can I just vent???

[cepmom]

I tried calling my friend, my Mom and my SIL...nobody is around to listen to me complain...you don't mind do ya??

All right ...here goes:

I babysit a little girl 4 mornings a week. Her Mom drops her off in the morning, picks up my 8 year old and drives her other DD age 9,my DD8 and my neighbor's DD10 to school. School starts at 9:10. She is consistantly late...rarely here in time and always rushing to get the kids to school on time. She should be at my house by 9:00 to get the girls to school on time, but usually shows at 9:05 and then walks her DD6 up to my door and chats for a couple of minutes.The older girls have been late several times (not too late, just late enough to miss the line up out side and then they have to go in through main office). She always apologizes saying "my kids didn't want to get moving today, we are not morning people" etc.

Next week my DD16 is going away with her school to Europe and needs to be at the school at 9:15 to get on the bus to the airport. I ask my friend if she can please be on time that morning so I can get DD16 to her school on time. If she gets here when she is supposed to, I will have enough time to get DD16 to her school.

Today she comes and surprise, she is late again. Then she says "why don't you just drop off the girls (my DD8 and my neighbor) at my house and pick up (her DD6) so I won't hold you up next Thursday".

I'm sorry...how hard is it to be somwhere on time? So now I need to leave 10 minutes earlier to pick up my neighbor, drive them to her house to drop them off, pick up her DD and drive my DD16 to her school because she can't get her butt out of the house on time just once??

I know the easy solution would be to just do it that way, and I probably will just to get my DD16 to school on time, but it annoys the heck out of me!!


BTW...this has been going on for 3 years and she still has the same excuses. It's not that hard to get out of bed 10 mminutes early



Thanks...I feel better already!

 

[mickeyboat]

I have friends like that, too, and it drives me insane. I am never late, usually early everywhere I go. Being late is one of the rudest behaviors I can think of.

One of my friends who is habitually late calls it "(Last Name) Standard Time." Now that makes you feel real good.

Denae

 

[kbkids]

Been living with a chronically late person for 10 years now!! It's so aggravating!

DH simply can't be on time for anything. Can't tell you how many times we've left him and just rode in separate cars. It drives me crazy. I lie to him constantly about what time he needs to be somewhere - amazing that he hasn't caught on.

I think it's rude, totally irresponsible, and basically shows a lack of consideration for anyone but yourself!

Alright, I understand, people are going to be late sometimes. But everytime??? OOOO - you just hit on a pet peeve of mine!!

 

[KimR]

I feel your pain. I have a neighbor who is exactly the same way and I've come to the conclusion that some people have absolutely no concept of time management. I like to be on time (or early) so I don't understand it either. It really is annoying but I do believe that this is something some people honestly can't help. Just like I can't help being messy and disorganized - how hard is it to put things back in there place? Sounds simple but for me it truly is next to impossible.

 

[OhMari]

I'm surprised the school doesn't say anything about the girls being late. Maybe this mom needs a good stern warning from the school. Your lucky schools start at 9:00, ours starts at 7:45 a.m. My sons girlfriend starts at 7:00 a.m.

 

[Mari annie]

Hi

I am sort of in the same type of thing, but for me it's convience-
We all get used* to things, get comfortable, and I am sure for you the situation is ideal with your family situation, etc or you wouldn't be dealing with this person/or watching her child.
You need to come right out and explain to this woman, she needs to be on time, and it is making your family late.
I know.I took this, the job I have right in my neighborhood, the flex for me/family, the money is good, the only thing every thursday I wasn't sure if my money would be on table, sometimes there would be a note
"so and so forgot to go to the ATM last night", Or we'll pay you tomarro
or no note was left.
I looked out there in the job market and there wasn't anything that paid that well (cash) and I could work my own hours, very flex, they paid for when they were home ill/holidays/or if they came home ill. The situation is too "ideal" I can work while my kids are in school/vacations. But I needed some respect. I started arguing with my dh about it, complaining to him. Not good/or nice!!!!
So for me I dealt with this family's crap-really that's what it is, when I work for someone, (they have a company, I work and do pr work/banking/computer work, their right hand person). After frustration of feeling I was being taken advantage of, I spoke up. My money is there every Thursday now and when I leave notes/or things I need they have no problem getting the things I need to do my job (for them) Sometimes** people are so self absorbed, self centered and comfortable* in their own situation, they don't realize that they need to respect people, or they aren't going to have them around to be helping them. I should of spoke up earlier.
I myself wanted to keep the flex, we travel 4 times a year, my kids and my dh are too important to go work someplace else, locked into a corp schedule, so iron out the small things, and you'll feel less stressed by this woman! I am home on 1/2 days or sick days for my kids. Too ideal to let go!
Let her know who's in control (nicely) and they if she cannot get their own time, (start looking before-check the market you are in), you'll have look for work else where.
I am sure having a family of her own she will understand.
Sometimes, like I said people try/and they do take advantage of nice people and when we don't speak up, they think everything is okay.
Hope I didn't carry on, but I can fully understand and appreciate how you are feeling!
Smile. Stand your ground. Stick to it!


