Birthday party at restaurant - who pays?

[lillygator]

Ok - my mom had a birthday party for my sister at a restaurant...it was 10 or less people. When it came time to "get the check", we were all on seperate checks....now to me this was tacky....it wasn't a "hey, let's go to dinner" kind of thing, but a party. (For the record...I fully expected to pay and always do no matter who/what we are with because I want to be able to order what I want, not worry if my girls wasted food, etc.) I think my sister's friends were a bit taken by surprise, even my Grandmother as well.

I guess I just think that if you are inviting someone to a party...you foot the bill don't you? We had DD's party at a restaurant and paid for everyone, as we've paid for all party costs whenever we've had a party. Or is it normal to be expected to pay? I mean this is different than just meeting up for dinner...it's billed as a "party".


Is this the norm? What do you guys do?

 

[SandraVB79]

If you invite people to a restaurant, you pay the bill, since you invite them. I mean, if you invite them at your house, you're not going to present them the bill from the caterer/ grocery store either.

If you are for example two couples that say after a tennis game "hey, let's go grab a bite together", then everybody pays his/ her share.

JMO

 

[The Mystery Machine]

When it is a restaurant party we only pay for the birthday person.

 

[Maleficent13]

If it's a "party", then I assume the one "hosting" is paying for it. If it's just, "hey, lets all go out for XXX's birthday" then I assume it's a fend for yourself event (in latter such cases I usually pay for myself and the birthday person, but that's just my thing. I don't think anyone should pay on their birthdays.)

 

[Crankyshank]

When it is a restaurant party we only pay for the birthday person.

Same here.

 

[pearlieq]

If the party is hosted by a certain person (invitations made, etc.), the host should pay for the party. If it's absolutely impossible for the host to do so, they should at least let the invitees know they'll be expected to pay for their own meal when they make the invitation.

If it's a group "meet up" kind of get together, the guests would cover their own meals and each chip in to pay for the birthday meal.

 

[FSUGrad97]

I agree with you - the host pays.

 

[lindakmonty]

She should have paid the bill... If you have been invited to a party, they should pay.

My sister is the same way and it drives me nuts! I always have ds's birthday party at a indoor waterpark. I pay for the hotel rooms and pizza at the *party*... the rooms are $249 a night per room... but I stopped inviting anyone else when my sister started inviting her friends from church to join us and they could stay in their room... I just thought that was rude. She had my neice's birthday at an indoor waterpark Sat. and we paid for everything ourselves. We just take ds5 alone and have a smaller party at home for friends and family.

 

[hlbtimes2]

If it's a "party", then I assume the one "hosting" is paying for it. If it's just, "hey, lets all go out for XXX's birthday" then I assume it's a fend for yourself event (in latter such cases I usually pay for myself and the birthday person, but that's just my thing. I don't think anyone should pay on their birthdays.)

Ditto.

 

[dcgrumpy]

If I receive a party invitation I assume the host is paying. If someone just calls and says we're going out to dinner for Susie's birthday do you want to come, I assume we're paying for ourselves and every splits the bill of the birthday person's meal.

 

[NMAmy]

If the party is hosted by a certain person (invitations made, etc.), the host should pay for the party. If it's absolutely impossible for the host to do so, they should at least let the invitees know they'll be expected to pay for their own meal when they make the invitation.

If it's a group "meet up" kind of get together, the guests would cover their own meals and each chip in to pay for the birthday meal.

Yep, I agree with pearlieq.

I just went to a graduation party for my cousin's son. It was kind of a weird family situation where he's estranged from his mom and stepdad and has been living with various relatives until he completed his senior year. His aunt (another cousin) called me and said she wanted to celebrate his graduation somehow and his mom wasn't doing anything. Would our family like to meet up with everyone for dinner? I knew she couldn't afford to pay for everyone so I went expecting to pay for my family and my mom's dinner. I also gave the kid a big check--he's had a rough life and I'm proud of him for finishing school.

I think it all depends on the situation.

