Child Support refund check ??? UPDATE post 114

[mickeyluvr004]

Well with me my son graduates and turns 19 June 21 and his father stopped paying support LAST June when he turned 18 even though he still had a whole year left of school, the Judge said no he can stop paying now, so who had to support him my dh and I and now that he is graduating and already has a full time job (he graduated in jan as he had all credits needed) and we expect him to start paying alittle rent and he is having a fit and we are only asking for 50.00 a week. What to do???? what to do???

 

[IntercomGroupPage]

Well with me my son graduates and turns 19 June 21 and his father stopped paying support LAST June when he turned 18 even though he still had a whole year left of school, the Judge said no he can stop paying now, so who had to support him my dh and I and now that he is graduating and already has a full time job (he graduated in jan as he had all credits needed) and we expect him to start paying alittle rent and he is having a fit and we are only asking for 50.00 a week. What to do???? what to do???

Tell him he is welcome to move out and find an apartment that's $200 a month, everything included.

 

[disneychrista]

My husband's ex doesn't use it for his kid AT ALL. on it.

I could go into a whole rant here about DH's child support that he pays that doesn't go to his child... URGH... but I won't do that!!:

So these kids don't have a place to live in or food to eat?

 

[bumbershoot]

WOW, but you sure are happy for all the "child support" your husband gives for your daughter.

Considering how many parents don't pay child support even when they are supposed to, I'm cool with parents being glad they don't have the *legal* obligation to do it anymore. NOw those parents (the one on this thread) can makes gifts to their children instead!

My dad barely paid child support b/c, well, he was broke much of the time, but other than that he had the assumption that my mom wasn't using it wisely...he felt that new running shoes were a luxury, instead of a necessity (I did run and we had PE in school), etc etc...he had never lived with us (after I was 2, that is) and just didn't know what it took to "keep" a child...NOW he knows and he's paying like crazy, still supporting his second family heavily even though they are 26 and 24 (and one in HS).

Anyway, he helped to make up for it in MY eyes by paying for my wedding, even though I was 33 at the time (not really the age that one has a parent pay, but he offered and I readily accepted).

I don't know what your husband pays and since you weren't expecting the money, maybe you could use it as a graduation gift for the child.

When my DS turned 18, (no college for him), my DH's ex refused to send the paperwork to the state. We did, but it had to come from the custodial parent. We had to pay for 3 extra months. We were due a refund but since that would have "confused" the case worker, we just asked for the case to be closed and legal documentation of that. And the sad truth is that my stepson hasn't called or tried to contact his dad since he turned 18. (DH calls him all the time and gets a machine). I think it's really sad because we would have helped him even though DH wasn't legally obligated anymore, but when the checks stopped, so did the phone calls. Really sad!! Sorry OP, I side-lined your thread.

I love the idea of the refund as a gift.

And tinker'n'fun, maybe you could still put that money into an account for your stepson, in case he ever realizes that you guys do still love him and want to see him?

 

[IntercomGroupPage]

So these kids don't have a place to live in or food to eat?

In a bedroom shared by a cousin and ramen noodles 3 x a week... you betcha!

 

[Teacher03]

If you are talking to me, I never said that.

When the kid turns 18 the money will go to THE KID. Not the pig. We have no intentions of abandoning the kid. It will be wonderful to know that the money goes WHERE IT BELONGS.

Just a question....does the "kid" know you call his/her mother "the pig?"

 

[livie1205]

I DO NOT think someone should pay support for a child that is a legal adult!my dh pays support and I also receive it (sometimes!) and I would not expect my ex to keep paying...if my son needs help or my dss we will help but no one should be made to continue to pay for a adult.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I love the idea of the refund as a gift.

And tinker'n'fun, maybe you could still put that money into an account for your stepson, in case he ever realizes that you guys do still love him and want to see him?

While I don't have an account set up, DH and I would re-budget in a heartbeat to help him if he needed it. (Okay, not if it was for "bad stuff").

I know everyone here is upset about parents being grateful for the end of child support. It is all part of your children growing up. With child-support it is just a structured system that the payment goes to. Paying the support strips the non-custodial parent the right to determine where the money goes. It's a tough cookie to bite. My DH never missed a payment. NOT one. He seperated from his ex when his son was 2. Now he did have the support ammended if he was out of work etc. But even if they were together, if DH had lost his job they would have had to re-budget anyways.

I think everyone can agree that support is a touchy subject and no one can really understand how another person feels because of it. We just need to support each other the best we can!

 

[IntercomGroupPage]

Just a question....does the "kid" know you call his/her mother "the pig?"

Nope. But she sure is one. For example, she didn't take the kid on a FAMILY trip to FL last year (Pig's other kids) because she didn't want to spend the money for our kid's plane ticket. "You get to go to FL with your dad and your siblings don't, so we are taking them". Real nice. "The Pig" lets her husband call the kid names. And a host of other rotten stuff that goes on, but we can't do anything because we don't have custody.

And in case you are wondering, "the kid" is to protect the kid's identity.

 

[disneychrista]

In a bedroom shared by a cousin and ramen noodles 3 x a week... you betcha!

