Ashli's having a hard time...

[Keli]

I'm feeling pretty bad for Ashli right now. There's nothing that can be done and she just has to buck up and carry on but it's killing me to watch her.

Ashli is normally an exuberant, cheerful person but I think life is getting to her lately. It's her senior year and she's having a difficult time enjoying all her big senior moments.

This weekend is her school play. Ashli loves drama and has worked hard for two months preparing for this weekend, she even has a small solo in the play which would normally have her over the moon with excitement but she's just so-so about it, not happy or excited.

I think she is actually dreading prom next weekend. She finally decided she would go and hang out with a couple of girlfriends but I halfway expect her to change her mind.

Graduation is coming up at the end of May and I have yet to pin her down on whether she wants a party or not. She's been putting off making a decision. This is so un-Ashli. Ash loves parties and socializing and to have her own party is the kind of thing she usually lives for.

I know all of this is because Titus is in Iraq and she's missing him badly but I also think she's feeling a little guilty about going on with life while he's over there. Hopefully she sort things out soon and start to enjoy these once in a lifetime moments.

 

[FantasticDisFamily]

Hi Keli,

That has to be rough on both of you. I know when my freshman wasn't going to go to homecoming at first it nearly killed me because that is "part" of high school. Can't even begin to imagine this situation.

Our family is pretty involved with theater at our schools - tell her that the DIS friends want her to break a leg and remember every detail to share with us and Titus when he gets home.

Any chance of getting one of her girl friends to record some of the moments on film? Maybe you could give one a disposable camera and she could scrap these events to share with him when he gets home.

Obviously not the same as having him with her but it might help. Meanwhile, (((hugs))) for both of you.

Deb

 

[WDSearcher]

How would Titus feel if he knew Ashli was feeling this way? Maybe that's how you can approach this. Because, chances are, he wants her to be enjoying her senior year and wants her to be excited about her solo and all the rest. (Although I can understand her being hesitant about prom because that's a "date thing.")

Maybe she just needs to be gently reminded that Titus is in Iraq because that's his job. It's not her fault he's over there -- he's there because that's what he signed up for. He knew when he left that he'd miss out on sharing these things with Ashli, but I'll bet he never in a million years expected HER to miss out on them too. Her missing out on these things because of where he is will only make HIM feel guilty for not being with her, and that's additional stress he doesn't need right now.

Just a thought ...

 

[FantasticDisFamily]

Good point WD Searcher.

One more thought Keli, I know at our high school ONLY juniors and seniors are allowed to attend prom. Can be a date from another school (with pre-approval) but no sophomores or freshmen can go, nor can those who have already graduated.

If Ashli's school has a similar policy he wouldn't have been able to attend prom anyway - so maybe this could be a girls' night out?

Deb

 

[DaisyDebbie]

I feel so bad for her. Maybe she can have a graduation party after Titus gets home. And she should go to her prom with her girlfriends, you only get one senior prom.

 

[Keli]

I think you are making a very good point WDSearcher. I'm going to try to have a talk with Ashli about it when we get home tonight I think. Maybe I should show her this thread, it may help her decide to work at enjoying this time in her life.

 

[cinmell]

Originally posted by DaisyDebbie
I feel so bad for her. Maybe she can have a graduation party after Titus gets home. And she should go to her prom with her girlfriends, you only get one senior prom.

I think this is a great idea. I can't imagine how tough this is for her and for you as her mother, but tell her to hang in there!

 

[MelanieC]

Oh Keli,

I feel so bad for Ashley. I do know how she feels, because at times it feels like I have just stopped everything to just wait. It's hard to go on when you don't know when they are going to be home, when there is danger for them. You feel like you want to make life just stop, and you want to sit in your house and do nothing. You don't want those moments that are precious to just pass you by and not be allowed to share them with the person you love.

For me, there are and were times when it was very hard to stop and realize that I was doing this. To realize that I had kids that I had to keep life normal for. I wanted to just sit in front of the TV, to make sure he was ok. I wanted to just forget that their was life that had to go on. Luckily, I had a lot of people who kept planning things for us to do. Sometimes I would feel overwhelmed that I had things to do ever weekend, and a lot of nights. I needed and wanted to just sit and do nothing. It was good for me to get out and do things.

One example is Good Friday, I went to a friends house that I used to work with. It was after work, the other couples had their husbands and kids with them. It was me and my two kids with out our husband and Dad.
I wanted to not go, since everyone else there would have their husbands. I went for my kids, and for me to be with my friends. We ended up having such a wonderful time, and the night flew by. We had a nice dinner, wonderful conversation and the kids played.

Had I not gone, because it was something where there were other husbands.......I would have missed out on some much needed time out, conversation and friendship.

Please tell her that it is hard to do things that would normally be done with him. And I really understand how she feels because it is a once in a life type thing, and not really like my example. But it will help her to be out with her friends, having fun and passing the time. I think passing the time is the most important thing for her right now.

Melanie

 

[Dan Murphy]

Feel so bad for Ashli, Keli, and you too. {{Hugs}} I certainly think her feelings and blaise feeling is warranted by Titus being in Iraq. The war has many out of sync with normality, Keli. Try and have here go to the prom, she'll have a great time. And soon, Titus will be home. I think many people (I do) sort of feel guillty, carrying on with life as normal, while so many have sacrificed so much.

Again, {{Hugs}} for you both.

Dan

 

[MJames41]

I feel for you Keli, and for your daughter. I don't, however, feel guilty for going on with life. If my parents or loved ones had stopped their enjoyment of life when I was away, no matter where I was, part of me would have felt honored by it, and the majority of me would have been upset. I didn't join to make those I cared about feel guilty, I didn't volunteer to make them upset. I served 10 years so that those I loved and cared about could live a normal life, could enjoy all that life has to offer.

I know it's easy for me to talk now, my 10 years were up a long time ago. I do feel a sadness in my heart for all of those who are asked to sacrifice - those who have volunteered and those who are left waiting at home. I can understand the thought/feeling that "nothing will be right until ___ is home". My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[nativetxn]

{{{HUGS}}} for Ashli. I hope she rediscovers her joy for life soon. Bless her heart. I can't begin to understand how sad she must be right now

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

Hugs and Prayers for you and for her. I don't have much advice since I was not much better 12 years ago. Hopefully Titus will get word soon when he will be back, and she can focus on that. It is much easier when that happens. I do hope she goes to the prom. Maybe she could attach his picture to her somehow and make the picture her date. Wearing DH's wedding ring on a chain for the 5 months helped me feel his presence and "go on".

 

[FantasticDisFamily]

HI Keli,

Is Ashli doing any better after the weekend? Here's hoping she is!

Deb

 

[Keli]

Thank you for all of your concern guys. Last week was really rough and I appreciate all of your support. After a slow start Ashli ended up enjoying the weekend quite a bit. Friday night was opening night and before the show Ash was about the same, neither happy or sad, didn't seem nearly as excited as in previous years. But after the show she was pumped up and excited and ever since she seems like she's her old self. I told her Saturday that it looks like "Ashli's back in town". She started laughing because she knew exactly what I meant. I knew things had turned a corner when I heard her yell in the hallway after the play and I turned to look just in time to see her launch herself at a friend for a hug. Yep, exuberant Ashli is back, lol. Just in time...happy sigh...

 

[FantasticDisFamily]