Career Choices - mommy tracking

[DopeyDame]

I have a career dilemma I'm trying to think through.

There is a job posting for what would have been my dream job before I had kids. Super high profile, really interesting work, challenging but exciting environment. Pretend you were a political science major, this would be a job at the White House. That kind of opportunity.

Obviously the job is very competitive, but I'm not an unreasonable candidate. I most likely wouldn't get the position, but there is definitely a non-zero change that I'll get it. The industry and position are such that if I apply and *don't* accept the job, that would be a career killer. If I get the offer, I really have to take it.

BUT! I currently work part time. I have two young kids, and actually have a job I really like with fantastic work life balance. The new job would be very intense, and way more than 40 hours a week most weeks, including weird hours. It's also in a new city in another part of the country - one where I know no one.

For whatever it's worth, my husband would be supportive either way. He could almost certainly get a job in the new city.

Obviously you don't know me in real life so you can't offer any specific advice, but if you were in a similar situation, what did you decide? Did you stay on the mommy track? Were you happy with that choice? If you "leaned in" so to speak, were you happy with that choice? What did you have to change about your life/family to keep that side of it in tact? I'd love any advice and perspective you have!

 

[North of Mouse]

Which is more important to you - children/family, or a high profile career? You say you like the status quo now -love your job and the fantastic work, family balance. That, to me, would be my answer! Sounds like you are happy with what you have, but the grass looks greener------

(Did not have that situation - but know someone close that did)

I have a career dilemma I'm trying to think through.

There is a job posting for what would have been my dream job before I had kids. Super high profile, really interesting work, challenging but exciting environment. Pretend you were a political science major, this would be a job at the White House. That kind of opportunity.

Obviously the job is very competitive, but I'm not an unreasonable candidate. I most likely wouldn't get the position, but there is definitely a non-zero change that I'll get it. The industry and position are such that if I apply and *don't* accept the job, that would be a career killer. If I get the offer, I really have to take it.

BUT! I currently work part time. I have two young kids, and actually have a job I really like with fantastic work life balance. The new job would be very intense, and way more than 40 hours a week most weeks, including weird hours. It's also in a new city in another part of the country - one where I know no one.

For whatever it's worth, my husband would be supportive either way. He could almost certainly get a job in the new city.

Obviously you don't know me in real life so you can't offer any specific advice, but if you were in a similar situation, what did you decide? Did you stay on the mommy track? Were you happy with that choice? If you "leaned in" so to speak, were you happy with that choice? What did you have to change about your life/family to keep that side of it in tact? I'd love any advice and perspective you have!

 

[sam_gordon]

I have a career dilemma I'm trying to think through.

There is a job posting for what would have been my dream job before I had kids. Super high profile, really interesting work, challenging but exciting environment. Pretend you were a political science major, this would be a job at the White House. That kind of opportunity.

Obviously the job is very competitive, but I'm not an unreasonable candidate. I most likely wouldn't get the position, but there is definitely a non-zero change that I'll get it. The industry and position are such that if I apply and *don't* accept the job, that would be a career killer. If I get the offer, I really have to take it.

BUT! I currently work part time. I have two young kids, and actually have a job I really like with fantastic work life balance. The new job would be very intense, and way more than 40 hours a week most weeks, including weird hours. It's also in a new city in another part of the country - one where I know no one.

For whatever it's worth, my husband would be supportive either way. He could almost certainly get a job in the new city.

Obviously you don't know me in real life so you can't offer any specific advice, but if you were in a similar situation, what did you decide? Did you stay on the mommy track? Were you happy with that choice? If you "leaned in" so to speak, were you happy with that choice? What did you have to change about your life/family to keep that side of it in tact? I'd love any advice and perspective you have!

Based only on the information you've given here, I wouldn't apply.

Other things I'd consider... how old are the kids? How involved are they? How involved in their activities do you want to be?