 

[flipturngirl]

I do not think that is wrong. i guess lol


What we do is.. Invite the people and tell them we are going Dutch.. Which is most likely the case from now on.. lol but anyways I personally think that if it is a "kid birthday party" then the parent of the kid should pay for the other "kids" or if it is family then I would go dutch.. But I may be confusing myself even more now lol

 

[jenks0718]

We always go to a restaurant for birthdays for the adults in our family and we always pay for ourselves and split up the birthday person's portion among us

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

If the party is hosted by a certain person (invitations made, etc.), the host should pay for the party. If it's absolutely impossible for the host to do so, they should at least let the invitees know they'll be expected to pay for their own meal when they make the invitation.

If it's a group "meet up" kind of get together, the guests would cover their own meals and each chip in to pay for the birthday meal.

ITA with this. My DBIL called and invited us to lunch at Applebees for my Dsis's 40th. I assumed he was covering the check so I, and another family friend, made sure our kids did not overindulge with their choices. No milkshakes, no added extras, just the straight meal. His parents ordered appetizers, booze, most expensive meals, etc. I figured that DBIL was paying, they were his parents, his problem. Then the bill came and they quickly chimed in that we should just split it by the number of people at the table. Didn't want to cause a scene at Dsis's party but I insisted that they pass the check down. I NEVER do this but my friend and I separated our meals, added extra for tax, tip and dsis meal and passed it all back down to DBIL. My poor Dsis was mortified that he didn't pay the entire bill. She kept insisting that he just pick up the tab but he kept saying "That's okay. Everyone expected to pay." They are now in the middle of a messy divorce. Go figure!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

We go anticipating to pay our own and a couple of times for a family party--the tab was picked up for us by a sibling.

But I'm used to back in college and up to now have never assumed that just b/c I am invited to a restaurant to celebrate something, doesn't mean that someone else foots my tab.

I don't associate restaurants with *party* unless explicitly stated and think that it is a far cry from having a hosted dinner at home where host can control the costs. (i.e. a party invitation or whatever).

We have had surprise parties for hubby's dad and his mom and noone went in expecting the person planning the surprise to pay for everyone. Of course since it was a surprise--mom and dad were covered.

The only time we had a hosted dinner was our rehearsal dinner and that is understood that the host pays the bill for that.

 

[RadioNate]

I think it depends. A hosted party with invitations in the "party room" of a restaurant, I think the host should pay.

A bunch of friends going out for whoever's birthday, the guests pay for thenselves and split the birthday person's meal.

We went to The Melting Pot for my birthday. All the couples paid for their meals themselves. My DH had all the wine and desserts out on our bill.

 

[puffkin]

If I receive a party invitation I assume the host is paying. If someone just calls and says we're going out to dinner for Susie's birthday do you want to come, I assume we're paying for ourselves and every splits the bill of the birthday person's meal.

I agree with this. Generally a restaurant party means that everyone pays for themselves and contributes to the birthday person's meal. Only if formal invitations are made or if it is in a banquet part of the facility do I not consider paying for myself.

 

[BuzzBoyMom]

If the party is hosted by a certain person (invitations made, etc.), the host should pay for the party. If it's absolutely impossible for the host to do so, they should at least let the invitees know they'll be expected to pay for their own meal when they make the invitation.

If it's a group "meet up" kind of get together, the guests would cover their own meals and each chip in to pay for the birthday meal.

I agree with you completely! But it all comes down to communication and making sure everyone knows.

 

[lillygator]

so I think for the most part we are on the same page....had mom said hey guys, we're meetin gup at XYZ for a dinner/birthday celebration....however this was a planned thing, sep room, etc with well advanced invites....

oh well, just wanted to know if I had been missing out and should have split the check at 1900 for my DD's party! (only kidding!)

 

[jbdreamer]

If I receive a party invitation I assume the host is paying. If someone just calls and says we're going out to dinner for Susie's birthday do you want to come, I assume we're paying for ourselves and every splits the bill of the birthday person's meal.

I would have expected to pay for myself and even pitch in for the Birthday girl's dinner. Unless it's a formal party I think that it's a lot to expect one person to pay for everyone.