Bringing a friend for daughter's 16th birthday

[rella's fan]

I know this subject has come up before but I can't find it. It's my daughter's 16th birthday in July and she really wants to go to Disneyland. I'm a single mom (currently a full time student), so money is tight. She's an only child. We've been to Disneyland lots of times but she's never brought a friend. I've been saving airmiles, points, etc. and I have 3 day hopper passes (x2), enough Southwest points for one flight there and back and a $100 Disney giftcard. So I really just need to save for her flight, then food and hotel. My question is, since it's her 16th birthday I would really like to let her bring a friend but I'm not sure how to do this? Do I pay for everything if I'm asking her to go or would I ask her to pay for flight or tickets? Just want opinions on what should be covered before I tell her so I can be sure to afford all 3 of us.

 

[DizMe]

I assume that if you invite someone, you have to be prepared to pay their costs (except spending money). But my daughter was invited to her friend's 15th birthday at Disneyland and I paid for the air (SW points) and bought her hopper. The mom is covering hotel and food. I don't know how you can ask someone ahead, though, if they'd be willing to do this. I just offered because I know how pricey it is and they accepted. They're going next month, so glad I got the ticket before the price went up!

 

[robinb]

I disagree with @DizMe . You DO NOT have to pay for everything just because you invite someone on an expensive vacation with you. If you have plenty of money to burn, then knock yourself out. However, there is no RULE that says you have to pay for 100% and it is not RUDE when you're talking about spending hundreds to thousands of dollars on another child.

My DD is also a single child and we have taken friends with us multiple times. Each time I ask the parents to pay for something, usually passes or airfare plus spending money. We pay for the hotel (since it's the same with an extra kid) and food. Since I choose where we eat, I'm prepared to pay for what ever that costs. Sometimes we'll pay for airfare and sometimes park passes but never both. I talk to the parents first and float the idea and when I do I tell them what I am going to pay for and what I'd like them to pay for. I have never had a parent turn me down. It's a win-win. Their kid gets to go on vacation for a couple hundred dollars and my kid has company.

 

[quandrea]

I took my best friend and her daughters. I paid the dvc villa, all food in the villa, a celebratory meal and the girls’ passes (purchased with frequent flyer miles). They covered their own air and my best friend bought her pass.

I may take her older daughter again. I’d cover hotel and food this time.

 

[DizMe]

I'm in California and I have only done the friends thing to Disneyland. No one, from the group of people I know, would invite another kid along and ask the parents to pay. As I said, though, it's only what I assume from my limited experience. Maybe most everyone else does it differently. My oldest daughter's friend invited her to Hawaii last year; I didn't have the money nor did I offer to pay for her air or lodging and it wasn't expected. If it had been, she would not have gone.

 

[CouponGirl]

My situation is a little different since it's involving extended family, but I would think you could do the same thing (just make sure you speak to the friend's parents privately so the friend isn't disappointed if they say no). The family member that invited us to join them just told us up front what they would be covering and then left it up to us whether or not we would be able to join. It made it so there was no awkwardness of whom was covering what and no surprises when we arrived.

 

[Kellydelly]

My daughter was invited to join her best friend and her family on a cruise for spring break this year. The first offer was like $1100 for everything. We said no (okay, I did, she's only 15 and taking a cruise without us didn't seem like something I wanted her to do). Then a couple weeks later they said that she would only have to pay $500 for the cruise, but still also pay airfare. I still said no. Then a couple weeks after that they tell us that the dad inadvertently paid for the cruise for an extra person and if my daughter wanted to go the cruise would be comped, but she would still need airfare. So I am guessing my out of pocket would have still been almost a thousand dollars between airfare and spending money. I told my daughter she could choose between the cruise and a sweet sixteen party. She picked the party.

I think for a trip like this if you invite the friend you should expect to pay for everything but maybe her meals and spending money.

 

[CalDisneyMomof2]

I agree with @CouponGirl Just be up front. Say you'd like to invite her (without letting the friend know) and you'll be paying for X while they'd need to pay for Y if she can/would like to go but understand if it's not feasible. I would NOT be offended if a friend's parent approached me this way. If we couldn't afford it, I'd thank them and decline.

 

[Tigerlulu]

Generally I feel like if I invite the kid, I should pay.

But last year we took my 18 yr old and her friend to dc with us. Her parents paid for half of a hotel room and her plane ticket. We paid for her meals and such. But in that case they needed the extra space. Neither were included when we made our original plans and it was nice that they could have a semi-alone trip. With that said we took this same teen with us to schlitterbahn a few years ago for a couple of days and I paid for that completely.

However, I don’t expect others to pay for my child if they are invited with another family. Weird, I know, that I don’t have the same expectations. But I don’t think there is a right and wrong answer here. I think it’s fine to issue an invite with the clear stipulation of what they need to pay for.

