Assisted Living "Rules" Vent

[froglady]

DM moved into an assisted living facility last month. The person I dealt with prior to her move was very nice and helpful. The person who I actually have to deal with on a day to day basis is less so, and I'm not sure why.

OK, there are specific rules, especially in regards to tying up the elevators for moves, deliveries, etc.

I have done my best to follow the "Only M-F, only 9AM-11AM or 1PM -3PM, NO weekends, must be reserved 48 hours in advance, and only one move/delivery during any 2 hour period. ie, if someone is moving, you can't deliver a new TV, chair, etc that morning or afternoon." Unfortunately, I had HORRIBLE movers and they ran over the allotted time. (1-3PM)I was on the phone with them, their boss, etc reminding them that the move MUST be completed by 3...they didn't ARRIVE until 2:30 PM!!! Long story short, I refused to pay until my bill was reduced, and I apologized profusely to management. Apparently, I'm still on their you know what list.

I had to bring her couch back from the shop, and had to schedule a two hour period even though it only took 5 minutes to bring it up in the elevator. (It was small, so my neighbor and I moved it) That's fine; those are the rules. The person in charge (who apparently doesn't care very much for me) would not bend them one inch. Fair's fair, and if they bend them for me, they would have to do it for someone else, and all chaos would break loose.

So, DM's bed broke last week (Thurs) I suspect due to the above mentioned movers. I understand completely that the facility was in no way involved in this. However, DM had no real bed until I could replace it.

I ran out and purchased one, then tried to schedule a delivery. Thurs-Fri was less than 48 hours, and a move was scheduled, so no go. Sat or Sun ...impossible. No deliveries allowed. Monday...already booked by other people. The best I could do was to reserve Tues 1-3PM, which I did. I stressed the importance of the timing to the furniture store, and it was noted on the invoice, shipping order, etc.

In the meantime, DM was provided with a rollaway bed...but I was unable to put her small siderail/grab bar on it, as it fits between the mattress and boxspring, and wouldn't stay put on the cot. You guessed it, DM rolled off, and is in the hospital.

Yesterday was delivery day, so I went over to the facility at 12:45 to await delivery. I double checked to be sure I would have the elevator, and got a call at 12:50 that the truck was on the way. They arrived a few minutes after 1, I showed them where to sign in, and told them how to get to the loading dock, and said I would meet them there. I went down to the loading dock...and there was a small truck blocking it!!!

I went upstairs, and asked WHY was there a truck there, as I had reserved this time. The person (mentioned above) said, "Oh, it's OK, it's _____'s truck, and she's just moving her mother out. She won't be long. You can both share the elevator, because you only have a bed coming in."

Excuse me? My mother is in the hospital, possibly due to you not bending the rules, but you're more than willing to give away my RESERVED time while I (and the deliverymen) wait for someone else?

We went upstairs, moved the old bed and mattress/boxspring out, and the truck was still there.

After waiting another 10 minutes, the delivery men hand carried the boxes (it's a captain's bed with drawers) up. (The truck was blocking the ramp)They made two trips, and the truck was still there. The truck left the same time they did....after assembling the bed.

The person from the office didn't understand why I was annoyed. Apparently, she's willing to bend the rules for some, but not me.

 

[minkydog]

Well, that woulda hacked me off The whole incident with Mom not having a proper bed would have REALLY done me in--have you talked to an attorney about compensation for her injury? I'm not usually one to quickly jump to litigation, but I think it may be warranted here. I hope this isn't the shape of things to come

 

[paigevz]

Wow, what a pain. Seems like to me the way those rules are set up, it would just be impossible to enforce without exceptions. I guess they just try to put a lid on the exceptions as much as possible. The rules seem to be too restrictive. I'd give the times, make it daily, including weekends, and just do first come first serve or work it out with others moving when you are.

This isn't the elevator used for the residents right? Am I understanding right that it's a freight elevator, only used for moving large items?

You know, I think you should write up your complaint, including what happened to your mother, and send it to management and owners of the facility. Be sure to ask for a reply. Give it a couple weeks and send a follow-up asking for a reply. Maybe this person isn't supposed to be so rigid.

 

[froglady]

My mother has fallen in the past, so I'm not positive that she would not have fallen anyway. Also, she didn't suffer injury from the fall, per se. It's just that at her age, and with her multiple health problems, it doesn't take much to throw her out of whack. Keeping her going is like trying to balance a see-saw, just adding/removing something can tip her off.

The facility is actually wonderful....except for this one employee, who is the guardian of deliveries, rent payments, etc. I would not sue them just because of one employee, and risk having the whole place shut down.

I hope that the next time I have to move anything she'll be retired.

 

[barkley]

wow-my mom's lived in 2 different assisted livings and never had to deal with rules like these! they've asked people to not schedual or plan large deliveries during peak elevator hours (meal times and activites) but as long as no one hogs the space it's never been a problem.

sounds like the managment are real control freaks! makes me wonder how assistive they would be if an emergent need for durable medical equipment came up (you can get x delivered today, but y won't be accepted until next week"). i think i would be looking at alternative housing for the future.

one avenue i found helpful in finding a good place was by calling up an elder law attny's office in the town mom is living in-i told him i knew he could'nt give me a reccommendation but could he let me know if any of his clients had made any positive comments about any particular facilities. he was very tactful in steering me away from a couple and refering me to some others.

good luck-hope your mom is feeling better.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

whoa whoa whoa

They let your Mother sleep in a bed without the needed rail? Like a rail that is physically necessary for her to get up out of bed safely?

