Booking different room types for family members?

[Auntof2]

I loved our first Disney cruise so much I'd like to do this for our extended family in the next year or two. My nieces/nephews would love this and I think we'd create great memories for them with my in-laws. This is a soft spot for me, as my memories of time with my grandparents are very special to me, and I want that for the children in our extended family. For a large family cruise to happen, it would be with my husband and i paying for everything, our other relatives cannot afford it.

If we do make this gesture I'd like to keep costs down. Not necessarily insisting on inside rooms, but I was thinking of an outside window, but not a balcony. However, I am claustrophobic and would want a verandah room again for myself and my husband. Even if I tried to hide it, my SIL would figure it out - she tracked down our room once in a hotel as she was trying to prove we had a better view (we did - we got upgraded due to status from staying over 100 nights a year at that hotel chain - she felt we should have given them the upgrade because they had children). So if I make this gesture, I feel like I am stuck paying more for everyone to have the room type I want - or possibly causing hurt feelings.

Curious on how people traveling with (and paying for) a large group handle this. Granted I may be insane for even considering this, and certainly haven't mentioned this to anyone other than my husband, so no expectations have been set. We have already taken this larger group to Disney World, so the kids have had that experience once.

 

[FSU Girl]

I think it’s incredibly nice of you do that and no one should expect a family member to spend that much on a vacation. Everyone should just be grateful you’re offering to do this and not care about the room type. But it does sound like your SIL will complain when she finds out you have a nicer room. Maybe when you bring this up mention how expensive it is, but you want to do this for the family. The only thing you can afford when paying for everyone is ocean view instead of balcony. If they really want a balcony room they could pay the difference in price to upgrade. It probably wouldn’t be a lot to do the upgrade and then you’re not responsible for that money or the room they end up with.

Wish you were my relative lol, no one has ever offered to pay for me to go on a cruise

 

[bobbiwoz]

Well, we booked the same types of cabins for our son and his family as we booked for ourselves. Once they were upgraded to oceanview and we still had inside! On our last cruise we gave everyone verandas.

Others may feel differently, but we book the same sort of rooms for everyone.

 

[DCSWO]

If the family members aren’t gracious enough to accept your very generous gift - regardless of what room category you book for them, then shame on them. Stay in the room type you want and let them know what you plan to book for them. You could also tell them what an upgrade to your category costs, and let them know you would be happy to facilitate the upgrade if they want to pay for it. Good luck!

 

[Firsttimer15]

I think it’s incredibly nice of you do that and no one should expect a family member to spend that much on a vacation. Everyone should just be grateful you’re offering to do this and not care about the room type. But it does sound like your SIL will complain when she finds out you have a nicer room. Maybe when you bring this up mention how expensive it is, but you want to do this for the family. The only thing you can afford when paying for everyone is ocean view instead of balcony. If they really want a balcony room they could pay the difference in price to upgrade. It probably wouldn’t be a lot to do the upgrade and then you’re not responsible for that money or the room they end up with.

Wish you were my relative lol, no one has ever offered to pay for me to go on a cruise

I totally agree with FSU girl, your SIL should be more than grateful that you pay for her to take a vacation and if she wants it different she can pay for herself in my opinion. If you don’t want to spend so much maybe offer to just take the kids a long and not her and your brother as well?

 

[bumbershoot]

So if I make this gesture, I feel like I am stuck paying more for everyone to have the room type I want - or possibly causing hurt feelings.

I assume she's your husband's sister? If so, he gets to take her aside and explain that when SHE pays for a large group to go, SHE can choose the room types for people. Until then, those that pay get to choose the rooms.

When we've provided rooms to extended family at WDW, because we have DVC, we get the big room and they get the smaller rooms. When it's just me and my cousin, she gets the sofabed and I get the bed-bed. If someday she buys DVC and extends a courtesy to me, I'll take the sofabed.

We have already taken this larger group to Disney World, so the kids have had that experience once.

And how did that go?

 

[Auntof2]

I assume she's your husband's sister? If so, he gets to take her aside and explain that when SHE pays for a large group to go, SHE can choose the room types for people. Until then, those that pay get to choose the rooms.

When we've provided rooms to extended family at WDW, because we have DVC, we get the big room and they get the smaller rooms. When it's just me and my cousin, she gets the sofabed and I get the bed-bed. If someday she buys DVC and extends a courtesy to me, I'll take the sofabed.



And how did that go?

