I want to slap your doctor. I want to have a long chat with your mother for putting this nonsense in your head. And I want to slap HER doctor.
The whole point of the hormone relaxin (the stuff that's making your joints all wobbly) is so that the joints OPEN. What things look or feel like to your doctor right now (some dude sticking his hands in your stuff...do you THINK you might be a bit, you know, tense?) mean NOTHING.
OH it does mean one thing. It means that that is HIS belief system. He's going to put it onto you. And he's not the one that is going to get to have MAJOR abdominal surgery on the very day you meet your baby.
I have a friend who had a liver transplant. Big huge tremendous surgery. And she felt sorry for those who have children by surgery*, because no one handed her a newborn that she was now 100% in charge of on that same day.
*(I don't give it the cutesy name that's a lie because Julius Caesar's mom was alive long after he was alive, and that simply didn't happen back then when children were born by surgery...I call it surgical birth because that's what it IS)
Back to your doctor...why on earth would he want to SCHEDULE it? Oh yes. Because it's convenient for...yep, him.
First babies often go "long". That means those babies NEED more time.
My son was forced out against my will at 42 weeks 3 days, and *had signs of prematurity*.
Oh! They said "the baby's going to be at least 9 pounds, that's hard". I said "bring it on" because fat squishes.
He was 7 lbs 12 oz. He was nearly 2 feet long, probably folded in thirds when inside. He appeared big. He was NOT. With his length, he was scrawny. But they said "9 lbs".
My husband was born at 4
4 weeks (rock solid dates...FIL on leave and a train woke them up in the middle of the night...cue the sexy music...) and was UNDER 9 pounds. Of course, he was getting out of his crib by 9 months (and hiding), but there are some tradeoffs with having a fully "cooked" baby sometimes.
At the very least *let the baby choose the day or so of his birth*. Let yourself recover from what you have been indoctrinated with your whole life. I'm SO SORRY that this has gotten into your head and has caused you to doubt your own wonderful body.
Doctors have passed this off as a valid reason for years and years. It's not valid in most situations. There is no reason not to try and have the baby vag in ally.
A c-section is full on abdominal surgery and takes time recovering. Please seek a second option...or even a third. It is amazing how different your birth can be.
YES YES YES and more YES.
OP-
1. Unless you have a diagnosed pelvic abnormality, you will most likely be able to have your baby naturally. Even if the dr. thinks otherwise.
2. C-sections for a suspected "big baby" are NOT recommended by ACOG (American council of gynecology). Many times, ultrasounds to predict a baby's size are inaccurate.
3. Once you have a baby via c-section, many hospitals in the US will not allow a VBAC the second time around. Sad, but unfortunate. This leads to more complications for the mom.
4. I would suggest postings to one of the following Facebook groups: ICAN (international cesarean awareness network), evidence- based birth, or check out the best practices set out by ACOG.
Your birth, your baby, your body. This is a huge deal. PLEASE check out the evidence based birth website before agreeing to something that is not the best choice for you and your child (not saying that a c-section is the wrong choice, just that you should feel secure that it is being done for the best, most evidence based reasons, supported by research,)
Good luck, feel free to pm me with questions. As you may guess, I am quite passionate. (A traumatic birth experience 2 years ago led me to the groups above. They will be happy to help!)
So much yes.
The people at ICAN will respond urgently to you, with feelings behind it, because they have been there done that and are scarred in many ways because of it. Their choices are now narrowed. They have been lied to and bullied and they have dealt with the aftermath.
They might overwhelm you with their caring and wanting to help. They don't want to scare you.
They want to HELP you and want you to have a BETTER experience. They want your BABY to have a better experience. They don't know you but they love you and your baby, and want the absolute best for you.
So please don't be overwhelmed. Especially by me. Right now. Here I go...
