Between a rock and a hard place(Update Pg 2)

[TheOtherVillainess]

Grandma called last night. I'm guessing she thinks the end is near for her and the reaper is knocking on her door. She called to talk to DH about how her insurance money will be divided and apparently, DH and I will be made trustees (not sure if that's the right word??) of DSis's portion of the money until such time that DSis is clean and sober again.

DSis was on drugs most of her teen years and got clean while she was pregnant with DNiece. But according to my mother, right after DNiece was born, she got right back on the drugs. It doesn't help that her boyfriend/fiancee' is also a drug user and that my sister is most likely getting her pot from my father. My father (biological, not step) has always been a heavy pot smoker and even grows his own plants. Why he's never been thrown in jail for this is beyond me.

Anyway..I feel sorry for DSis and I'm not looking forward to the screaming match that's going to happen when DSis finds out what Grandma did. Although, I agree with what Grandma did, because Sis would probably use the money to buy drugs.

Grandma also insisted that when the day finally comes that NOBODY come to her funeral. She told me that coming out there for the funeral would be wasted money and a wasted trip. I'll let her believe I'm not coming but when the time comes, even if I have to hitchhike the entire way from Dallas to Knoxville, I'm going. I don't care what Grandma says. In the end, I'll be there.

I also have this feeling that DSis is going to have her DD taken away from her by DCFS because of the drugs. Because somebody is sure to report her. And I have to admit I've contemplated doing it myself. I know it would be the RIGHT thing to do but I also know that once her DD is taken away, even if DSis became clean and sober it would be difficult if not neigh on impossible for her to get the baby back. I don't know if the little girl would go to her grandmother (DSis's boyfriend's parents) or if she'd go into a foster home.

One reason I haven't called DCFS yet is because I also don't want my family to find out that I did such a thing. Not that doing such a thing is wrong in this situation but I don't want to be blackballed from all future family functions because I'm the one who got DNiece taken from DSis because of the drug habit.

I hate being between a rock and a hard place like this. On the one hand, I want to do the right thing. But on the other hand, I don't want to make my family any more Jerry Springer-ish than it already is. I look at our history and see drugs, alcohol abuse, multiple divorces, cheating on spouses, illigitmate children, all sorts of horrible things and I really,really don't want to add to this. BUT I want to do what is right for DNiece, which means callng DCFS. Cuz I'm sure growing up with a drugged out strung out and stoned mother is not good for her.

Oy. What am I to do? I don't know what decision I'm going to make just yet but I'm going to need lots of P and PD from you guys to help me make it. Because it's a very, very tough decision to make. I wish to goddess I didn't have to make it. But,crap, somebody does. If not me, who? Certainely not my own parents or DSis's boyfriends' parents cuz I know they probably know. I KNOW my parents know. I just don't know what to do yet. I've really got to think about this and know that this is the right decision before I pick up that phone.

TOV

 

[Dan Murphy]

Originally posted by TheOtherVillainess
...........BUT I want to do what is right for DNiece, which means callng DCFS. Cuz I'm sure growing up with a drugged out strung out and stoned mother is not good for her.

What am I to do?.....

ToV, you answered your question, 'What am I to do?' just prior to your question. Your niece, a child, is the important one in this, not others opinions no the adults, who can act on their own. A child can not act on their own.

My best, good wishes.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

Thanks Dan.

I think I'm going to leave early for work and call DCFS from the payphone at work. That way they REALLY cannot trace me, even though according to the website all calls are kept secret and not subject to the Open Records act (whatever that is). Problem is..I do not know DSis's current address. The best I could do is give them Mom's address because I KNOW she knows where Sis lives.

TOV

 

[Serena]

It is a very hard decision to step in when you know your loved ones will be hurt.
But remember, all you can do is report it. They will investigate on their own and make their own decision based on their findings.

If they decided to find a temporary home for your niece, would you volunteer?

