punching herself in the head, squeezing her fists, tensing her whole body and holding her breath until her face turns red. It's all a result of issues with her father.

I'm trying to get her into counseling, but need his consent, and in the meantime he's ignoring my calls.

Tonight I told her to hit a pillow. I held it up so she could hit it like a punching bag....instead of hurting herself. I'm going shopping tomorrow to look for a punching bag for her.

Until I can get her into counseling, are there any other ways I can help her? My heart is absolutely breaking for her.

 

[Pop Daddy]

this will sound cave manish, but my dad would tell me if I tried that "if you do that again, Im gonna give you somthing to cry about", , it might just be temper tantrums she will grow out of real soon, it dont have to be somehitng real serious

 

[Cool-Beans]

None of my kids hit themselves (just each other). Hope things get better for you!

 

[lisajl]

Oh no, I feel for you. My DS-12 had issues with bullies at school and was hitting his head on the wall or on the table. We have been taking him to a psychologist and it has sure helped. I hope you can get her help a.s.a.p.

Lisa

 

[Aidensmom]

Do you need his permission no matter where you go for counseling?

 

[The Mayor]

She needs to smack her father instead of herself...she's lashing out her anger at him on herself...I think your right in looking for the counseling.

 

[SillyMe]

this will sound cave manish, but my dad would tell me if I tried that "if you do that again, Im gonna give you somthing to cry about", , it might just be temper tantrums she will grow out of real soon, it dont have to be somehitng real serious

No, it's definitely not temper tantrums. She throws those, too, like normal kids and I know the difference.

This is her hurting inside. I asked her why she's hitting herself and she said it's b/c people are hurting her, so she's gonna hurt herself.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think letting her "be angry" is probably what she needs. Sounds like her life is upset right now.

Draw pictures, write, record it on a video tape, punching bag sounds great!.
Then maybe follow it up with a meditation/relaxing session.

Acceptance of her reality is the goal here. I am so sorry.

If her dad is not accepting her she must feel like a piece of crap and unlovable. What a horrible person her father must be.

I hope you can get her some help soon.

 

[micki7337]

I'm sorry your daughter is going through this. We just had a similar situation with DD10. She went to live with her mother and was totally unhappy. She didn't know how to verbalize what she wanted/needed to say so she freaked out and locked herself in a bathroom. Her mother had to take her to an ER to be sedated and their immediate diagnosis was bipolar. We filed for custody the very next day before they could drug her and turn her into a zombie. She just needed to talk and was seen by a counsel who I think did some play therapy. Once they took the time to listen to her they realized she was suffering from an adjustment disorder. Fortunately, her time with the therapist gave her the courage to tell her mother she wanted to go home to her father. (She has lived with him since she was 15 months old.)

Maybe instead of buy her a punching bag you could buy her a journal or other toy that she can use to try to explain what she is feeling. Maybe some crayons and paper....just a though.

I hope things work out for your DD.

 

[SillyMe]

Do you need his permission no matter where you go for counseling?

I don't know. I called the counselor that her guidance counselor recommended. He's supposed to be really good and he won't do it without consent from both parents.

If I don't hear back from her father by the end of the weekend, I'm going to try to find another counselor. I would think someone would take her. There are so many single parents who don't have contact with the other parent, so why would they turn away the children?

 

[Aidensmom]

I don't know. I called the counselor that her guidance counselor recommended. He's supposed to be really good and he won't do it without consent from both parents.

If I don't hear back from her father by the end of the weekend, I'm going to try to find another counselor. I would think someone would take her. There are so many single parents who don't have contact with the other parent, so why would they turn away the children?

That is exactly what I was thinking.

 

[SillyMe]

I'm sorry your daughter is going through this. We just had a similar situation with DD10. She went to live with her mother and was totally unhappy. She didn't know how to verbalize what she wanted/needed to say so she freaked out and locked herself in a bathroom. Her mother had to take her to an ER to be sedated and their immediate diagnosis was bipolar. We filed for custody the very next day before they could drug her and turn her into a zombie. She just needed to talk and was seen by a counsel who I think did some play therapy. Once they took the time to listen to her they realized she was suffering from an adjustment disorder. Fortunately, her time with the therapist gave her the courage to tell her mother she wanted to go home to her father. (She has lived with him since she was 15 months old.)

Maybe instead of buy her a punching bag you could buy her a journal or other toy that she can use to try to explain what she is feeling. Maybe some crayons and paper....just a though.

I hope things work out for your DD.