5 days to see the MICK!!!

 

[froglady]

This is why I only carpooled for one year. There was someone who was always late, so I would start getting ready to drive DD, and they(both parents had time management problems) would show up as I was getting in the car. I decided if I had to be up, dressed, and ready to go, I might as well just make the 20 min roundtrip.

 

[darrose]

Maybe tell her that you cant watch her little girl until after your back from driving your children to school?

 

[minkydog]

Well, I always say if you want something done right you have to do it yourself. If you're worried about getting the DD16 to school on time for the trip you're gonna have to get your foot in your hand and take her yourself. Knowing that this woman has been consistently late for 3yrs and expecting her to change for that day is unrealistic. Even if she shows up on time that day, how much worry & aggravation do you need befoe she actually arrives?

Personally, if my child was being made late to school most days because her ride was dallying, I would make other arrangements. Being mad will not change this person one iota. Taking the kids yourself and refusing to keep hers will force her to change. My guess is she'll move on to some other shoft-heart who will let her get away with this for 3 more years.

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

I understand your pain. I try my hardest to get to anywhere on time and usually a little early. My roommate in college was a cronically late person. She would make plans with friends to meet them wherever at like 8pm. She would take her sweet time getting ready and when would she finally meet them? 11pm. I am not joking either. And she wouldn't care that it was rude and was making them wait around for 3 hours. They kept calling her though.

Does the school say anything about the lateness? I know the school system here does not tolerate lateness. They allow you like 2 then you get warnings or detention, even in elementary school.

 

[canwegosoon]

I would remind her the day before, you are leaving at .....SHARP...with or without her daughter, and that if she is going to be late, she should be prepared to wait until you get back. And stick to it...it might mean you loose a customer, but you do have your family to think about too.

 

[cepmom]

Before I started watchng her little girl, my neighbor and I carpooled...it worked out great. Then I started watching this little girl, put a third person into the mix and it's not working out that well (the carpool thing, I do enjoy watching the little girl). Next year the little girl will be in school all day and I won't be watching her anymore since my friend works during school hours. My neighbor and I have already decided to go back to our carpool and forget about her..she's on her own!

 

[Disney Doll]

There is part of me that finds it rude, there is part of me that finds disrespectful and there is part of me that finds it to be a controlling behavior.

I have been known to leave at the stated time and meet these people places.
I have also been known to start activities without them.

After you tolerate something for a long time, you tend not to want to be so "nice" anymore. And of course, there is always the apology "sorry I'm late"...no, you're really not sorry because if you were, you would realize how rude this behavior is and try and fix it. The fact that you continue to always be late says to me that you are not sorry at all.

And, yes, I have said that.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It's bad enough that she's not normally on time, but to act like she can't be on time on a day that you really need her to is awful!

I do before/after school care for a girl and her mom is often late picking her up in the evening. Not late enough for my late fee to kick in, but she shoots to be at my house at exactly 6pm (pickup time) and then gets stuck in a little traffic, someone stops her on the way out the door, etc and she ends up being 5-10 minutes late. I've learned to tell her if there is a day that I have to go somewhere right at 6PM and I would be mad if she told me that she couldn't be on time on those days.

Problem with your situation is that even though you are watching her 4yo, she is (at least on paper) doing you a favor by driving your 8yo to school. Is there a bus your 8yo can take so you can stop relying on this woman to get your child to school? If not can you swap off driving with your neighbor, in which case you can tell this mom that she needs to be at your house by 9AM or she would need to stay there until you are back from driving your 8yo and the neighbor girl to school.

