Child Support

[Buckalew11]

There's a lot of pain on this thread.

I have not been through a divorce but my sister's went one for 4 years and was final last month. It.was.painful.for.everyone.

My sister has 4 kids but the oldest is 23 in grad school (on her own), the next is newly 21 and needs 1 1/2 years to finish college but has dropped out to work to earn enough $ to return because dad cut him off. The 3rd child is 18 and a college FR and my sister was able to cover her expenses this semester.

The 4th child is almost 17 so he only has to pay support for her. My sister puts that money into a separate checking account. If she is every questioned about where that money goes, she'll be able to provide the answer.

My exBIL was a total jerk throughout the divorce but he DID pay support all the way through from the time he left the house. I am grateful that he did that because there was a period of time in there that he did not have to pay her but did. He resents it, sure, and once the 3rd one turned 18, he cut her off too. Every once in a while she'll see some $ from dad but I do not think he has helped the 2 oldest at all. He has money so it does hurt. He has a GF the age of the 3rd one (well, GF has already turned 19) and we know he takes care of $ for her. During the divorce he had to turn $ info over (they both did) and it was a bit mind boggling how much he was spending on this girl--kind of a slap in the face to his own kids.

 

[mamabear0222]

This thread spun out of control. I still think the OP has a right to feel bad for her son. He is her boy afterall

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[MizTink]

Because no one should have the right to comment on how I spend money as long as the kids are taken care of.

And people can't even agree on what support shoul e used for. Can I use it to pay for part of my mortgage or rent. Cause my ex thinks I should live in low income housing in a bad part of town, but I spend the money to live in a nice part of town. Can I spend it on food? My ex thinks he can eat Mac and cheese everyday but I might want to buy him organic food. Can I spend it on clothes? Cause my ex thinks I shouldn't have to buy clothes and should be able to find hand me downs. Can I spend it on gas to drive him to daycare and activities (oh and part of my car payment)? Cause my ex thinks I should take the bus. Oh and what if I drive to get my haircut on the same tank of gas? Do I claim half of it? Oh and what if my ioven breaks down I need to cook my sons food? Or my washing machine? Do I claim part of that since I need to wash his clothes too?

Cause how would I show what the money was spent on? And what if he doesn't like what I spent the money on.

And if you think I'm being silly I have already been told to sell my house, take the bus, buy all second hand clothes, etc. And the funny thing is even if I spent less he would still pay the same $.

EXACTLY! and are you supposed to keep that money seperate? sorry, but we're a FAMILY and if we go to the store, a restaraunt, a movie, whatever.....i'm not paying seperate for the kids just to be able to show receipts on how the money was spent

 

[wdwmom3]

I just want to say a big thank you to all the support paying parents out there who do what they need to do to make sure that support is paid. And who pay without resentment and not question where every cent goes. I don't think all support paying parents are like my ex. I know many happily do what ever is needed to make sure it's taken care of. I know this because I'm lucky enough to now have one of those amazing people in my life. My current partner paid child support for many years for his 2 kids. He did it without any question and when things were tight he got a second job so that he could pay that support. He would go with out so that his kids could have it. And he was happy to do it. He never once blamed their mother when money was tight. It's one of the reasons I love him so much!

So thanks to all the other parents like him. You are the best!

 

[Turn the Page]

I just want to say a big thank you to all the support paying parents out there who do what they need to do to make sure that support is paid. And who pay without resentment and not question where every cent goes. I don't think all support paying parents are like my ex. I know many happily do what ever is needed to make sure it's taken care of. I know this because I'm lucky enough to now have one of those amazing people in my life. My current partner paid child support for many years for his 2 kids. He did it without any question and when things were tight he got a second job so that he could pay that support. He would go with out so that his kids could have it. And he was happy to do it. He never once blamed their mother when money was tight. It's one of the reasons I love him so much!

So thanks to all the other parents like him. You are the best!

Where do you find those? I need to pick one up.

 

[mommanne]

Well, I can see how this would happen in Canada, if Parent A is not making much money, and Parent B has custody of the kids and is earning a lot more money. Each is expected to pay towards the care of the kids, according to their income, so Parent A will have to pay some child support. And if his income is low, he may well have to share an apartment.

Parent B who is earning more money may be able to buy a bigger house and go on trips. I don't see why that is unfair.

TP

This is it. During my entire marriage my husband earned less than I did. That was fine until he started gambling and I ended the marriage. He now pays $1000 per month in child support and is still gambling but cries poor mouth and wants to cut his child support. Everyone feels sorry for him.

I pay all the health insurance and co-pays. My mortgage is $2000 per month. I pay for the cell service, clothes, activities, etc. I have a daughter in college and she is dorming. Because I remarried my EFC is calculated including my new husband's income. I have a 21 year old son that is still dependent on me and lives with me and my second husband. I work my butt off and work as much overtime as possible.

Should I feel badly for my children's father? Should I let him cut child support and forgo vacations or any luxury so I can further enable him? I've honestly asked myself this question and the answer is always no.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

He works about 55-60 hours a week now. So it might be hard for him. I know I opened a can of worms here and everybody wants to say just shut up and take care of your children. It's just hard for me as his Mother we have had so much to deal with this past year. His Dad was only 50 when he died.

I know I will get no sympathy here. And I know the amount of child support he has to pay is to state guidelines. I have no experience with divorce and child support and didn't realize how things work.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I just think you and your son need to realize that lifestyles change when divorce happens. His kids deserve to get the "first fruits" from their parents. He might have to rent a more reasonably priced place.

