Anyone with experience on prison visits in MD?

[tkd lisa]

Boy, I feel weird typing out this question. But I need the info, so here goes!

Some of you may remember that my soon-to-be ex went completely off the deep end last summer, which is why he's my soon-to-be ex. Anyway, he was convicted in February of first degree assault and is in the Western Maryland Correctional Facility.

Based on the kid's counselor's recommendation, I'm taking them for a visit next weekend (9 days from now). I'd like to have as much information as possible in order to prepare them for the experience. FYI, DD is 14, and DS is nearly 13.

Here's what I think I know.

1) I will be present, since they need someone over 18 with them, and there's no one else in the area. There is a restraining order in place, and I have written to my soon-to-be ex explaining that this visit is between him and the kids, and I'm just there because I have to be.
2) The visit will be in an open room, with other visitations happening. Apparently there are tables in the room, and each group takes a table.
3) There are vending machines and you can purchase things for the visitors and the inmate.
4) The visit is up to an hour long.

Here's what I don't know, and would like info on.

1) I assume we will go through a metal detector? Correct?
2) I assume that we will go through locked doors. Is this individually, or does the whole group go through? I'm thinking that it's going to be very scary for my kids to go through those doors unless I'm right there with them.
3) Are the prisoners shackled? Handcuffed? In prison clothes? When we were in court for the restraining order, it was very shocking to see my husband in shackles and cuffs. I'd like to prepare the kids for it if he will be in them, but I don't want to put the picture in their mind if he won't be.
4) How distracting are the other visitations? I have a pretty rough population in my mental picture, and again, I want to prepare my kids. If they are going to hear people heavily cursing or getting sexually descriptive, I want to let them know ahead of time.
5) How close are the guards? My soon to be ex is pretty unstable. I've held a couple of his recent letters to the kids due to inappropriate content (he seems to be heading into a depression, but can swing manic in a heartbeat), and if things turn south, I want to get out of there quickly. Again, it's not my physical safety I'm really worried about, but not exposing the kids to too much.

I really appreciate any help I can get. And I'd sure take any prayers next Saturday!

 

[mom2taylorandemily]

I live in Virginia so I don't have any answers for your questions, what I suggest is that you call the wardens office where he is incarcerated and maybe they have a social worker who can help you transition your kids. I will keep your family in my prayers. On a side note: have they tested your ex for bi-polar, it sounds like he is definitely going thru some psychological disorder. Maybe some really good meds will stabilize him. Anyway good luck and I hope all goes well.

 

[tkd lisa]

I've checked their web site, which is where I got the info I have here. I've also asked my lawyer to get me as much information as possible. If I can't get anything more, I'll call the prison, but I wanted to avoid bugging them if I could.

And yes, my ex is bi-polar. He has been his entire life. This time, he refused to get treatment, and since he came after me and the kids with a weapon (high powered rifle with a sniper scope), I was done.

Since he's been in jail, he's supposedly getting his medication, but the most recent letters sound like he's cycling again. Which certainly isn't making me any calmer about this visit.

 

[L107ANGEL]

I can tell you the answers for PA. I think the wardens office would be very sympathetic to your situation and will be happy to answer your questions.
I am sorry to hear you had to go through that!

 

[hentob]

And yes, my ex is bi-polar. He has been his entire life. This time, he refused to get treatment, and since he came after me and the kids with a weapon (high powered rifle with a sniper scope), I was done.

I would involve a social worker or counselor for sure. This may be more traumatic for the children than anyone realizes. Do they want to visit him? I can't imagine what they (and you) have been through

Good luck in whatever you decide.

 

[tkd lisa]

The kids have been seeing a counselor here in FL. She's the one that recommended the visit. I tried to set up a visit (supervised) before he went to jail, but my then husband didn't contact the court like he was supposed to.

My DS in particular really wants to see his dad. He's very much a "pleaser", and he's got the mind-set that he needs to help his dad. He's also blocked out most of the last two years of negative behavior, and only remembers the good things. This is definitely a swing from last fall, when he was terrified that Dad was going to find us and hurt us.

The counselor has dealt with many kids who have parents in jail (but in FL, so she can't help me with the details in MD). She said that my son is imagining things much worse than they are, so he really needs this in-person visit.

