Child With Trauma - How To Cope?

[dakotix]

We're taking our adopted son in a month. He is 4 and has a lot of trauma stemming from his time as a foster child. I can't get too deep but basically he has been diagnosed with PTSD which mimics the symptoms of ADHD.

Some days he's great while other days he's off the wall and has serious control and anger issues. That's par for the course with a 4 yo normally but with him it's magnified. If he doesn't get his way the day can easily turn into a nightmare.

Our plan is to just let him lead as much as we can. We're also going to get disability pass so we don't have to contend with too many lines. Are there any other tips from parents with children with similar issues? We'll be at AKL for 10 days.

 

[WonderlandisReality]

First off, Hi fellow Trauma Momma!

I have heard good things about getting the guide that shows where the “quiet” areas intended for those with ASD and/or getting the stroller as a wheelchair tag for decompression. I have heard several recommendations of taking time off at the resort, going back for naps, and sticking to home routine when it comes to meals and bedtime. Someone also advised us to give characters handlers a heads up to kiddos unpredictability.
If you are working with psychiatrist with anger issues already they had some excellent role playing for theme park for us. We have been going to small local places to prepare.

Best advice ever was make sure we took time to do something WE wanted to do on this vacation.

 

[dakotix]

First off, Hi fellow Trauma Momma!

I have heard good things about getting the guide that shows where the “quiet” areas intended for those with ASD and/or getting the stroller as a wheelchair tag for decompression. I have heard several recommendations of taking time off at the resort, going back for naps, and sticking to home routine when it comes to meals and bedtime. Someone also advised us to give characters handlers a heads up to kiddos unpredictability.
If you are working with psychiatrist with anger issues already they had some excellent role playing for theme park for us. We have been going to small local places to prepare.

Best advice ever was make sure we took time to do something WE wanted to do on this vacation.

Our plan is to hit the parks early when they are less crowded and then head back to the resort for pool time/ relaxing whatever he needs. And then depending on how he is head back for a little night time fun being careful not to over do it. I've got this trip planned down to the minute but have no problem throwing the plan out the window if we need to.

 

[gap2368]

We're taking our adopted son in a month. He is 4 and has a lot of trauma stemming from his time as a foster child. I can't get too deep but basically he has been diagnosed with PTSD which mimics the symptoms of ADHD.

Some days he's great while other days he's off the wall and has serious control and anger issues. That's par for the course with a 4 yo normally but with him it's magnified. If he doesn't get his way the day can easily turn into a nightmare.

Our plan is to just let him lead as much as we can. We're also going to get disability pass so we don't have to contend with too many lines. Are there any other tips from parents with children with similar issues? We'll be at AKL for 10 days.

congratulation on your adoption.

If you are working with someone on his anger/PTSD then I would talk to them about things you can do to help him, having him take the lead can help but just know there is no instant access to ride even with the DAS you have to wait, but it can be a lifesaver for those that need it, so go to GR and talk to them about his needs in lines, with 10 days you can take things slow and have some fun at the resort where there are a pool and things to do in the lobby. If you have a stroller you can ask to tag it as a wheelchair so then he can have a place to hide when he needs too, take anything he needs when he gets overwhelmed at home, for me silly putty or something soft really helps me out. at EPCOT there is a playground over by test track that he can run and play if he has some extra energy to get out ( I will try to post a photo of the location latter) MK dumbo has an indoor play area that you can use while waiting in the line. AK there is the boan yeard that kids can run and play in ( but this one you really have to watch them as there are more than one exit and it is pretty big) HS does not have anything that little ones can just run lose

 

[DisneyOma]

We're taking our adopted son in a month. He is 4 and has a lot of trauma stemming from his time as a foster child. I can't get too deep but basically he has been diagnosed with PTSD which mimics the symptoms of ADHD.

Some days he's great while other days he's off the wall and has serious control and anger issues. That's par for the course with a 4 yo normally but with him it's magnified. If he doesn't get his way the day can easily turn into a nightmare.

