Attending parties where you don't know anyone.

[ckay87]

How do you feel about attending social functions where you don't know anyone? I fee like I'm alone on this, but there there is no greater torture for me. Having to make chit chat with strangers or hanging on to DH or another friend for dear life. Blech. I'm always thankful for the invitation and it's not the fault of the host. The fault is all mine. I used to be terribly shy as a child, but now I get by just fine. I'm a good friend, I think, and I like people. But that is one situation that I just hate and will never outgrow, I'm afraid.

 

[KATHINOWA]

I'm with you on this. My DH and I love bringing our kids because then we have someone to talk to! Of course we only bring them if they are invited.

 

[everylastbreath]

I'm with ya too, but in these circumstances- few tips:
Compliment some on something they are wearing (woman) this is a great ice breaker- "Oh, I love the blouse/shoes/earings your wearing" great opening conversation. Another tip, someone told me about a long time ago and it is so true- People love to talk about themselves so stear the conversation to them and they will carry it. Just keep asking questions/commenting back and you will not have to worry about carrying the conversation. Good luck! Wear something drop dead gorgeous, and think about it when someone comes up to you and says "I love your outfit"

 

[Frye7127]

I'm so with you too! Thanks for the tips just above, I will definitely keep those in mind.

 

[Pigeon]

I hate it too.

 

[NMAmy]

People love to talk about themselves so stear the conversation to them and they will carry it. Just keep asking questions/commenting back and you will not have to worry about carrying the conversation.

I do this. I'm shy with people I don't know but no one ever realizes it. My own husband was telling me a few months ago that he admired how I could talk to anyone and how did I come up with so many questions? That's because the whole time someone is talking, I'm concentrating on what I can pick out of their conversation to talk about next.

But, yes, OP, even though I've gotten good at making conversation, I do dread those parties where I don't know anyone.

 

[Micca]

When I'm in this situation I just lie and make up stories about all the cool stuff I've done

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I have trouble as well and I am a total extrovert.

I used to want to go to everyone's wedding. Then when I went--realized the only people I knew was the couple getting married. Kind of cured my need to go to all these weddings.

I'm perfectly content if I can find people to attach to for my conversation buddies for the event.

But I have anxiety and fear judgement--so what makes these situations so difficult is being afraid that folks will think I am a dork. Some events they don't, but some events I am sure they do.

Now I am in my mid-30s, I can turn down the random invites. So much better when you know the crowd with whom you are mingling.

 

[sbell111]

I hate those situations and avoid them whenever possible.

 

[Jennasis]

I am with you. But I can usually chit chat with a stranger about SOMETHING. I've got a wedding this weekend to go to for a cousin. Now I WILL know my two sisters my sister's boyfriend and the bride/groom, parents of the groom. But I won't know th eother 145 people. So I am already planning conversations:

In the buffet line:

"You should try the________. It's wonderful"

"Have you tried the _________? How is it?"

"I LOVE those shoes! Where did you get them?"

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

I used to be really uncomfortable going to events where I don't know anyone but DH. I've gotten much better - partly because my job has forced me to be really good at making idle chit chat with clients. So the last time my DH took me to a party he actually got annoyed with me. The entertainment was an accordian player - at a very nice Italian restaurant. When he was done he sat at the end of our table and had dinner too. So I started talking to him and basically got his entire life story DH was less than impressed - actually I think he was jealous. I find that using a compliment to start things off works really well. Then I just try to zero in on something we have in common. The accordian player had 3 kids - we have 2, so we started talking about kids sports.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I'm not a fan of these either especially since I suffer the dreaded foot in mouth disease. I much prefer smaller gatherings to the big ones but when we are stuck I do make it a point to compliment the people around me. Women like to hear they are stylish (hair, clothes, jewelry, shoes etc) and men like to hear that they are funny or lead interesting lives. As long as there is a grain of truth in your compliment you will be home free.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I understand, it can be torture. I have a husband who loves going anywhere so having to go with him for some things was good practice but didn't make me like it any better.

