b-day party invite - no gift

[shoney]

Please help!

My son was invited to a b-day party...7th grader I should add...He is not friends with this kid. Apparently the boy has social issues and was reassigned to my sons lunch table after having a problem at his own a few weeks ago. He invited the new lunch table over.

The mother called the house and invited my son for pizza and said "no gifts". We just want to have some boys over to celebrate.

We have never been to a party where someone said "no gifts". I have a hard time with this one. I really want to buy something.

Should I honor their request or just buy something anyway?

Thoughts from those who have experience with this one. The party is in 3 hours!

 

[Allison]

I don't understand not honoring their request. It was a specific statement.

 

[momto2inKC]

I would honor the mothers wishes, no gift. You could always pick out a 'cool' card that plays music when opened.

 

[shoney]

This is not the norm around here. I think they did it because they don't want to look like they are "fishing" for gifts which I understand since the kids aren't really friends. I have no problem spending $20 for a kid. Kids love presents!

 

[Sugardimples]

Honor the request.

 

[Vacation Lover]

I'd honor their request. You can have your son give him a birthday card if he feels like he needs to bring something.

 

[Maddies Mama]

Please don't buy a gift. I am a "no gifts" mom and when I put it on the invite, I mean it! There may be a valid reason why the mom doesn't want gifts. I put "no gifts" because my daughter has autism and a sensory processing disorder. Most people buy gifts of toys that light up, play music or otherwise have something she can stim off of (i.e. a knob or switch that she can fixate on and flip back and forth or something she can chew on). Inevitably 1 or 2 people still end up bringing a gift anyway, which then makes for a really awkward situation because no one else brought a gift. I realize this is about an older kid whereas my DD is just 3 years old, but there may still be some reason the mom doesn't want gifts for him. Honor her request. If you absolutely can't live with yourself by not sending anything, just buy a card wishing him happy birthday and leave it at that (no gift card, no money, etc.).

 

[Janepod]

No gifts=no gifts.

If you really want to give something, privately give the mom movie passes and suggest the boys go sometime together at a later date.

 

[shoney]

Please don't buy a gift. I am a "no gifts" mom and when I put it on the invite, I mean it! There may be a valid reason why the mom doesn't want gifts. I put "no gifts" because my daughter has autism and a sensory processing disorder. Most people buy gifts of toys that light up, play music or otherwise have something she can stim off of (i.e. a knob or switch that she can fixate on and flip back and forth or something she can chew on). Inevitably 1 or 2 people still end up bringing a gift anyway, which then makes for a really awkward situation because no one else brought a gift. I realize this is about an older kid whereas my DD is just 3 years old, but there may still be some reason the mom doesn't want gifts for him. Honor her request. If you absolutely can't live with yourself by not sending anything, just buy a card wishing him happy birthday and leave it at that (no gift card, no money, etc.).

great point. I have my suspicions that this child may be autistic. He doesn't speak...just sits at the lunch table. the kids at the table couldn't understand why they were invited and weren't going to go. I told my son that a few hours out of his day wouldn't kill him and that it is the right thing to do. After he said he was going, his friends at the table decided to go to.

Ok...no gift then. I feel bad about it, but I should honor the request I see.

 

[Que_Sarah_Sarah]

Perhaps you could call and offer some help as a "gift" for the party. Ask if you could send some dessert or drinks with your child.

 

[VroomVroomLightning]

Perhaps you could call and offer some help as a "gift" for the party. Ask if you could send some dessert or drinks with your child.

This is a wonderful idea! That a way you are providing something but not a gift!

 

[shamrock30]

great point. I have my suspicions that this child may be autistic. He doesn't speak...just sits at the lunch table. the kids at the table couldn't understand why they were invited and weren't going to go. I told my son that a few hours out of his day wouldn't kill him and that it is the right thing to do. After he said he was going, his friends at the table decided to go to. .

You sound like a very thoughtful person. It's great that what your son is doing influenced the other boys.

 

[zoemurr]

it's probably right after Christmas and she doesn't want any more stuff.

My kids can choose between a large party w/no gifts or a few friends w/gifts. They get plenty of stuff from family and I can't stand the waste of 10-12 more things. They have always chosen a larger party.

In the 8 years we have done it (2 kids) we have only had one mom bring something and it was a GC to McD.

We often collect donations for the Ronald McDonald House instead. We do say, "No gifts please, but a home-made card would be nice." We have gotten some pretty amazing ones.

Honor her request and have fun. I realize others might bring a gift and you might feel bad.. but those are the ones she is going to be frustrated with.

 

[shoney]

You sound like a very thoughtful person. It's great that what your son is doing influenced the other boys.

Thank you! It took a bit of convincing...trust me! Later that night, I heard him talking to his friend on xbox live "my mom's making me go to that party!"

The next day, he came home from school "mom, you know that party...now everyone is going!"

Whew! I was very happy and so was he!

Funny thing about middle schoolers, it only takes one to start the crowd ...good or bad!

 

[Maddies Mama]

That is great! I bet it will mean a lot to the boy.

 

[goofy's_gurl]

Perhaps you could call and offer some help as a "gift" for the party. Ask if you could send some dessert or drinks with your child.

I would honor the mothers wishes, no gift. You could always pick out a 'cool' card that plays music when opened.

I seconded these!

 

[dougsmom98]

We went to a party for one of my son's friends and their mom made a music mix CD as a party favor. Perhaps your son could burn some of his favorite tunes onto a CD and give it to the boy. He could title it (your son's name)'s cool music mix. They could listen to it at the party or later and it isn't really a bought gift but something your son made and put some thought into.

We also have a neighbor that comes to my kids parties and she always brings a huge plate of chocolate chip cookies. We put them out at the party and everyone loves them. You can't go wrong with chocolate chip cookies or rice crispy treats.

Good for you for encouraging your son to go to the party.

 

[jessica52877]

If I said no gifts I would mean it. But I wonder if the mother said it because the kids aren't really friends and would prefer for the kids to show up. Maybe he could take him a small gift card to school. I just feel like the boy needs a little love and not that a gift provides that but maybe he could buy something and remember the good friends who came to his party.

 

[poohfriend77]

Thank you! It took a bit of convincing...trust me! Later that night, I heard him talking to his friend on xbox live "my mom's making me go to that party!"

The next day, he came home from school "mom, you know that party...now everyone is going!"

Whew! I was very happy and so was he!

Funny thing about middle schoolers, it only takes one to start the crowd ...good or bad!

That is so true! And it sounds like your son is one of the "goods."

 

[cornflake]

great point. I have my suspicions that this child may be autistic. He doesn't speak...just sits at the lunch table. the kids at the table couldn't understand why they were invited and weren't going to go. I told my son that a few hours out of his day wouldn't kill him and that it is the right thing to do. After he said he was going, his friends at the table decided to go to.

Ok...no gift then. I feel bad about it, but I should honor the request I see.

Yay you and your son (and his pals, heh)!

I saw an episode of True Life on MTV (it's their documentary series, which can actually be good) that followed some higher-functioning autistic teens and one, who could only communicate through typing on a device that then spoke his words, had always wanted a party and finally got up the courage to have one. He was afraid people wouldn't go, but invited some kids from school and they went and he was so, so excited (and his mother was like, in tears that people had come and that he wasn't disappointed). It was really nice.

A couple hours out of your son's and his friends' day could mean so, so much.