Bridal Shower and No at Home Reception??

[PhilHarMaestro]

Okay...so i really would like to have a bridal shower b/c, well you know you only get married once and well, I want one. But, I know that tradition says you can only invite those to your shower who you invite to your wedding. I'm having an escape and do not want an at home reception. Is it wrong of me to still want a shower? What if I asked them to please not bring gift (we live together and don't really need anything)? Alot of things haven't really gone the way I hoped with my wedding (siblings who can't/won't come) so I just want something special. I feel like a heathen wanting this. Is it so wrong?? What are you all doing?

 

[JandJ]

I don't think you're wrong at all! We had an Intimate/Escape wedding and didn't have an at home reception (we initially planned to have one but my mom passed away unexpectedly 4 months before the wedding). My best friends still threw me a shower and we had about 20 guests there. They all knew they weren't invited to the wedding (we had 8 guests at our wedding) and they knew there wasn't any other kind of reception, but they still came to my shower. DH and I registered even though we both had our own apartments and didn't need anything, but it was nice to "upgrade" a toaster, crockpot, bath accessories, sheets, etc. We got a ton of presents which we were really not expecting! Then, my former roommate threw me a fantastic bachelorette party and again everyone invited knew they were not invited to the wedding. And about a week before the wedding my job threw me a surprise shower, which really was a surprise because I'd only been working there a couple of months.

So, in my personal experience, it doesn't matter that you're having a destination wedding and not inviting all these people to your wedding. I am a stickler for etiquette in most things but I think with destination weddings the rules have changed. You should get a shower - like you said you only get married once! Your MOH or BFF can throw it and invite your friends, close family, DF's close family. Or how about a co-ed engagement party? There are a lot of options - have fun!

ETA - most friends and close family members are going to want to celebrate you and your marriage anyway, even if they aren't coming to the wedding, a shower is the perfect way to celebrate with them!

 

[lurkyloo]

It's not wrong at all to want a shower. However, it's considered bad form to throw yourself a shower.

You just need to put the hints out there to friends and family and see what happens.

My FMIL refused to throw us a shower b/c only some of DH's family was invited to the wedding. However, DH's female friend, who has become a friend of mine, knew I wanted one and threw us one just for those invited - and it was great!

Then, my church threw us one, even though we weren't able to invite any of our church friends, and then my work threw us one even though *they* weren't invited!

I think you'll be surprised how people come out of the woodwork to celebrate your marriage, whether or not they're invited to the actual wedding.

 

[PhilHarMaestro]

Thanks girls, my future MIL talked about throwing me a shower, but my mom said that is was a no no (until of course she heard that future MIL wanted to throw one then of course she wanted to throw it:confused ) because other family members said that it's inappropriate. I just wish people could be cool with our decision to do Disney and not try and take all the fun out of it just because it's not their way! This is all so frustrating...I thought it was supposed to be fun! Please excuse the vent!!

 

[Ember]

So long as there is no expectation of gifts, there is no problem throwing yourself a party. Have a BBQ, or a Bridal Tea and let everyone know you just want to see them before the wedding, no gifts needed.

I had a shower, but I didn't actually want one. I think wedding celebrations are out of hand and that gift giving events for them have gotten excessively demanding. But my best friend insisted... It was fun, but I still felt uncomfortable opening gifts.