Are there any other foster parents out there?

[gr8tpanther]

Check with your local social services. Here there is a program where the children can temporarily go into foster care to give the child and the parents a much needed break from one another. Therapeutic foster care may be where they would want to place your daughter. Sorry you are having such problems with her.

We do Respite care now, she goes for weekends here and there to give us some down time from each other, but generally she comes back just the same and sometimes worse. We have talked about the Theraputic stuff too. Social Services are the ones I am dealing with now, but in order for them to do anything at this point, I have to come out and SAY, "I don't want her" and I can't bring myself to say that! What mother can SAY she doesn't WANT her child? I DO want her, I just can't keep living with this day to day stress. Thanks for all the hugs.

At one time I had thought of becoming a foster parent, but that we before I had kids. And now that I have a special needs child, I don't think I have the strength to do anything more than I am doing already.

 

[chell]

We do Respite care now, she goes for weekends here and there to give us some down time from each other, but generally she comes back just the same and sometimes worse. We have talked about the Theraputic stuff too. Social Services are the ones I am dealing with now, but in order for them to do anything at this point, I have to come out and SAY, "I don't want her" and I can't bring myself to say that! What mother can SAY she doesn't WANT her child? I DO want her, I just can't keep living with this day to day stress. Thanks for all the hugs.

At one time I had thought of becoming a foster parent, but that we before I had kids. And now that I have a special needs child, I don't think I have the strength to do anything more than I am doing already.

I'm sorry. Hope things get better with her real soon. I'll keep you in my thoughts & prayers.

 

[barkley]

We do Respite care now, she goes for weekends here and there to give us some down time from each other, but generally she comes back just the same and sometimes worse. We have talked about the Theraputic stuff too. Social Services are the ones I am dealing with now, but in order for them to do anything at this point, I have to come out and SAY, "I don't want her" and I can't bring myself to say that! What mother can SAY she doesn't WANT her child? I DO want her, I just can't keep living with this day to day stress. Thanks for all the hugs.

At one time I had thought of becoming a foster parent, but that we before I had kids. And now that I have a special needs child, I don't think I have the strength to do anything more than I am doing already.

god bless you-you are in no way, shape or form a bad parent for considering this option. a bad parent would ignore the situation and not seek outside assistance. sometimes foster care place is the only avenue to services that are truly needed. since the goal is family reunification a foster care placement can result in accessing and receiving the nesc. treatment and services to accomplish and facilitate this. you would not be saying "i don't want her" you would be saying "i want her and myself to be in the healthiest and safest place possible".

chell-that is fantastic! i wish more states would institute this type of program!

 

[Stephieann]

I am not a foster parent, but I am looking to possibly put my DD in foster care. She has many issues and I can't do it on my own anymore. And everyone else around me has basically stopped helping because of all her behavior issues. The only other option is foster care.

Is this a bad thing? Funny this thread should be here, because I am having alot of problems being able to just hand my kid over to someone who may or may not be better in raising her. I just don't have the energy anymore, she will be 12 and is starting to make threats towards me and my other DD and I don't know what else to do.

I give alot of Kudos to you who take in and care for children who need you. And for the parents of those children who may need you as well.

IN our state they have group homes that parents can send there children to, to help the children. not sure how it works but i now they have them.


SUPPORT GROUPS ARE GREAT for foster parents. We have a local association that we have monthly meetings and it is great that any given time we can pick up the phone and call anyone in our association and they will be there for anyone that needs it.

 

[DisneyDotty]

anyone who perceivs this to be a "money making" proposition is greatly mistaken. i have never known a foster parent who did not expend far more financialy (we won't even go into emotionaly) than their allocation.

burn out is common among foster parents (and foster care staff-that's why the person you talk to today may not be there this afternoon. in most regions the staff is largly new hires who will likely transfer the moment they are eligible to do so). the circumstances are difficult at best, and the system is in no way "user friendly" (a showing of hands-how many placements have you gotten that mandated immediate medical attention but had a pending status for medicare?) and it gets even more difficult when the dependancy is based under a differing state's jurisdiction :guilty.

Wow--you are so right on the mark re: the foster care system. You obviously have a lot of experience with foster care. Spoken like an expert.