Oh boy. Our Orlando trip was interesting, I could probably write a book. Overall I am pleased with how it went as the kids were over the moon happy. And I went all out - we did the fireworks cruise, I had the perfect fast passes (for our group) after slaving away trying to get them to line up at the perfect times, dinner at Be Our Guest, lunch at Cinderella Castle (not the same day). This particular trip we all had the same room all next to each other, it was a beach trip where we didn't hand over our upgrade. Two things were frustrating after the fact. My SIL complained a LOT about how a ride the kids wanted to go on was closed (Aladdin's flying carpets) and therefore I "owed" them a trip back (we went on Dumbo, so they essentially got the same experience). But what was worse was learning via Facebook that a play my BIL had written was being performed locally. We were surprised they didn't mention it, so arranged to go with my in-laws. Yeah...the play he wrote was essentially written about hating my husband and I. We have spent substantially less time with them since then. I really have no desire to reward them with a trip after that experience, but I absolutely adore my in-laws and they would really enjoy this trip with the kids, and I also don't want to ever penalize the kids for their parents actions. And taking the kids without the parents would never ever be allowed by my SIL.

I've always assumed I would never travel with this family again, but the kids are huge Disney nuts as are my in-laws and knowing how much they would enjoy it is the only thing leading me to consider it. I didn't include this back story upfront as I figured it could color responses.

 

[Rob1872]

Can you book inside/oceanview for family if you are paying? Yes.

Are you a masochist for even thinking of doing this after the Orlando trip? Yes.

It sounds like even if you put SIL in concierge, she'd find something to complain about. Save your money and in a few years offer to take each kid on a cruise as a graduation gift to them when you can do it without their parents.

 

[dvcdisney]

That's unfortunate that you are trying to be nice and help your relatives so that they can experience a Disney cruise and you have to worry about offending one of them. You sound like you really want to show them a wonderful time. I can understand that you want the children to experience this.

I can't even fathom why they would look for your hotel room for that reason. I can't understand her motive.

Anyway, my family did the same. We invited family members to join us on a cruise and we said we would pay for it and plan everything. They hear about our trips and seem very interested, but unfortunately, it's just not in their budget. For us, we really want them to experience it since they don't take a lot of vacations.

When we offered it to them, I told them that since there is only 2 of them, they can easily fit in an inside stateroom and explained that we will be getting a higher category for convenience and space. They agreed and thanked us. It looks like you haven't mentioned it yet, but I do hope you experience the same gratitude. I can't imagine them saying anything else. I suppose if they really wanted to, they can always pay to upgrade.

I think it's very important to make it clear ahead of time so they aren't trying to find you to see what your stateroom looks like. I don't even think it's possible to hide the location from them...not that you even should. But I can see your concern.

Actually, we also took them to stay with us at TreeHouse Villas at SSR and they enjoyed it so much, they haven't stopped talking about it. This is why we felt we wanted to pay for a cruise...If they had issues, I wouldn't bother another trip with them.

My suggestion would be - Don't stress about it. This is a wonderful gesture. Don't let the sister in law ruin it. Just think about the memories with your nieces/nephews. But, it's also okay if you decide that it's not worth the unpleasantness with your sister in law.

 

[Shanti]

My SIL complained a LOT about how a ride the kids wanted to go on was closed...and therefore I "owed" them a trip back... But what was worse was learning via Facebook that a play my BIL had written was being performed locally...the play he wrote was essentially written about hating my husband and I...I didn't include this back story upfront as I figured it could color responses.

Yes, this back story is certainly coloring my response...

Honestly, after all that I wouldn't take that couple on any trip with me, regardless of the in-laws & kids. I would wait until the kids were independent young adults, then offer to vacation with them. I would invite the in-laws, and only the in-laws, now.

But I read your post and know you're going to take them. In that case, I would pay for only an oceanview for them for sure. Tell them in advance that you aren't going to pay the verandah premium for everyone in addition to giving the whole extended family a free Disney cruise, but they can pay you the upgrade price (get the money in advance) if they wish. Get this out of the way well before the cruise, so if they are disruptively angry about it, you can cancel without penalty.

Sorry that you have a couple of rank ingrates in your extended family.

 

[luv2cruisedisney]

I vote for taking the kids and leaving ungrateful mom & dad home. They can have a staycation without the kids. Assuming the kids are old enouugh

 

[DietCokeMommy]

I would not invite the parents at all. That just seems masochistic to me. Include the kids if you feel like you can handle them on your own.

 

[Bethany10]

Save your money and in a few years offer to take each kid on a cruise as a graduation gift to them when you can do it without their parents.