So you are concerned that the child is being mistreated

Having to share a room with a sibling or cousin is not being mistreated. Eating ramen noodles is also not being mistreated.

 

[IntercomGroupPage]

So you are concerned that the child is being mistreated

Having to share a room with a sibling or cousin is not being mistreated. Eating ramen noodles is also not being mistreated.

Being screamed at and called names by a step-parent is mistreatment.

Being shacked up in a room with a kid (because that kid's mother doesn't feel like paying rent for an apartment) and eating ramen noodles instead of a HEALTHY MEAL because the pig doesn't spend any child support on the kid is also mistreatment.

Why so enamored of ramen noodles? Serve them three times a week yourself?

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

It doesn't matter if she calls the mom "pig" or not, in front of the child. There is a tone in that house that couldn't be ignored. No one is that good of an actor. CS is for basic living of a child. Many NCP do not pay for nearly that. My ex is about 5 years in arrears. I just received his tax return of 400.00. You know what I did with that...I put it towards my trip to WDW...you betcha I did. So I guess my ex should gripe that I go on trips with his child support. He would never ever look and see that DD is taken care of and has been taken care of all her life by me and later my DH. She has everything she needs many things she just wants. And guess what she would eat top ramen 7 x's a week if I would let her...but I only let her eat it 3 x's a week.

 

[disneychrista]

Being screamed at and called names by a step-parent is mistreatment.

Being shacked up in a room with a kid (because that kid's mother doesn't feel like paying rent for an apartment) and eating ramen noodles instead of a HEALTHY MEAL because the pig doesn't spend any child support on the kid is also mistreatment.

Why so enamored of ramen noodles? Serve them three times a week yourself?

If you are concerned about the child's welfare has child welfare been contacted?

And how do you get that I am "enamored" with ramen noodles because I do not thing a child eating them is mistreatment/abuse. Many many kids would LOVE the opportunity to eat ramen noodles, instead of going hungry.

Like I said if you are so concerned DO SOMETHING about it. Complaining on a message board that the FATHER of the child has to pay support is not doing a damn thing to help the child.

 

[Teacher03]

Nope. But she sure is one. For example, she didn't take the kid on a FAMILY trip to FL last year (Pig's other kids) because she didn't want to spend the money for our kid's plane ticket. "You get to go to FL with your dad and your siblings don't, so we are taking them". Real nice. "The Pig" lets her husband call the kid names. And a host of other rotten stuff that goes on, but we can't do anything because we don't have custody.

And in case you are wondering, "the kid" is to protect the kid's identity.

If you think for one instance that your stepchild does not pick up on your attitude you are so mistaken. It sounds as if eating ramen noodles is the least of the problems for your stepchild, and I am not only talking about his or her life with the mother. How is "the kid" protecting the child's identity? Do you think someone here would know if you called the child your stepdaughter or stepson.

 

[haley's mom]

Not to get too far off topic, but I had to laugh at those on this thread who find a need to judge others. To say someone will or will not support their child. Who are you to judge?

I am VERY, VERY happy that our child support will be lowered. My DH and I work very hard to earn a decent living. We both work 50+ hours a week. I am an engineer and he is a supervisor. All 3 kids (2 skids and our daughter) have everything at our house. They won't for nothing.

Now DH's ex does not work at all. So excuse me if I would prefer that the money spent on CS will be extra money we can spend at our home. Which any money spent at our home benefits the kids also.

My step-kids have savings accounts at our house in DH's and their names. This is the only college fund they have. We will help distribute the funds for post-graduation expenses. Whether that is for a car, college tuition, college books, etc. Their mom (remember she does not work) has been getting a check from DH since 1999 every month. He has never missed a payment (even when we was laid off from work). None of that money is in savings. I know her BF is supporting her, but why not go get a job and put away some money for the kids.

Sorry to have gotten off topic, but it really makes me sick when people give their 2 cents without knowing what they are talking about.

To the OP, did you find out anything yet?

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Not to get too far off topic, but I had to laugh at those on this thread who find a need to judge others. To say someone will or will not support their child. Who are you to judge?

I am VERY, VERY happy that our child support will be lowered. My DH and I work very hard to earn a decent living. We both work 50+ hours a week. I am an engineer and he is a supervisor. All 3 kids (2 skids and our daughter) have everything at our house. They won't for nothing.

Now DH's ex does not work at all. So excuse me if I would prefer that the money spent on CS will be extra money we can spend at our home. Which any money spent at our home benefits the kids also.

My step-kids have savings accounts at our house in DH's and their names. This is the only college fund they have. We will help distribute the funds for post-graduation expenses. Whether that is for a car, college tuition, college books, etc. Their mom (remember she does not work) has been getting a check from DH since 1999 every month. He has never missed a payment (even when we was laid off from work). None of that money is in savings. I know her BF is supporting her, but why not go get a job and put away some money for the kids.

Sorry to have gotten off topic, but it really makes me sick when people give their 2 cents without knowing what they are talking about.

To the OP, did you find out anything yet?

