Are we being selfish?

[Grumpy John]

Desperately need to throw this one around for some friendly advice and probably a bit of sympathy.

Our first granddaughter - Caitlin Rose - was born on March 24 this year so will be celebrating her first Christmas very shortly.

We dote on her, have her stay with us every weekend and love her to bits and whilst we both work full-time pressure jobs give her 100% attention when she is with us.

When the subject of Christmas came up we said it would be OK for her, her mother and our son to spend Christmas Day with her other grandparents.

Now we are being told that Boxing Day will also be spent with the other grandparents which has left us very upset and wandering what to do next.

My son has said that they can all come to ours another day over Christmas. But Christmas has two days as far as I am concerned and both of them have been taken away from us.

Work commitments mean that I am only guaranteed the two days off hence why we wanted them here on the Sunday (Boxing Day).

The following weekend I am working all day New Years Day and the Sunday am going to the wifes parents for the day.

Have now got myself in the frame of mind to say forget it all and we will spend the time on our own with our other son who will be home from uni - and who is also looking forward to seeing her as he has been away since early September - and miss seeing Caitlin open her first Christmas pressies

What ever I do will be wrong and it is not making me feel too good.

PS: We have her New Years Eve as they want to go out partying!

 

[Dimplenose]

I understand how you feel but having been caught in the "sharing ourselves evenly" trap for a number of years we now opt out completely and see no-one for Christmas. We make sure we visit everyone as near to Christmas as we can, but the 24,25 and 26 are just for the 4 of us. I'm sure that the grandparents are a little disappointed but it is such a relief not having to keep score.

(It may be differnt for us as we live an hour away from the in-laws and 2.5 hours away from my family.)

LIbby

 

[gilld]

I can understand your disapointment but it isn't worth getting it out of proportion as all that will do is cause bad feeling all around. To me the logical thing would be for you ALL to go to your son and daughter-in-law for "THE" day but if that isn't possible then I think you must stand back and let them decide what they want to do.

As you're going to see your grand-daughter over New Year I think that may have to suffice. At least you see her regularly - do her other grandparents? Perhaps you'll have her next year.

I would make the time you do see her a wonderful as possible and enjoy that.

 

[Grumpy John]

Gill, thanks. They live 6 miles from us. About a mile from the other grand parents. My sons partner sees her mother ever day. They literally do everything together because her mother does not work.

 

[vicky1bfc]

Could you not ask them to come for lunch or tea on either day.Then at least you will get to spend a few hours with your grandaughter.

Thats what we tend to do on boxing day or christmas day,spend half the day with each.

I know for experiance driving all over is a bit of a nightmare so maybe you could offer for them to stay overnight if they came for tea,least then they could relax and have a couple of drinks without the worry of having to drive home again later.

If your sons anything like my hubby he wont't want to spend all of christams with the inlaws,so maybe take him to one side and explain just how much you would like to see your grandaughter sometime over christmas.

 

[T16GEM]

we usually have lunch with my mom and dad and then go over to DH's mom and dads on the night, but DFIL will be in Indonesia again this year so it will just be his mom and the grandparents.

It is difficult to spread yourself around but we are really lucky that we all live pretty close together.

 

[wils]

I can totally understand your disappointment! Do you know the reason they are there for Boxing Day too?

I remember my family were disppointed that Molly's first Christmas was spent with my in-laws. We alternate each year and it happened not to be their year! Distance meant we couldn't see both families but my folks did see her Boxing Day. I remember one of my Mum's friends saying to her that she'd actually be better off 'having us' next year as Molly would be opening all her pressies herself (she did fall asleep after the first gift that year - she was only 6 weeks old!)

As you are geograpically close is there any way that you could go over to the other GP's for a cup of tea or something to see her for a little while - How is your relationship with them?

I don't know what to suggest but I hope that it doesn't spoil your Christmas.

Jo x