Budget Buster-- Visiting the ILs!

[dis-happy]

Airfare prices wax and wane. If you could give it another month and halfway want to go (if airfare is really the only thing holding you back) I'd use the time to sign up for fare alerts and see what summer sales come up.

 

[auralia]

Why is it so much I fly from a smallish town in ga to Minneapolis for 260 max round trip... Have you searched all airports in driving distance of your house? Also I book 2-3 weeks out when I fly booking early is more expensive for the tickets I look at

But if u don't want to be there don't go it will just be miserable

 

[cassandrap83]

Just wait for flights to go down. I never buy plane tickets more than 6 weeks out, and always get the best deals.

 

[disneymagicgirl]

It's pretty clear, OP, that you don't want to go. I wouldn't want to, either. Sounds wretched and I think the term psuedo-vacation sounds about right.

I agree with the pseudo-vacation term!
We go thru the same mess with my in-laws. They are always wanting us to fly our family of 5 ($$$) to meet them somewhere. Well, I look at it like you do...going to Detroit is not a vacation....and I do not care to spend my vacation budget on it! Sorry, but that is how I feel! It is just 2 of them, and they make tons of money, so come to Charleston (which IS like a vacation to a lot of people) and see us. Not only is it less expensive for them, but it is much easier than us flying with 2 babies.
We have agreed to go visit them every other summer, but I do not look forward to it. I end up chasing my kids around their house, full of very expensive breakable items, for a week. Not fun!
My opinion is that they come see you (and you shouldn't have to pay for it!) or you go to their house if you are OK with the cost of that. If you have no desire to go stay in a cabin in MN (which I would hate too) then don't waste you hard earned money on it.

 

[ExPirateShopGirl]

Suck it up and do it. Your kids will always talk about the week they spent in the cabin in the middle of nowhere. Don't expect reimbursement, don't complain. You think your kids can't tell what's going on but they know. Trust me. Next year when your in laws are unsure about their holiday dates scrap that time with them. Plan on spending a week at that cabin every third summer. It's not all about you. And have fun.

 

[Marionnette]

Suck it up and do it. Your kids will always talk about the week they spent in the cabin in the middle of nowhere. Don't expect reimbursement, don't complain. You think your kids can't tell what's going on but they know. Trust me. Next year when your in laws are unsure about their holiday dates scrap that time with them. Plan on spending a week at that cabin every third summer. It's not all about you. And have fun.

Those were my initial thoughts but I guess I keep thinking that there's a back-story that we're not privy to. I personally cannot imagine dreading spending time with my in-laws so much that I would deny my kids the opportunity to be with them. They (the in-laws) drive me crazy on a regular basis. But I remind myself that they also love the people who are the most important to me. And I don't want to be the one who comes between them. I hope that the op can put her feelings aside for the sake of the relationship that the in-laws have with their son and grandkids. It must be so hurtful for them to see that the op and her husband can make time for trips to Disney World at Christmas and Disneyland at Easter but they cannot find the time to spend a leisurely week with them this summer.

 

[Mom2Ben02]

OP, if this is not how you want to spend your vacation time, do not do it. Pick a spot halfway between your homes, and find a camping area there. Tell your in-laws what you found, and leave it up to them. It may not be all about you, but it also not all about them. Their family dynamic has changed - this spot may be tradition for them, but if there are now little kids and plane rides involved, a new tradition is in order.

From someone who does not get along with her in-laws - can you tell?

 

[ekatiel]

I understand where you're coming from, OP-I've had to deal with somewhat similar issues over the years. I'll tell you what I've ended up doing. I've just had to end up saying, 'sorry, we just can't do the trip to Fl (where my IL's are), but we'd love to see you, would you like to come up xxx-dates?'

Yes, they decline but at least we made the offer and I no longer feel guilty. In our early married years, we made the trek (with our growing family) nearly every year and it just got to be too much! You also have a growing family and a long trek. You and dh have to do what is best for your own family. In our case, our trekking to IL's meant we put off doing vacactions with our kids that we wanted to (like Disney! we're finally going next month) while the Il's, who are perfectly capable of traveling, don't bother to come here. They were invited to DS's graduation, and have not seen our new home (we've lived here 2 years), and to spend Christmas with us, but hey, I extended the invite. (if the IL's were incapacited in some way, I'd feel differently, but in fact they are younger than my parents).

In my family, my DH is glad I took the lead in this situation-it bothers him that they won't come here, and I am the 'buffer'. I've even been the buffer on our disney trip-FIL thought we'd take days out of our trip to go to their place. Um, no. I invited them to spend a day with us at Disney and have dinner. Don't know yet if they will

I think we may have the same in-laws!!

