Are we horrible parents?

[MaleficentandGoons]

Our daughter is 15 wks and we don't have a "schedule". She goes to sleep when shes ready, which is about 9pm, and wakes up at around 5 or 6. Nap-time happens whenever she falls asleep. We just don't see why people put there kids to bed at 6 pm? Can someone clue me in?

 

[deva]

Our daughter is 15 wks and we don't have a "schedule". She goes to sleep when shes ready, which is about 9pm, and wakes up at around 5 or 6. Nap-time happens whenever she falls asleep. We just don't see why people put there kids to bed at 6 pm? Can someone clue me in?

Read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Weisbluth. Sleep begets sleep. Generally speaking kids do much better on a schedule and they need regular naps, but do whatever works for you and your family.

 

[alexis_fate]

We put our 8 month old down between 7-8, if we don't she can't stand herself and neither can we. When she was newborn through about 4 months she had the same schedule your baby has now. I liked it much better then, since that time she has had several ear infections. Right now her sleep schedule is awful, but again if she gets overtired there is h*ll to pay. Hopefully after she gets her tubes in her ears Monday we will get some sleep again.

Tracy

 

[scrdofbugs]

My daughter is no longer a baby but we didn't have a "schedule" either when she was an infant. I tried to keep her up during the day so she would sleep at night but other than that I let her fall asleep for naps/bed time when she was tired. She was an early to sleep early to rise baby and really still is as a teenager. If she sleeps in to 8 it is a miracle, as a baby she was up by 6 am and as a small child she would occasionally sleep til 7. If she stays up late on the weekends, she may sleep to 9 but most days she is up and ready to go by 7:30-8. During the week she gets up at 5:00 to get ready for school, she is very independant.

 

[teresajoy]

Our daughter is 15 wks and we don't have a "schedule". She goes to sleep when shes ready, which is about 9pm, and wakes up at around 5 or 6. Nap-time happens whenever she falls asleep. We just don't see why people put there kids to bed at 6 pm? Can someone clue me in?

My kids were never on a schedule either. That's what worked for us. Some people need schedules, but for us, it just didn't make sense.

 

[MaleficentandGoons]

I should say her "early" rise isn't early for us/ We have to be up no later than 545 and out the door by 620 to be to work on time, so it works. I just love having her hangout with us so i feel like there is no need for me to put her to bed if she isn't sleepy.

 

[torinsmom]

I was home with my son until he was 4, and he didn't really have a schedule. He slept when he was sleepy and ate when he was hungry. We could usually tell when he was getting tired and would start the bedtime routine then. Once he was on solid foods, mealtimes became more regular, since he ate when we did mostly.

You have to do what works for you. For kids in daycare, it helps to keep to a routine, since all the kids eat and nap at the same times. Taking them off that schedule might make it harder to get back on it the next week.

Marsha

 

[KY*Figment]

I went back to work when my oldest was 12 1/2 weeks old and then again when my youngest was 12 1/2 weeks old (they are 8 and 5). I got them on a schedule very quickly. It was not only easier on us but daycare, too. Both of my kids moved to from the infant room to the one year old room quicker than most not just because of there was an opening but because of their schedules. My kids adjusted very well to kindergarten because their schedule was long set before they ever started school. They begin testing next week and the paper sent home said a minimum of 10 hours of sleep. My oldest doesn't sleep 10 hours but she does stay in bed for 10 hours. She needs the down time. My oldest probably hasn't slept 10 hours since she was 6 months old and that would have included naps. I hear her in her bed playing, singing, and so on but it is non stimulated time. My youngest has slept 10 hours straight since she was 15 months old. They both go to bed at 8 and have since they were 10 weeks old and typically are up by 6 or 6:30. My oldest use to only sleep 6 hours a night but we got her accustomed to staying in her bed. If I didn't work I don't know if I would worry about schedules. My cousin did not have a schedule w/ her one and only; this did not go so well when kindergarten came. This poor child had a hard time w/ routine in the classroom and her sleep schedule was way off so she was tired the first couple of months ago. If you child is happy & healthy and the non schedule works for you go for it. A couple of months before your child starts school then worry about it then but you have a long time to worry about it. Consult your pediatrician.

When we had our oldest child a man at church told us that an only child is a pet and two or more is work. We were somewhat offended when he said that but not long ago I went to him to reminded him of this. I had to tell him he was so right.

Best wishes on non schedule or schedule. Remember your the parent not everyone else because everyone has something you "ought" to do.

 

[syudelson]

I think a lot of people have a schedule out of necessity. I am a SAHM and our oldest daughter was just like yours -- she went to bed late (anywhere from 9-10:30), woke up late and napped whenever it happened (as did I). But I had nowhere to be, no other schedules to coincide and my husband doesn't come home til 6:30 (my kids would hardly ever see him if they had a super early bedtime). My son came 2.5 years later and had somewhat of a schedule to coincide with his sister -- tried to get them to bed at same time and nap at the same time. Our youngest daughter (soon to be 2) has a very definite schedule because her two older siblings have to get up for school (so there's no sleeping in). She goes to bed between 8:15-8:30 every night and wakes up at 7:45 each morning. Her nap is immediately following lunch because we have to get it in before school pick up time. Now personally I liked having no schedule the best, but I will say (and it might just be coincidence) my oldest daughter was always the worst sleeper and still at nearly 9 hates having a bedtime, doesn't always sleep through the night and is pretty grumpy at wake up.

 

[Kanga+2Roos]

My advice is to do what is best for your family--if it works for you, you're doing the right thing!

We never had ours on a strict schedule--my DSis was nagging me about getting my boys on a schedule from the day I brought them home! We have always had odd work schedules so our daily routine was always different. We didn't have a set bedtime until they started school; no issues with them sleeping at all!

