Are my husband and I wrong for this?

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Oh boy oh boy! No I'm far from controlling. Did I mention she invited herself. We allowed this to happen because she was excited and left all the planning to us since we were supplying the vehicles. She wanted to stay offsite so we agreed. I wanted to stay in a family suite. She still thinks that her 5 year old is a baby and doesn't understand why she has to purchase park tickets for him. She also doesn't understand what a Disney adult is. She refuses to do any research. Winging everything with 10 people is complete chaos, heck Winging things with my family of 6 would be crazy. I wanted her to get the tickets now so that could be done and one less thing to worry about and then she would only need to focus on food and souvenirs. I told her all the websites to look at to see the rides, prices of tickets and food and everything in between. She refuses to do anything and says I can plan everything then when I try to this is what happens. And yes our kids all all around the same age so they are gonna want to do the same things so if I make fast passes for my kids and leave her kids out her kids will be sad. She is lazy and leaves everything to me and then decides change her mind and start making demands and now I am the bad person. For months now I have text messages saying what we are doing and asking her about restaurantsand rides and she replies with whatever I'm in and now she's out??

If she was that bad, you shouldn't have invited her, regardless of her "inviting herself." You simply didn't have to change your plans of flying and staying on site.

But since you invited her, you need to stick with that. Otherwise, yes, you are the bad guys.

Like other posters have said, plan your ADRs including her. Book your own fast passes. Let the chips fall where they may.

 

[Kellykins1218]

We also invited my sister in law and her 3 children.

Oh boy oh boy! No I'm far from controlling. Did I mention she invited herself.

Why do people always change their stories when people don't agree with them?

 

[piccolopat]

OP, if you are comfortable with the house rental without her (in case she backs out last minute), I would plan ADRs with her and her family wherever possible. If you can't get some places that you really want, then make reservations for your family and let her know you're happy to make reservations for her family someplace else or she can go QS. I would also make my FP+ and then her know there is a strong possibility that she will not get the same ones if she waits until she gets there and she will need to explain to her children why they can't ride with their cousins. That is on her, not you. I would also let her know now what time you will be leaving for the parks each day and that she needs to be sure her family is ready to go. Otherwise they will need to plan transportation on their own, like Uber as a PP mentioned. As I previously said, I would also tell her we will request separate checks when we dine together so there are no arguments as to who pays for what.

 

[LilyWDW]

Why do people always change their stories when people don't agree with them?

Because they are not getting the support and answers they want.

It bothers me a lot that the story has now changed once people pointed out that they don't agree with the OP. That doesn't help anyone want to support what the OP has done. It sounds to me like the OP is the one who wants to control the trip.

 

[Kelly Anne]

Oh boy oh boy! No I'm far from controlling. Did I mention she invited herself. We allowed this to happen because she was excited and left all the planning to us since we were supplying the vehicles. She wanted to stay offsite so we agreed. I wanted to stay in a family suite. She still thinks that her 5 year old is a baby and doesn't understand why she has to purchase park tickets for him. She also doesn't understand what a Disney adult is. She refuses to do any research. Winging everything with 10 people is complete chaos, heck Winging things with my family of 6 would be crazy. I wanted her to get the tickets now so that could be done and one less thing to worry about and then she would only need to focus on food and souvenirs. I told her all the websites to look at to see the rides, prices of tickets and food and everything in between. She refuses to do anything and says I can plan everything then when I try to this is what happens. And yes our kids all all around the same age so they are gonna want to do the same things so if I make fast passes for my kids and leave her kids out her kids will be sad. She is lazy and leaves everything to me and then decides change her mind and start making demands and now I am the bad person. For months now I have text messages saying what we are doing and asking her about restaurantsand rides and she replies with whatever I'm in and now she's out??

I personally think you did the right thing..... It's really not worth the headache when they agree to have you plan everything and then decide they no longer want that. I understand why you would want the tickets to be purchased now it's one less thing to do and worth it for everyone including her kids since they won't have to wait to enter the park while their cousins are already inside! Sounds to me that even tho she can afford it she just doesn't want to pay for anything.... I come from a big family I'm the youngest of 8.... We always do things together and help each other out when it comes to do things... I went to Disney last year with my mom sister and her kids, she paid( I'm a spoiled adult) but I planned everything they just had to show up... But I also know not every family is like mine and sometimes even tho they invite themselves if that's the way they are you just have to tell them No.

 

[peabody58]

The fact is, we Disney fans are all controlling. The degree to which is debatable. I am in that the obsessive planning controlling group.

What many see as 'controlling', I see more as 'ignorant disrespect' by the guests.

I have planned multiple 'extra guest/family' WDW vacations, and they are always stressful. We want the experience to be magical for our guests and the degree to which the vacation was a success is internally a reflection on our ego/id.

