Childfree (by choice) Disney Lovers!

[DisTito69]

I am child free and I love Disney Someday I plan on settling down and meeting the right person but for now its all about having a good time at WDW on my own.

Tito

 

[zima-cheryl]

Hi there, it’s good to see a thread for those who are childfree. I need help guys, my husband is turning 35 this year and recently he has started talking about having a baby. We had discussed about this and only after a lot of talk, we end up marrying each other. It’s been 7 years since we are married and he seems changing his mind. What to do guys.

Ouch! That sucks!!
Are you around any kids? Does he really see how much time, patience, money & emotional resources they take?!? Or is he seeing these silly sappy commercials w/a boy & his dad and getting caught up in that whole image?
If the later of the two, maybe have him babysit for a few days (by himself) to see what it is really like.

Otherwise, best I can suggest would be if the 2 of you can't talk it through would be getting a counselor or some sort of neutral person to help w/that discussion.

Man that sucks... and after 7 years Hang in there & hopefully you two will get through this.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

Tito, I'm liking the shorter cut. Just sayin'.

 

[franandaj]

Hi there, it’s good to see a thread for those who are childfree. I need help guys, my husband is turning 35 this year and recently he has started talking about having a baby. We had discussed about this and only after a lot of talk, we end up marrying each other. It’s been 7 years since we are married and he seems changing his mind. What to do guys.

I would really make him start babysitting kids. Start reading some TRs about people who have kids. They have no lives outside of diapers, car seats and all that crap. Now if you're into kids and things like that it won't bother you, but if you want a real life, and I am being selfish, then he will realize how silly he is being. If he thinks little "mini me's" are going to make his life better, then RUN! He is not the guy for you. There are enough people on this earth breeding and creating kids who have no morals, feel entitled and are just spoiled. Unless you will really take the time (and it does take time) to create quality human beings. Let someone else do the over population!

We really need some kind of hold on who can have kids. The people who should aren't and the ones who don't have any control over it are. It's really sad.

 

[HockeyKat]

I couldn't agree more, Fran.

At 35, a good percentage of my friends/age group in the under 5 yr old stage of having kids, and only about 10% have what I consider to be a healthy attitude toward child-raising.

All I see is a generation of children (probably another generation, considering what I see in teens and the early-20 set) that are raised to believe the entire world revolves around them and they can do no wrong, and society reinforcing that to each and every parent and child out there.


My friends who raise their kids like my parents did us are fighting an uphill battle. By that, I mean love and respecting their kids of course, and giving them what they need, but still keeping their own lives as individuals and couples, and establishing boundaries and accountability in their children.


I also see parents who pretty obviously have children as a status symbol, which is kind of sad. I can understand why they do that, though, as all of us know the kind of pressure that friends and family can put on you to conform to the "norm" of the 2.5 children, dog, picket fence thing.


Wow, sorry, I didn't mean that to be as much of a rant as it turned out to be!

 

[lakelandgal70]

I would really make him start babysitting kids. Start reading some TRs about people who have kids. They have no lives outside of diapers, car seats and all that crap. Now if you're into kids and things like that it won't bother you, but if you want a real life, and I am being selfish, then he will realize how silly he is being. If he thinks little "mini me's" are going to make his life better, then RUN! He is not the guy for you. There are enough people on this earth breeding and creating kids who have no morals, feel entitled and are just spoiled. Unless you will really take the time (and it does take time) to create quality human beings. Let someone else do the over population!

We really need some kind of hold on who can have kids. The people who should aren't and the ones who don't have any control over it are. It's really sad.

Great post Fran! So many people pop out kids and don't do the work that is required to actually raise kids. Sometimes I do wish we had a kid or two but then I think of the actual work, shelping the kids to activities, all the laundry, the horrible kiddie shows, the expense, responsibility and I think that sometimes things happen for a reason and it is probably for the best we didn't have kids. Parenting is not for the weak of heart. It is a hard job. And lets me honest. Who takes care of the kid? Most of the time the mom. So sure the men want a kid. He won't have to spend a lot of time with it lol.

 

[zima-cheryl]

and I am being selfish,

No, No, No! You are not being selfish! Man I hate that statement.
What you are is self-aware & smart enough to know what is the right thing for you & to then do it. How is that ever selfish?
Don't ever let anyone convince you chosing to be child free is selfish.
(OK...sorry.... I'll crawl down off my soapbox now. )

So many people pop out kids and don't do the work that is required to actually raise kids.

