Are my husband and I wrong for this?

[Naomi Collison]

Are you refunding her portion of the reservation? She isn't backing out, you are and if you are you need to give her back everything she has paid for the trip (even if it isn't much)

I do think it's harsh rescinding the invitation after you have made it and have started planning. If you knew she would be this way before, you shouldn't have invited her. It's not really fair to the kids. If she isn't paying the portions she is responsible for, that's a different story. And I mean paying on the due schedule not your schedule (for instance if the rental doesn't HAVE to be paid until you get there, she can wait till you all get there to pay and not pay ahead.)

 

[maxiesmom]

Yes. I think it is pretty rotten. You can vacation together and not have to be joined at the hip 24/7. I really hope you think again and find a way to make it work, especially as there are children involved. Just think about how your kids would react if that happened to them.

 

[Shanti]

We have been planning a Disney vacation for our family which includes dh, myself, ds16, dd14, ds10 and ds7. We also invited my sister in law and her 3 children. We gave her all the dates which is August 12 to 20. She even gave us the deposit for the rental home. She calls us up yesterday to ask us about the dates again and we tell her and we also tell her that we have been trying to contact her we are late with getting the tickets and we want to book some fast passes, she theneeds tells us she wants to wait until we get there to purchase tickets. My husband and I try to explain the importance of booking fast passes but she keeps saying no. So last night my husband and I decided to cancel her and her kids out of our vacation we know what we want she doesn't we have been to Disney before she hasn't and has no idea about planning. We are also driving so that is another inconvenience we were taking 2 vehicles to accommodate her family she does not drive. So are we wrong for doing this, should we allow her and her kids to come but just exclude them from fast passes and reservations? Has anyone gone through this before? Also when we started planning this vacation back in January she was so relaxed and said I can plan everything now after waiting for her to cough up her share of the money she has a different attitude.

Honestly, I can't imagine doing that to family at all. No vacation is worth being cruel to your kin. You can just do your trip as you like, and meet up with her & her kids at off times. No need to kick her out of a family trip.

I also think you're neglecting not only their feelings but also your own children's. Wouldn't they like to vacation with their cousins? Cutting her side out is robbing your children of that family bonding opportunity.

The magic of WDW lies in our hearts, in the joy we share there with those we love. If you're being harsh and exclusive to your own family, that doesn't make for a magical trip.

 

[JustCallMeMommy]

If you take her off the reservation, does anything change? Do you move to a smaller house? Do you pay less? Or is this just a way of saying she is no longer invited?

If there isn't any real implication for taking her off the house, I would just leave her on the reservation and tell her, "No problem - you're welcome to buy there. I'm going to go ahead and buy my tickets now and make our FastPass reservations. We can just split up at the parks if you aren't able to get FastPasses at the same time. I hear Uber works great in Orlando if you decide to split off from us."

I would include them on dining reservations because you will still be seated if you show up with less people, but adding more isn't always possible.

For the record - I think there is probably some motivation behind her not wanting to buy tickets yet. Maybe she really is broke right now but expects the money to come in soon, or maybe she is thinking about cancelling and doesn't want to be tied to tickets until she makes the decision.

 

[disney world dreamer]

If you take her off the reservation, does anything change? Do you move to a smaller house? Do you pay less? Or is this just a way of saying she is no longer invited?

If there isn't any real implication for taking her off the house, I would just leave her on the reservation and tell her, "No problem - you're welcome to buy there. I'm going to go ahead and buy my tickets now and make our FastPass reservations. We can just split up at the parks if you aren't able to get FastPasses at the same time. I hear Uber works great in Orlando if you decide to split off from us."

I would include them on dining reservations because you will still be seated if you show up with less people, but adding more isn't always possible.

For the record - I think there is probably some motivation behind her not wanting to buy tickets yet. Maybe she really is broke right now but expects the money to come in soon, or maybe she is thinking about cancelling and doesn't want to be tied to tickets until she makes the decision.

this.

 

[Allison]

Very harsh. You should have had a discussion with her about the status of the trip before doing something like that.

 

[marlynnp]

To all yes she can afford the tickets right now she has said over and over that she has the money. She had been avoiding our calls for months. We had to put in the remaining balance for the rental because she did not answer phone. This has been ongoing for months it's not just an overnight decision. I wanted to buy tickets in advance to make things go more smoothly. Also she insinuated doing different parks or not doing certain parks she does not have a car nor a license it's not just about the fast passes I'm well aware when we can book fast passes. It's about her changing her mind and her controlling nature. We are spending a lot of extra money traveling with both of our vehicles and not asking her to pay gas or tolls. Oh and one more thing she still doesnt grasp that everyone has to purchase a park ticket even if they do not plan on riding any rides. I believe she thinks Disney is like the county fair.Thanks for all the responses.