When my kids were young, I could have applied to jobs that kept me on the road (away from family) a majority of the time. I didn't want that. I probably could have made more money in the other jobs, but I knew I wanted to be around to see my kids grow up. Yes, there are times I look back and say "what if... ", but I don't regret my decision one bit.

As this is said as a dad.

 

[Klayfish]

I'm not a mother, but a father. For what it's worth, I'll give you our decisions...but having said that I think this ultimately is a personal decision.

DW went to a very good grad school to get her masters degree and worked hard for it. As we started having kids, eventually winding up with a set of twins, we discussed this idea a little...her working part time instead of really pursuing her career. She felt that while she's 100% dedicated to our kids (and so am I of course), she loved her career and didn't feel she should give it up. She isn't a big fan of the whole "stay at home mom" thing. Not that it's wrong at all, just not our style. She didn't want to leave a good career just so she could stay at home...especially because thinking long term, in a few years the kids would all be at school full time, then what? So she decided to stick with her career and pursue it. I supported it 110%. Yes, it requires changes. When our kids were really young, DW had a job with a 35 mile each way commute, and my job was 50+ hours/week with a 25 mile commute. So the kids spent a lot of time in daycare, then with a live in au pair. But we were OK with that. The family time we did get, we made the most of. Until very recently...my kids are now 14, 10, 10...we used to do "family fun night" every single Friday. We would take them to McDonalds, to the park, to a bouncy house, etc...it was their favorite part of the week. We would be sure to spend time with them each night, be active in what they do. Even now, we both still work full time, but we attend practices, games, etc...

So this really comes down to what you want, but my opinion is to go for it!! You can still create a work life balance, you just have to make a point to find it. The kids will grow up, go to school, then if you passed a potential opportunity up for your career, will you regret it?

 

[Lynne G]

Well, your kids are young, so moving would be fine, as you can find a school district that would be good for them to go to when old enough.

Some women are fine with others taking care of their kids most of the time, others are only moms, and some are working moms. It is your decision, and how do you feel with not seeing your kids most of the day? Agree, you are happy now. While change can be good, will you really be happy in a new place, and not being home most of the time?

I think you have to really decide how much time you want with your kids, and be fine with whatever child care you have, if you work long hours.

I was not a stay at home mom. But, I never worked long hours every day, and while I do travel, sometimes I was able to take my kids. I do not work most week-ends, and when I am with the kids, I spent time with them. We also did things during the week-end, and had, and still have, family vacations. My kids are now an older teen, and adult. We still eat dinner together.

Latch key kids are still found around today, it's a different lifestyle than you have now. Is that how you see your family in the future?

It has worked for us, but only you can really decide if that is the lifestyle you want.

I'd list all the pros and cons, including the costs of moving and living in a different place.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I seems to me you already know your answer!

To answer your question of what did I do. I didn't seek out "career track" positions because I liked the flexibility my regular position afforded me when I had my kids. (And even before I had kids, come to think of it.) But after I got a cancer diagnosis, my perspective changed, and it became even more important to me to be home for my kids as much as I could, so I worked part time, too. In doing so, I'm sure I lost some career opportunities, but that was ok, it was a good tradeoff for me, and something I've never regretted.

 

[bellebud]

Such a hard decision! I can't offer specific advice because I was never a "professional" (had a little college, married dh and we ran/run a retail business together and raised the kids there and with me at home).

To me, over 40 hours a week on a regular basis sounds hard to do while raising a family, unless your dh can be there for the kids the rest of the time. How old are your kids?

Also, how important is this career to you? I never had a career, never really knew what I wanted to do, so I can't relate, and understand that I can't relate to that part of it, so I can't give good advice. It sounds like opportunities like this don't come along often, for anyone in any profession, so it sounds pretty exciting for you.