Yup, folks have the kids w/no thought to who will really do hard stuff. Then they assume everyone will pitch in & care of the kids for them. Um, sorry, I didn't sign on to be part of your village.

If I'm out somewhere the last thing I want to do is have to keep an eye on someone else's kid. Why should I have to ruin my day watching your kid(s)? I'm sorry you want to have a drink/listen to the band/sit & relax/swim or whatever.... your kid - your responsibility. I'm not about to do it for you.

 

[maddhatir]

Tito, I'm liking the shorter cut. Just sayin'.

Ya know- I prefer my guys have long hair \m/ but I think I am going to second this one Dragonflies! Good call

IUnless you will really take the time (and it does take time) to create quality human beings.

All I thought of when I read that was, "Ford Quality" People really need to take the time to produce some good kids darnit! They sure don't make 'em like they used to!

I love it.

to all the new people!

 

[peachiepie]

Hi all!
Glad to have found this board! Husband and I are childfree...we got married in May, so some people still haven't got the message. I get the patronising "you'll change your mind" quite a lot.

We've booked our Disney trip , but it's in October 2012 so we have ages to wait. Think husband is worried I'm going to burn myself out with excitment before then though!

 

[lakelandgal70]

Hi all!
Glad to have found this board! Husband and I are childfree...we got married in May, so some people still haven't got the message. I get the patronising "you'll change your mind" quite a lot.

We've booked our Disney trip , but it's in October 2012 so we have ages to wait. Think husband is worried I'm going to burn myself out with excitment before then though!

Hi and welcome from across the pond! I think we can all relate to the you will change your mind bit. Just tell em when hell freezes over
And I don't think one can ever burn oneself out over Disney. I am daily looking at this board and other Disney related things and haven't burned out yet. Longer to get back to the park and I live 40min away haha.

 

[franandaj]

No, No, No! You are not being selfish! Man I hate that statement.
What you are is self-aware & smart enough to know what is the right thing for you & to then do it. How is that ever selfish?
Don't ever let anyone convince you chosing to be child free is selfish.
(OK...sorry.... I'll crawl down off my soapbox now. )

OK! I never wanted them, never understood the allure of babies. I don't think they're all that darned cute. They poop, they drool....eeeew! I can hardly take care of myself, my kitties and my spouse. I certainly didn't want an 18+ year commitment!

All I thought of when I read that was, "Ford Quality" People really need to take the time to produce some good kids darnit! They sure don't make 'em like they used to!

I love it.

to all the new people!

They make 'em like they used, the warranties just aren't as good!

Hi all!
Glad to have found this board! Husband and I are childfree...we got married in May, so some people still haven't got the message. I get the patronising "you'll change your mind" quite a lot.

We've booked our Disney trip , but it's in October 2012 so we have ages to wait. Think husband is worried I'm going to burn myself out with excitment before then though!

I think it depends on the person, but I don't seem to get burned out on Disney ever!

Hi and welcome from across the pond! I think we can all relate to the you will change your mind bit. Just tell em when hell freezes over
And I don't think one can ever burn oneself out over Disney. I am daily looking at this board and other Disney related things and haven't burned out yet. Longer to get back to the park and I live 40min away haha.

I live 20 miles from the West Coast park, and normally we're there every month or more often! I go through withdrawal if I don't get there!

 

[franandaj]

This was posted on a TR in reference to a tandem parasailing excursion a guy took with his daughter.

So who enjoyed it more, your daughter or you? I bet you, because you probably enjoyed your personal experience of the ride and you enjoyed experiencing your daughter's "enjoyment" of her ride. Is not being a parent the greatest? I love being able to introduce my daughter to new experiences.

I can tell that the person who wrote it really believes what she wrote, but I just don't get it at all. I mean I can understand how fun it is to show people new experiences but I'm just not feelin the love!

However, I am glad there are parents who feel this way and are raising their children properly. Hopefully there will some well mannered adults out there in 20 years!

 

[sewmess]

I just found this post. I have enjoyed my skimming and look forward to reading/writing more.

DH and I are Child Less leaning towards Child Free. To explain: I was staunchly Child Free until I met my DH. I just couldn't (until him) imagine loving anyone so much I wanted to preserve a part of them for postarity in the form of offspring. Kids are okay, but teenagers are horrible (yes, I even throught so when I WAS a teenager) DH was roughly in the same boat, but he was CF because of the cure to his childhood disease. Saved him but (most likely) made him sterile. He too thought he'd never find anyone who he wanted to have a kid with.

