British Government acknowledges "EuroEnglish"

[Bwalker]

Hi all!

I found this very interesting ..................


> The European Union Commissioners have announced that
> an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred
> language for European communications, rather than German, which was
> the other possibility.
>
> As part of the negotiations, the British government
> conceded that English spelling had some room for
> improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan
> for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for
> short).
>
> In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the
> soft "c".. Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this
> news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced
> with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion but typewriters kan
> have one less letter.
>
> There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the second
> year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by
> "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
>
> In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new
> spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
> changes are possible.
>
> Governments will enkorage the removal of double
> letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate
> speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
> silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful and they
> would go.
>
> By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps
> such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".
>
> During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
> from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of
> kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
>
> Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German
> like zey vunted in ze forst plac....


LOL LOL LOL

Aloha,
Lorraine

 

[WDWfan uk]

LOL Lorraine .............. very funny

 

[elisebutt]

How about this then?

THE LAYMANS GUIDE TO FRANCE:

France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of
Europe.

It is an important member of the world community, though not nearly as
important as it thinks.

It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations
of no particular importance and with not very good shopping.

France is a very old country with many treasures, such as the Louvre
and Euro Disney.

Among its contributions to western civilization are champagne,
camembert cheese and the guillotine.

Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air
conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible for Americans
to get decent Mexican food.

One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that local people
insist on speaking in French, though many will speak English if
shouted at.

Watch your money at all times.

THE PEOPLE:

France has a population of 57 million people. 52 million of these
drink and smoke (the other 5 million are small children).

All French people drive like lunatics, are dangerously oversexed and
have no concept of standing patiently in line.

The French people are in general gloomy, temperamental, proud,
arrogant, aloof and disciplined; those are their good points.

Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, though you would hardly guess
it from their behavior.

Many French are communists.

Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie or Michel, and they kiss
each other when they meet.

American travellers are advised to travel in groups and wear baseball
caps and colorful trousers for easier recognition.

SAFETY:

In general, France is a safe destination, although travellers must be
aware that from time to time it is invaded by Germany.

Traditionally, the French surrender immediately.

A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English Channel has
been opened in recent years to make it easier for the French
government to flee to London during future German invasions, and for
them to off load all their illegal immigrants.

HISTORY:

Charlemagne discovered France in the Dark Ages.

Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan
of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for
many years and is now an airport.

GOVERNMENT:

The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Parliament's
principal occupation is setting off atomic bombs in the South Pacific
and acting indignant and surprised when other countries complain.

According to the most current American State Department intelligence,
the President is now someone named Jacques. Further information is not
available at this time.

CULTURE:

The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not easy to
see why.

All their music sounds the same and they have never made a movie that
you would want to watch for anything but the nude scenes.

CUISINE:

Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is
just a slug with a shell on its back.

Croissants on the other hand, are excellent, although it is impossible
for most Americans to pronounce this word.

In general, travelers are advised to stick to cheeseburgers.

ECONOMY:

France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's
in Europe, which is surprising because the French hardly work at all.

If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on
strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors.

France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy, are
wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, guns,
grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous
armaments and cheese.

PUBLIC HOLIDAYS:

France has more holidays than any other nation in the world. Among
It's 361 National holidays are:

197 Saints' days,

37 National Liberation Days,

16 Declaration of Republic Days,

54 Return of Charles de Gaulle-in-triumph-as-if-he-won-the-
war-single-handedly Days,

18 Napoleon-sent-into-Exile-Days,

17 Napoleon-Called-Back-from-Exile and 2 "France is Great and the Rest
of the World Stinks" Days.

CONCLUSION:

At least it's not Germany