Good luck deciding, hopefully others can give you some good advice.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

It sounds to me like you should take the chance and it sounds like to me that you want to. Deep down - what do you want? Kids grow up and while their young years are so important you still have your own life. I have always worked full time and I tried to be a stay at home mom and lasted 1 summer before I said that it wasn't my thing. I enjoyed the structure and balance of working and being a mom. I was able to balance most things and when i couldn't, I had help which was invaluable to me. If you do it, make sure you have a support system like your dh who can back you up. I think my kids were no worse for the wear by me working full time and time goes by fast. My kids are now 19, 21 and 23 and they turned out pretty good ;-)

 

[Keeblerelf928]

I left a high profile job with the potential to make a lot more money to go to the low profile, less money, m-f 8-4 job for work life balance. You have to decide what you want in life. Time with your kids or build a career now? Will your husband be able to get a job that will give the work life balance you currently have to take care of the kids? Is this a job that will come up again in 5-10 years when the kids are older? Personally, I would really think about how you envision your life going forward to make the choice. Usually, I live by the principle of talk is cheap, but if you can't turn down the job, that makes it a little more difficult. Good luck with your decision!

 

[HulaHoopy]

You have to make this decision, so you don't have any regrets. I work full-time in a professional role, but I have made choices along the way to be home more and spend more time with my kids. Sure, I could have a higher title by now, making more money if I didn't make those choices. But that is ok with me, I am more happy without those things and being able to see my kids games and staying home with them when they are sick. I am luck to have a good career that I am satisfied with, that offers me the flexibility I need. Are you satisfied in your current role or do you have grander aspirations?

As a working mom of 3, I now have someone clean my house and I order my groceries online. Outsourcing these activities, allows me to spend more time with my kids at night and on the weekends.

 

[Southernmiss]

I have a career dilemma I'm trying to think through.

There is a job posting for what would have been my dream job before I had kids. Super high profile, really interesting work, challenging but exciting environment. Pretend you were a political science major, this would be a job at the White House. That kind of opportunity.

Obviously the job is very competitive, but I'm not an unreasonable candidate. I most likely wouldn't get the position, but there is definitely a non-zero change that I'll get it. The industry and position are such that if I apply and *don't* accept the job, that would be a career killer. If I get the offer, I really have to take it.

BUT! I currently work part time. I have two young kids, and actually have a job I really like with fantastic work life balance. The new job would be very intense, and way more than 40 hours a week most weeks, including weird hours. It's also in a new city in another part of the country - one where I know no one.

For whatever it's worth, my husband would be supportive either way. He could almost certainly get a job in the new city.

Obviously you don't know me in real life so you can't offer any specific advice, but if you were in a similar situation, what did you decide? Did you stay on the mommy track? Were you happy with that choice? If you "leaned in" so to speak, were you happy with that choice? What did you have to change about your life/family to keep that side of it in tact? I'd love any advice and perspective you have!

Here's my story...

I was on a great track in my career, promotions, enjoyed the job, was good at it. But I was working 60 hours a week with a 4 year old and 1 year old and DH and my mother (who watched them while DH and I worked) were raising them and I was missing out on being a mom. In the beginning, it did not phase me, but after DS #2 came along, the 'mom' in me finally kicked in.

I realized as i signed the 4 Year old up for pre school that I was 'sentencing' him to extra years of school that he did not need, if I were at home. I could teach him the things he would learn in preschool. It was then that things began to fall into place so that I could leave the full time 60 hour a week job and work part time.

It has not always been easy financially, but it did allow DH to further his own career-get his Master's degree and "retire" the first time at age 45. This allowed him to immediately begin career #2 that he expects to "retire" again from. This has been one of his life long goals.

After I left that 60 hour a week job, we had 2 more children. It has been priceless to our family to focus on the family. The kids have thrived, been able to participate in after school activities and have excelled in school and have not been in trouble because I was available to support them in so many ways.

The loss of income in the early years has now been paid back to us as the 3 oldest boys have had scholarships to college which have paid most of their 4 year expenses. The oldest graduated last year with his Master's without any debt at all. The other 2 will not have debt for their four year degrees. They are on a career path requiring 7 years of school-we will likely help them with the last 3 years, hoping that they won't have to take out too much in student loans.