My DD was actually around (DS was at scout camp) when my soon to be ex got really out of kilter. Add to that the fact that she's a different personality type from my son, and she hasn't been asking to see her dad. She is willing to go on the visit, but if it didn't happen, she wouldn't be upset. Since I have no place to leave her, she's going to be at the visit.

L107Angel, can you answer how it does work in PA? Especially the other inmates interaction? That's the kind of thing that I think the officials wouldn't be able to tell me. They can answer fact type questions, but I'm mostly worried about the atmosphere.

 

[L107ANGEL]

Sure but its been a while. You will go through the same security as an airport. Nothing too bad for the Kids.
Yes it will remind you of the high school cafteria, again not to intimidating.
He will be in prison clothes but I am not sure on the shackles and handcuffs. So you may want to prepare the kids that he may be in those just in case.
The prisoners when I visited my friend were pretty well behaved, the don't want to lose the visitation priveledge. Everyone pretty much kept to themselves.
The gaurds are in the room but with your circumstance I think you can call the wardens office and voice your concerns, I am sure they would understand your situation and would be willing to stick close to you and the kids to make you feel better.
I hope that helps and I will say a prayer for your family

 

[phillybeth]

http://www.dpscs.state.md.us/locations/wci.shtml

And here is a message board specifically for those visiting prisoners:

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=46

It's got lots of general guidelines regarding how to dress, what to expect, etc.

 

[budbeerlady]

Good luck with your visit. It sounds like you have been through alot. Sending some prayers and pixie dust your way!

When I think of jail I think of the desperate housewives episdoes where Carlos and Gabrille are sitting across the table from each other and hes filling out the check book with the guard standing off to the side.

 

[tkd lisa]

http://www.dpscs.state.md.us/locations/wci.shtml

And here is a message board specifically for those visiting prisoners:

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=46

It's got lots of general guidelines regarding how to dress, what to expect, etc.

Thanks phillybeth. I had the website, but went I went to the contact page to send my questions in, the email bounced. I'll check that forum next. Hopefully it will help!

 

[tkd lisa]

Sure but its been a while. You will go through the same security as an airport. Nothing too bad for the Kids.
Yes it will remind you of the high school cafteria, again not to intimidating.
He will be in prison clothes but I am not sure on the shackles and handcuffs. So you may want to prepare the kids that he may be in those just in case.
The prisoners when I visited my friend were pretty well behaved, the don't want to lose the visitation priveledge. Everyone pretty much kept to themselves.
The gaurds are in the room but with your circumstance I think you can call the wardens office and voice your concerns, I am sure they would understand your situation and would be willing to stick close to you and the kids to make you feel better.
I hope that helps and I will say a prayer for your family

Thanks! I'm hoping that will be the environment here as well. My brother in law spent quite a bit of time in jail (DUI which ended up killing someone), and the in-laws said that the environment was fairly comfortable. But he was in a education program, so the population there was very motivated to behave well.

 

[justhat]

I haven't been to any MD prisons, but I worked for a children's inpatient mental health facility in NJ and accompanied several kids on visits with their parents in NJ and PA prisons and in my psychology doctoral training had to do prisoner assessments in DC and VA (different from just visiting, but some procedures were the same) so I can give you a general idea. Some were state, some federal, but visitation was basically the same in all of them.

For interaction with other inmates it will be minimal. Inmates are not supposed to speak with the visitors of other inmates or the other inmates themselves and because they want to keep their visitation priviledges they follow the rules pretty well. I never saw any sort of bad behavior during any visits, no cursing, fighting, yelling, etc. If inmates act inappropriately in any way, they will be removed and the visit will be ended and they also risk stopping everyone's visit so they really don't want to act up. Plus they're all usually very happy to see their families, kids, etc. so the atmosphere is generally happy. Same applies to your ex btw, so if he gets out of hand at all they will take him back, or you can just see the guard at the desk (there will always be at least 1 guard in the visitation room) and tell him you're ready to leave and he'll have a guard escort you out.

Some of the prisons I went to did have vending machines and yes, you can buy meals/snacks (they have sandwiches, ribs, pizzas, etc. in there, not just candy) and heat them up and both visitors and inmates can eat.

