Baptism Dilemna

[ADAMANDLISA]

My DS is going to be baptized in 2 1/2 weeks (we are really behind on planning) and we are having a problem figuring out what to do after the ceremony. DH's immediate family is huge and I have family coming in from out of town. We have about 35 people total (all immediate family) and not a lot of money. We also have NO space in our house to have anything here.

Our church does not allow people to use the basement and every place I've called far exceeds our budget.

Is it wrong to say that we will be going to dinner after and everyone is welcomed to come, at their own expense, and said in a nicer way (DSis's idea)?

or Chinese buffet (DH's idea)

I'm really at a loss. Please help!!! I know all of you will have the answer!

 

[DisneyLover83]

My DNiece was baptised in August and afterward it was everyone was welcome to come to Jason's Deli and by their own meal. My Mom bought a large cake and brought it with. My Sister and BIL do not have the space or funds to host a bunch of people and this worked out well. If people want to celebrate this day with you they will not care about buying there own meal and if they do care then they don't have to come.

 

[FayeW]

Do you or your DH have any family locally who have the space to host a larger gathering? You could provide the food and the clean up.

 

[msmayor]

Is it wrong? I don't know what the etiquette is...but I have never felt that asking guests to pay-their-way is the right thing to do.

Far better to do something you CAN afford instead of asking your guests to pay. If all you can afford is a supermarket sheet cake and coffee, then so be it.

While I realize you mentioned you have no space, as others posters have said perhaps someone else in the family nearby has the space.

 

[ChrisinNJ]

Find an inexpensive place, either a friends house, or a firehouse. Maybe a church hall at a different church.

Can you ask close friends/family to help with food? How much can you cook yourself? Or maybe something like a 6 foot sub & some cake for dessert.

We went to a dedication for a baby in an evangelical church. They had a party in the church hall, and people (Baby's grandparents, aunts & uncles) brought crockpots with food, salad, and desserts.

Good Luck!

 

[vsimeone]

What is the weather like in your area? Park pavillions are often free or dirt cheap to rent. Some parks in this area even have enclosed pavillions. You could just have cake and punch.

 

[wilderness01]

Is it wrong? I don't know what the etiquette is...but I have never felt that asking guests to pay-their-way is the right thing to do.
Far better to do something you CAN afford instead of asking your guests to pay. If all you can afford is a supermarket sheet cake and coffee, then so be it.

While I realize you mentioned you have no space, as others posters have said perhaps someone else in the family nearby has the space.

I agree. What about a local pizza place? Or a family restaurant and you pick the menu. You can do something really inexpensive, like sandwiches, soda, and call it a day. I would not feel comfortable with anyone buying their own food.

If this isn't possible, then I would invite the grandparents/godparents only and have them back to my house.

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

Moving to the Community Board.

I know that it's hard when you're just starting your family and every penny is stretched to the limit. But I think that it would be better to just do cake and coffee at a relative's (larger) home than to ask your guests to pay for their own meal.

 

[CarolAnnB]

Do you have any "sister" churches in the area that might let you rent out their parish hall/function room?

 

[minkydog]

I think on a tight budget I'd head to Costco and buy hot dogs, buns,chips and paper supplies. Make lemonade, water and coffee available. Get a very large sheet cake, turn up the music and have a ball. If you can't have a party at the church, see if you can go to a library or a local park. Check with your state parks and see if there is a closed pavilion, if the weather is cold there. I wonder if an economy hotel might have a conference room or a breakfast room you could rent for a couple hours?

And if the hot dogs/chips idea is still too expensive, just go with cake, mints, and punch for all. Unless you can get your DSis to take over the after-baptism party. Say, there's an idea there. Get her to make the suggestion of going dutch to the buffet. It won't look so bad coming from her.

 

[ADAMANDLISA]

Having everyone pay for their own meals defiinitely wasn't my idea. I really wish we had the space to do something ourselves. Our house just isn't big enough...in fact, it's up for sale for just that reason. I think we both thought that we would be in new house by the time this came around. Date is firm, as my father is home on a break from Afghanistan and is headed back soon.