Our plan is to just let him lead as much as we can. We're also going to get disability pass so we don't have to contend with too many lines. Are there any other tips from parents with children with similar issues? We'll be at AKL for 10 days.

10 days may be a really long time for the kiddo to be away from home, away from the familiar routine and surroundings. Bring as much stuff from home that you can (pillowcase that smells like home, bathroom cup, even a roll of TP, etc) and keep to the familiar routines as much as possible. I'm trying to remember what else we talked about in a really great workshop we had at school - if I can find my notes (it was about 4 years ago) I'll add more.

 

[design_mom]

Congratulations on your adoption. We adopted two children. Each had some issues, one more substantial than the other. (They're 18 and 14 now, and doing really well.)

I think one of the key things for us was keeping them on a similar schedule to home (bedtime, etc.). Traveling in February, like you are, is great because often the parks close early so you're not tempted to keep them up too late. Things went MUCH better when they got close to the usual amount of sleep.

Two other things that worked for us:
1) Explain the short-term plan. "We're going to ride this. Then we're going to go to the bathroom. After that, we'll look at our schedule again." It helped (my daughter in particular) to know what we were doing next... but knowing too much in advance would overwhelm her.
2) Under promise and over deliver. When we went last time, we let each kid choose the ONE thing that they wanted to do most, and we promised we'd be *sure* to do that one thing. Even if we didn't do it first, we promised to do it -- and we got FPs for it if we could (back then, FPs were paper and available for fewer attractions.) Other than that, I pretty much controlled the schedule. It was based on what we thought they'd like and sometimes there were choices like "Do you want to ride this, then eat. Or eat, then ride?" or "Do you want to do A or B next?" or if the line split "Should we choose left or right?" But, if we had just said "What do you want to do next?!" they would have become overwhelmed and upset/cranky/unhappy. As it was, we got to do almost everything we thought they'd like... and by only promising a small amount plus "whatever else we're able to fit in" they were thrilled with all the things we got to do. If it had been a wide open "we'll do whatever you want!' I think they would have gotten overwhelmed/upset even if we did the same amount of things. (It would have been "what *didn't* we get to do?" rather than "look at all we got to do."

 

[gap2368]

Congratulations on your adoption. We adopted two children. Each had some issues, one more substantial than the other. (They're 18 and 14 now, and doing really well.)

I think one of the key things for us was keeping them on a similar schedule to home (bedtime, etc.). Traveling in February, like you are, is great because often the parks close early so you're not tempted to keep them up too late. Things went MUCH better when they got close to the usual amount of sleep.

Two other things that worked for us:
1) Explain the short-term plan. "We're going to ride this. Then we're going to go to the bathroom. After that, we'll look at our schedule again." It helped (my daughter in particular) to know what we were doing next... but knowing too much in advance would overwhelm her.
2) Under promise and over deliver. When we went last time, we let each kid choose the ONE thing that they wanted to do most, and we promised we'd be *sure* to do that one thing. Even if we didn't do it first, we promised to do it -- and we got FPs for it if we could (back then, FPs were paper and available for fewer attractions.) Other than that, I pretty much controlled the schedule. It was based on what we thought they'd like and sometimes there were choices like "Do you want to ride this, then eat. Or eat, then ride?" or "Do you want to do A or B next?" or if the line split "Should we choose left or right?" But, if we had just said "What do you want to do next?!" they would have become overwhelmed and upset/cranky/unhappy. As it was, we got to do almost everything we thought they'd like... and by only promising a small amount plus "whatever else we're able to fit in" they were thrilled with all the things we got to do. If it had been a wide open "we'll do whatever you want!' I think they would have gotten overwhelmed/upset even if we did the same amount of things. (It would have been "what *didn't* we get to do?" rather than "look at all we got to do."

