ARGHHH! Inlaws!

[mickeyfan1]

I have to agree with RickinNYC, she only gets away with this because everyone lets her. I say stick to your plans, if she doesn't like it, she can figure out how to do it next year. If her kids can't come, that is their loss, not yours. True, it's nice to keep peace with the family, but she is ruining it for you, Turn the tables, get DH to pick his mother up and bring her out to the new house, then do as you planned. Who knows, maybe MIL is tired of SIL's behaviour, too. You say she does it every year, make last year be the last time.

 

[floridafam]

Tell her NO.

Have the party at your house as planned.

 

[jipsy]

First, it's your MIL's 91st birthday and that's the reason for the party right? So, if your MIL is comfortable with these arrangements, then it's not your place to argue with her daughter.

However, this will obviously happen again and when it does, you need to put the burden of putting your SIL in her place where it belongs - on your husband's shoulders, not yours. She IS his sister; and he is the older brother. HE is the one who should be taking charge of this situation and saying to her "No. We have planned the party for our house and it will stay at our house. If you choose not to come, that's your choice, but it will be at our place. You have had every other party before this one; now it's my turn."

 

[kadaten]

Originally posted by RickinNYC
I hate to say it but I suspect your SIL does this garbage because you let her. Say "absolutely NOT" and be as harsh as you'd like. It's clear that manners are not part of her life so get down to her level.

I guess if anyone were to do this to me, I'd tell them politely at first "no", then if that's didn't work I'd say "we'd love to have you but it's your choice whether you stay home," and if that didn't work, tell her to buzz off.

Originally posted by mickeyfan1
I have to agree with RickinNYC, she only gets away with this because everyone lets her. I say stick to your plans, if she doesn't like it, she can figure out how to do it next year. If her kids can't come, that is their loss, not yours. True, it's nice to keep peace with the family, but she is ruining it for you, Turn the tables, get DH to pick his mother up and bring her out to the new house, then do as you planned. Who knows, maybe MIL is tired of SIL's behaviour, too. You say she does it every year, make last year be the last time.

 

[100%Disney]

My DH has 3 sisters and 1 brother, his twin sister goes commando about everything, she wants all get togethers to be at her house also. Hey, I could care less, at least I don't have to host it. The thing she does that bugs me is, she will say "We are having a dinner on the 4th of July and we expect to see you there." Sorry, it's like daring me to say no.

 

[clh2]

Originally posted by auntpolly
I'd go -- it'll just make you look bad if you don't. But I'd come up with a really "good" reason why I couldn't bring the stuff she wants you to bring!

You're right -- she's evil.

You don't need to make the reason up - tell her you would really prefer to bring "whatever and whatever else" because you already purchased them for the party which was supposed to be at your house.

I have a sister who does this too. I feel your pain. And then for a whole year she will @#$%^ complain that she has to host too many get togethers. After she "took over" Thanksgiving last year - my DH, DD and I just went to a local buffet, and we got to watch the Packer game. She can steal the party - I just won't go.

 

[shortbun]

Next year, call her about a month before and ask what time
to show up at her house and what can you bring. She'll
probably suggest you have the party! LOL.
Go and have fun, it's just not worth worrying about.
Have a party that's not tied to a family celebration and invite
them all out. You can invite others that way too and no one
can derail your effort.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by WDSearcher
In this case, I think you overreacted. You're, in effect, punishing your nephew -- who you said you really want to see -- because of this family feud you're having with your sister. It's the nephew's day, and it's now turned into something that's all about you and your sister. I hope your sis doesn't relate the whole message to your nephew. He might be really disappointed that you "forgot" his graduation and that a swimming lesson was deemed more important.

Well, I'm sure he'll be fine about it. And no, this isn't a feud. We've had real doozies in the past. No, I didn't forget his graduation either. However, it would have been really nice if my sister even bothered to send an announcement of it! I have received announcements from my aunt and uncle when their kids were about to graduate, but not from my sister about her son. In my book she shouldn't have said...if you don't want to come, it's okay. To me she might as well have said...don't bother coming. I will talk to my nephew this weekend as it is.

 

[Disney Doll]

I have to agree with jipsy here. No one can tae advantage of you unless you allow it. If you have planned the party at your house for a month, when SIL called, the repsonse should have been "No SIL, we will be having the party as planned and hope you can join us." No further discussion.

A very good tactic that I use with my own crazy SIL is a little something I call "repitition".

SIL: I'm going to have Mom's party at our house this year"

Me: NO, we'll be having the party here this year. I hope you can join us
SIL: But she's my mother and I want to have the party
Me: She's also my DH's mother so we'll be having the party here as planned and hope you can join us
SIL:But I had the party last year and want to have it again this year
Me:No, we'll be having the party this year as planned and hope you can join us
SIL: Well, if youhave it, my kids won't be able to come
Me: Well,they can stop by when they are free. We'll be having the party as planned and hope you can join us
SIL: If you have it, I won't come
Me: Well, that's entirely your decision, but we'll be having the party as planned and hope you can join us

Depending on how tenacious she is, this conversation can go on for several minutes, but eventually she'll get the idea. It also may not work the first time without hurt feelings, but eventually she'll catch on to the fact that when you say something, you mean it.

As my father always said "If you don't want to be a doormat, get up off the floor".

 

[Kallison]

Next time you send out the invites I would immediately call SIL and say the party will be at our house -- no ifs and or buts. If you can't come, then so be it.

As Dear Abby used to say -- Nobody can take advantage of you unless you let them.

oops sorry that has been said already!

Diane I can tell you are a really nice person so I hope you don't take this the wrong way - you are allowing yourself to be a doormat, you need to put her in her place, at least once in your lifetime -- do it for all of those with annoying SIL's everywhere

 

[disneyjunkie]

Originally posted by jipsy
First, it's your MIL's 91st birthday and that's the reason for the party right? So, if your MIL is comfortable with these arrangements, then it's not your place to argue with her daughter.

However, this will obviously happen again and when it does, you need to put the burden of putting your SIL in her place where it belongs - on your husband's shoulders, not yours. She IS his sister; and he is the older brother. HE is the one who should be taking charge of this situation and saying to her "No. We have planned the party for our house and it will stay at our house. If you choose not to come, that's your choice, but it will be at our place. You have had every other party before this one; now it's my turn."

I think in this case the rude SIL gets a pass because it's her mother. How's your husband feeling about the whole thing? If he's not going to say anything to the SIL, then I'd just let it go.