 

[barkley]

Wow--you are so right on the mark re: the foster care system. You obviously have a lot of experience with foster care. Spoken like an expert.

as a very wise worker told me on my first day "honey, you will never "learn" the foster care programs you will "live" them".

she was sooooooooooo right! and back then at least they were based on existing regulations, now so many of the programs refer back to "regualtions in existence in 198x". it's a program where a seasoned staff member can be the best resource for a newbie. same goes for medicare.

 

[Stephieann]

with all the rules and regs. at times i am so ready to quit. Just when i am ready to throw my hands up and say i quit... i have a very moving time with a foster child and it keeps me motavated of why i am doing it.

 

[luvthatduke]

DH & I are considering "foster to adopt" in the future,
but I'm confused about these other agencies you all
have mentioned??
I thought foster children were placed by the state?
Please help me understand! TIA.

 

[Stephieann]

DH & I are considering "foster to adopt" in the future,
but I'm confused about these other agencies you all
have mentioned??
I thought foster children were placed by the state?
Please help me understand! TIA.

There are some private agencies out there...i have not really worked with any but one here in Tennessee that i am familar with is one that mainly deals with Teens that parents can not handle and they are placed in care of this ageny. The agency i am familar with is Youth Villiages. I am not sure how other states and agency are.

Stephanie

 

[Southern4sure]

My mom was a foster parent for years and years. She stopped along time ago. The stories that come with these children will pull at your heart strings. The last child my mom had was the hardest she had to deal with. I will never forget the heartache this little girl had to go through. Long story short, three girls, mom keeps the older and youngest. Middle child is in and out of foster homes for years. My mom got her at 6 yrs old and she was our "sister" for three years. At age 9 she was no longer wanted by her bioligical mom was put up for adoption BUT kept the older and younger ones. My mom could not adopt (she already had 7 kids of her own) and we cried and mom fought to adopt. This girl came back 16 yrs later (she remembered where we lived) to say thank you to my mom. The beautiful girl is now a gracious lady with children of her own.

 

[DisneyDotty]

DH & I are considering "foster to adopt" in the future,
but I'm confused about these other agencies you all
have mentioned??
I thought foster children were placed by the state?
Please help me understand! TIA.

The state does take in the kids, but does not have the resources to process/monitor all children, so it "farms" out the placement to various private agencies--by us, it's Catholic Charities, Lutheran Social Services, Central Baptist, Aunt Martha's...Different agencies have different requirements and also different ways of communicating, monitoring, etc. Also by us DCFS uses a different agency every month.

 

[luvthatduke]

There are some private agencies out there...i have not really worked with any but one here in Tennessee that i am familar with is one that mainly deals with Teens that parents can not handle and they are placed in care of this ageny. The agency i am familar with is Youth Villiages. I am not sure how other states and agency are.

Stephanie

The state does take in the kids, but does not have the resources to process/monitor all children, so it "farms" out the placement to various private agencies--by us, it's Catholic Charities, Lutheran Social Services, Central Baptist, Aunt Martha's...Different agencies have different requirements and also different ways of communicating, monitoring, etc. Also by us DCFS uses a different agency every month.

Thank you, Stephanie and Dotty .
I never realized the state had to use private agencies.
Whom do you apply to then, if you want to investigate
how it all works??

 

[DisneyDotty]

Thank you, Stephanie and Dotty .
I never realized the state had to use private agencies.
Whom do you apply to then, if you want to investigate
how it all works??

We did the application/training/approval through Catholic Charities. CC works closely with DCFS, though, who is the license-granter.

 

[Figment1964]

We are a "foster-to-adopt" (should be final any day now) to one 8 year old boy who has been here for 8 months. We're fostering another 6½ year old boy we've had for 5 months. On Thursday our caseworker will be setting the date for a committee meeting to officially make us his "foster-to-adopt" parents.

We have a 12 year old DS who was adopted at birth, but it was a private adoption with no foster care involved.

We also have a 7½ year old biological son.

 

[tci1212]

We will be suprising my Daughters Foster child who is 8 yrs old with her 1st Disney Trip. She will open her Disney Dollars on Christmas Morning along with a Cinderella dress. We have known her since she was a newborn but only saw her on special occasions. My daughter has already got permission from the state and the child's mother. Do we need anything at the Airport to take her on the plane? I don't know if we need the guardianship papers to board with her. Thanks for any help!