I don't understand why she can't normally be to your house on time. How hard is it to get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning or get more organized so she can be out her door in time. If she's a little early she can sit in your driveway for a few minutes. And I'm not a morning person, either, but can be up and ready as hard as it is.

 

[cepmom]

I understand your pain. I try my hardest to get to anywhere on time and usually a little early. My roommate in college was a cronically late person. She would make plans with friends to meet them wherever at like 8pm. She would take her sweet time getting ready and when would she finally meet them? 11pm. I am not joking either. And she wouldn't care that it was rude and was making them wait around for 3 hours. They kept calling her though.

Does the school say anything about the lateness? I know the school system here does not tolerate lateness. They allow you like 2 then you get warnings or detention, even in elementary school.

when the girls are late, the secretary usually just lets them by without a tardy slip....they are usually only late by a couple of minutes, but enough that the girls have to rush to get to the door on time or to their classroom. She is fully aware that this is the case ~ even said something about it on Monday that she would be on time "from now on" so the girls don't have to rush to get to the doors.

 

[RadioFanatic]

does she pay you to watch her kid? or do you do it for free? if it's for free, I would tell her to either be on time or she needs to find someone else to watch her kid. If she's paying you, I would tell her you are adding so much moola for the extra time you have to take to pick her kid up and drive them to school.

 

[Nancy]

Been living with a chronically late person for 10 years now!! It's so aggravating!

DH simply can't be on time for anything. Can't tell you how many times we've left him and just rode in separate cars. It drives me crazy. I lie to him constantly about what time he needs to be somewhere - amazing that he hasn't caught on.

I think it's rude, totally irresponsible, and basically shows a lack of consideration for anyone but yourself!

Alright, I understand, people are going to be late sometimes. But everytime??? OOOO - you just hit on a pet peeve of mine!!

I've been living with it for over 20 years! I gave up a long time ago. We just go in seperate cars. I am not missing anymore dinners, start of shows or anything because he can't be in time. Amazingly he is always on time for work! I used to get myself and 3 kids ready in plenty of time...he wouldn't start to get ready until it was time to leave. I decided not to get in a power struggle over it anymore. Usually it's his family functions that we are going to, so if he is late oh well. His family knows what he's like, I don't make excuses either!

 

[dianeschlicht]

My solution? CALL her 1 hour before she is to be at your house next Thursday morning. When the call wakes her, REMIND her that you have to have her there ON TIME, and that if she is late, you will have already left to take BOTH of your children to their respective schools.

I used to have similar issues with one of my dog grooming clients. Some folks think that becaue you work from your home, there is no need to stick to a schedule. NOT TRUE! I cured that one by leaving an hour and a half after the appointment time was to have started. The appointment usually only takes an hour and a half. When he called later in the day to see why I was not there, I told him I had to leave for an appointment of my own, and that I didn't leave until his appointment was supposed to be over. I have no idea what time he actually arrived, but it was the LAST time he ever came late!

 

[arminnie]

I had a friend who was ALWAYS late - you know the type. We used to joke that her even plane arrivals would always be late (not something she had control of).

We lived in different cities so I didn't see her that often. One day she started being on time! I couldn't believe it.

I asked her what happened. Since she had always been the "late" one she didn't know what it was like to be kept waiting. She finally met someone who was later than she was. When she had to wait she was FURIOUS, but it was a big wake up call to her.

She told me that she never realized how obnoxious it was to be late until she was on the receiving end. She told me that she realized how rude and inconsiderate it was and vowed not to be that way anymore. I really have to give her credit for cleaning up her act on her own.

 

[dianeschlicht]

I had a friend who was ALWAYS late - you know the type. We used to joke that her even plane arrivals would always be late (not something she had control of).

We lived in different cities so I didn't see her that often. One day she started being on time! I couldn't believe it.

I asked her what happened. Since she had always been the "late" one she didn't know what it was like to be kept waiting. She finally met someone who was later than she was. When she had to wait she was FURIOUS, but it was a big wake up call to her.

She told me that she never realized how obnoxious it was to be late until she was on the receiving end. She told me that she realized how rude and inconsiderate it was and vowed not to be that way anymore. I really have to give her credit for cleaning up her act on her own.

Now THAT's a good one! Nothing better than a taste of their own medicine! Maybe next Thursday, you have to leave like I suggested above, and SHE will be the one waiting for you to return!