I see controlling and it isn't coming from the SIL. There's absolutely no good reason for insisting on her purchasing the tickets NOW or even before she gets there. If they miss out on fastpasses so be it - you're talking 3 attractions a day, I'm sure they'll find something to do regardless. And just because people go on vacation together shouldn't mean all parties need to be joined at the hip. Make sure she has phone numbers/apps for local transportation options and do what you want.

 

[Figmentmommy]

OP- your initial post makes it appear as if your issues are solely based on fast passes and planning in advance, which is probably why so many have replied to that. It sounds like there are bigger issues here but you all can certainly vacation together and not be together day in and day out. If you wanted it to be the opposite then I would think it's worth another conversation about everyone's expectations before just cutting them out.

 

[Minniesgal]

I think that was very harsh if she wants to buy tickets hen she gets there let her and let her do her own thing. Book fast passes just for your family

 

[Luvstotravel]

To all yes she can afford the tickets right now she has said over and over that she has the money. She had been avoiding our calls for months. We had to put in the remaining balance for the rental because she did not answer phone. This has been ongoing for months it's not just an overnight decision. I wanted to buy tickets in advance to make things go more smoothly. Also she insinuated doing different parks or not doing certain parks she does not have a car nor a license it's not just about the fast passes I'm well aware when we can book fast passes. It's about her changing her mind and her controlling nature. We are spending a lot of extra money traveling with both of our vehicles and not asking her to pay gas or tolls. Oh and one more thing she still doesnt grasp that everyone has to purchase a park ticket even if they do not plan on riding any rides. I believe she thinks Disney is like the county fair.Thanks for all the responses.

Are you sure it's HER "controlling nature"?

 

[brockash]

We have been planning a Disney vacation for our family which includes dh, myself, ds16, dd14, ds10 and ds7. We also invited my sister in law and her 3 children. We gave her all the dates which is August 12 to 20. She even gave us the deposit for the rental home. She calls us up yesterday to ask us about the dates again and we tell her and we also tell her that we have been trying to contact her we are late with getting the tickets and we want to book some fast passes, she theneeds tells us she wants to wait until we get there to purchase tickets. My husband and I try to explain the importance of booking fast passes but she keeps saying no. So last night my husband and I decided to cancel her and her kids out of our vacation we know what we want she doesn't we have been to Disney before she hasn't and has no idea about planning. We are also driving so that is another inconvenience we were taking 2 vehicles to accommodate her family she does not drive. So are we wrong for doing this, should we allow her and her kids to come but just exclude them from fast passes and reservations? Has anyone gone through this before? Also when we started planning this vacation back in January she was so relaxed and said I can plan everything now after waiting for her to cough up her share of the money she has a different attitude.

You on your own, decided that she wasn't coming on the vacation anymore? If that's the case, then yes, of course you were wrong...very wrong. The logical thing to have done was to go ahead and book your family's fastpasses and then let her deal with her own. If she was able to get fastpasses for the same time on the same day, great, if not then you guys would just go your separate ways at that time. Did someone do this to you? I just can't imagine someone coming on here asking if them cancelling another family's vacation is ok, so I can only assume that someone did this to you and that you're the sister-in-law. If so, I'm sorry you have to deal with someone like that. If you were really are the person that canceled someone elses vacation then wow...pretty insane.

 

[richmo]

I don't think I'd cut her out at this point, but I think it would be fair to give her some deadlines. Since your FastPass window doesn't open until July, there's still some time to work that aspect out. What you also need to consider (and should have already) is how difficult it is heading to the parks trying to keep 10 people together. Since you are in charge of all the vehicle(s)/transportation, keep in mind your time is restricted by the latest sleeper and earliest to "hit the wall". That's where her "controlling nature" could be an issue.

 

[Kellykins1218]

I wanted to buy tickets in advance to make things go more smoothly. Also she insinuated doing different parks or not doing certain parks she does not have a car nor a license it's not just about the fast passes I'm well aware when we can book fast passes. It's about her changing her mind and her controlling nature. .

I'm sorry but you talk about her controlling nature but you want to cancel her & her kids' trip because she won't do everything exactly the way you want it? But she's the controlling one? Personally, I think cancelling their trip because they won't do things the way you want makes you sound like horrible people.

 

[Hikergirl]

Yikes, that is pretty harsh. I'm not really sure what the issue is, is it that your rental was due and she isn't giving you the money, or is it because she has never been to WDW and doesn't want to plan your way?

If its the first, I still think a discussion needs to be done before you totally cancel them from the vacation, its their vacation too its not just yours.
If its the latter then I think you are being selfish and controlling. You can get your families FP's when your window opens (which hasn't happened yet so not sure how she's late?). They can get their tickets when they arrive. You all can enjoy time together but its not like you have to do everything together. You knew going in about the car situation, its seems unfair to hold that against her now. Honestly if I was her, I'd probably just back out and vacation on my own. Actually maybe you are overwhelming her with demands and that is why she hasn't responded. Just a thought.