Yes, you go through locked doors, but you go as a group. Sometimes it might just be you and your kids or if other families get there when you do then you might all go in together. You have to show a photo ID, sign a register book, get a hand stamp (the old WDW kind that glows under a blacklight), go through a metal detector and then you go into the 1st locked off area with a guard. You'll have to show your hand stamp to other guards maybe just once but possibly more, depending on how many locked areas you pass to get to the visiting room. You never go through any prison areas though, so don't worry about seeing other prisoners or what the cells look like or anything like that. Oh, one thing to check on is what you can wear. Most prisons won't let you wear the same color as the prisoners, so if they wear khaki colored outfits, you may not wear anything khaki. They are very strict on this and won't let you in if you're dressed remotely like a prisoner. Some prisons don't care, but others did so check on that before you go. Also, you cannot bring anything in with you other than money for the vending machines and your photo ID so make sure to leave anything else in the car. A clear ziploc bag works well for carrying your belongings so that everything is visible (though they go through an xray machine anyway, but the guards like to be cautious). Some will also take your photo when you sign in/show id so know that that is a possibility too.

Another thing to prepare for is the wait time. 1 prison I went to in Philly made you wait roughly an hour from the time you signed in/showed your id till you were allowed in the visitation room. Then once you got in and sat down you waited up to another hour for your prisoner to come down. Your kids are older so I imagine that the wait won't be a big issue, but with the young kids I was supervising that wait was endless for them (and prisoners are responsible for the behavior of their visitors so the the kids are running wild in the room the visit will end and the prisoner gets punished for it). It also scared some of them cause they couldn't understand why their daddy wasn't coming to see them and they'd think something happened to him. So even though your visit may be only an hour, you might end up being there around 3 hours. Again, not every prison did that, but just be prepared.

And yes, they wear their prison uniform, but I have never seen any prisoner come to visitation in handcuffs or shackles so I don't think you'll have to worry about that. Most of the uniforms that I saw were either an army green or khaki color. Exceptions being for prisoners who were "in trouble", then they wore a bright orange uniform (all of which were jumpsuit style, 1 piece-both the orange and regular colors) and sat in a separate section of the visitation room, marked off by orange tape. Even they were not handcuffed though. I am pretty sure they only do that when transporting them, so court dates, etc. since they could try to escape. In the prison itself though, they all listen very well to the guards during visiting time so I wouldn't worry much about that.

I think that's it. Sorry it's long, but I know I was terrified the first time I had to go to a prison cause I knew nothing about them so hopefully this will help you out a bit.

 

[Arielle22]

Here in MA you cannot wear shorts to visit prisoners. My bil went to visit his cousin and was turned away due to that.

 

[tkd lisa]

justhat,

Thanks so much! That's exactly what I was wanting to understand. I think the handcuff/shackles thing was only in the courtroom. But it shocked me sooooo much that if there was a chance, I wanted to warn the kids.

I will warn them about the wait times. They are used to having a book, or drawing pad with them, so just sitting and waiting will be hard for them. DS will just be finishing camp, so we'll probably spend the time hearing how his 2 weeks went.

And phillybeth, I did visit the discussion board and it had some very good information. According to that site, there is a physical barrier in this facility, so that actually makes me more comfortable.

Thanks again to everyone who's helped.

 

[Hedy]

In MA you need gov't issued ID's, you might want to look into that.
Also, are *you* ok with going to see your ex? It sounds as if this visit might not be so good for you, is there someone else you could sent with your kids?
Good luck. Jails are scary places (I worked in one for a year).

 

[lucyblondecat]

I visited someone in prison in the late 80s, it was a really traumatic thing for me as an adult, and it was an extended family member. I can't imagine having to go through that as a child. My thoughts are with you and your children.

The prison I visited was in Prince Georges County. What I remember most was talking through a glass window on a telephone and it being really really loud on the other side, with lots of people shouting (I couldn't see them, the only person I could see was the inmate I went to go visit). There also was no metal detector then, but again, that was many years ago. Be prepared to be treated like a prisoner yourself, they sort of herd you in like cattle. The people who work there are not usually nice and courteous people, at least that was the case when I was there.

I hope you’ll call the prison directly and tell them your situation. Hopefully they have someone on board besides the regular intake people who will help shield your children from some of the reality of prison. Good luck.

 

[hentob]

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=46

It's got lots of general guidelines regarding how to dress, what to expect, etc.

Whew--Just spent some time reading the prisontalk forums. Very interesting.

You learn something new everyday