That isn't just "unfriendliness." That is literally lawsuit territory.

I think I would be mentioning to the unhelpful front office staff your willingness to contact State Health Services over their liscensing.

 

[froglady]

Wow, what a pain. Seems like to me the way those rules are set up, it would just be impossible to enforce without exceptions. I guess they just try to put a lid on the exceptions as much as possible. The rules seem to be too restrictive. I'd give the times, make it daily, including weekends, and just do first come first serve or work it out with others moving when you are.

This isn't the elevator used for the residents right? Am I understanding right that it's a freight elevator, only used for moving large items?

You know, I think you should write up your complaint, including what happened to your mother, and send it to management and owners of the facility. Be sure to ask for a reply. Give it a couple weeks and send a follow-up asking for a reply. Maybe this person isn't supposed to be so rigid.

The letter might be on my "to-do" list, but quite frankly, all I'd really like is for this woman to acknowledge that she has treated me unfairly, and an apology. Perhaps I've done something to annoy her, and that's why she acts this way? My first plan is to have a sit-down with the director, this employee, and the care manager to discuss what happened, and to avoid this sort of thing in the future.

The facility has two elevators. The residents, employees, etc use both UNLESS they one has been reserved for a move/delivery. (It's always the same elevator...it has padding, etc) The times are set up for the least busy (ie, non-mealtimes) hours, and the hours when "management" is in the building. It is first come, first served, which is why I couldn't do the delivery earlier....someone else had reserved the elevator. I understand this. However, I don't think that replacing a bed should be put in the same catergory as delivering a TV.

My major complaint is that the other person wasn't told that SHE had to wait her turn and go through the proper procedure (regardless of inconvenience, or in DM's case, possible safety issues), and was granted permission to use MY reserved time. I was not given the same consideration that she was.

 

[Cool-Beans]

If you worry too much about what others want when they make it obvious they don't care about what you want, you'll always end up getting screwed.

Do whatever you want and then apologize when you get caught. That's what I do.

 

[froglady]

whoa whoa whoa

They let your Mother sleep in a bed without the needed rail? Like a rail that is physically necessary for her to get up out of bed safely?

That isn't just "unfriendliness." That is literally lawsuit territory.

I think I would be mentioning to the unhelpful front office staff your willingness to contact State Health Services over their liscensing.

It is NOT a nursing home, just minimal assisted living, so siderails are NOT required. The residents provide their own furnishings. I purchased the rail for her after a previous fall a couple of years ago. It's really just designed to assist in getting out of bed, but when she bumps into it while sleeping, she moves back into the middle of the bed. It's possibly that she was trying to get OOB, forgot it wasn't there, and fell while grabbing for it. She has no recollection of the fall; she has poor memory for anything.

 

[paigevz]

If you worry too much about what others want when they make it obvious they don't care about what you want, you'll always end up getting screwed.

Do whatever you want and then apologize when you get caught. That's what I do.

What's the saying? It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

Well, good for you if you're going to set up a meeting. I'm a big coward, so I prefer letters to face to face meetings. Also, when I write a letter, I usually get a more accommodating result. It's also easier to stay calm, stick to the facts, and have my WHOLE position "heard". In a meeting, because I'm not so assertive, I tend to forget to say things or the meeting is over before I realized what happened, without the results I wanted.

 

[froglady]

If you worry too much about what others want when they make it obvious they don't care about what you want, you'll always end up getting screwed.

Do whatever you want and then apologize when you get caught. That's what I do.

ITA I've tryed playing by the rules, so from now on I'll use MY best judgement. As I mentioned, I think that a meeting with everyone involved, with a list of the problems I've encountered (and perhaps a list of the problems THEY'VE encountered with DM or myself) and an open mind as far as possible solutions will go a long way towards alleviating future problems.

This facility has an excellent reputation, which makes me think that there is some sort of communication problem or personality conflict. There may also be some problem with expectations on both sides. I'm very hesitant to move her again, as this facility is only a mile from my home, and two blocks from her previous apartment, so she is still in her neighborhood. It's also a mile or less from her hospital, doctors, etc. I can "roll" her to two of her doctors.

Her next move would have to be to a nursing home, which means no cat, which would break her heart, and perhaps hasten her death anyways.

 

[PaulaSue]

OMG, some people. Hope your mom is feeling better soon!

 

[alliecats]

Sounds like one of those people--we've all known them at one time or another. They get a little bit of power and use it like a Caesar.

 

[disneymom3]

Ugh. If you were in CA I would wonder if it was the same place my mom lived. We had some office folks who were just beyond nuts to deal with. Lots of going over their heads. We are now looking at still working on getting back her last months rent. She had LTC insurance, but the deal was she paid the rent, submitted her bill to the LTC ins and then they paid the facility and her money was refunded. Well, she passed away at the beg of Feb, the LTC ins paid that same month and yet we STILL do not have her rent money back. I feel for my sis who is the executor.

I am sorry your mom fell. I agree with the posters who say ignore the rules and ask forgiveness later.