I'm sure others make things work by being on a strict schedule and that's fine, it just isn't our style!

It sounds like your're doing great. Rely on your insticts & you can't go wrong!

 

[2poohbears]

Honestly, I think you should just follow your instincts for what works for you. Every child/family is a bit different, and what works great for some creates problems for others. If your baby is happy, and your family is happy - you're doing great!

We had twins, so I did tended to schedule things out of necessity...I would have never slept if THEY didn't eat/sleep at the same times, as I didn't really have any help for feedings, baths, laundry, etc (dh works 10 and 12 hour days/nights)! I also made sure to bring them into their nursery to sleep in their beds at 9pm every night...just so they would get used to the difference between "night" sleep and "day" naps.

I have found that I did much better when I followed my "gut instincts" as a mom, than when I tried to follow some advice from well-meaning friends/in-laws or books.

btw-If you think the advice about "scheduling" is bad, just wait until you get to the age when "they" think your kids should be potty trained.

 

[MaleficentandGoons]

Thanks everyone! I'm still new at this parenting thing, its good to hear i'm not screwing her up!

 

[ktlm]

For every book you find that says to keep them on a schedule, you will find another book that says to just follow their cues and don't put them on a strict schedule. Do whatever works for you and your DD and you will be fine. Frankly, we preferred the follow the cues method like you are doing and it worked great for DD. My SIL followed a strict to the minute schedule. I can't tell you how many times I saw her baby crying because she was hungry and they wouldn't feed her because it wasn't the "scheduled" time. Then SIL would freak out because she couldn't get the baby to stop crying. Our DD didn't cry much at all as a baby. They also made everyone whisper every time their DD was asleep and would get mad if you made any sound. We made as much noise as normal. They have a DD that wakes up at the sound of a pin drop, we have a DD that will sleep through pretty much anything. They have a DD that before she got a little older would flip out if she was off schedule for anything and whine and cry. We have a DD who is flexible and wouldn't ever bat an eye if you changed things up. I think you are doing fine.

 

[bumbershoot]

I think it's lovely to follow *her* schedule. And even while doing that you can still watch to make sure it isn't changing, and if it does change, change with it.

DH and I are both big time night owls, so DS being one too was great! But then as he got a little bit further along, we realized some of his sleepy signals, and realized that if we helped him to sleep at the start of those, it would go a lot better. Even if that meant just helping him to sleep but still holding him...

He's 5 now, and still has a 9pm bedtime. That allows him a nice solid 10-12 hours of sleep, and allows my lazy rear to stay up later and not be woken horribly early (defined as before 8, really, for me, unless there's a great reason like a plane trip to somewhere fun). He gets lots of sleep, I get adequate sleep, it's all good!

IN the back of my mind, though, I do wonder about a future kid...we've been trying for ages, finally figured out the problem, are working towards a solution to that...but still I wonder...will I end up with an early-to-bed early-to-rise second kid like my little brother was? The horror, the horror.....

 

[PrincessBelle39]

Every child is different and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another. We have two dd's. I do wish we had stuck to a schedule with the first though. She is now nearly 8 and still doesn't sleep through the night. Its a struggle with school. She finds it really hard to get to sleep before 9-10pm at night and even if put to bed early, just lies awake for hours. She is often tired the next day. The other dd has been on a schedule for early on. She is 5 now and this is her first year of school. If she is not in bed by 7:30-8pm, she's asking to go to bed. I can't remember the last time she woke during the night.

 

[smidgy]

whatever it is, my answer is.. NO! ok, going back to read it now! (point being,if you care enough to write this, I'm sure you are great parents!)

 

[smidgy]

ok, read it. sounds like your baby is setting his/her own scehdule. (which is probably best). as long as it works for you.
ps, don't worry about screwing things up. you'll be fine.
pacifier or not? breastfeed or bottle? blanket or not? don't sweat the samll stuff. do what works best for your family!!!

 

[MaleficentandGoons]

For every book you find that says to keep them on a schedule, you will find another book that says to just follow their cues and don't put them on a strict schedule. Do whatever works for you and your DD and you will be fine. Frankly, we preferred the follow the cues method like you are doing and it worked great for DD. My SIL followed a strict to the minute schedule. I can't tell you how many times I saw her baby crying because she was hungry and they wouldn't feed her because it wasn't the "scheduled" time. Then SIL would freak out because she couldn't get the baby to stop crying. Our DD didn't cry much at all as a baby. They also made everyone whisper every time their DD was asleep and would get mad if you made any sound. We made as much noise as normal. They have a DD that wakes up at the sound of a pin drop, we have a DD that will sleep through pretty much anything. They have a DD that before she got a little older would flip out if she was off schedule for anything and whine and cry. We have a DD who is flexible and wouldn't ever bat an eye if you changed things up. I think you are doing fine.

THANKS! We are loud people so we think DD should get used to it now.
i can't imagine not feeding my child because of a schedule!

 

[DeniseinNS]

I never had a schedule for either of my kids when they are infants, babies sleep at odd times at that age so we went with it. They didn't get a schedule until they were 9-12 months.

 

[chrismb22]

I was always told "Never wake a sleeping baby" AND it's their schedule not yours LOL. My son (he is now 4 1/2 months) didn't have a schedule until last week and he kind of made that schedule himself. He was getting cranky at around 7 every night so I started feeding him (he's now on cereal YEAH!) at that point and putting him in his crib. He gets up around 6 a.m. -- he's sleeping through the night now -- but I waited until HE was able to tell me what he wanted (in his own way of course)

I say what works for some kids might not work for others and only you know you're child/household best. As long as you're not endangering your child's health (which you are obviously not) just do what you feel is right.