Are my husband and I wrong for this?

[bigmom04]

We have been planning a Disney vacation for our family which includes dh, myself, ds16, dd14, ds10 and ds7. We also invited my sister in law and her 3 children. We gave her all the dates which is August 12 to 20. She even gave us the deposit for the rental home. She calls us up yesterday to ask us about the dates again and we tell her and we also tell her that we have been trying to contact her we are late with getting the tickets and we want to book some fast passes, she theneeds tells us she wants to wait until we get there to purchase tickets. My husband and I try to explain the importance of booking fast passes but she keeps saying no. So last night my husband and I decided to cancel her and her kids out of our vacation we know what we want she doesn't we have been to Disney before she hasn't and has no idea about planning. We are also driving so that is another inconvenience we were taking 2 vehicles to accommodate her family she does not drive. So are we wrong for doing this, should we allow her and her kids to come but just exclude them from fast passes and reservations? Has anyone gone through this before? Also when we started planning this vacation back in January she was so relaxed and said I can plan everything now after waiting for her to cough up her share of the money she has a different attitude.

 

[megster1123]

I think to just outright cancel her is really harsh - and just because she doesn't want to plan her time the way you're planning yours? Just because you vacation with someone doesn't mean you have to do everything together. If you explain FP and ADR to her and she's not interested, she's just not interested. You're not declaring to "exclude" her, you're just planning for your family and she's planning for hers.

We have been planning a Disney vacation for our family which includes dh, myself, ds16, dd14, ds10 and ds7. We also invited my sister in law and her 3 children. We gave her all the dates which is August 12 to 20. She even gave us the deposit for the rental home. She calls us up yesterday to ask us about the dates again and we tell her and we also tell her that we have been trying to contact her we are late with getting the tickets and we want to book some fast passes, she theneeds tells us she wants to wait until we get there to purchase tickets. My husband and I try to explain the importance of booking fast passes but she keeps saying no. So last night my husband and I decided to cancel her and her kids out of our vacation we know what we want she doesn't we have been to Disney before she hasn't and has no idea about planning. We are also driving so that is another inconvenience we were taking 2 vehicles to accommodate her family she does not drive. So are we wrong for doing this, should we allow her and her kids to come but just exclude them from fast passes and reservations? Has anyone gone through this before? Also when we started planning this vacation back in January she was so relaxed and said I can plan everything now after waiting for her to cough up her share of the money she has a different attitude.

 

[FreesiaE]

Seems pretty mean to the kids. You don't need to be together at every moment, right? Book your Fast Passes and let her do tickets on her own. If you ride together, great, if not, meet up a show or parade.

 

[Calee]

I would not cancel her based on not wanting to do fast passes-you do yours and let her do her own thing once she is there.

However, if she has not paid her portion, I would have a serious conversation with her. I think you CAN tell her that you will need to cancel her if she does not contribute the agreed upon amount. Maybe give her an "out". "SIL, I know this is a lot of money. If you are feeling unable to pay, we can cancel you from the booking, and maybe you and your kids can do this some other time in the future"

 

[piccolopat]

Is she having problems coming up with the money for the trip? Since you are approaching your FP+ window in a few weeks, I would be concerned that she will back out last minute. Perhaps start with explaining that you will make your FP+ and ADRs for your family and that she will likely not be able to get the same if she waits. If she is fine with that, then gently ask her if there is a problem with her going.

 

[Kelly Anne]

You and your husband need to do what you feel is right.... Unfortunately you know your sister is law best and if she is going to give you a hard time about paying things then it might not be worth the headache and just say forget. But if that's not the case and she just wants control of what she is doing then just plan for a place to stay and let her worry about the rest and you do you and your family...

 

[DopeyDame]

I would never think to cancel a vacation with someone just because they don't want to plan their fast passes at the same time. You don't need to be together every second of the day. Plan the fastpasses you want and go ahead and reserve them for your family. Other than that, continue the planning as you had planned - no reason not to include them on ADRs. Then just let her know your plans. If they can and want to get fastpasses at the same time as you when you get there, great! Otherwise, no biggie.

I'm assuming the reason they don't want to buy tickets now is financial - tickets are crazy expensive and they may need the time to save the money. It seems down right mean to say "sorry, you won't do exactly what we want when we want it, now you can't play with us at all"

 

[DisneyWishes14]

If you are staying offsite, you can't make fastpasses until mid-July, so I don't quite understand why you need to purchase your tickets now? And why would making your fastpass selections be contingent on her having tickets? If she doesn't want to plan FP+, does that really affect you? I've traveled with extended family before and we've always split up to do our own thing and then would come back together for meals or other things we all wanted to do together. As for ADR's, (which I'm assuming you made already), you will not be charged a no-show fee for showing up with fewer people on the reservation, so that, too, doesn't affect you at all. I don't see anything wrong with her going with you, but not doing everything that you want to do. Yes, I think it was inconsiderate of you to just take her off the reservation. If she needs to wait to buy tickets, so be it. She can either do her own thing in the parks or attempt to copy your FP+ when she gets there.

 

[DisneyWishes14]

Since you are within your FP+ window, I would be concerned that she will back out last minute.

OP stated they rented a house. Their FP+ window doesn't open until July 13. There is no need to buy tickets right now.

 

[piccolopat]

OP stated they rented a house. Their FP+ window doesn't open until July 13. There is no need to buy tickets right now.

Of course I missed that on my first read. I'll amend my post but I would still be concerned. Thanks.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

You spoke to her yesterday. She didn't jump to do what you wanted, so you decided to cancel her last night?

Wow, yes, that seems a bit harsh to the SIL. And downright mean to the kids.