Although there are some cases of cephalopelvic disproportion, they are pretty rare. It's almost impossible to guess that based on feel of the pelvis. There is a ton of movement that occurs in the pelvis during labour. Tiny women can (and do!) deliver big babies. I'd never schedule a c-section (major abdominal surgery) for something that MIGHT be a problem (but also may not be an issue).
Yes.
My MIL is 5'1", tiny, and grew up in occupied Korea with all of the nutritional deficiencies that no doubt went along with that. Her first baby....rural tiny town, just the women of the village helping her. Labored for 5 days, birthed her first baby. 10+ lbs.
She chose to not tell me that story. Not telling me that nearly killed me (quite literally). Americans are so insane they think 12 hours is a long labor. American birth practitioners are so crazy they think 6 hours is long.
I'm sure it's hard to be a hand's off, traditional, old-fashioned birth attendant. I don't care.
I tell you this to show you what nonsense people can say and do to you. My labor was FINE. The main pain I had was because of his position, which no one knew about and therefore couldn't change. I'm not saying it was awesome...it was labor. But the labor itself was nothing horrible. What WAS horrible was my hired help. And that's why I tell you the following. (I don't want to scare you about laboring...I want you to be forewarned about the hired help and how wrong they can be)
2 days of what I later realized was prodromal labor (exhausts you but does NOTHING towards getting the baby out...exhausts you even more when your birth attendants are idiots and don't know what prodromal labor is). 2 more days of somewhat more real labor, but with a baby who turned out to be sunny side up with his hands at his face. NO ONE KNEW this because none of the people I hired or was forced to see had a clue what they were doing.
The people I had at home threatened to leave me if I didn't comply with them. (illegal) They assaulted me by breaking my water (nearly 4 days of some sort of labor, intact membranes...can you say *baby isn't ready*?) as I said "no". They lied to me about how ready they were to receive the baby. They lied to me and coerced me and interfered with communication between me and my husband and lied their rears off to my aunt to get me to the hospital. Then they didn't tell the hospital WHY I was there.
The hospital yelled emergency at me for hours upon hours. They did everything they could to STOP labor then blamed it on me. They had faulty equipment and lied to me about a variety of things and it was all blamed on me. They "got me to yes" (paraphrase of an amazing essay written by a medical student about what they are taught).
They kicked me out 42 hours post-op, saying my insurance wouldn't allow me to stay. This isn't true or legal in any way, shape, or form, but adding to the nonsense...they kept saying the wrong insurance company. They knew I had a 3rd floor walk-up apartment, and sent me home 42 hours post-op as I cried and begged to not be sent home. The ONLY thing good about that part is that it took until the 5th day for my milk to come in, and I was a heck of a lot more patient (as was my son who got a tremendous amount of colostrum) than the hospital staff would have been.
And then? The doctor billed me as having CHOSEN it. Oh and he was out of network. Thousands of dollars more....
They were wrong. They were scared (had litigation looming that I didn't know about). Your doctor is TELLING you "I am scared". He wants this to be easier on him (you can tell because of the scheduling). He won't think about you a minute after he's done with the surgery and you'll be left to either recover easily or not.
I was sent home from the hospital with a hemoglobin level that should have triggered a transfusion. I saw the OB 2 weeks later and he said nothing. I didn't know until I read my records for the umpteenth time when my son was 4 years old.
A friend of mine in a situation like yours, with a mother who told her her whole life that the women in their family "can't" have babies normally, chose scheduled surgery. And regretted it. I don't think she's brave enough to not do it again, but she didn't like the surgery or the LONG recovery time.
It's not just those of us who didn't want it who have a hard time recovering. She wished someone had told her the TRUTH about having major abdominal surgery the day you meet your baby. I tried to, but she wanted to think it was because I wasn't expecting it and had sort-of-labored for days.
best of luck! You will do great and congratulations! If you have any questions feel free to pm me!
), my pelvis does not move to allow a baby down the birth canal, it's now been proven to my Ob.
and a pelvimetry exam.