Just an FYI on letting the kids pick one thing that they get to do ( and really like the idea of having the pick one must do thing) that must do might be down for weather or down because it broke and most of the time it will not be down that long but one of my trips river ride in pandora was down 4 days straight and FOP was down one and a half days, So I would say to pick one thing and you will do everything in your power to make there one thing happen but let him know that some things are out of your control and it might not happen, I know for my self I had a very hard time when ride would break down ( my parent were good at talking to me in a calm assertive voice and I did ok and even as an adult I still will stand there looking at my phone or at the ride for a few minutes taking some deep breaths when they go down)

 

[design_mom]

Just an FYI on letting the kids pick one thing that they get to do ( and really like the idea of having the pick one must do thing) that must do might be down for weather or down because it broke and most of the time it will not be down that long but one of my trips river ride in pandora was down 4 days straight and FOP was down one and a half days, So I would say to pick one thing and you will do everything in your power to make there one thing happen but let him know that some things are out of your control and it might not happen, I know for my self I had a very hard time when ride would break down ( my parent were good at talking to me in a calm assertive voice and I did ok and even as an adult I still will stand there looking at my phone or at the ride for a few minutes taking some deep breaths when they go down)

That is true... and we were lucky that we were always able to do the thing they wanted. (We did run into something being down when we went to try it, but it came back up later.) And I did think we tempered it by saying "as long as they are letting people ride..." I suspect if we had not been able to do it at all, we might have had a melt down, but I suspect it would have been the same whether we tempered the promise or not. In her mind, it was a promise. But overall, I think it worked well to have them each pick the one thing (or maybe we could have done 2 or 3) that was most important, but not expect to run the whole schedule. For my (adopted) kids -- even today, particularly for the younger one -- do better when they have age-appropriate options, but have a clear path. Plopping them down in the middle of the park and saying "what do you want to do first" would NOT have been the recipe for a good day, especially when they were preschool age.

 

[Gussie Granger 1969]

No big tips here but just knowing when to read his cues that he’s had enough. Our son has ASD and we would tour a park until we picked up on his cues that it was time to go. Now he can verbalize but at 4, like your son’s age now, he wasn’t verbal so we had to just watch him. I’m low energy so I didn’t mind going back to the hotel with him and my DH and our daughter would go back out until park close or to hang in Disney Springs.

 

[WonderlandisReality]

I should probably add that our biggest tips from the Disney Pros in our life that know our kids personally actually had little to do with the parks part of the stay. Rooms that looked at kids sensory triggers,sleeping setup for multiple adopted kids safety (fellow adoptive parents know if it is or is not possible to have siblings sleep together on vacation) and standard accessible room considerations in addition to the resort amenities that would also work in our favor for decompression and sensory needs. And second part was we were told to plan for everything to take twice as long with our kids to avoid extra stress. So we have saved and are staying 2 weeks and expect to see what the average family sees in one week.

 

[JennyDrake]

Before I considered 10 days away from home and the expense and over-stimulation of WDW, I would take this great little guy to a Chuckie Cheese, local amusement park, county fair, and a local festival with crowds to get an idea as to HOW he is going to do before that kind of trip....he just may not be ready for it YET...YMMV

 

[Myhandsfull]

Howdy! I don't have any super amazing advice that hasn't already been shared here, but I wanted to say that we have taken our adopted son with RAD/PTSD to Disney (along with our two older children) on four separate occasions. Those trips have been the highlights of his life, in all honesty. The idea of being flexible is super important. We have had a couple of days that were disastrous because we tried to cram too much in, didn't get adequate sleep, or didn't take needs into account. The days that we have remembered that it's not about checking boxes or getting it all done have been awesome. In our case, we also needed to remember to balance our other children's needs and wants, as well. If that's not an issue for you, then be sure to remember it's your vacation too! Have a blast!

 

[WonderlandisReality]

I have to agree that while taking a child with a autism spectrum disorder away from the house benefited from limited time away I have actually not had difficulty with extended time away from home with a child with RAD/PTSD that can often, but not always, benefit from similar accommodations and approaches as used with the former. That said, every kid is unique.