Back me up on this...

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My husband doesn't even want to hear about that kind of minor stuff. If we ended up talking about every little purchase, that would consume our lives.

Exactly, of course things come up conversationally speaking, that's part of a natural course of conversation. It's just not a divulging of information in a constant feedback way of "this is how much this cost" and talking about it in that way nor does all the purchases come up because we just don't feel any need to do so.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

that if I want $120 pair of shoes, there's a reason, it's not a whim. As I said, it's more of a courtesy.

My limit on shoes is like $30-$40 lol. I need new Ryka's and am hoping for a sale at some point because nope not spending $65+ (I'm sure they are much more than that these days) for them heck no. That said we're not talking special shoes either. But the point is still there that you're making for me it would just amount to multiple shoes.

I know and understand that for some the dots are connected to courtesy but for us there is no connection to not having courtesy to notify the other about most purchases.

My husband knows that if I purchased $120 worth of something I got a lot out of that or there was a good reason if it was only 1 or 2 items. I bought new swimming suits after having the same tankini and bottoms for going on close to 10 years (the underwires were broke I've lost weight, etc). I spent about $110 total between Khols and Macys but I got 2 bottoms, 2 tops and 2 swim dresses out of it. All on sale (some items on a very good sale). One of the swim dresses full price (which I would never pay) was $70 but I believe I paid just under $19 for that item. I'm not even sure if I told him the total amount I spent but he knows I got good prices for them all.

For us it's very much an implicit courtesy unspoken not needed, because we, like you, know each other's habits. That was clear even before we got married..is this the moment where I can interject humor and say like I've said before on the DIS the man is never going to replace the toilet paper roll..knew that within several months of dating

 

[sam_gordon]

I never said that it was about "permission" I am saying that as grown adults, we don't want to "mention" to the other spouse about every little purchase. That would drive us bonkers. Things like new shoes, are a normal life expense and I would just buy them if I needed them. I don't need to have my husband affirm my decision to buy something. If we have the money, I am going to buy what I want. My husband doesn't even want to hear about that kind of minor stuff. If we ended up talking about every little purchase, that would consume our lives. I don't want to hear that hubby bought a can of soda at work every day. This might be a generational thing, but I don't feel that any adult should have to discuss every minor purchase with their spouse. No one is talking about the big purchases, but the everyday ones, every adult should know their budget and what they can afford without having to have the other adult in the house in on it.
And that is where the separate accounts come in. You can have access to money that you can spend on whatever you want without it being taken out of the household accounts. You wouldn't need to "inform" your husband of every little purchase if you are just using your discretionary money.

OK, just because you brought it up, where's the line between a "little" purchase and a "big" purchase? IMO, it's around the $100 mark. No, I don't need to know my spouse bought a can of soda. I also don't need to know how much they spent on groceries (unless it's MUCH more... again around the $100 mark more). It's when you hit the "different" purchases that things should (IMO) come up. Yes, shoes are a replaceable item. I think it's a kind thing if a spouse says "I need new shoes, the ones I like are $xxx" (especially if it's more than what is normally spent. It's not asking permission or forgiveness, it's just a "heads up" that if you see this amount hit the CC/bank account, yes, I spent it.