 

[Paula Sedley-Burke]

Maybe she can't afford the tickets right now? Is that a possibility laxk of funds? I would exclude her from the plans but not the vacation. We all have different approaches maybe they just want to chill out by the pool? But you have given them the information so if she misses out she is informed now.

 

[bigmom04]

To all yes she can afford the tickets right now she has said over and over that she has the money. She had been avoiding our calls for months. We had to put in the remaining balance for the rental because she did not answer phone. This has been ongoing for months it's not just an overnight decision. I wanted to buy tickets in advance to make things go more smoothly. Also she insinuated doing different parks or not doing certain parks she does not have a car nor a license it's not just about the fast passes I'm well aware when we can book fast passes. It's about her changing her mind and her controlling nature. We are spending a lot of extra money traveling with both of our vehicles and not asking her to pay gas or tolls. Oh and one more thing she still doesnt grasp that everyone has to purchase a park ticket even if they do not plan on riding any rides. I believe she thinks Disney is like the county fair.Thanks for all the responses.

 

[serenitynow]

To all yes she can afford the tickets right now she has said over and over that she has the money. She had been avoiding our calls for months. We had to put in the remaining balance for the rental because she did not answer phone. This has been ongoing for months it's not just an overnight decision. I wanted to buy tickets in advance to make things go more smoothly. Also she insinuated doing different parks or not doing certain parks she does not have a car nor a license it's not just about the fast passes I'm well aware when we can book fast passes. It's about her changing her mind and her controlling nature. We are spending a lot of extra money traveling with both of our vehicles and not asking her to pay gas or tolls. Oh and one more thing she still doesnt grasp that everyone has to purchase a park ticket even if they do not plan on riding any rides. I believe she thinks Disney is like the county fair.Thanks for all the responses.

If you think you did the right thing that is all that matters. It does sound like from a family finance perspective, she bailed when she did not pony up her share of the rental expenses. These excuses she keeps making are giving you a big clue that your travel styles don't mesh. That could lead to a very stressful and unhappy vacation for everyone.

 

[disney world dreamer]

i guess i'm not understanding why you invited her to begin with because it sounds like you never really wanted her to go and kinda knew she would be trying to do other things.

 

[Guyton dis lover]

I have been stiffed for money before and had to eat the cost of unused tickets , meal plans and room reservations. I have tried to help the folks in our family and have taken their kids when they were busy booking vacations for the themselves ,while they had committed to go and then failed to show. But I never let any of their children sit at home after I had made the invitation.
Allot of folks do not see Disney the way a true Disney Fan does. I have a guy I hunt with that says he never has the money to take his twins to Disney but it never fails,every deer season he shows up with a new gun that cost several thousands of dollars. But he can never seem to come up with the money to Drive 4 hours and buy a two or three day ticket to take his kids to Disney.

 

[cmarsh31]

Is the cost of the rental in your budget without her contribution or would you need to make a different reservation if she backs out? If you don't need her contribution, I'd just keep on going - get your tickets, make FPs when you can for your family, etc. If she chooses to come along, she can get tickets and do what she wants. If she doesn't come, you drive one car and your trip is fine. If you are depending on her contribution, the time to have this discussion was before you had to cover the entire deposit and she was ducking your calls. Since that time is past - if changes have to be made, a frank phone call (or email if she doesn't answer) laying it all out that if she doesn't pay now, you'll have to change to a smaller rental that won't include her family.

 

[disney world dreamer]

i wanted to add that as PP's have stated if you're staying offsite you won't be able to bnook fastpasses until july 13th and then its only 1 day at a time.
so i'm curious as to why over a month out from your fastpass booking window you say you are "late" to buy tickets and make fastpasses?

 

[usnuzuloose]

IMHO, it is up to you and your husband need to decide. He needs a say in the matter.

 

[DisneyWishes14]

To all yes she can afford the tickets right now she has said over and over that she has the money. She had been avoiding our calls for months. We had to put in the remaining balance for the rental because she did not answer phone. This has been ongoing for months it's not just an overnight decision. I wanted to buy tickets in advance to make things go more smoothly. Also she insinuated doing different parks or not doing certain parks she does not have a car nor a license it's not just about the fast passes I'm well aware when we can book fast passes. It's about her changing her mind and her controlling nature. We are spending a lot of extra money traveling with both of our vehicles and not asking her to pay gas or tolls. Oh and one more thing she still doesnt grasp that everyone has to purchase a park ticket even if they do not plan on riding any rides. I believe she thinks Disney is like the county fair.Thanks for all the responses.

Yikes. It doesn't sound like your traveling styles mesh at all. I have to agree that taking both of your cars, driving everyone everywhere and not being able to reach her to help pay the balance of the house rental would be a big red flag for me, too. Plus, if you are all dependent on the cars to get to the parks (because you are offsite) and she can't agree on which parks to go to each day, that's going to be a problem. Since the planning was left in your hands, I think I would lay out the daily plan and what she owes you to date (for the rental house) and ask her if she really wants to go. If she doesn't help with the house balance, I, too, would take her off the reservation. The park tickets are a whole other thing. I would go ahead and buy your family's tickets and make your plan. If she decides not to buy tickets, she will, obviously, have to deal with that when she gets there. If it's going to cause you a lot of stress and ruin the vacation that you have planned and you are putting the majority of expense, time and effort in, including her just isn't worth it IMHO. We took an extended family trip a few years ago and one person sort of dragged it all down, to the point that we ended up doing a do-over about 6 months later. If she isn't going to pony up for a balance that is due (the house), I would take her off the reservation.