?...Attending a WAKE..? **7PM UPDATE ON THE WAKE

[momrek06]

I opened the local paper this afternoon and gasped as I noted on the Obituaries the dad(49yo) of a friend(24yo) of my son's was killed Saturday July 1st in a motorcycle accident. My son came in the door about an hour later and I told him and showed him the Notice. Tonight is the WAKE @5pm. We both agreed we should definitely go.

This is the situation. My son is 24yo. We have not had any contact with the family since the boys were in 8th grade (13yo). When they did hang out together they had THE BEST TIME EVER. After that, both families went in different directions and different high schools and then the boys went onto college and are now college graduates. My son remembers the dad and said..."Mom, I remember having so much with Brian's dad!" I, myself, thought the mom was awesome. We really hit it off and had allot of laughs when the boys were together as friends!

That all being said, I cancelled dinner plans with my girlfriends tonight to go to the Wake (which is 45 minutes from home) and my one friend asked me "WHY are you even going, it has been years since the boys have seen or spoken and you as well!".... I said simply to my girlfriend, that we are going and that was that............

DISer's do you think my girlfriend is right and I should re-think going....??? I just feel we should definitely go and pay our respects whether or not it has been 10 years since we all last spoke!

COMMENTS ON THIS PLEASE!!!

BTW: DS and I are going tonight @5pm!!!

TIA

It is now 7pm and DS and I are back from the Wake. It was incredibly sad. It was PACKED. They had the casket closed. I spoke with the Widow in the receiving line and she explained that her DH was suffering with Diabetes and what they feel (from the MD's) is that he had a Diabetic Shock while driving his motorcycle and just simply passed out and that is why this horrible accident occurred. My DS spoke with his friend and they reminisced over old times when the boys were younger. And they even made some tentative plans to call each other. I am just so glad we went and paid our respects.

 

[mickeyboat]

If you feel you need to go, for whatever reason, you should go. I am sure the family will be pleased to see you, and thankful for you sharing some happy memories you have of the deceased.

I have gone to wakes of people I never even knew just as a show of support for the family, who I did know.

I am sorry for your family's loss.

Denae

 

[Bob Slydell]

Seeing how you just grew apart and didn't have any underlying bad feelings or anything like that, sure I could understand going to the wake to stop by and pay your respects. I certainly would go to a wake of an old friend of mine even if I hadn't spoken to them for many years.

 

[Minnesota!]

Go. The family will be so touched that you are there and cared enough for their dad to show. You will not regret it.

 

[lulugirl]

I think your friend was rude and insensitive.
You are doing the right thing and I'm sure his family will appreciate your support.

 

[cinmell]

Go. The family will be so touched that you are there and cared enough for their dad to show. You will not regret it.

Ditto

 

[kmp1191]

Paying your respects is the right thing to do....you can go to dinner w/ the "friend" another time.

 

[kpm76]

I would definitely go. The kids obviously had a nice friendship when they were growing up and it sounds like you parents got along well too. My parents don't always see the people they met though the kids but when someone dies that they were close too when we were growing up, they go to the wake. I think especially in light of the fact that the man died tragically, the family will need all of the support they can get.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I think your friend was rude and insensitive.
You are doing the right thing and I'm sure his family will appreciate your support.

ITA.

 

[pixiemomma]

I've been in the same situation as your son. I would definalty go. I went in my situation and I am glad I did.

 

[momrek06]

I think your friend was rude and insensitive.
You are doing the right thing and I'm sure his family will appreciate your support.

I thought the same thing (like SHE had an attitude). She was mad I was cancelling our plans BUT hey too bad. She then informs me that this same deceased dad was in a horrible accident years ago BEFORE I even knew them....sooo...what has that got to do with this...and this SAME girlfriend's EX-husband died in October and although they have been divorced forever, she called me up with the sad news and asked me PLEASE to go to the WAKE. OF COURSE I WOULD GO, for her for their children...and NOW she questions me and DS going to Brian's dad's Wake.

Thanks everyone for the quick responses. I knew I had made the right decision whether or not we have seen the family in years.

This is going to be so sad. Devastating motorcycle accident and now the dad is gone. Unbelievable. Sad.

 

[Kae]

I would go also. And I think it is a very nice thing for you & DS to do.

Kae

 

[RUDisney]

I get into this same argument all the time with my staff. I go to my fair share of wakes, many of them for acquaintences. They don't get it. They "don't like to go to funerals." Yeah, like I do. Sometimes I go because I truly cared about the deceased. Sometimes I go because I care about those surviving the deceased. Sometimes I go because it is the right thing to do, period.

I'm glad that you're going with your DS. Sounds like he has a flurry of emotions and good memories about this man. He'll need your support as much as the family will even if he hasn't seen them in years.

He and you will feel better knowing that you went to pay your respects.

 

[Jennifer S]

Go. The family will be so touched that you are there and cared enough for their dad to show. You will not regret it.

Yep - you will never regret going but you might regret it if you don't. I think the family will be very touched. Your son may even get his friend back.

 

[ohiominnie]

I think your friend was rude and insensitive.
You are doing the right thing and I'm sure his family will appreciate your support.

Ditto again.

I would not even try to justify it to your friend. Simply say you're going, end of story. I wouldn't even talk to her about it much afterwards. If she doesn't care now, don't get drawn into answering a bunch of questions about it. Simply state that it was good to reconnect with the family and you're glad you made the decision to go.

And keep your eye out for friends for yourself who care about you and YOUR feelings, not just their own.

 

[CourtasanSatine]

Another vote for go. When my dad died during 10th grade my friends came in spite of not having met him

 

[N.Bailey]

I think this is exactly what a wake is for. For people to pay their respects to the surviving family members. If your friend was talking about you and your son attending the funeral, I could maybe see her point. At least that's the way I feel about it in our town. Seating is very limited for funerals, so I'd never go and take a seat for someone I wasn't super close to.

IMO, you and your son should go and after hearing your relationship with this family, I'm sure they will be touched by your effort.

 

[N.Bailey]

Another vote for go. When my dad died during 10th grade my friends came in spite of not having met him

When my mother died, all my co-workers came to support me, too. It really meant a lot and I just fell to pieces when I saw them all. None of them knew my mother.

 

[Jeanny]

Go! When my Dad died, my entire women's basketball team came to his wake! Some of them had never met him, they were there for me and I'll never forget that.

 

[momrek06]

Go! When my Dad died, my entire women's basketball team came to his wake! Some of them had never met him, they were there for me and I'll never forget that.

Jeanny: OT (a bit) the Wake is in Worcester and the services are in Uxbridge. Just noted your hometown as I was reading your response. The family is NOT from Uxbridge but that is where they attend Church.

Off to Worcester now for the Wake w/DS.

Thank you all again for your replies.