Thanks for all the advice, guys. I am really trying to not make it all about me, but the in-laws are the masters of making it all about them. They haven't been down to see us in 4 years (right after the birth of my 4 and a half year old). We went up there Summer 2009, and we meet them half way in Tulsa right after Christmas every year. When DH graduated with his Master's degree, they did not come down. They repeatedly say they're going to visit and then renig. DH is really hurt by them not visiting, so that just makes me mad. DH thinks that if we offer to fly them down, they won't ever tell us a confirmed date, and then they just will end up not coming. The reason they invited us to the cabin is that they were already going, and they wouldn't have to take a week out of their schedules to see us. So, for those of you who think there is a back story, there definitely is. I've only scratched the surface with what I've told you in this post.

MIL called last night and told us she'd found a flight on American for $204. What she didn't realize was American now posts their flights as one-ways, just like Southwest does . It was $204 for one way.

Still not sure what we're going to do. I'm trying to think what I'd do if it were a Disney Trip, so that I won't be so biased about it. --If we had a scheduled Disney Trip that would eat up several hundred dollars more than we budgeted, and DH was cutting it so close with his PTO, would we still take the trip? I'm not sure.

 

[Marionnette]

I think we may have the same in-laws!!

Thanks for all the advice, guys. I am really trying to not make it all about me, but the in-laws are the masters of making it all about them. They haven't been down to see us in 4 years (right after the birth of my 4 and a half year old). We went up there Summer 2009, and we meet them half way in Tulsa right after Christmas every year. When DH graduated with his Master's degree, they did not come down. They repeatedly say they're going to visit and then renig. DH is really hurt by them not visiting, so that just makes me mad. DH thinks that if we offer to fly them down, they won't ever tell us a confirmed date, and then they just will end up not coming. The reason they invited us to the cabin is that they were already going, and they wouldn't have to take a week out of their schedules to see us. So, for those of you who think there is a back story, there definitely is. I've only scratched the surface with what I've told you in this post.

MIL called last night and told us she'd found a flight on American for $204. What she didn't realize was American now posts their flights as one-ways, just like Southwest does . It was $204 for one way.

Still not sure what we're going to do. I'm trying to think what I'd do if it were a Disney Trip, so that I won't be so biased about it. --If we had a scheduled Disney Trip that would eat up several hundred dollars more than we budgeted, and DH was cutting it so close with his PTO, would we still take the trip? I'm not sure.

But this isn't about a Disney trip. And you already said that it isn't about money in your original post. This is about people. The people who raised the man you love. The same people who, in spite of all their flaws and mistakes, want to spend some vacation time with their grandkids. It doesn't sound as if they are evil or harmful people. At least not from what you've told us. It sounds more like a struggle for control.

I suppose that I'm looking at it from the perspective of someone with elderly in-laws (they are both 85). My children have an amazing bond with them. I know how heart-wrenching it will be when we say our final goodbyes to them. So I would never stand in the way of them being able to spend time with the in-laws whenever possible. I find it sad that anyone would.

 

[AuroraSheasMom]

I say at some point, your DH just needs to have a heart to heart with them. Explain that taking the time off could put him in a bind, especially if he gets sick. He also needs to tell them that he's hurt that they never make the effort to reciprocate and come and see you. That he loves them and wants to spend time with them but at this point, it would really be much easier for everyone if they come down this trip.

And if it's not about money, offer to buy their plane tickets as a gift. ANd maybe plan a couple of special activities while they're down so they have good memories the next time vacation time rolls around...maybe they'll WANT to come visit you instead!

 

[herdtoDisney]

But this isn't about a Disney trip. And you already said that it isn't about money in your original post. This is about people. The people who raised the man you love. The same people who, in spite of all their flaws and mistakes, want to spend some vacation time with their grandkids. It doesn't sound as if they are evil or harmful people. At least not from what you've told us. It sounds more like a struggle for control.

I suppose that I'm looking at it from the perspective of someone with elderly in-laws (they are both 85). My children have an amazing bond with them. I know how heart-wrenching it will be when we say our final goodbyes to them. So I would never stand in the way of them being able to spend time with the in-laws whenever possible. I find it sad that anyone would.

The OP said that she and dh have repeatedly offered to host the IL's, and the il's have declined. So I would say, it's not the OP standing in the way of the IL' s seeing the grandkids-it's the IL's. And, the OP did get her family to Tulsa to see the IL's, so it's not like she's not flexible or making an effort.

