Bullying issue in High School -wwyd?

[Robinrs]

My son is not too often the victim of "bullies" since he is HUGE and most people leave him alone but recently he's had an issue with one nuisance who is getting to be a serious problem....

The other day I went to pick him up and it took him 20 mins to get to the car. He told me he was in the counselor's office... Mike likes to handle things himself and thought he could talk to the counselor in private and see if they can do something about this particular classmate.

The boy is 18, and has told my son he is abused daily at home. He claims he doesn't care and one day he's going to "blow his stepdad away". At a party he SHOWED my son his gun. Mike avoids him now.

At the homecoming dance he brought his 24yo pregnant girlfriend... yes, this is the element we're dealing with ...

Recently, since Mike doesn't want anything to do with him anymore, he's been using sneaky tactics to annoy my son. He calls him slurs under his breath in the hallway, sticks tape on his back, and just this week, stole his lunch.

We both reported this to the counselor and they brought him in. OF COURSE he denied all of this (did they expect him to admit any of it????) and now it's up to my son to PROVE any of these allegations.

He was told that he has to get a separate party to admit they've seen on heard what he's alleging. Of course, NONE of the kids want to get involved (they KNOW he owns a gun) and this leaves my son in a precarious position.

Bullying has become a serious issue of late in my district due to a recent suicide of a bullied child and they claim to have a handle on this.

I sent an email to the counselor asking if there is anything else that can be done. Of course, Friday afternoon, no answer.

What can we do? My co worker said I can get a restraining order out on him, it's getting so out of hand. My son came home today and announced he wants to change schools which is ridiculous, I told him we cannot let this child push HIM to that point.

I know it's not unlike what lots of kids go thru, but it's hard when his little 4foot-nothing Mama wants to take care of an almost MAN, it's not like it was in elementary school...

Any advice?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

He should have considered the fact that he couldn't prove anything before he went to the counselor. It should have just been an FYI.

As for his protection, if he can't prove anything, he is in the same boat - except now the other guy is really mad because he just ratted him out at school. If his other friends won't come to his aide knowing that he is now in danger, they are not friends at all. I would push them into going with Mike to the police. Get this kid some help before someone gets hurt...

 

[Robinrs]

He should have considered the fact that he couldn't prove anything before he went to the counselor. It should have just been an FYI.

As for his protection, if he can't prove anything, he is in the same boat - except now the other guy is really mad because he just ratted him out at school. If his other friends won't come to his aide knowing that he is now in danger, they are not friends at all. I would push them into going with Mike to the police. Get this kid some help before someone gets hurt...

I agree.

I think this "child" is a problem waiting to happen. I just don't want it to "happen" to my son.

 

[amid chaos]

The other student has a gun and your child feels threatened. Time for the police.

 

[All American]

The other student has a gun and your child feels threatened. Time for the police.

That.

 

[Robinrs]

The other student has a gun and your child feels threatened. Time for the police.

That.

Agreed.

The issue is PROOF again. What will the police do to keep a child who goes to the same school? Can he be taken out of the 3 classes he's in with Michael?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Agreed.

The issue is PROOF again. What will the police do to keep a child who goes to the same school? Can he be taken out of the 3 classes he's in with Michael?

He needs to get some of his friends who also saw this to go with him. If he cannot, you can have him report it, but I am not sure what the police can do for you. I just don't know enough about that sort of thing...

 

[AshleyW]

Agreed.

The issue is PROOF again. What will the police do to keep a child who goes to the same school? Can he be taken out of the 3 classes he's in with Michael?

If there's no proof, I'm thinking it's more likely that your son would need to switch his classes to another teacher or to a different time. I don't think they'd have the "bully" switch classes if he isn't the one doing the complaining.

 

[golfgal]

Ok, so this kid said he is being abused at home every day and wants to blow his step dad away and the counselor did NOTHING about that??? Maybe THAT is where you start. It sounds like this kid is SCREAMING for help and maybe he knows your son will "help" him?

 

[dcentity2000]

I HATE bullies. But you know what? Deep down, they are all cowards. Not saying that your son should confront a gun toting sadist, but I would certainly see to it that this violent kid gets his comeuppance.



Rich::

 

[Robinrs]

Ok, so this kid said he is being abused at home every day and wants to blow his step dad away and the counselor did NOTHING about that??? Maybe THAT is where you start. It sounds like this kid is SCREAMING for help and maybe he knows your son will "help" him?

Wow, this is a point I brought up also. Mike said they spoke to his Mom and nothing was done. Not good situation.

 

[golfgal]

Wow, this is a point I brought up also. Mike said they spoke to his Mom and nothing was done. Not good situation.

Who spoke to the mom, the school or CPS?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

The other student has a gun and your child feels threatened. Time for the police.

