Changing my cruise yet again...

[Iris1974]

I think my travel agent is going to kill me. I've had a few things happen with my mom and needed to change my cruise around a few times. My mom fell last Thursday and broke her hip. She had surgery on Saturday. She's experiencing something called Twilighting or Sun Downers after her fall. She's very mixed up, forgetful and a bit paranoid. It's all a lot to handle. As she's been getting sick I'm with her every day and I don't get a break because I live with her. This Sun Downers thing has me scared she going into Dementia or Alzheimer's. But back to the point of this post. I originally booked the 4 night HOTHS Canada cruise next October. I'm back to that again after talking with my older sister. She says if something happens and I can't go I will have time to modify my cruise to another date. So this Canada cruise is basically my dream cruise meaning it's in my top 2. I'm happy to be going but not knowing if my mom will be okay before and during the cruise. She has Congestive Heart Failure and A-Fib which is a death sentence. By next October she may be in a nursing home because of her heart problems and if this Sun Downer's thing stays with her and leads into Dementia or Alzheimer's. My travel agent is going to kill me and do it in the best and nicest way. She's really been a trooper with me. I guess I just needed to get this out because talking to my family other than one particular sister will always end with me in tears. If you've been on a shorter Canada Cruise on DCL did you enjoy it. How was the weather. I live in Massachusetts and love the fall weather. Any tips on a cool weather cruise would be great. Thanks so much for reading this if you got this far. I've learned so much on this board and appreciate all of you so much.

Shauna

 

[loislane]

Sorry to hear about your mom. Lots of hugs!

 

[Girl of the South]

It's not a cheap option but when my Mom and I went on a Panama Canal cruise we found "respite care" at a local nursing home for my Dad who had dementia. They took him for two weeks. Caregiving is exhausting and I didn't get any help from my siblings. Afterwards I had PTSD from it (15 years with both my folks). I know what you are going through - you really have to take care of YOU first. Which is easier said than done. I needed knee surgery and had it booked. My Mom fell and broke her leg (blamed it on my cat) two days beforehand and I had to cancel the surgery and postpone it for a couple months to take care of HER, again.

Anyway, you really need to make time for you and this cruise. Can your sister come for a few days? Otherwise look for "respite care" for the time you need to be on this cruise.

 

[auntlynne]

From a former RN and a daughter of a deceased mother with Alzheimer’s: take breaks to keep your self sane.

The anesthesia in surgery is also believed to be a trigger agent to bring out dementia or intensify what is already there. Unfortunately, some people will avoid surgery because of this. Hip repair pretty much can’t be avoided If future mobility is to be maintained.

This is one of those hard times of life - revising expectations of the future. And what you’ve discovered - knowing whom to talk to about the situation without ending up in tears. Often, strangers, especially those who have similar experiences, are easier to talk to than family members. I think there are caregiver support groups in many communities. They would also be helpful in directing you to respite care providers.

Stopping anything enjoyable in your own life could lead you to resent your mother - or other family members. It is usual for the bulk of the responsibility to fall on one person, but it should not take away all of the good years of your own. Yes, you might have to modify your plans, but not necessarily cut out (unless no other option).

Your dreamed-of Canadian cruise sounds like something you have hoped for. It will also be available in the future if you need to push it off. Travel agents should be accommodating (I think you were tongue in cheek on that ?)

I have not done the Canadian cruise, but have sailed cool weather Alaska numerous times. What to expect in cool weather cruising? The cold coming off the water, especially when further from land. More walking and standing than a beach vacation.

As for mom, enjoy the time when she is most like the mom you remember. Those frustrating times, when Sundowners kicks in, is the time to just tend to needs. My mother died 13 years ago. I still create memories with my parents in my dreams as I sleep. But I don’t really think about their final years as much as I do all the good times we had when I was a kid or an adult. (I am also thankful we had a really good life together without abuse.)

Best of success as you go through these times. Definitely hugs to you.