Are we over protective parents?

[PrincessKsMom]

I ask the same kinds of questions of my daughter. She also knows that I trust her, but don't necessarily trust some of her acquiantances. This year has been an eye opener. She and best friend went to a different high school than their grammar school friends. I didn't realize how quickly things would change. Thankfully she and her best friend don't smoke, drink, smoke pot, etc. (yet), but many of their "old" friends do. And my biggest complaint that makes me the overprotective mother is that I check her Facebook page. Many of her friends' parents feel this is overbearing and overprotective, but they should see the pictures their kids are posting of themselves, talk of sex, drugs, bullying... I've known many of these kids since they were 4 or 5. I'm shocked. If you really want to know your child, check out their Facebook pages and those of their friends. Stalking...maybe, but at least I've got some sense of what's going on. And FWIW, I don't expect my child to be perfect, and I expect she will make mistakes, but when you see postings of 3-4 kids bragging about how their moms are taking them to be drug tested in Freshman year of high school and how they're going to get caught/or knew ahead and stopped for a few days It's like it's a game and there's no respect for themselves or their parents.

One night my daughter came home and I gave her a big hug. She asked what that was for. I told her it was because I love her and because I was sniffing her. At first she was and then I'd rather be somewhat overprotective than ignorant to the things going on in my child's life. I'm grateful for every day that she's avoiding the pitfalls of her teen years but also know there's probably no avoiding them at some point.

 

[dzorn]

. My daughter says that they think twice before doing anything because they are afraid that we will be checking up on them and they are afraid of getting caught doing something they shouldn't.

So do you think they we are over protective parents?

That's enough for my Okay. Great job!

Denise in MI

 

[carone0318]

I think the questions you are asking are just common courtesy questions, not really prying. My dd is 14 and a freshman and in HS, I ask the same type of questions because quite honestly her school friends and her really don't think things out. Their plans are normally half-@ssed and half the questions I ask I get an "I don't know" type of answer, so I will continue to ask the questions until she can tell me her plans with full details without my questions.

 

[HM]

I have a 15 yr old daughter and do pretty much what you do as well. Except, I don't question the friends, but get my daughter to make sure of their pick up/drop off needs. We need to know where she is, and who she's with and she is instructed to let us know if plans change (this is the big one for us and it seems the hardest to follow) when she's out.

Also, we are also available to come get her or her friends if situations arise that look like she needs to get away from or gets stranded.

 

[LIDisneyFan]

I think you are being 'the correct amount" protective-we do the same with our 15YO (have even check to make sure parents are home). You are doing your job.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Don't question your conscience and the fact that you are being a PARENT. A parent protects and asks questions. She doesn't raise you, you raise HER.

WONDERFUL WORDS OF WISDOM!!!!!!!!!

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Oh for pity's sake if I lived off what my son considers me or if my Mom lived off what I considered her there would be nothing but chaos.

Don't question your conscience and the fact that you are being a PARENT. A parent protects and asks questions. She doesn't raise you, you raise HER.

I didn't get past Robin's post. Perfect response.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Oh yeah OP. I wanted to add that my friend's mom used to sniff her hands. She told her that no matter how much she washed her hands, that marijuana smell couldn't scrub off right away.

 

[Acklander]

I don't think so either. All reasonable expectations. I think their are a lot of permissive parents out there. Doesn't make the rest of us overprotective.

permissive parent weighing in here - We expect the kids to tell us where they'll be, and when to expect them home, and we also share that information with them when we go out. We just consider it common courtesy for groups that live together. As far as the ride thing, if they're expecting a ride from you, they should let you know. If it bothers her that you're asking about it, ask her to be proactive and offer up the info before hand i.e. stating "we're going to the mall for the evening, and Margie's parents will be giving us a ride home". That way you don't have to "grill" her about what's going on.