We normally would have a function like this at my MIL's house, but she has a lot going right now...too much for us to bother her with this.

If we were to invite grandparents and godparents, that's 9 extra people, plus 5 great-grandparents, and it just gets impossible from there. It was a good thought though.

Under normal circumstances, we would have no problem paying for dinners for everyone...but there have been layoffs this year and it's getting tight.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

That's a bit iffy. With a large group--likely you will need some kind of reservation and it is tacky to invite people to an out of pocket event when they came (and presumably gifted your son) to honor your son.


If you are going to do it, I would do it as impromptu--but I honestly would not let the size of my home prevent me from having a simple cake gathering afterwards.

If people are squished, so be it--but likely you will insult people with a planned no-host meal at a restaurant.

We just do cake and simple stuff afterwards. Traffic flow in my house is horrible and parking stinks--but it is the polite thing to do.

 

[ADAMANDLISA]

Do you have any "sister" churches in the area that might let you rent out their parish hall/function room?

I know one of our sister churches just closed down, but I will definitely check into this.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Go back to your house, even if it does not fit everyone. Have cake and drinks and then everyone can leave to go eat on their own.

That is the right thing to do.

 

[EthansMom]

Go back to your house, even if it does not fit everyone. Have cake and drinks and then everyone can leave to go eat on their own.

That is the right thing to do.

I agree. No one will mind if the space is REALLY tight. I'd go with some cake and punch at home in a very tight space waaaaay before I'd consider asking folks to pay for their own meal.

My DB and SIL had their wedding rehearsal dinner at a pizza place and no one had any issue with that. No sure if paying for several pizzas is within your budget... but it's a thought.

 

[rie'smom]

Go back to your house, even if it does not fit everyone. Have cake and drinks and then everyone can leave to go eat on their own.

That is the right thing to do.

 

[Nancyg56]

If you are going to do it, I would do it as impromptu--but I honestly would not let the size of my home prevent me from having a simple cake gathering afterwards.

If people are squished, so be it--but likely you will insult people with a planned no-host meal at a restaurant.

We just do cake and simple stuff afterwards. Traffic flow in my house is horrible and parking stinks--but it is the polite thing to do.

I agree. Have cake and coffee and welcome your family. They won't care if it is tight on space and they won't mind the light offering. They will be celebrating the Baptism of the baby.

 

[C.Ann]

Cake and beverages at your home - no matter how small it is..

Believe me - it can be done.. My former home was so small - tiny, tiny kitchen and a very small living room - yet every Christmas Eve we crammed up to 50 people in there for our annual Christmas Eve party.. People were elbow to elbow - most were eating and drinking while standing up - yet they continued to come back year after year after year and stayed for hours on end..

There's just no "nice" way to invite your family out to dinner and ask that they pay their own way..

 

[pilgrimage]

We had a tiny 400 sq. ft. studio apartment when we first
married. We wanted to share Thanksgiving with others
and had 18 people. Yes we were cozy/squished, but
it was fun. How about a potluck? Family would be happy
to help out, I bet.

 

[ChristmasElf]

My DS is going to be baptized in 2 1/2 weeks (we are really behind on planning) and we are having a problem figuring out what to do after the ceremony. DH's immediate family is huge and I have family coming in from out of town. We have about 35 people total (all immediate family) and not a lot of money. We also have NO space in our house to have anything here.

Our church does not allow people to use the basement and every place I've called far exceeds our budget.

Is it wrong to say that we will be going to dinner after and everyone is welcomed to come, at their own expense, and said in a nicer way (DSis's idea)?

or Chinese buffet (DH's idea)

I'm really at a loss. Please help!!! I know all of you will have the answer!

This does not have to cost you a ton of money.
Get a sheet cake at the grocery store or Costco ($15.99 and will feed a ton of people)
Couple bowls of chips, salsa, dip
Check out your grocery store and order a few party platters.
Punch and Iced Tea

Have the celebration at a time that is mid afternoon. Just finger foods and cake and punch. Ask a friend or family member if they can lend you their space and tell them you will bring the food.

You should be able to keep your costs to well under $200 this way. Plus, no one will get offended at having to pay their own way.