Can we do this?

[gabbysmom04]

My DS was born with a cleft lip and palate and we would like each year on his birthday to make a donation to smile train. Our surgeon works with this cleft charity and we thought that it would be nice to donate in our sons name. People are always asking us about donating so we thought about having a donation can at his next birthday. We don't expect everyone to donate, but if they want to it will be there. Is it rude to even have something like that at a party? Should I include something in the invite? I am thinking that we will match whatever we raise at the party. It only costs $250 to give a child a chance at a normal life!

 

[Darcy03231]

If you're doing it instead of gifts I think that's fine. I've received many invitations that have requested donations to charities in lieu of gifts. I think its a great idea. If your son wants presents I wouldn't say anything about donations on the invitation.

 

[dwaddict]

I think that is a wonderful idea!! I would put something in the invitation so parents can bring extra money. If some are like me I hardly ever have cash or checks for that matter!! You know the age of the debit card and all!! Good luck with it! There is a little girl here in our area that does the same thing, except she ask people to bring donations in lieu of presents. She was battling a childhood cancer and won, but she still raises money every year.
I would like to help you out, PM your address and I will send you a donation to get you started!!! Maybe some others who read this will join in also, maybe you could give 2 children a smile!!!
Good luck!!!!!!!
Lydia

 

[1rockinmamato2]

I think that that is a great idea!

We actually asked for donations instead of gifts at my son's first birthday party. He had spent two weeks in the local children's hospital after being born with several birth defects. He had been blessed with so many material things given to us by others and we wanted to give something back to the hospital to help other families in need since they do not turn away families - regardless of whether or not they have insurance.

DS's birthday theme was construction/dump trucks and I put the following request on a big red stop sign and included it in the envelope with the invitation:

Instead of gifts for my 1st birthday, my wish is for everyone to bring a small donation to be given to XXXX Children's Hospital to show how much Daddy, Mommy and I appreciate everything they have done for us this year. They have been so nice to me since I was born. The doctors and nurses always take really good care of me when I go for tests and stuff and they always make me smile. The neat thing is they don’t just care for me, they care about me (and bunches of other kids too.) So, I want to give something back to them because they’ve given us so much!

We had a great response and ended up donating a total of $500 in DS's honor! We plan on doing some charitable contribution every year from now on. This year, we're doing the March of Dimes walk.

HTH!

 

[karibritt01]

I would put the can out, and not worry about it. A birthday party for a young child usually consists of family and close friends, so they will all know and understand your actions. For an older child, I would limit it to family celebrations, and not do it at parties with school friends and such. By that age, maybe he can do something to raise money for the charity on his own each year.

 

[meeskamouska]

I think that is a great and amazing thing you are doing for others who without these wonderful doctors could suffer with this for the rest of thier loves!!! I say go for it....those who know you probably already now your passion and would undrestand that this is important to all of you!!!

 

[gabbysmom04]

thank you for all of your thoughts. I hate to sound selfish but I want DS to get gifts. He has always gotten the short end of the stick. And since his birthday is in Nov his party is always smaller then DD. I know having toys does not make up for anything that he has been through but I want to give him everything. I think that I will put out a can with a letter that explains what it is. even loose change is something.

It breaks my heart to think about the children in this world who suffer. It is worse now that I have DS and imagine what his life would have been like if he were born in a poor country. I have read that in some places kids born with clefts are left to die. It is horrible!!!!! So I can donate now and plan on adopting a baby with a cleft in the future. Everyone deserves a chance at life. Even if i can give life to one it is one less person who will suffer.

 

[TheDizMom]

I would put the can out, and not worry about it. A birthday party for a young child usually consists of family and close friends, so they will all know and understand your actions. For an older child, I would limit it to family celebrations, and not do it at parties with school friends and such. By that age, maybe he can do something to raise money for the charity on his own each year.

I agree. I would still put it on the invitation that the donation can be in lieu of a gift. If the party is with family and close friends they will still probably opt to give a gift and a small donation. They should be made to feel there is no pressure to donate though, which they may feel if everyone else is putting something in the jar. I applaud your idea, and understand you want your son to get those special gifts to open, but you really need to give the option. Everyone may not have the means to do both, they will feel more comfortable if they are aware of it ahead of time and can chose the option. I know your only intent is to help other children suffering from this(especially those whose parents can not afford it) but you don't want to come across as expecting them to buy your son a gift and make a donation. Explain in your invitaion what you are doing and then say if they do not care to do both they can donate in lieu of a gift.

When he is older he can then decide how he wants to handle things. He may decide whatever you as a family are able to donate is fine or he may want to have everyone always take the money they would spend on a gift and donate it to the cause. From my experience kids want to help others, especially when they have suffered through it too. It would not surprise me one bit if he chose to ask for donations in lieu of gifts even with his friends, because by starting with this early on in his life you are teaching him that helping others is important. I can tell you are passionate about this and I think you should run with it. Talk to your church pastor to see if there is a way to have your church do a fundraiser for your cause. Our Sunday school kids are raising money for people who can't pay their heating bills because one of the teens at church became passionate about it and brought it to our youth minister. I think you have come up with a great starting point and I think it is wonderful.

 

[HappyDznyCamper]

As the mother of an 11 yo DS born with a unilateral cleft lip and palate I think what you are doing is GREAT!! We lived in Durham, NC when DS was born so we went to Duke, while we had insurance many of the other patients were from rural areas and did not. Through donations to groups like Wide Smiles all of the kids got 1st class care. If you have any ? for someone who has been there already please PM me. So far this is where we are at.....
DS born 1/13/96
lip repair 3/12/96(9wks old)
Palate repair 10/26/96(9months) & first ear tubes
Nov 2001 T-tubes(ear tubes that won't fall out)
May 2005 palate expander(prior to bone graft)
July 2005 Bone graft to finish "tooth line"
Sept 2005--- braces and palate ortho
countless trips to ENT for fluid in ears, may be doing tubes again

 

[susykt4]

Go for it! I work at a zoo and last year we had a family have each of their children's birthdays at the zoo and instead of the kids attending bringing presents for the child, they brought enrichment items for the zoo animals. The animals got tons of treats and toys. It was really cool and the birthday kids were really excited about it.

I know that's not quite what you're thinking about, but I think most parents would think that was a neat idea to donate money to a great cause. I agree with a previous poster that you should mention it in the invitation (as optional) because I also rarely carry cash or checks. I think people would be especially interested if you maybe put an insert in the invite explaining how you donate every year on your child's birthday, why this cause and how a little money can help so much.