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

As much as I would love to, probably not unless there was monetary compensation. It's hard enough buying formula and diapers for DS. I can't imagine having to do it for 2 and buy baby food. DNiece is about 6 mos old now and according to Mom, she's been on baby food for nearly 2 mos now.

I'm leaving for work in 5 min and going to call DCFS as soon as I get there. Wish me luck.

TOV

 

[Blueeyes101817]

Good luck in whatever you decide to do..

 

[doxdogy]

I know where you are coming from with your sister. The situation with my sister is almost the same as yours. Thankfully she has no children. I was finally able to convince my father to but her share of his estate in trust for her. So I sending many hugs your way.

 

[Serena]

I'm hoping for the best for your family. Responsibility is a pain sometimes.

 

[joshsmom]

TOV-- I sent you a PM. Let me know if you need anything.

 

[mt2]

I don't have anything to offer but a (HUG). Save your niece. She will be better off but you already know that. *Sigh*

mt2

 

[gottaluvPluto]

TOV you are doing the right thing. I work with some families with drug issues and they have children. The children are the ones who suffer. The families have DCF involved are put on a plan to try to get thier children back. They have to do drug rehab, parenting skills classes and other things based on their issues. The court will try to place the child with a relative and they will help the relative with money for the expenses of keeping the child. Most likely the parents will have to pay the courts back for the money the court gives to the foster parent.

When you call DCF they have 24 hour to investigate. If they do not find anything they will not open the case.

Please remember we are all mandated reporters for DCF and if you see or know anything you are obligated to turn the people in. DCF is for the children and so many children fall threw the cracks because no one called the parents in.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

Forgot to say good luck and here is a big

you are doning the right thing for your sister and for the child.

 

[Pooh67_68]

Children must come first.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

I know how hard your decision is from first hand experience. I can only echo what others have said. That baby girl can't speak for herself, she needs someone to do it for her.

 

[powellrj]

just sending , good luck...

 

[Disneymomma]

Prayers & PD to you and the baby. You are doing the right thing. She needs to have a voice.

 

[janette]

I maybe wrong but I don't think DCSF will take a child away because a parent uses drugs. Unless they find that the child is in IMMEDIATE danger they don't. Drug use doesn't automatically equal neglect / abuse although it does increase the odds that alone probably isn't enough for them to remove a child. DCSF isn't equipped to handle the children already in foster care, usually unless they have a compelling reason to remove the child they don't. Sometimes even when it seems like they should they don't.

Reporting her might scare her into taking measures to get off drugs and do what is right for her child but I won't pin my hopes on actions you think DCSF should take.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

In the state of Florida DCF will take your child if you have a positive drug test. However, some cases (depends of issues of drugs and so on) a parent may keep their child and just do rehab, parenting classes ect. If the parent does not follow through then DCF will put the child in foster care.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

As soon as I arrived at work this morning (around 10am) I called DCFS. They told me that unless I had proof of specific neglect (i.e. Sis letting DNiece wander around in the street while she was strung out and stone or whatever), there was nothing they could do. I don't have any proof..only what I've been told by other family members who are worried about Sis and the baby. I felt so darn frustrated because the person on the other end of the line sounded sympathetic like he WANTED to help (as I'm sure he did) but acted like his hands were tied because I didn't have any proof. I was told the only t hing I could do was call the local police if I found evidence of drugs in her apt and let the police handle it. That kind of ticked me off but I figured what else can I do?

I am at my wits' end. I've never had to deal with something like this before and I'm not sure where to turn now. I don't know if Mom would help me out by getting proof that Sis neglects the baby or not. Mom would not want to ruffle feathers or make waves or do anything that would get the baby taken away, even if that is what is in the child's best interests. I have this feeling that if Mom got involved, she'd also have to tangle with Sis's BF's parents who would probably not take having their grandchild taken away too well.

Crap..now I don't know what to do.

TOV

 

[gottaluvPluto]

I am so sorry. You called it in and you did the best you could. Just watch out for your niece and help her anyway you can. Maybe you will get the proof you need and then you can call it in again. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.