I am very sorry for your loss. You know divorce is a very painful thing. All the things that revolve around every aspect of it can just rip out the heart. Not to mention what it does to the children. It also ruins everyone financially. I hope at some point she realizes that the grass it not greener on the other side.

I know you want the best for your son, and it is hard to stand by and watch. But all you can do is just try to support him to the best of your ability and be there for him to just listen. Remind him that what he is paying for are his children, and that it is still worth it. I hope it goes well for all of you.

I'm sorry for your loss, and for the hurt you are feeling for your son's circumstance.

He will adjust. It will take time, but it will work out, especially if he supports his children.

My children's father wasn't there for them like he should have been, and now they have an ok relationship with him, but it would be a lot better if he had only been there for them when they were growing up.

I have a lot of respect for those non-custodial parents who do put their children first. It's not easy.

(I wrote a whole paragraph... about my own situation, but this one isn't about me. Just know that I can relate as a divorced mom, too)

 

[wdwmom3]

Where do you find those? I need to pick one up.

Lol. We just found each other after both having several BAD relationships. So we deserve it. Good things come to those who wait . I'm sure you will find one too.

 

[Turn the Page]

Lol. We just found each other after both having several BAD relationships. So we deserve it. Good things come to those who wait . I'm sure you will find one too.

I keep finding the ones with emotional and/or substance abuse problems. It's almost enough to make me with I was gay so I could check out the lesbian dating pool.

 

[wdwmom3]

I keep finding the ones with emotional and/or substance abuse problems. It's almost enough to make me with I was gay so I could check out the lesbian dating pool.

Lol. I had stopped looking. I was not even looking to date anyone. I was happy just on my own with my 3 awesome kids and content to keep things that way. Then I met my current man and we hit it off perfectly. We were so in sync with each other and we just decided we wanted to be together. Now our only issue is that I was so used to being so independent I have a hard time letting him spoil me sometimes Be patient, don't settle and be happy on your own and it will happen.

 

[Turn the Page]

Lol. I had stopped looking. I was not even looking to date anyone. I was happy just on my own with my 3 awesome kids and content to keep things that way. Then I met my current man and we hit it off perfectly. We were so in sync with each other and we just decided we wanted to be together. Now our only issue is that I was so used to being so independent I have a hard time letting him spoil me sometimes Be patient, don't settle and be happy on your own and it will happen.

Since my divorce I have had two relationships, only one serious. But I also finished my BA and started on my MA this year so I keep myself pretty busy without worrying about a man in my life anyway.

 

[wdwmom3]

Since my divorce I have had two relationships, only one serious. But I also finished my BA and started on my MA this year so I keep myself pretty busy without worrying about a man in my life anyway.

Congrats on the BA and the soon to be MA! I finished university before I had kids. Since I've been a single mom I know how crazy it can be and I can only imagine what it would be like combining that with working on a degree. That's awesome!

 

[Turn the Page]

Congrats on the BA and the soon to be MA! I finished university before I had kids. Since I've been a single mom I know how crazy it can be and I can only imagine what it would be like combining that with working on a degree. That's awesome!

My entire house is in a perpetual state of natural disaster. At the end of the day, after homework, making dinner, enough laundry for us to have clothes to wear in the morning, running DD wherever she needs to go, and taking care of her I don't have any energy to clean the house. That's how I do it lol.

 

[dmiller64152]

My entire house is in a perpetual state of natural disaster. At the end of the day, after homework, making dinner, enough laundry for us to have clothes to wear in the morning, running DD wherever she needs to go, and taking care of her I don't have any energy to clean the house. That's how I do it lol.

I'm right there with you! I make a decent living, enough to frugally support my child on my own (and even take him to Disney this year). My ex doesn't pay a penny in support but the time he spends with him, when I have a chance to regroup and pull things minimally together, is more valuable to me than the money would be ... unless he were paying me enough to afford a full-time housekeeper and nanny.

 

[PaulaSB12]

Divorce and child support/parenting plans aren't fun for any involved people also seem to jump on the " dead beat dad" band wagon so quickly. My only experiences have been quite the opposite , With dead beat moms- so i guess I've never understood this . My own dad raised us without any help of any kind from my mother. My DH and I have always had our older kids full time, and never got the child support their bio mom owed. Even with the courts and support enforcement we only got a fraction of the funds owed- we ended up paying our attorney more in fees than we received, what a headache.

There are great dads out there, I wish your son the best and hope he's able to adjust and keep the rental for his kiddos.

Of all the mothers required to pay child suport only 57% actually do where as men pay at the level of 68% who pay that means there is 11% more dead beat mums than dads.

 

[JessB320]

Of all the mothers required to pay child suport only 57% actually do where as men pay at the level of 68% who pay that means there is 11% more dead beat mums than dads.

That's interesting, and yet you hear WAAAY more about " dead beat dads" than the moms who don't pay

 

[Turn the Page]

That's interesting, and yet you hear WAAAY more about " dead beat dads" than the moms who don't pay

Yes but many more moms have primary custody than dads. That's why we hear about dead beat dads so much more than dead beat moms. There are more of them to hear about.

 

[Sugardimples]

I know several people who share joint custody. In these cases no child support is paid but they are responsible for all expenses when the children are with them. This includes child care expenses so they can work. They find that their expenses are higher than if they paid child support.

 

[dmiller64152]

As for there being more deadbeat moms, as a percentage ... any mother who loses custody of her children is, generally, an unfit parent. No surprise they aren't paying support either.

 

[Robbi]

Of all the mothers required to pay child suport only 57% actually do where as men pay at the level of 68% who pay that means there is 11% more dead beat mums than dads.

If parent is supposed to pay support and doesn't, mom or dad, they're scum. My ex SIL is in that group.