And then we met & got married at age 30/35. without going into the TMI territories, we bounced around the idea of having kids, but were getting used to the idea of being CF by choice as well as nature. Then our friends started having/adopting babies and we're going through all the angst of wanting babies (more to be able to talk with friends at their level than the idea of having 18 years of child rearing) People always say "You can always adopt." Not in my life time with the DH - hearing him be righteously angry for our friends who have had not one, not 2 but FIVE adoptions fall through because of flakey BMs (Birth mothers - fitting I think) I couldn't handle the stress.

When the rational side of my brain talks, I am 100% CF: kids take time, energy, money, emotions that I don't want to expend And I HATE teenagers and don't want to have to hate my own kid. We'd have to radically change our lifestyle (I'd have to remember how to clean) and there's no way that we would be able to do as many WDW trips as we are now.

So every time I seriously think about it I get closer to my old, happy "Child Free" days.

ANYWAY now that I've given too much information. HI!

 

[zima-cheryl]

This was posted on a TR in reference to a tandem parasailing excursion a guy took with his daughter.



I can tell that the person who wrote it really believes what she wrote, but I just don't get it at all. I mean I can understand how fun it is to show people new experiences but I'm just not feelin the love!

However, I am glad there are parents who feel this way and are raising their children properly. Hopefully there will some well mannered adults out there in 20 years!

See, those are the people who should be having kids. I don't get it either, but I also don't understand how some people can be Yankees fans
Don't have to understand, just respect their choice.

I just found this post. I have enjoyed my skimming and look forward to reading/writing more.

Welcome to the boards.
You will find we are mostly harmless to ourselves & others (but Madd bites if you ask her nicely )

 

[blue65829]

Hi there, it’s good to see a thread for those who are childfree. I need help guys, my husband is turning 35 this year and recently he has started talking about having a baby. We had discussed about this and only after a lot of talk, we end up marrying each other. It’s been 7 years since we are married and he seems changing his mind. What to do guys.

I'm late to the party putting in my two cents on this one, but felt like I needed to. DH and I have been together over 10 years and went back and forth on the issue of children before deciding at 31 that we were definitely better off not having them. I joke that we can barely co-parent our pets let alone an acutual human child!

Anyhow, his brother and sister recently had a baby, and came to stay with us for 3 nights when the baby was 3 months old - if there's any way you can make that happen I can almost gaurantee your DH will be cured of wanting a child! I know they grow up, but we barely made it through the weekend, let along having months and months of an infant.

So - I agree with the pp, get him some exposure to kids, and particularly, if possible, demonstrate how absolutely exhausting and difficult it is to care for an infant!

I really think that having children should be something people do only if they feel a call or a pull, and not just because it's what you do when you reach a certain age. just imo.

 

[BLTLDZ]

I am so happy that I happened upon this thread....I have posted on it awhile back, and could really use some guidance!
I am 31, DH is 35..ALL of our friends have offspring.....I am so torn!!!
I also feel like I am "running out of time", not to sound cliche!!

IF we are having any, I would like to have one sooner than later, BUT I am still feeling somewhat selfish, and really not wanting to give up the freedom...Yet on the other hand, I get the urge sometimes...But the whole delviery thing scares the CRAP out of me!!

DH is self employed, and works from home a lot....I am a social butterfly, so it doesn't really bother me when he works nights and such, because I always have something to keep me occupied...I'm afraid that having a baby may cause me to resent him Like I would be doing everything, NOT that he wouldn't help, because he's great BUT because he wants me to stay at home and raise the baby...We both always say that we arent having any UNLESS I can stay home with them...just our feelings. I don't want to have a baby so Grandma or daycare can raise him/her. NOT KNOCKING anybody's choices, but that's just not for us, and I think we are being SMART about it instead of taking an "take it as it comes" approach. We want to be as Hnds on as possible. (Sure we say that now! )
I dunno....like I said, we are both on the fence..... TMI

 

[sewmess]

I am 31, DH is 35..ALL of our friends have offspring.....I am so torn!!!
I also feel like I am "running out of time", not to sound cliche!!

IF we are having any, I would like to have one sooner than later, BUT I am still feeling somewhat selfish, and really not wanting to give up the freedom...Yet on the other hand, I get the urge sometimes...But the whole delviery thing scares the CRAP out of me!!