 

[wenrob]

We took my older DD’s best friend with us to Disneyland for her 16th Birthday. My DD had a choice between that or a Sweet 16 party. She chose Disneyland. I paid for everything. (we did not fly) I felt like I was making the invite so I should pay.

 

[J'aime Paris]

DD chose Disney World with a friend for her 16th bday as well.
We paid for everything but souvenir money.

 

[Eastern]

Figure out exactly how much bringing the friend would cost. I would tell your daughter that you would like to be able to have her bring a friend, but you cannot afford the entire amount. Specify the amount you can cover and say that you will be able to pay for that amount and the friend would be responsible for the remainder. Flights and park tickets are the big expenses. You shouldn't have to pay for under 18 in the hotel room, and you can get quick service meals so you can keep meals costs down.

 

[Action City]

If we invite a friend on vacation with one of our children, we pay 100%. Always have, always will.

 

[endy]

I'm also a single mom. Twice we took my ds's friend with us , to California not Disney. One time there was a great seat sale. I asked the other mom if her son could come along and how much money he needed. The other time we drove to San Diego and she sent along spending money. I paid for gas and motels or camping and half of the friends meals.
The other mom had no problem either time, tho both trips it was less than a $1000. Considering we're in Calgary that was pretty cheap for a week or 10 days. The boys had a great time as they were old enough to wander around SeaWorld and keep checking in with me. I used coupons wherever we went to keep costs down and ate cheap, as young teenagers fast food and a cheaper restaurant once a day was all we needed.

So to answer the question - no i would absolutely not see an issue asking the other parent to pay for their child. Ask for her flight and tickets to be covered as well some spending money. As mentioned earlier there should be no change to motel cost.

 

[rella's fan]

Thanks everybody, sounds like the majority pay for everything. I will figure out how much extra for her friend (I'm thinking about $1500), and then see what I can afford and go from there.

 

[kymom99]

If you are friendly with the parents, you could bring it up in conversation, kind of like you are asking their opinion. See how they react to the idea. For example you could say we are going to xyz for vacation and it would be fun if Susie could have a friend along. I wonder what you would think about Sally joining us. Then if the parent says that would be awesome! We would be glad to oaycher way!....you know where you stand. You could say let me look into it and get back to you before we tell the kids.

Like others have said, room cost shouldn't change. I would at least let them pay for something if they offer. If they don't offer and you don't want to pay for all of it, you can just say that you decided to just make it a family trip.

 

[rella's fan]

If you are friendly with the parents, you could bring it up in conversation, kind of like you are asking their opinion. See how they react to the idea. For example you could say we are going to xyz for vacation and it would be fun if Susie could have a friend along. I wonder what you would think about Sally joining us. Then if the parent says that would be awesome! We would be glad to oaycher way!....you know where you stand. You could say let me look into it and get back to you before we tell the kids.

Like others have said, room cost shouldn't change. I would at least let them pay for something if they offer. If they don't offer and you don't want to pay for all of it, you can just say that you decided to just make it a family trip.

Yes, she will be happy either way - we always have a fun time just the 2 of us. And unfortunately, I don't know the parents of the girl very well.

 

[KristinU]

We've traveled several times with DS's friend, before the first trip invitation I asked the same question of a good friend that has kids a tad bit older and had taken friends on trips and cruises. His advice was similar to many here - plan to pay for the trip since you're inviting. We always do plan to pay the whole way, but the friend's dad always gives us $200 to $300 despite us saying "no, our treat"...and honestly, I'd do exactly the same thing if it were my kid being invited on vacation. So my thought is offer and expect to pay her whole way, but know that there's a chance that her parents will kick a bit into her trip.

 

[endy]

You never know maybe the parents have Southwest points to pay for her ticket leaving only park tickets and spending money.
No harm in phoning the parents to outline your plans and cost. Give them some time to think about it. Since it's not until July that leaves 4 months to plan and save.

Get a room that sleeps 3 either with a cot or fold out couch. Or bring along an air mattress. Find a motel with free breakfast and free parking. Fly into SNA if you can and rent a car, likely cheaper than a shuttle times 3.

How do you figure it would be and extra $1500?
I'm in Canada and that would more than cover a flight and tickets and still have food and spending money. Even taking in our bad exchange rate.

 

[rella's fan]

I'm in Ontario, Canada. We go every year and usually stay across the street so we don't need a car, flights are usually much cheaper to LAX - even with Super Shuttle. Most rooms would sleep 4 - so the hotel cost is not an issue. I was rounding it up, but I'm sure it would be at least $1300-$1500 p.p.
We're still trying to decide if this is what she wants to do, so just trying to get prices and opinions figured out before I was to even ask.