BUSH TAPS REESE WITHERSPOON TO LEAD POSTWAR IRAQ
Beats Out Vin Diesel, Tiger Woods to be New Iraqi Leader
A new Bush administration plan for rebuilding postwar Iraq involves installing Hollywood megastar Reese Witherspoon as the military leader of a Marshall Plan-like government, White House sources revealed today.
Ms. Witherspoon was seen as a surprise choice by many observers, since it had been widely believed that President Bush was leaning towards either XXX star Vin Diesel of golf giant Tiger Woods to rule postwar Iraq.
But the popular actress, who came to prominence last year with her role in the surprise smash Legally Blonde, shot to the top of the list of potential military commanders of Iraq earlier this fall with the release of her film Sweet Home Alabama.
Alabama had a stronger opening weekend than anyone in the White House had predicted, one source said. That really changed the thinking around here and got a lot of people saying, What about Reese Witherspoon to lead Iraq?
The administration, long criticized for having no substantive plan for rebuilding Iraq, is putting the final touches on a plan that would involve not only Reese Witherspoon guiding the nation towards democracy but also the Walt Disney Company converting Saddam Husseins presidential palaces into an American-style theme park, complete with a high-end restaurant from superstar chef Wolfgang Puck.
Conspicuously absent from the plan, however, is any provision for a legislative branch of government to offer checks and balances to Ms. Witherspoons unbridled power.
Were just trying to give Iraq the same form of government we enjoy, one White House source said.
**** BOROWITZ ON NPR THIS SUNDAY ****
Andy Borowitz reminds us of all we have to be thankful for this Sunday morning on National Public Radios Weekend Edition Sunday. Check local listings.
Beats Out Vin Diesel, Tiger Woods to be New Iraqi Leader
A new Bush administration plan for rebuilding postwar Iraq involves installing Hollywood megastar Reese Witherspoon as the military leader of a Marshall Plan-like government, White House sources revealed today.
Ms. Witherspoon was seen as a surprise choice by many observers, since it had been widely believed that President Bush was leaning towards either XXX star Vin Diesel of golf giant Tiger Woods to rule postwar Iraq.
But the popular actress, who came to prominence last year with her role in the surprise smash Legally Blonde, shot to the top of the list of potential military commanders of Iraq earlier this fall with the release of her film Sweet Home Alabama.
Alabama had a stronger opening weekend than anyone in the White House had predicted, one source said. That really changed the thinking around here and got a lot of people saying, What about Reese Witherspoon to lead Iraq?
The administration, long criticized for having no substantive plan for rebuilding Iraq, is putting the final touches on a plan that would involve not only Reese Witherspoon guiding the nation towards democracy but also the Walt Disney Company converting Saddam Husseins presidential palaces into an American-style theme park, complete with a high-end restaurant from superstar chef Wolfgang Puck.
Conspicuously absent from the plan, however, is any provision for a legislative branch of government to offer checks and balances to Ms. Witherspoons unbridled power.
Were just trying to give Iraq the same form of government we enjoy, one White House source said.
**** BOROWITZ ON NPR THIS SUNDAY ****
Andy Borowitz reminds us of all we have to be thankful for this Sunday morning on National Public Radios Weekend Edition Sunday. Check local listings.