She is having a hard time verbalizing her feelings. She asked me the one night if she was gonna die b/c she felt something inside and couldn't explain it to me. I think she was having a panic attack.

I suggested the journal, but she won't do it. Although she may change her mind b/c she didn't want to talk to a counselor either and has since changed her mind. She is drawing pictures of her dad and his girlfriend. She keeps some and rips the others in tiny pieces. She even told her dad the other night that she's doing this and he had the nerve to yell at her and tell her that she has no right to do that to his gf and she has no right to hate the gf. I thought it was a great way to get out her anger without hurting herself, then he went and yelled at her b/c he was defending the gf.

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

I am so sorry you are goping thru this, but as you are aware, your little one needs counseling. Hipefully he will give the consent immed. My niece, as a young child had the same issues and hers got much worse when her dad went on to have other children with his new wife. Sadly my SIL never took it seriously and now at age 17 she is a cutter. It is tragic. But I am sure with early intervention, your little one will be fine.

 

[rentayenta]

I am sorry your DD is hurting inside. Anger is such a huge emotion and at 7 kids don't have to words to verbalize how they are feeling; a lot of adult don't either. It's the anger turned inward that's worrisome. I would find another counselor and not even mention needing consent from her father. We see children with just one parent, never been an issue.

Good luck and I wish you both the best!


ETA: In the meantime, does she like to draw? Ask her to draw what she's feeling and talk about it with her.

ETA2: Saw she is drawing. That's cathartic and therapeutic, even the tearing up of the pictures.

 

[disneymama73]

She is having a hard time verbalizing her feelings. She asked me the one night if she was gonna die b/c she felt something inside and couldn't explain it to me. I think she was having a panic attack.

I suggested the journal, but she won't do it. Although she may change her mind b/c she didn't want to talk to a counselor either and has since changed her mind. She is drawing pictures of her dad and his girlfriend. She keeps some and rips the others in tiny pieces. She even told her dad the other night that she's doing this and he had the nerve to yell at her and tell her that she has no right to do that to his gf and she has no right to hate the gf. I thought it was a great way to get out her anger without hurting herself, then he went and yelled at her b/c he was defending the gf.

Poor dear. My DD5 pulls her hair out. So far counseling has been unsuccessful, so I'm looking for a child psychologist.

I hope you can find her some help. I'm so sorry she's going through this.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

From what you are describing this is just way too much for a child that young too handle.
She is self imploding.

You have to find a way for her to decompress.

Can you limit contact with him? I think her dad is just doing more damage to her then good.

 

[JunieJay]

No, it's definitely not temper tantrums. She throws those, too, like normal kids and I know the difference.

This is her hurting inside. I asked her why she's hitting herself and she said it's b/c people are hurting her, so she's gonna hurt herself.

Poor sweetie. BOth Mom and kiddo.

I'm sorry this is happening. Whats up with Dad? Does he know why you are calling? Is there another doctor you can consult, or someone at the school, without his permission?

 

[btass]

I just read all of the responses for this thread and I have to say I am a little concerned and BY NO MEANS do I wish to infuriate anyone by saying this but does anyone talk to thier children?

My DS8 was starting to hit himself and act out a few years ago. I started talking to him and LISTENING to him. I asked him what was wrong and what he thought he should do about it. He was apprehensive about talking to me at first but after a little while when he realized I was really concerned about what he thought and what he wanted, he opened up to me and we sorted it out together. It was his decision what to do about the problems he was having and he made the right decisions. He uses his words and doesn't overreact, he thinks about things before he reacts to them.

I have to say that I never thought about sending him to a counselor.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

What about your pediatrician?
If your ped writes a script, so to speak, to see a counselor can you "get in" through that way?

 

[Aidensmom]

I just read all of the responses for this thread and I have to say I am a little concerned and BY NO MEANS do I wish to infuriate anyone by saying this but does anyone talk to thier children?

My DS8 was starting to hit himself and act out a few years ago. I started talking to him and LISTENING to him. I asked him what was wrong and what he thought he should do about it. He was apprehensive about talking to me at first but after a little while when he realized I was really concerned about what he thought and what he wanted, he opened up to me and we sorted it out together. It was his decision what to do about the problems he was having and he made the right decisions. He uses his words and doesn't overreact, he thinks about things before he reacts to them.

I have to say that I never thought about sending him to a counselor.

With all due respect, sometimes a child needs a neutral party to talk to when their parent's have split up. They don't want to "take sides" by talking to one parent, or they may have issues with both.