I left the other job in 1998 with the full intention and plan that I would go back after the kids were settled in school. Our family dynamics changed so much, in a good way, and frankly the culture of my former workplace did too, that I have never looked back. When $ was tight, I did wonder "what if", but we have seen the outcome that this indeed was the best choice for our family.

Three years ago, I did go full time at my part time employer and that has been very rewarding to me in a different way. But it still allows me the flexibility I need to be there for my remaining high school student's after school activities. Other employment would not.

On my death bed, I will never regret being home with the kids-I might have regretted not being home with the kids had I not.

 

[undertheradar]

You say that your husband is supportive of whatever you decide. Is this job paying enough where he could stay home with the kids? We all make choices and sacrifices and you have to decide who has the better job options.

 

[Klayfish]

but the grass looks greener------

I think this cliché is so incredibly fitting here and is spot on. We can all sit here and say "Would you regret it if you didn't stay home with the kids" or "Would you regret it if you didn't try for that job". But nobody, even OP, truly knows the answer to that question because you'll never really know what would have happened had you chosen the other path. If you stay at home, you have no idea how it would have turned out if you had chosen career and vice versa. So it's easy say the grass looks greener...trouble is you really have no way to know what the grass really looks or feels like. That's one of the big reasons I'm not a regret type of person. If I chose path A, I could look back and say path B sure looked greener...but reality is I have no clue because I didn't follow path B.

So really, follow your heart and do what you feel is right. Whatever you pick, don't regret it.

 

[lifesavacation]

A bump in salary could go towards helping with work-life balance.

I get tremendous satisfaction from owning my own business. It can mean long hours and stressful days, but the rewards are worth it.

Only you can decide if the job is a good fit for your life. I would apply, but that’s because I thrive on professional challenges and my kids are older. I went back to grad school when my kids were younger and never regretted my time away from them. You can still be a great mom while bettering and challenging yourself.

 

[clutter]

I'm a single/solo mom so I did more of a hybrid approach. I couldn't mommy track and still support us, but I did find a decent paying job with decent benefits and stayed way longer than I would have had I not been a mom. On the one hand, its a comfortable life and it is nice that with all the worries about raising a family, living paycheck to paycheck wasn't one of mine. I did have a long tough commute. The younger years weren't that bad, but it was the middle and high school years that were tough. On the other hand, 20+ years later, I feel like it's not just my body that is out-of-shape. I sometimes miss the mental challenge of learning/doing new things and I wonder if I could even get that mental fitness back - or even if I want to.

Good luck. It's only you and your family that know what the right decision is.

 

[sam_gordon]

It's only you and your family that know what the right decision is.

I just want to point out I don't think there is a right or wrong decision. Either decision can (and will) work out. I'm sure there will be some wondering years down the road, but that doesn't mean there will be regrets.

 

[Klayfish]

I just want to point out I don't think there is a right or wrong decision. Either decision can (and will) work out. I'm sure there will be some wondering years down the road, but that doesn't mean there will be regrets.

 

[clutter]

I just want to point out I don't think there is a right or wrong decision. Either decision can (and will) work out. I'm sure there will be some wondering years down the road, but that doesn't mean there will be regrets.

Absolutely. You will make either one work, of that there is no doubt. There will be joy. There will be regrets. Nothing any of us say can prevent that.

Right is clearly the wrong word, but I'm not sure how to express the correct one. My bigger point is that there is a decision that you deep-down prefer, but I think you're afraid to acknowledge it. Figure out what your instinct is telling you, then talk with your dh about either going for it or mommy tracking it. No one else matters as long as the two of you are in agreement.

 

[DLgal]

Either way you go, there will likely be some regrets. We simply can't have it all.

I chose the mommy track. It was the right choice for us but I do struggle from time to time wanting "more" but knowing my kids need me the most right now and my time will come when they are older.

 

[mom2rtk]

Either way you go, there will likely be some regrets. We simply can't have it all.

Yep. That.