We have a family vacation planned for this year with our 2 DD's and their men. Fortunately they have both been to WDW before as kids and more recently as adults with us. However, one of my SIL's on his first WDW trip refused to take any of our advice and had the attitude, 'It's just like 6 Flags.' The trip wasn't a total disaster, but he now has a very different appreciation of what a WDW vacation means, and is actively helping us prepare for our the trip this year.

I'm not is agreement with the process the OP used to remove her guests from the trip, but I am in total understanding of her reasoning.

 

[HopperFan]

To all yes she can afford the tickets right now she has said over and over that she has the money. She had been avoiding our calls for months. We had to put in the remaining balance for the rental because she did not answer phone. This has been ongoing for months it's not just an overnight decision. I wanted to buy tickets in advance to make things go more smoothly. Also she insinuated doing different parks or not doing certain parks she does not have a car nor a license it's not just about the fast passes I'm well aware when we can book fast passes. It's about her changing her mind and her controlling nature. We are spending a lot of extra money traveling with both of our vehicles and not asking her to pay gas or tolls. Oh and one more thing she still doesnt grasp that everyone has to purchase a park ticket even if they do not plan on riding any rides. I believe she thinks Disney is like the county fair.Thanks for all the responses.

Oh boy oh boy! No I'm far from controlling. Did I mention she invited herself. We allowed this to happen because she was excited and left all the planning to us since we were supplying the vehicles. She wanted to stay offsite so we agreed. I wanted to stay in a family suite. She still thinks that her 5 year old is a baby and doesn't understand why she has to purchase park tickets for him. She also doesn't understand what a Disney adult is. She refuses to do any research. Winging everything with 10 people is complete chaos, heck Winging things with my family of 6 would be crazy. I wanted her to get the tickets now so that could be done and one less thing to worry about and then she would only need to focus on food and souvenirs. I told her all the websites to look at to see the rides, prices of tickets and food and everything in between. She refuses to do anything and says I can plan everything then when I try to this is what happens. And yes our kids all all around the same age so they are gonna want to do the same things so if I make fast passes for my kids and leave her kids out her kids will be sad. She is lazy and leaves everything to me and then decides change her mind and start making demands and now I am the bad person. For months now I have text messages saying what we are doing and asking her about restaurantsand rides and she replies with whatever I'm in and now she's out??

So you are paying for the house or at least paying all costs until now, paying for two cars and doing all the driving to go, will be driving her all over in Orlando and doing all the planning ...... and she can't even cough up her tickets on time. Lets not forget you gave up your planned trip to incorporate her. Sounds like she does not want to go and won't admit it. Sounds like a recipe for disaster if she does go and much more hard feelings from the trip than from cancelling.

I would just tell her that it just won't work for you all this trip to take two cars and have to transport her to parks when it sounds like they don't want to do the same things you HAVE PLANNED. Tell her she would be much better off planning her own trip, flying in so the car is no worry, staying on property so car is no worry and have ability to do whatever whenever she likes. And if you still are considering going together I would move onsite, have her do the same and go back to your original plan. Then you all can meet at the parks if she wants to join you and have some meals together.

NO WAY I am spending my vacation and money with the burdens she has put on your family. I support you and I would absolutely cancel on her at this point and say you can't make it work. Maybe another time (fingers crossed behind my back). You all have done nothing wrong, she wrote this ending herself.

MY OPINION: A vacation is precious time and no one has the right to redefine that.

 

[disney world dreamer]

I wouldn't be bothered by anything that has been described yet. I would buy my tickets, book my fastpasses, and bring the SIL's family up to date on what we were doing.

The one piece of this that seems to be ill-advised was even considering an offsite trip with someone who doesn't drive. The OP will be at the mercy of when SIL can be up and ready with her kids every morning. And that's not a position I would ever want to be in at Disney.

That said, I wouldn't have agreed to that in the first place. I would have never agreed then kicked her off the trip for not buying tickets early enough.

i totally agree that they should have stayed onsite if her SIL can't drive.
a PP did mention that SIL could get an uber to the parks and that is what i would suggest if she's not ready when OP wants to leave.

 

[mom2rtk]

So you are paying for the house or at least paying all costs until now, paying for two cars and doing all the driving to go, will be driving her all over in Orlando and doing all the planning ...... and she can't even cough up her tickets on time. Sounds like she does not want to go and won't admit it. Sounds like a recipe for disaster if she does go and much more hard feelings from the trip than from cancelling.

I would just tell her that it just won't work for you all this trip to take two cars and have to transport her to parks when it sounds like they don't want to do the same things you HAVE PLANNED. Tell her she would be much better off planning her own trip, flying in so the car is no worry, staying on property so car is no worry and have ability to do whatever whenever she likes.

NO WAY I am spending my vacation and money with the burdens she has put on your family. I support you and I would absolutely cancel on her at this point and say you can't make it work. Maybe another time (fingers crossed behind my back). You all have done nothing wrong, she wrote this ending herself.