I can't speak for the OP's inlaws, but my inlaws would be more than happy to control all my family's vacation plans

 

[Marionnette]

The OP said that she and dh have repeatedly offered to host the IL's, and the il's have declined. So I would say, it's not the OP standing in the way of the IL' s seeing the grandkids-it's the IL's. And, the OP did get her family to Tulsa to see the IL's, so it's not like she's not flexible or making an effort.

I can't speak for the OP's inlaws, but my inlaws would be more than happy to control all my family's vacation plans

The op's in-laws do not live in Tulsa. They live in WI. So it looks as if they met each other part way on that one. The op has just returned from Disney World and has a Disneyland trip planned. Both without the in-laws. So it appears that the in-laws don't control the op's vacation time. The mother in law has offered to pay for the cabin and is researching airfare. It sounds as if she is trying to make this work for the op.

Plain and simple, the op does not want to go and will by her own admission find excuses not to make the trip. And caught in the middle of this battle of wills are the husband and kids. I find it very sad that adults can be so stubborn about being the one to control things. That includes both the op and her in-laws.

 

[herdtoDisney]

In the OP's first post, she stated that she and DH had offered to fly to the IL's home to see them, or fly them to her place. Op and her Dh feel that the cabin rental does not work for their family at this time. Despite this, MIL is still trying to push this/guilt them into this. So yes, there is a control issue here, but it's not the fault of the OP.

 

[Marionnette]

In the OP's first post, she stated that she and DH had offered to fly to the IL's home to see them, or fly them to her place. Op and her Dh feel that the cabin rental does not work for their family at this time. Despite this, MIL is still trying to push this/guilt them into this. So yes, there is a control issue here, but it's not the fault of the OP.

The op's in-laws rent the same cabin every year. We stay at the same place every summer. If they are like us, they already have a lease agreement signed. Who is trying to control who's vacation?

 

[herdtoDisney]

The op's in-laws rent the same cabin every year. We stay at the same place every summer. If they are like us, they already have a lease agreement signed. Who is trying to control who's vacation?

Are you serious? It's not the op's problem if the IL's want to go to the same cabin every year-OP and her DH feel that it does not work for their family.

 

[Ava]

OP, what does your DH want to do? If he really wants to take the trip, I think you should go. They are his parents and if it's important to him to take this trip you should respect that. (On the flip side, I hope he would do the same for you if the roles were reversed.) If he's on the fence about it too, then you need to sit down together & weigh the pros/cons and make a mutual decision. If you decide not to go, he should be the one to talk to his parents & tell them you can't come this year.

I think most people have some "difficulties" in dealing with their in-laws, and even their own parents. The way I try to look at it is that these are my child's grandparents and I shouldn't deprive her of time with them (or them of time with her) because of my own biases.

 

[rigs32]

If I was in the OP's shoes I would be so stressed - lack of PTO, cost, transportation with 2 kids, flights PLUS a 4-5 hr drive. For the stress alone I would say sorry can't make it.

In my personal experience, there's nothing more frustrating than going through with something like you're planning and then have the ILs not want to do anything - just sit around and relax. Just makes you want to scream "why did I spend thousands of dollars and use up all my vacation time for THIS?"

 

[Marionnette]

Are you serious? It's not the op's problem if the IL's want to go to the same cabin every year-OP and her DH feel that it does not work for their family.

Yes, I'm serious.

The op's solution is to basically tell the in-laws that the family will come for a visit but only on the condition that the in-laws cancel their own plans and spend their vacation at home playing host to them. Or they can cancel their planned vacation and spend it at the op's home. The op knows that neither way is how the in-laws would like to spend their vacation. Which is fine with her because she doesn't want to spend the time with them anyway. Passive-agressive attempt to control the situation instead of compromising.

 

[herdtoDisney]

So, to you, 'compromising' is the OP and her DH doing whatever the IL's decide, despite the fact that they feel it is not best for their family at this time?

 

[IndianaPrincess]

Yes, I'm serious.

The op's solution is to basically tell the in-laws that the family will come for a visit but only on the condition that the in-laws cancel their own plans and spend their vacation at home playing host to them. Or they can cancel their planned vacation and spend it at the op's home. The op knows that neither way is how the in-laws would like to spend their vacation. Which is fine with her because she doesn't want to spend the time with them anyway. Passive-agressive attempt to control the situation instead of compromising.

I can't find where she said that her in laws would have to cancel their vacation. They offered to fly the in laws in or fly to their city. I didn't see the strings attached of it being during the scheduled cabin time.

Yes, family is a priority in life, but I don't think that you have to vacation with each other for that to happen. Personally I would try to plan a visit another time in either one of your hometowns. There is no need to be in the middle of nowhere to have a quality visit.