 

[Mousemommy1]

This is why I don't plan vacations around other people.

 

[jo-jo]

If you take her off the reservation, does anything change? Do you move to a smaller house? Do you pay less? Or is this just a way of saying she is no longer invited?

If there isn't any real implication for taking her off the house, I would just leave her on the reservation and tell her, "No problem - you're welcome to buy there. I'm going to go ahead and buy my tickets now and make our FastPass reservations. We can just split up at the parks if you aren't able to get FastPasses at the same time. I hear Uber works great in Orlando if you decide to split off from us."

I would include them on dining reservations because you will still be seated if you show up with less people, but adding more isn't always possible.

For the record - I think there is probably some motivation behind her not wanting to buy tickets yet. Maybe she really is broke right now but expects the money to come in soon, or maybe she is thinking about cancelling and doesn't want to be tied to tickets until she makes the decision.

I agree with this.

The SIL could be a last min planner and then when nothing works out, it's the OPs fault.

I have family who have never made it on top to a family meal (Christmas etc....) in 25 yrs. And it's always someone else's fault. Not the fact that they left their home far too late. We did a disney trip with DS and family. Niece decided to go at same time (on my brother's dime)......of course she was the expert......She did get away with a few things.....child 2 1/3 yrs old, didn't pay for airline tickets. Said Free dining was worth it. And then they were sick for three days. Got sick on the way down , not disney fault. Had no clothes on plane when child threw up on her (was airline fault ?????) This past yr because of money issues, there was not going to be a birthday party for 4 yrs old. I said, we'll invite the grandkids, and one or two friends and have it at our house. I did the food, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, etc (they brought rolls) and she insisted on last min pizza, so everyone at my house was waiting to eat because they were late and decided on getting pizza. She did the cake. I did the games, prizes, decorating, balloons, clean up...while she sat in dining room.... Yes, I did it for the child, but OP could be thinking is my family going to suffer on the trip, listening to SIL complaining she couldn't get FPs, why do your kids get to ride mine train and my kids can only ride small world etc.

 

[mom2rtk]

I wouldn't be bothered by anything that has been described yet. I would buy my tickets, book my fastpasses, and bring the SIL's family up to date on what we were doing.

The one piece of this that seems to be ill-advised was even considering an offsite trip with someone who doesn't drive. The OP will be at the mercy of when SIL can be up and ready with her kids every morning. And that's not a position I would ever want to be in at Disney.

That said, I wouldn't have agreed to that in the first place. I would have never agreed then kicked her off the trip for not buying tickets early enough.

 

[bigmom04]

Oh boy oh boy! No I'm far from controlling. Did I mention she invited herself. We allowed this to happen because she was excited and left all the planning to us since we were supplying the vehicles. She wanted to stay offsite so we agreed. I wanted to stay in a family suite. She still thinks that her 5 year old is a baby and doesn't understand why she has to purchase park tickets for him. She also doesn't understand what a Disney adult is. She refuses to do any research. Winging everything with 10 people is complete chaos, heck Winging things with my family of 6 would be crazy. I wanted her to get the tickets now so that could be done and one less thing to worry about and then she would only need to focus on food and souvenirs. I told her all the websites to look at to see the rides, prices of tickets and food and everything in between. She refuses to do anything and says I can plan everything then when I try to this is what happens. And yes our kids all all around the same age so they are gonna want to do the same things so if I make fast passes for my kids and leave her kids out her kids will be sad. She is lazy and leaves everything to me and then decides change her mind and start making demands and now I am the bad person. For months now I have text messages saying what we are doing and asking her about restaurantsand rides and she replies with whatever I'm in and now she's out??

 

[Gracie09]

Plan your trip add her to adrs and the rest is up to her. Yes uninviting her is mean, especially to your niece/nephew. If she arrives and wasn't planning on paying for a ticket for her 5 year old - too bad for her. If she has to wait on long lines for rides - too bad. That's what we did when our inlaws joined us for a trip. We told them what we were doing and when and they could join us or not. Then went about our days.

 

[Hikergirl]

OP, in your first post you said you invited her, now you are saying she invited herself. Not sure which is true, but regardless of any of that, just cancelling her from the trip without discussing it with her is wrong.
Not everyone is into research and planning months out. A first timer isn't going to understand the level at which you plan or feel you need to plan. I'm a wing it kind of vacationer so I get your SIL. I also get that those 2 kinds of vacationers will not do well together and can see why you are stressed.

Maybe just agree on sharing the house, making ADRs together and ride the stand-by rides together. Again, you don't need to do every single thing together. If they miss out on FP then they miss out.
Also, I am going to suggest that if things end up changing while there, like one of your kids wants to skip a FP to ride something with one of her kids, just let it happen. Winging it to a certain extent isn't all bad