Those are all very good reasons whey they should not have invited them in the first place. I certainly would not have ever agreed to any of that in the first place. But I think it gets a little muddy when you start making plans, then pull back on what you have previously offered.

 

[bigmom04]

Why do people always change their stories when people don't agree with them?

First if all I can careless who believes me or agrees with me. We posted that we are going to Disney on Facebook and she said she wants to come and with all the excitement we said sure. Some of you people on here are the most opinionated people and so judgemental. I don't know why I say on this site it's seems like so many of you guys are perfect. It's not wrong for me to want my vacation that my husband and i have paid thousands of dollars for and worked countless of hours of overtime to make sure we have a great time. Also I didn't tell everything because that would take a long time to explain just know she has been distant for many years we are only friends on Facebook. My kid don't know her as aunt the last time they saw her my oldest was 9 he will be 16 in July my youngest wasn't even born yet and has never met her. So no feelings lost no sleep lost over my decision. This is my last post and my last time on the boards

 

[AshleeH]

Those are all very good reasons whey they should not have invited them in the first place. I certainly would not have ever agreed to any of that in the first place. But I think it gets a little muddy when you start making plans, then pull back on what you have previously offered.

Exactly. We have vacationed at Disney with family and friends numerous times before - my rule #1 is that I will not compromise my vacation for your vacation.

I am a planner - I thrive on it - but I won't plan for anyone but my family unless I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that it will be a good vacation for the people traveling with us. When there's another planner like me involved, it's best to just touch base with her and see where the chips fall and that usually means our schedules are virtually identical.

This has always worked out well - everyone plans their own things and overlaps happen where they will and we all have a great time. We have stayed on property at our chosen location and anyone traveling with us has chosen their own hotel (or in one case, the campground). It doesn't matter to us if that is on or off property. There's this handy tool called the cell phone and when everyone is in the park, we make plans to meet up at a certain location at a certain time and we always plan a few ADRs together (which I book for everyone). No one has ever complained, no one has hard feelings, vacations were great, and I would travel with any of these people again in a heartbeat.

But in this case, the compromise has already happened, so now you just have to grit your teeth and deal with it or yes, you will be the bad guy. And rightfully so. The time to speak up and complain happened long ago when your SIL wanted you to compromise location and mode of travel. That's when you should've said, no, we will be flying and staying at this specific hotel. If you can join us, great! Too little, too late now.

 

[kevgraub]

First if all I can careless who believes me or agrees with me. We posted that we are going to Disney on Facebook and she said she wants to come and with all the excitement we said sure. Some of you people on here are the most opinionated people and so judgemental. I don't know why I say on this site it's seems like so many of you guys are perfect. It's not wrong for me to want my vacation that my husband and i have paid thousands of dollars for and worked countless of hours of overtime to make sure we have a great time. Also I didn't tell everything because that would take a long time to explain just know she has been distant for many years we are only friends on Facebook. My kid don't know her as aunt the last time they saw her my oldest was 9 he will be 16 in July my youngest wasn't even born yet and has never met her. So no feelings lost no sleep lost over my decision. This is my last post and my last time on the boards

To be fair to the other posters, you started a thread titled "Are my husband and I wrong for this?" and then solicited input from other people. They gave you their honest responses.

You may not have liked what they said - but you got exactly what you asked for: input from people on whether they thought you were doing the right thing.

 

[AshleeH]

First if all I can careless who believes me or agrees with me. We posted that we are going to Disney on Facebook and she said she wants to come and with all the excitement we said sure. Some of you people on here are the most opinionated people and so judgemental. I don't know why I say on this site it's seems like so many of you guys are perfect. It's not wrong for me to want my vacation that my husband and i have paid thousands of dollars for and worked countless of hours of overtime to make sure we have a great time. Also I didn't tell everything because that would take a long time to explain just know she has been distant for many years we are only friends on Facebook. My kid don't know her as aunt the last time they saw her my oldest was 9 he will be 16 in July my youngest wasn't even born yet and has never met her. So no feelings lost no sleep lost over my decision. This is my last post and my last time on the boards

You ask for advice and then throw a tantrum when people don't agree with you. As for the opinionated comment - you asked for opinions. So yes, you're going to get opinionated people. And if this person is such a stranger, I doubly stand by my comment that I posted above this one. Frankly, I'm baffled why you would even include her in the first place if you haven't seen her in 7 years. Why would you even offer to include her with your immediate family and plan everything for her? Especially if a vacation with your family is so important to you. It's not hard to discourage people from traveling with your family - trust me, I've done it numerous times. "We'd love to see you! We're traveling during these dates and we'll meet up a few times when we all arrive in Orlando." Done. But like I said, that time has passed. Sorry you're not getting the answers you were wanting, but you're not going to be labeled the good guy here. You don't cancel someone else's vacation because they're not falling in line. You should've found your voice with your family member long before now.

 

[KathyTX]

Since the OP has announced she will not return here, I'm closing this thread.