Man I'd vote for this. Sorry but your SIL sounds like a piece of work.

As someone who also has delightful extended family, I'd say this. IF you take them she's going to complain. it doesn't matter if you book them into Concierge/the big suite whose name I can't recall at this moment she's going to find something to complain about. Yes, you can ignore her but do you really want to be trapped on the boat trying to ignore her? You can't fix this you're not the ingrate whisperer.

Now, depending on the age of the kids and everyone's health I'd say wait it out and try and connect the kids with the grands locally. Once they're old enough to be able to go on their own THEN offer to take them with grandma and grandpa.

 

[Cruising Engineer]

Yeah, I agree with the others. We have friends with DVC that have lots of points. Even so, they book a veranda for themselves and an inside for the kids/grand kids. If anyone wants a view of the ocean, they can come over to grandma's grandpa's stateroom. What a piece of work you married into!

 

[oufpat]

We are taking our daughters and their families on their first Disney Cruise next April. The grandkids don't know yet, it will be a Christmas present. We have decided to do oceanview rooms for all of us , my daughters are so excited that we are sharing this with them that they would have been happy with inside rooms!

 

[lklgoodman]

Sounds like your SIL/BIL are jealous that you all can afford things and they can't. Sorry you have to deal with them. Best of luck with your trip.

 

[lilsonicfan]

I think it’s super sweet of you to want these memories for your niece and nephew; however I see nothing but disaster in the works. Your SIL and BIL seem to resent you already and frankly taking them on another trip is only going to make that worse. I get that you want to create magical memories but respectfully - your niece and nephew aren’t your kids and those memories aren’t entirely up to you to create. I feel that your relatives’ resentment will increase even though they should be grateful. If you’re okay with that then go for it. But to me it seems like this is exactly the idea of throwing good money after bad.

 

[Mommb]

I feel strongly that a gift is a gift, and the only reasonable choices from the recipient are accepting it or not accepting it, and not complaining that it’s not exactly what was desired.

That said, I understand the complications of wanting to reward the kids while dealing with potentially inappropriate behavior from their parents. My best suggestion would be to first announce that you are treating everyone to a cruise, without mentioning the rooms. Then book the cruise with a travel agent whom you can talk with directly. Once rooms are booked, give all families the room information for their room only. If anyone asks about the room type, explain that if someone wants to upgrade the room, you are happy to get a cost quote from your travel agent so that the person upgrading can call the travel agent at the time of final payment to provide the additional amount. Shortly before final payment, if you think it is necessary, mention that you and your husband saved up money to be able to upgrade your room because of your claustrophobia (or just because you wanted to).

Then accept that SIL and BIL may complain, and focus on making the best time possible for everyone else. Good luck!

 

[cmph]

Yeesh! I completely understand your intentions, but it seems like all you'll be doing is giving your SIL and BIL more ammunition. They are clearly jealous and misguidedly insulted that you have the money to spend on them, instead of being grateful for your generosity and willingness to share your blessings. Also, I think I would be embarrassed to have my servers deal with them for the entire cruise! I think you'd be far happier to simply take your in-laws and no one else, although perhaps you really want the in-laws / kids combo.

Assuming that you are completely mentally prepared to deal with the likely fall-out (both during and after the cruise) and that it's greatly outweighed by the joy you share with your in-laws and the kids on the cruise... my only advice is to be very transparent in advance of the cruise. It sounds like it'll be worse if they find out later that you have a verandah, as though you were hiding it from them.

FWIW, my grandparents took our entire family on cruises twice. We had the cheapest inside staterooms available, no one expected anymore, and not a single one of us uttered a peep about it, or as far as I know - even THOUGHT to be upset about it. And yes, my grandparents had a larger HA room in a different part of the ship. Fast forward in time, and my own parents took their kids and grandkids on a cruise, but they chose staterooms in the same category all next to each other. Both options are fine - assuming the people in question are not ungrateful poopheads!! I don't think there is a "wrong" way to book the rooms, personally, having been on the receiving end for both types.

 

[gotomu212]

I’m not saying this is right or wrong but for ME I’ve always thought that as a guest you should accept what you get and be grateful BUT as a host you should treat your guests at least as well as yourself (I wouldn’t treat people to a group dinner and say I’m getting steak and a bottle of wine but ask that everyone else just order a hamburger and water). That’s just what I would be comfortable with if I invited people on a trip.

That said, these people sound awful, and being trapped on a ship with them sounds like torture. I like your good intentions but I think at the end their behavior will probably spoil any “good memories” with the kids.