DH is self employed, and works from home a lot....I am a social butterfly, so it doesn't really bother me when he works nights and such, because I always have something to keep me occupied...I'm afraid that having a baby may cause me to resent him Like I would be doing everything, NOT that he wouldn't help, because he's great BUT because he wants me to stay at home and raise the baby...We both always say that we arent having any UNLESS I can stay home with them...just our feelings. I don't want to have a baby so Grandma or daycare can raise him/her. NOT KNOCKING anybody's choices, but that's just not for us, and I think we are being SMART about it instead of taking an "take it as it comes" approach. We want to be as Hnds on as possible. (Sure we say that now! )
I dunno....like I said, we are both on the fence..... TMI

I feel your pain. I'm there with you - If we were to have a child one of us would have to be a stay at home parent as well and there's no way right now that we could do that.

And I really like my world as it is right now. We've got a four legged boy who needs a lot of attention (he wasn't in the greatest place before we got him, spooks easily, but now he's a spoiled bugger) but people expect us to leave him home when we travel, unlike the looks we would get if we left a chid with gramma or somebody to travel.

 

[pacrosby]

I am so happy that I happened upon this thread....I have posted on it awhile back, and could really use some guidance!
I am 31, DH is 35..ALL of our friends have offspring.....I am so torn!!!
I also feel like I am "running out of time", not to sound cliche!!

IF we are having any, I would like to have one sooner than later, BUT I am still feeling somewhat selfish, and really not wanting to give up the freedom...Yet on the other hand, I get the urge sometimes...But the whole delviery thing scares the CRAP out of me!!

DH is self employed, and works from home a lot....I am a social butterfly, so it doesn't really bother me when he works nights and such, because I always have something to keep me occupied...I'm afraid that having a baby may cause me to resent him Like I would be doing everything, NOT that he wouldn't help, because he's great BUT because he wants me to stay at home and raise the baby...We both always say that we arent having any UNLESS I can stay home with them...just our feelings. I don't want to have a baby so Grandma or daycare can raise him/her. NOT KNOCKING anybody's choices, but that's just not for us, and I think we are being SMART about it instead of taking an "take it as it comes" approach. We want to be as Hnds on as possible. (Sure we say that now! )
I dunno....like I said, we are both on the fence..... TMI

Running out of time? IDK I didn't have my first until I was 38. Then had another at 39. Another at 41. And the last at almost 44. All conceived without any kind of assistance. All easy and straight-forward pregnancies/labors and deliveries.

I had a full life before my kids....the career....the social life....the travel. It was great. But at some point it got kind of old and I was ready to experience something different. I have a full life now too. It's just a different kind of full. I traded in the career to be a sahm. Traded in the social life for a family life. We still travel but tend to go to Epcot rather than Europe. It's still great. Absolutely no regrets. I feel like I've been able to experience the best of both worlds.

My point? Stop worrying. Don't rush it. Be mindful of the so-called statistics but don't let them rule your decisions. If you do it, do it when you know it's right for you.


ETA: I know this is for child-free couples so sorry to intrude. Just wanted to address this particular poster's concerns. Play on!

 

[BLTLDZ]

I feel your pain. I'm there with you - If we were to have a child one of us would have to be a stay at home parent as well and there's no way right now that we could do that.

And I really like my world as it is right now. We've got a four legged boy who needs a lot of attention (he wasn't in the greatest place before we got him, spooks easily, but now he's a spoiled bugger) but people expect us to leave him home when we travel, unlike the looks we would get if we left a chid with gramma or somebody to travel.

Hi
Thanks for the support!
what are your trip dates? We are there from the 16th-24th....

Running out of time? IDK I didn't have my first until I was 38. Then had another at 39. Another at 41. And the last at almost 44. All conceived without any kind of assistance. All easy and straight-forward pregnancies/labors and deliveries.

I had a full life before my kids....the career....the social life....the travel. It was great. But at some point it got kind of old and I was ready to experience something different. I have a full life now too. It's just a different kind of full. I traded in the career to be a sahm. Traded in the social life for a family life. We still travel but tend to go to Epcot rather than Europe. It's still great. Absolutely no regrets. I feel like I've been able to experience the best of both worlds.

My point? Stop worrying. Don't rush it. Be mindful of the so-called statistics but don't let them rule your decisions. If you do it, do it when you know it's right for you.


ETA: I know this is for child-free couples so sorry to intrude. Just wanted to address this particular poster's concerns. Play on!

Thank you for your wise / kind words!! You have made me feel better
It definitely isn't right for me now then...

 

[zima-cheryl]

DH found this the other day.... think I need yet some more stickers for my car.

I've always wanted one w/the two of us 3 cats & a dog, but now I'm thinking this is better!

What are folks up to this weekend? We have a free Blues festival in town tonight. Should be fun, the Couples w/out Kids group is doing it as a meetup.