Hopefully you weren't talking about me or many of the other CPs on this board. We DO know what we are talking about. Most of the CS is NOT to be spend on tangible things that the NCP can see. It is for a portion of living expenses (rent/mortgage, food, utilities). My father did not pay my mother the full CS. He sent her half and put the rest away in a savings account for us when we turned 18. THAT IS NOT WHAT IT IS FOR. It is for supporting the child now. Not spending the extra for when they are with you or putting it away for them for later. I am sure there are CPs that waste CS. Just read a message board and you will find the new spouse complaining about them. But I have never met a CP in my entire life that does not work hard (even if it isn't at a real job) every day of their life to make sure they raise a great kid. I wish, just for once, a NCP and their new spouse would actually, truthfully look at the CP and give her the benfit of the doubt.

 

[disneychrista]

Not to get too far off topic, but I had to laugh at those on this thread who find a need to judge others. To say someone will or will not support their child. Who are you to judge?

Just as you and other the other step-parents are judging your step-children's mother? She doesn't work, she doesn't spend the money on the kid, she is a pig...I am curious if the father of these children are of the same mind frame or if it might just be that "she had him first" type of envy-thing.

I am sure if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the one being paid you would have a different out look on things.

 

[akayek31]

DS's father thinks he will be stopping CS in 1.5 years when DS turns 18 but not gonna happen. He owes over $25000.00 in CS. I never get his taxes like I am supposed to and he just had another baby which makes number 6 (DS was number 2) so I believe CS enforcement is a BIG joke. I have been getting CS for the last year but I don't count on it. I buy clothes, food, shoes, and vacations with what I get. Oh and my kids love Ramen noodles and would eat them every day if I let them.

 

[kellyg403]

If you are concerned about the child's welfare has child welfare been contacted?

And how do you get that I am "enamored" with ramen noodles because I do not thing a child eating them is mistreatment/abuse. Many many kids would LOVE the opportunity to eat ramen noodles, instead of going hungry.

Like I said if you are so concerned DO SOMETHING about it. Complaining on a message board that the FATHER of the child has to pay support is not doing a damn thing to help the child.

Yep. If it is such an issue that you feel it necessary to call the stepchild's mom a 'pig', feel that possibly that child is being mistreated to the point of abuse I don't understand why said child is still living in that house. A change in custody would resolve your problem of the ex using the cash for herself. Sounds like this poor "kid" has a hard row to hoe.

OP, I am a custodial parent receiving c/s for a child who turned 18 in Nov of their Sr year, the judge extended the support order or support enforcement did until the day school let out. I had to fill out a form and return it letting them know what the last day was etc. My ex was in arears so I don't think he got a return amount/refund. I would imagine that you are correct though that IS a refund on the amount he paid according to the partial month theory. I think it is a great idea to give that money to your stepchild for graduation!

I agree cs is a touchy issue. I have seen it from both sides but I do know that there are many custodial parents who 'appear' to use the money for themselves but don't. It takes A LOT to raise a child and get them ready for college and scholarships and just the world in general. Sometimes you can't take for granted what you see on the surface.

BTW, my kids probably do eat Ramon noodles 6 times a week! They eat it everyday after school cause they love it. I don't mind. Guess I should check with their dad!

Kelly

 

[Lucky4me]

First let me say, CONGRATS on no more Child Support!! We have just 2 more short years then the oldest will be out of school. The youngest is still only 10.5. But we are definatley looking forward to June 2011.

I too am from PA, so I would love to hear your final outcome.

Now, did you DH have an overpayment arrears? I know due to many different circumstances, my DH has about $1500 in overpayments. When we asked our attorney about this money, could we stop payments until the arrears were $0? She said no, we will get any overpayments when the child turns 18 or is out of high school. So for us the overpayments will not get returned for many more years. Maybe this is the case.

Also, I thought in PA you had to file a petition to modify support when the child was 18 or out of high school, that it was not automatic.

Hopefully, you will get to keep the check!

Wow, you sound a little too happy about this!
You do realize when CS for the older one ends, it won't drop the payments in half, right? So the savings will not be that much. Here in NY, it would drop from 24% for two, down to 18% for one. I hope it's that way in PA, for your step kids sake. Yeah I know, the ex is a dirt bag and all that. We always are.
My ex's wife told everyone that about me too. She wanted me and my children to disappear. She wanted me to sign annulment papers to that effect. Um no, wasn't going to happen.
The fact you think your dh's ex should have saved CS, speaks volumes. CS is for a child's immediate needs, not their future needs. It's for their food and shelter. In my case, it covered much less than half of what I spent raising our kids.
My ex's wife also was all woohoo about my oldest turning 18. Boy was she surprised when support went to age 21 if in college and that it only dropped from 28% for three to 24% for two. Too bad, so sad. She had to wait three years for that third trip in one year to the Caribbean. I thought she would have a coronary when she found out. She never did appreciate the fact I never asked for an increase over a 13 year span when my ex went from making 35,000 a year to well over 100,000. Or that I never asked for half of medical expenses or any extras in all those years. Nope. Just had to concentrate on the fact her man had to send money outside of her house and that was a bad, bad thing.
And thank god I live in NY and not PA. Their CS laws sound archaic.