Cheer me up please

[Bump]

I have just been to my Dads Grave as he would have been 49 today if he hadnt been killed, I always lay flowers on my Mum and Dad graves on there birthdays and as you can imagine I am feeling low.
So your mission (if you choose to acceopt it ) is to cheer me up with any funny stories or Jokes you know

 

[bubblemutant45]

o no! this is one hard mission, but its not in me to reject a good mission when i see it, so here we go:

i was at the beach with a bunch of my girlfriends. we went to this beach that at certain hours is for girls only (but the lifegaurds are the same men as always). when we were in the water we said "hey! this is an only girls beach now. we should be able to walk around naked". so all of us pulled off the top parts of our bathing suits (while our bodies were under water, of course! we're not that crazy! ). a big wave was about to hit us, so i picked up my suit so i could stand up, other girls went under water, but this one girl by mistake stood up, realized she had stood up half naked and started screaming and waving her hands aroundas a result! lol....she was so emberissed! lol but the lifegaurds had a good day......

i was on this hike with a bunch of friends, when we noticed this girl standing at this high point behind a huge boulder. i saw she was holding toilet paper in her hand, and i said to my friends "o, please tell me she doesnt think thats a good spot to pee where no one will see her!". we look over and see that she has 2 friends standing lower down, directly in front of this big bolder, obviously telling her "dont worry! no one can see you!" lol.....wut idiots! of course you cant see her! youre standing right infront of it! lol....so we got to see a total strabger take a wiz in the wild...lol (well, not really. we turned away when she started pullin down her pants....we dont want to see that!!!! )

once i went to this water park with my friends. theres this really cool water slide, where you in a sled and slide down it. its a completely straight slide. very very cool. everyone stands around it (but not only cuz its cool..... youll soon find out wut im talkin about). non of the girls i was with wanted to go on it, so i went to stand in line with all of my guy friends. now, you never wear a bakini to a water park. why? chances are youll lose it on one of the slides. so i was wearing a tankini (translation for guys - a 2 peice bathing suit, where the top is like a tank top). i went down the slide, fell off of my sled at the bottom. when i got up everyone was whistling and clapping. i couldnt understand why. suddenly, i felt a slight breeze.....looked down....only to find that my bathing suit top had come up, and "one of me" was exposed. another fun day in the water....

i hope these were funny....they work in parties when told out loud, i dont know how good they are on paper. but other ppls' emberasing stories are always fun to read....lol

this is chani signing out!

 

[WDWfanatic288]

well when i came home i dropped all my stuff outside...so everything is wet...I guess I'm a loser like that...lol
yup..Becca was there!

but I love you! that has to make you happy!
and you know I'm here for you whenever you need it!

 

[diDdLygRL]

hehe well, its raining on our first day of school so marching practice got cancelled...my dad took jules home and when she got out she dropped ll of her loose papers in the water!! it was funny to see and so i had to go get something so i helped her out....bump!! she was talking about you @ lunch!!! she said man i wish i coul talk to bump now...i really miss him

 

[KittieKat]

dee dee dee ::dances like a leprachaun:: Ye dee dee!

 

[Bump]

awww thanks chaps!
Chani them stories are too funny!!
And I think you are nasty to laugh at poor old Jules becca

 

[TiggerBelle05]

In Disney's Fantasia, the Sorcerer's name is Yensid, which is Disney spelled backward.
In 1945 a computer at Harvard malfunctioned and Grace Hopper, who was working on the computer, investigated, found a moth in one of the circuits and removed it. Ever since, when something goes wrong with a computer, it is said to have a bug in it.
Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.
Ants don't sleep.
Wrigley's promoted their new spearmint-flavored chewing gum in 1915 by mailing 4 sample sticks to each of the 1.5 million names listed in US telephone books.
Mosquitoes blondes to brunettes. :toungue:
The animal responsible for the most human deaths world-wide is the mosquito.
According to German researchers, the risk of heart attack is higher on Monday than any other day of the week.
The average child will eat 1,500 PB sandwiches by high school graduation.
Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women.
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
A bird requires more food in proportion to its size than a baby or a cat.
The United States minted a 1787 copper coin with the motto 'Mind Your Business.' :toungue:
After spending hours working at a computer display, look at a blank piece of white paper. It will probably appear pink.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system. Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day
these are just some useless facts. someof them are funny though!

 

[Kiki]

Mosquitoes blondes to brunettes. :toungue:

Hey! You're stealing my job! (I'm the useless fact Queen!! )
well, I have some too! -->

Ducks' quacks don't echo
Birds can never go into space, b/c they need gravity to swallow

I had some other ones, but I lost them (it was in an email)

Let me see....
Red=Power, so people who have red sportcars are usually old men who need to feel powerful
The ottoman got its name from the Ottoman Empire (sort of a given)

Um... that's all of the useless info I can think of, as for funny stories...

One time, we were in WDW and had just gotten of SM (me, my sis, and my dad). We were walking away from the ride to find my mom, when my sister pointed to her in the other direction. I grabbed my dad's arm and began pulling him towards my mom. When he wasn't coming I turned around and saw it was some other guy; not my dad! I let go and ran to my mom Soo embarrassing!

 

[PigSoldier]

Mosquitoes blondes to brunettes.

I'm guessing that should say that mosquitos prefer blondes And then I get this,

The animal responsible for the most human deaths world-wide is the mosquito.

Gaaahh!!! Not good

Would you like some of my oh-so funny jokes, Bump?

Why did the man fall off his bicycle?
Because someone threw a toaster at him.

A man walks into a bar, and says ouch.

What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.


Well........they make me laugh

(And Chani, I love the stories )

 

[bubblemutant45]

thanx bump and suzi!

kiki - LOL! that happened to me when i was a little girl!it was so emberasing!

i just remembered another story: (sorry, this one does not involve nudity )
a month ago i was on the disney cruise with my family. one night, i was walking around with my brother when we reached a door that led to an outside deck. this cute guy who looked my age or a lil older came up to the door at the same time. for some reason (i was really tired ) i thought it was an automatic door , so i was just standing in fromt of it, waiting for it to open! both my brother and this guy were standing sortta behind me, waiting for me to PUSH open the door....but i was just standing in front of it! finally, the guy leaned over me and pushed the door open and looked at me. i laughed and said "i thought it was automatic". he smiled politely at the complete idiot standing before him and walked off.
oh, dont i know it.....lol