And at 18--the other "child" is not a "child". Student yes, child no. And that ups the ante for police.

 

[abdmom]

I would also go up the food chain to the principal. Report the threat to "blow away the stepdad" and the possession of the gun.

On second thought, just go to the police.

 

[xCourxCorex]

Agreed.

The issue is PROOF again. What will the police do to keep a child who goes to the same school? Can he be taken out of the 3 classes he's in with Michael?

The school might do this. It's happened at my school before, although I'm not sure of the circumstances. But two students had issues with each other, and they were removed so that they didn't have any classes or lunch scheduled together. Since your son is the victim in this situation, if they allow the switch, they'd probably move the bully.

 

[dcentity2000]

Visit the headmaster/headmistress. Make it clear that if no action is taken, you will go to the police. That'll kickstart him/her to actually get off their lazy behind and do something.



Rich::

 

[sunnyday123]

Ok, so this kid said he is being abused at home every day and wants to blow his step dad away and the counselor did NOTHING about that??? Maybe THAT is where you start. It sounds like this kid is SCREAMING for help and maybe he knows your son will "help" him?

This. It sounds like he was asking for help from your son. He's a bomb waiting to go off, and I'd be concerned for his well being while at school. What's to stop this kid from bringing in his gun?

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I had a serious bullying issue in high school. Two boys in my Spanish class threatened to shoot me on the first anniversary of Columbine two separate times. The counselor believed me. My teacher believed me. I'm pretty sure the substitute heard the second threat and I know he believed me. Despite all that, the administration's response was to believe their story that I had misheard them (no mention of the previous incident). I was not told this until I was put in the same room with the two boys and asked if I accepted their apology while they were sitting right there. My mom's response was to not send me to school that particular day and clearly told the administration why.

My family had a good long talk about it. I was in 9th grade and had already been accepted into a college the next year. My parents told me that if it weren't for that, they didn't know what we would do the next year. There is a good chance I would not have returned to that school.

I'm sorry to say that if you may have to do the same thing: find an alternative placement. If it truly is to the point that your son does not feel safe, is he going to be able to learn? It is a really hard decision and it totally sucks, but sometimes despite zero tolerance policies administrators refuse to do anything. I would go into the counselor's office with your son and lay it all on the table. Have your son tell the counselor about how he is wanting to switch schools. Let them know it is that serious and be ready to follow up.

I would also call CPS about what your son saw at the boys' house. Clearly there are some serious issues going on with this boy and he needs help. That does not make his behavior towards your son okay in any way, shape, or form; but if he needs somebody to intervene for him.

 

[Robinrs]

Visit the headmaster/headmistress. Make it clear that if no action is taken, you will go to the police. That'll kickstart him/her to actually get off their lazy behind and do something.



Rich::

My last correspondence said just that.

I had a serious bullying issue in high school. Two boys in my Spanish class threatened to shoot me on the first anniversary of Columbine two separate times. The counselor believed me. My teacher believed me. I'm pretty sure the substitute heard the second threat and I know he believed me. Despite all that, the administration's response was to believe their story that I had misheard them (no mention of the previous incident). I was not told this until I was put in the same room with the two boys and asked if I accepted their apology while they were sitting right there. My mom's response was to not send me to school that particular day and clearly told the administration why.

My family had a good long talk about it. I was in 9th grade and had already been accepted into a college the next year. My parents told me that if it weren't for that, they didn't know what we would do the next year. There is a good chance I would not have returned to that school.

I'm sorry to say that if you may have to do the same thing: find an alternative placement. If it truly is to the point that your son does not feel safe, is he going to be able to learn? It is a really hard decision and it totally sucks, but sometimes despite zero tolerance policies administrators refuse to do anything. I would go into the counselor's office with your son and lay it all on the table. Have your son tell the counselor about how he is wanting to switch schools. Let them know it is that serious and be ready to follow up.

I would also call CPS about what your son saw at the boys' house. Clearly there are some serious issues going on with this boy and he needs help. That does not make his behavior towards your son okay in any way, shape, or form; but if he needs somebody to intervene for him.

Wow, so sorry you went thru that...

There is a lot involved here, especially since he is "of age". Hopefully there is something that can be done and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to protect my "child"... hard to call a kid that's a foot taller than me my child but he always will be.

Thanks everyone.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Does your district not have a Resource Officer with the local Police Department to handle things in the school????

To be honest, I would not have bothered too much with the counselor.

At this point, your son made the mistake of being caught 'ratting out' an adult bully who has flashed a gun and threatened to blow somebody away....

I would be in contact with both the Principal and the Police department to set up a meeting as in 'yesterday'.

PS: did your son's lunch just go missing, with no real evidence????