Assuming we are all alike?

[palavra]

Why do some people assume that their experience is what everone else's experience should be? This post comes from frustration on another thread, but I've had it happen several times in my life. Sometimes, I'm so shocked by what another person assumes, I've been literally speechless. As an example, when I was pregnant with my daughter, I was put on bedrest at 10 weeks because of high blood pressure. The OB was later able to find a medication that controlled, for the most part, my blood pressure. When I told my co-workers that I would be gone for a week on bedrest, a lady who had a one year old told me it was impossible to have trouble this early in your pregnancy, and that my doctor was being over concerned. I didn't say anything because you can't argue with thinking like that. Another lady, pregnant at the time, said that she breezed through the first trimester and wondered aloud what I had done to cause the problem.

 

[ols386]

Yes, I agree. It's pretty amazing sometimes the things that people assume. I'm sure I've probably been guilty of assuming at times.

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

"Sometimes a person, through no fault of his own, can't see past the end of his nose."

 

[monkeybug]

"Sometimes a person, through no fault of his own, can't see past the end of his nose."

Some people just lack empathy! They can't seem to imagine a person feeling or thinking differently than they do!

 

[indimom]

I think we all fall into the "well, it worked for me" mindset from time to time.
But, once someone has told you it won't work for them, it's time to remember that we are NOT all the same.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Some people just lack empathy! They can't seem to imagine a person feeling or thinking differently than they do!

DING! I honestly believe that is the case.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

This also, usually, conflagrates with people who, when you're trying to teach them something or show them how something works or even state a fact (I'm thinking about dieting/exercise/healthy choices in life, but it applies to other areas) will say "I don't believe that."

Well, honey, it doesn't matter what you believe. The facts are the facts. Just because you don't like those facts, it doesn't change their veracity. There are plenty of facts that I wish were not facts, but I can't change reality.

Sigh.

 

[scrapquitler]

Why do some people assume that their experience is what everone else's experience should be?

Probably because everyone assumes that they are 'average'

 

[shortbun]

It is a skill to stop thinking about oneself and listen to others.

 

[Jennasis]

Probably because everyone assumes that they are 'average'

I always thought I was above average!

 

[monkeybug]

I always thought I was above average!

 

[diznygirl]

Probably because everyone assumes that they are 'average'

Oh no. I may have started out average, but I am highly above-average now. And you can do it to!! Just do everything I say....

 

[curious3069]

Oh no. I may have started out average, but I am highly above-average now. And you can do it to!! Just do everything I say....

You are gifted!!!!!!! They have programs for that....oh wait, I see that you are the program, excellent!!!

 

[FireDancer]

I don't think we are all alike but I also think many times people confuse can't and won't. Not wanting to do something isn't the same as not being able to do that thing. It always depends on the particular situation and circumstances though. Anything I have ever really wanted to do I managed to do, even if it was after a couple of failed attempts. Many people sell themselves short too often.

 

[Donaldswife]

I don't think we are all alike but I also think many times people confuse can't and won't. Not wanting to do something isn't the same as not being able to do that thing. It always depends on the particular situation and circumstances though. Anything I have ever really wanted to do I managed to do, even if it was after a couple of failed attempts.

I do agree with this, but I do think we have to be mindful that our "won't" may very well be someone else's "can't" because of circumstances we are not aware of.

 

[FireDancer]

I do agree with this, but I do think we have to be mindful that our "won't" may very well be someone else's "can't" because of circumstances we are not aware of.

Absolutely, just be honest with yourself. The only person who knows if your can't is really a can't or a won't is you.

 

[tlbwriter]

I don't think we are all alike but I also think many times people confuse can't and won't. Not wanting to do something isn't the same as not being able to do that thing. It always depends on the particular situation and circumstances though. Anything I have ever really wanted to do I managed to do, even if it was after a couple of failed attempts. Many people sell themselves short too often.

In other words, you think that many people CAN do things, but just WON'T, just because YOU were able to accomplish anything you really wanted. Isn't that exactly what the OP is talking about?

 

[FireDancer]

In other words, you think that many people CAN do things, but just WON'T, just because YOU were able to accomplish anything you really wanted. Isn't that exactly what the OP is talking about?

What I said was that some people sell themselves short, some people confuse can't and won't, and some people can accomplish more than they give themselves credit for. Not all, some. The OP is talking about absolutes (because I can do it everyone can), and to say that everyone who doesn't do anything doesn't do it because they can't as opposed to won't is just as absolute. Absolutes are almost always wrong.

I only use myself because there were many won'ts I mistook for can'ts until I decided I was selling myself short.

 

[Donaldswife]

Absolutely, just be honest with yourself. The only person who knows if your can't is really a can't or a won't is you.

I completely agree! Sometimes people can judge harshly if their can't and won't dont jibe with anothers. That is all I'm saying!

 

[wvjules]

What a leap that was!