Bad parent alert!

[binny]

Ok.. here's the story.


Were at Lowes last weekend. This very kind gentleman who really DOES look like Santa comes up behind Karissa (DD6) He is dressed all in red ( not a Santa suit, just red pants and a red long john type shirt) with a cap and a white beard and white hair and as I said is Santa's twin. When she sees him she gets all excited and gives him a hug. Then he asks her what she wants for Christmas. She told him and they spoke for a few minutes then he gave her a candy cane and 2 for her brother and sister. He really was a very nice man. He smiled and went on his way. Later when we saw him Karissa was whining that she wanted to go home and he said " Tut tut! you promised me you would be good for mommy and daddy" she shut right up let me tell you



Now while I think it is very sweet and part of me thinks hes just a kind old man who really does want to be part of the Holidays and make kids happy. Part of me also thinks Well there goes the "don't take candy from strangers" rule.

So on one hand, I was there right next to her. I really do believe he was just kind man who wanted to bring a smile to children's faces ( and he did, there were a lot of kids clamouring around him)

On the other hand I think what if he hadn't been a kind old man....


dang I really hate feeling like that! And I hate that I even wonder about someones intentions!


Am I totally bad parent for wanting to believe in this guy and letting him give my child a candy cane?

 

[OhMari]

This is a hard one. Like you said, you were there. I would talk to your kids though about strangers talking to them when you are not there.

 

[Marseeya]

That's why we, as parents, need to be vigilant for our kids. My rule is, they can talk to a stranger if I'm right there. And they're never in a position where I'm not "right there."

I don't see anything wrong with you wanting to see the best in people.

 

[robinb]

So on one hand, I was there right next to her. I really do believe he was just kind man who wanted to bring a smile to children's faces ( and he did, there were a lot of kids clamouring around him)

On the other hand I think what if he hadn't been a kind old man....


dang I really hate feeling like that! And I hate that I even wonder about someones intentions!


Am I totally bad parent for wanting to believe in this guy and letting him give my child a candy cane?

I think it was OK that your kids took candy from a stranger because you were right there. However, I have to say that I find it very strange that some guy dresses up like Santa. The word "perve" comes to mind and not "kind old man". He's getting his ... jollies ... from pretending to be Santa. Those jollies may just be the satisfaction of seeing the heart-warming smile of a child. Or, it may be jollies of a completely different kind.

There is a man here in Madison that looks just like Santa. He goes up to kids and talks to him and they flock around him even in the middle of summer. I saw him at the weekly concert on the Capitol Square twice and both times I smiled and moved the children that were with me past him as quickly as I could. He gave me the creeps.

If you want to talk about the candy issue, talk to your kids about takinf candy from strangers when you are not around. Even someone who looks just like Santa.

 

[marybet]

Are you sure he wasn't working for Lowes? Maybe he was playing Santa for them, and just wearing the kind of outfit that Santa would wear if he worked at Lowes?

 

[binny]

Are you sure he wasn't working for Lowes? Maybe he was playing Santa for them, and just wearing the kind of outfit that Santa would wear if he worked at Lowes?

well I suppose that is a possiblity. I hadnt considered that angle... hmmmmm




I really didnt get the "perve" vibe from this guy. I know that isnt foolproof but you know how you just get creeped out by some people? I didnt get that with him at all.


I did see him later with a woman ( his wife maybe?) so maybe they were jus shopping or maybe it was a Lowes deal and she was his helper.

 

[kejoda]

I was thinking that Lowes might have something to do with it too. If he was talking to Karissa its very likely that he was talking to other kids. A person just can't walk around a store doing that without someone working there noticing.

And Robin you couldn't be a bad parent if you tried your hardest.

 

[UrsulasMyHero]

My best friend's dad used to look like Santa. Come July he would start growing his beard. By September it was a nice white growth and the kids would start asking questions. Yes he would play Santa for a store, but even when he wasn't in his role he WAS in his role. He loved his job as Santa's twin. There was nothing pervy about it, he just loved the kid's smiles.

 

[Planogirl]

This guy might work as Santa somewhere and he might have stopped off at Lowe's to pick up something too. I would relax and just remind the kids not to talk to strangers unless you're there.

 

[Samandmom]

Did they already eat the candy canes? If not can you swap them with new ones without them knowing? I do find a little weird that he had candy canes with him. Like others have said he might play Santa?

 

[ChristmasElf]

There was a guy that looked like Santa at our Lowes as well. They must somehow be working for Lowes I would think.

Home Depot has those Kids workshops, maybe Lowes has Santa!

 

[pjlla]

As long as you were with them, personally I wouldn't worry. As far as talking to strangers.... same deal... as long as you were there, they weren't in harm's way.

My DS (almost 8) will talk to ANYONE, ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, ABOUT ANYTHING!! He is, by far, the friendliest child EVER!! He makes friends anywhere we go. He ALWAYS makes friends at WDW and DL while waiting in line at parades. We have pictures of him with other these children in our scrapbooks! While it can be nerve wracking to think that he may be starting a conversation with a harmful person, it is extremely rare when I am not within a few feet of him, so I rarely worry too much (except when he is in the men's locker room at the Y... that gives me the willies!) I figure in the long run it will make him a much more outgoing, confident person. I tell people he will probably work for the UN some day and help bring about world peace!!.........P

 

[golfgal]

Santa isn't a stranger. If this guy had candy canes ready to go and was wandering around the store he was probably working for or ok'd by Lowe's. I also think that kids see the Santa dressed up in the Santa "outfit" all the time, having one show up in line at Lowe's not totally dressed up and looks "real" would make more of an impression on kids.