In business I was often in a board room with 20+ people & I was fine. I think it's because we all had the same goal. We all had our business facade working.
I ran several events a year & was surrounded by strangers but then again we were all there for the same reason.

I always bring a hostess gift & then you have something to chat about right away......

 

[Tarheel Tink]

I always seem to hit professional seminars where everyone else has fellow staff members with them and I'm all by my lonesome (flashback to all the years of "first days" at numerous schools as a military brat).
Here are some lines I read and saved a while back. Some seem strange as an opening line, but maybe to keep the conversation going?

1) What was your favourite book/ tv. programme/ film as a child?

2) What is your favourite smell?

3) If you could wake up anywhere tomorrow morning where would it be?

4) What makes you angry?

5) If you could go anywhere on holiday, where would you go and why?

6) What was your childhood ambition?

7) What toy did you always really want as a child, did you get it?

8) If you could do any job what would it be?

 

[ozarkmom]

How do you feel about attending social functions where you don't know anyone? I fee like I'm alone on this, but there there is no greater torture for me. Having to make chit chat with strangers or hanging on to DH or another friend for dear life. Blech. I'm always thankful for the invitation and it's not the fault of the host. The fault is all mine. I used to be terribly shy as a child, but now I get by just fine. I'm a good friend, I think, and I like people. But that is one situation that I just hate and will never outgrow, I'm afraid.

I'm the same way.

 

[KristaTX]

It depends on what there is to do and eat, but I'm usually fine with parties where I don't know many people. Usually there's someone interesting there to talk to who also doesn't know anyone else. Normally the only parties like that I go to are my husband's work parties, and usually they're pretty nice. And over the years, I have come to know some of his coworkers, and I'm comfortable talking to any of them as long as he's there with me to help fill in the awkward silences. And even a few if he's not there with me. In fact last year we had a great time talking to one couple about WDW, and another wife about being a nurse.

Plus several people from our church work there now, too, so I'm lucky to have them as my back-up plan for socializing if the well runs dry with the people I don't know so well .

The type of parties I hate going to are ones with lots of young children . That's the problem with our church parties for the Superbowl, camping trips, etc. I'm just not comfortable mingling with young children unless there is some kind of official task to be done, or if I'm in my "nurse" role. And I really hate it when I'm having a discussion with an adult, and they blow me off to go have a 3 minute correction discussion about "why we don't do this or that" with their child who isn't really doing anything that bad, or when an "I'm talking to an adult so please be polite" or a "Don't do that again" combined with a glare would suffice. I've also never been one to want to hold and go ga-ga over babies, and I don't enjoy being around toddlers at all. Totally stresses me out .

 

[Jeanne B]

You're definitely not alone...I hate being around large groups of people where I don't know anyone, I'm okay with a very small group (like one or two other couples, lol) but large groups where almost everyone knows someone but me? No way...pure torture, mainly because I'm quiet, especially around people I don't know, and I'm not good at small talk so I usually end up feeling pretty out of place.

 

[MAKmom]

I hate parties in general. I only like them when they are at my house.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I am the queen of going to parties and not knowing anyone. I really enjoy it. I can leave when I want, stay at late as I want, and not have to worry.

My husband has a touch of a fear of socializing, so I've found myself alone at wedding and parties and work functions so many times that I've just accepted it as a part of my life.

My sister told me once that I could make friends in an empty room and that was the BEST compliment, ever.

 

[everylastbreath]

I always seem to hit professional seminars where everyone else has fellow staff members with them and I'm all by my lonesome (flashback to all the years of "first days" at numerous schools as a military brat).
Here are some lines I read and saved a while back. Some seem strange as an opening line, but maybe to keep the conversation going?

1) What was your favourite book/ tv. programme/ film as a child?

2) What is your favourite smell?

3) If you could wake up anywhere tomorrow morning where would it be?

4) What makes you angry?

5) If you could go anywhere on holiday, where would you go and why?

6) What was your childhood ambition?

7) What toy did you always really want as a child, did you get it?

8) If you could do any job what would it be?

I seriously don't know about these, I think some of kind of personal, and I think if you approached me with "What is your favourite smell?" I would think you were a little strange and probably try to get away...