When my kids were little and I would talk with someone in the grocery line or what ever they would ask me if I knew that person and how come I could talk to strangers. I told them that it was ok to talk to strangers if I was there, if you are alone and a stranger says hi or what ever, it is ok to say hi and keep walking. It might be a better motto to teach kids don't talk to strangers if you aren't with an trusted adult.

 

[Laura]

There is a guy in my city who looks like Santa and does the whole Santa roleplaying thing just about all year around. He has a license plate that says something like "IM SANTA" and has all sorts of Santa gear. Totally harmless and makes children smile. I think this is the guy: http://www.gigmasters.com/PublicSpeaker/SantaAllYearcom/

Likewise, I'm sure this guy in the OP is well aware that he looks like Santa (dressing in red is probably part of the act), plays Santa for a local store, gets lots of attention from kids, and hands out candy canes and plays the part whenever he's out. If the candy cane is wrapped and doesn't look like it was tampered with, I'm sure it's just fine.

 

[jipsy]

Wow Laura what a great Santa that guy makes! I looked at his other photos and the one where he's dressed like Santa tugging on his glasses is amazing!

 

[va32h]

Over the years, I've encountered several older gentlemen who happen to bear a resemblance to Santa, and rather than get annoyed with the numerous children who stop and talk to them, embrace their role and have a jolly old time. There seems to be one in every city.

Two years ago, we went to WDW the first week of December, and saw one such man in the lobby of the Wilderness Lodge. My kids nearly fell over when they saw him. They were convinced that Santa was taking a last-minute vacation before his big work week.

Santa overheard them and just gave them a nod and a wink - they still talk about it - seeing Santa on vacation at Disney World!

So I wouldn't worry about it - you saw the guy's wife, right? Child predators don't bring their wives on their kidnapping expeditions.

And what is wrong with enjoying being able to make children happy, because you look like someone they adore? Isn't that what every character at Disney does?

 

[Panthra529]

You are absolutely not a bad parent! If you think about it, your child did not take candy from a stranger. She took it from Santa. Even though he wasn't in his full suit, the innocence of children at this time if year will make anyone resembling Santa actually be Santa. How else would he be "watching" them? My daughter is constantly on the look out for an incognito Santa. As a matter of fact, we have a gentleman who works at our local grocery store in the meat department that looks like a skinny Santa. This summer my daughter took one look at him and immediatly sat bolt upright in the cart and stopped any whining she was doing. I asked her what was wrong and she leaned forward and whispered in my ear, "Santa's watching me"! I don't know if this outlook makes you feel any better, but I do know there is a great video out there (I have to get one) by the founder of Baby Einstein. I can't remember the name of the video, but it addresses stranger danger, and all sorts of other stuff kids should know, but in a non-threatening, and non scary kind of way......Okay help me out here people.....anyone know the name of the video? Anyway, pat yourself on the back for helping keep a childs fantasy alive!

 

[krcit]

You are NOT a bad parent!! You were right there with her. I had something similar happen to us over the summer when we were on vacation. We walked into a restaraunt and a man was sitting at the bar with his wife-we got to talking while waiting for our table and he used to work by our town. Anyway, when we were called to sit, he heard me reminding my 4 yo son to be a good boy at the table. He called me over and asked if he could talk to my son. I brought my son over to him and he asked him if he knew who he was. My son shook his head and then the guy took out his wallet and showed my son a picture of he and his wife dressed as Santa and Mrs. Claus. Johnnys eyes got as big as saucers and he said "You're Santa!" The man said he was and that he was on vacation before his busy season. he told Johhny to be a good boy and that he would see him in December. That little meeting made my son's trip!!! He still talks about it and tells all his friends that he "met" Santa. while he was talking to my son, his wife filled me in that they dress up for charity every year and that they love to makre the kids happy. Nothing pervy about it-just 2 nice older people who love kids.

 

[binny]

Thanks everyone.


Its just been one of those weeks you know? Where you second guess everything you've done.

I actually ate one of the candy canes, my oldest doesn't like them ( hes a weird one LOL) and they were fine they were the little prepackaged ones.


I had just mentioned it to a friend and she said " isn't that a little strange?" well I hadn't thought anything of it until then. I'm the kind who believes the good in people until the very end. You have to really show me that someone isn't inherently good before I believe you. So it actually didnt even occur to me until later.

Anyway, thanks for the support. I appreciate it

 

[Cindyluwho]

I looked this up on the National Center for Assault Prevention website.

"Another area of confusion around “The Rule” may actually endanger children. They are taught not to speak to strangers because of the inherent danger in doing so. Yet they do it frequently and safely. Therefore, the initial message of danger may seem invalid to them. They may wonder if “The Rule” isn’t an unrealistic warning all parents give, much like the one about running with scissors or swimming after a meal. If they do it enough and find it to be safe, will they drop their guard when it is most needed?

Perhaps one of the greatest criticisms of this age-old rule is the implication that strangers are the ones who hurt children and people they know are the ones with whom they are safe. Professionals in the field of law enforcement, social services and other related fields are quick to point out the fallacy of that statement. More than 85% of all abuse cases, worldwide, are known to be perpetrated by someone the child knows. Again, the CAP curriculum spends one-third of the workshop on these offenders. "

In his book "Protecting the Gift", Gavin DeBecker talks about teaching children how to talk to strangers using their intuition to judge which strangers are safe to talk to. It's a wonderful book, a great tool for parents.