Anyone have 'only' children who don't care for oceaneer's lab?

[Mickeyhugger]

I know I'm in the minority here. I've read tons of posts from people whose children will gladly spend lots of time there.

Our 9-yo DD is an only child, and I'm sure that might be part of it.

On our first cruise 2 years ago, she humored us and went the first night. (She was at the oceaneer's club then.) She didn't complain, but didn't want to go back. (There were only two nights we insisted she go for an hour, so DH and I could go to one of the comedy acts.) Of course she went, but was so glad when we came to get her. It helped when she 'buddied-up' w/our dining companion's DD (also an 'only') and because that child was two years older, they didn't go to the labs, but just hung out in the game room, etc. What was interesting was that our companion's DD didn't care for the labs either.

Well, last year, DD was not as resistant (I guess it comes w/being older). She even planned to (she was finally at the lab last year) be there the afternoon the kids were going to make 'the glob.' She got lucky and made a friend while there, and agreed to go to the labs 'if Jessica is going to be there.'

I'm just wondering if any other parents out there had the same prob w/their children? I myself, grew up w/four siblings, so I don't know the best way to instill confidence in her when I leave her w/a group of children she doesn't know. She won't stand up for herself w/aggressive children (we've all been there before, the child who can tell when one is more vulnerable and tries to run another child away from the nintendo so he/she can play it, etc.)

My only hope this year is that she'll be lucky enough to find another child in the same boat (no pun intended )and will make another friend this year. I'd even thought before of asking one of the counselors at the lab if they could 'pair her' w/someone, but I know sometimes they have their hands full too.

Has anyone else here had this happen?

 

[TootyJane]

Well, Mickeyhugger, I'm in the minority with you. We have 3 boys and have cruised on the Magic two times (May 1999, boys were 11, 8 and 4 and then again in May 2002, boys were 14, 11 and 7). The first time they all went to the clubs and all 3 would not go back. On our second cruise, oldest was able to go to Common Ground. He love, love, loved it!! We hardly saw him except at dinner time. The middle ds wouldn't go, youngest went once and that it was it. My oldest and youngest are outgoing and make friends easily. Middle ds is our shy one. I don't know what the secret is either. I figure I'm not going to worry about it. There are plenty of other things to do and, after all, it's their vacation too.

 

[dclwdwlover]

I'd like to preface this reply with a disclaimer that I am NOT making any accusations, assumptions, insinuations, etc., etc. against anyone whose child won't go to the clubs. I am only stating MY experience as a mother of four.

My kids are mostly grown now, but what I have seen with my own & with friends & acquaintance's kids is that it really depends on a few things:
1) the personality of the child
2) the seriousness of the parent that the child attend
3) the communication/delivery of the parents' wishes

My boys have always known that, in addition to family time, I like (expect) adult time without them. On a ship they know (because I have told them ahead of time) that they will be in the club as they cannot meander around the ship for hours freely. My youngest was not always happy about this because he was the one who had the most alone time with me, but I insisted (lovingly) that he participate for a time & that I would be there if he needed me - for serious reasons. The first time that I put him in a ship's club he cried - even though we spent time in there together checking everything out. I only put him in there for a short time for him to get used to it & then increased the time as the trip went on. Also, I did peek in now & then & made sure he was fine - he was! The first few times he cried as he saw me coming to get him. Good thing I had checked in-between.

It's not the easiet thing to leave your child in a place they say they don't want to be, but if they're safe & you assess that it would be a good place for them to be, why not? Kids will adapt to almost every situation. You're not abandoning them.

On the other hand, I have seen many children - & not necessarily 'only' children - that refuse to go into a place & then end up getting their own way. Then, not only do they miss out on some terrific childhood experiences, the parents miss out on things too. {Case in point: My in-laws took a DCL cruise & their daughter (7) refused to participate in the club they wanted her to go into to. Their comment about DCL: "It was o.k., but I wouldn't do it again. Too many kids around." Well, according to them, they spent all of their time at the kiddie pool & never got to see the shows because their daughter "didn't feel like going". They never got to experience the adult pool, Palo, a romantic walk alone, the shows, etc., etc.}

Sometimes the kids don't want to participate because they are very shy, but unfortunately, if they are allowed to 'run the show' every time they are uncomfortable they will never grow out of it. Before I get blasted, let me tell you that I speak from experience. I was shy & NEVER made to do anything I didn't want to (spoiled) & I'm in my 40's now & still won't walk into a gymnasium, church, group setting, etc. alone. I try, but I have panic attacks. However, my shy child, who I encouraged to participate (always giving a lot of information beforehand) is not shy at all anymore & even plays in two bands on stage all of the time.

I guess I'm trying to make the point that the ball is in the parent's court. It sounds like you might have an good idea in communicating with the counselors. Just the fact that your asking shows that you really care about your daughter having a good time. My 12yo told me that the club was boring this past trip & I insisted that he give it a better try & try befriending more kids & participating in more events. He did & he ended up liking it.

Hope it all goes well for you & you all end up having a great time.

 

[Mickeyhugger]

My DD DID go to the Oceaneer's lab last year, and enjoyed it when she had another child w/whom she could play. (I hope this thread does not start a debate.)

My main question was if other children (and now I welcome all, not just 'onlies) did not enjoy it as much, especially if they were on their own?

And wdwdcllover, our family had a lovely time. Please reread my thread as DH and I sent her there when we wanted time alone. I'm concerned for DD too, though

 

[kcashner]

My DD is an only, very independent, and quite mature. No flames--being mature comes of being an only, which means being in adult company much of the time, and also the fact that she started taking a class at the local university when she was 8.

Whether or not she enjoyed being in the lab has depended totally on whether or not she made a "buddy" in the first day or 2. Overall, she did not enjoy the lab, but there were times that I required her to go. On trips where she made a friend, all was well and she'd spend a couple hours there each day. On trips where she didn't have a friend in the lab, she only went as required. The funny thing is that she wants to go back as a counsellor in the Club!!!

On our upcoming trip, we made a point of "meeting" someone on line who will be on our cruise. The kids have been corresponding for a month or so, and are really looking forward to their time together....in THE STACK!!! Yikes!!!
Kathryn

 

[Mickeyhugger]

Thanks kcashner. (8 years old and at a university! You must be very proud.)

DH and I did send her to club and lab when we needed some 'alone' time.' And she was better off when she had a buddy.

She's clingy to DH and I in new situations (as I said, it was easier w/her the second year). We've told her too, that there will be times that she'll HAVE TO GO, and she hasn't given us trouble.

I guess I'm also saying that she'd rather be on her own, or in the stateroom watching a movie, or running around the ship if she has a buddy who can do the same. She's asked me when she'll be allowed to sign herself in and out of the lab! (I don't know the pat answer to that? Does DCL have an age requirement?)

 

[dclwdwlover]

Smart thinking, Kathryn, having your dd 'hook up' with others before the trip.

And, Mickeyhugger, I did re-read your thread - as well as MY reply - & I think that although well-meaning, I am also opinionated & sometimes come off as terse. Not intentionally. Sounds like you DID have a great time & will again.

I still stick with my opinion that kids, like some adults, will sometimes rather stay with the familiar & on the ship that can mean staying with mom/dad/whomever. It is ALWAYS easier if they meet a 'buddy'. I don't blame them.

It seems that the younger kids & teens overall seem to love the clubs (more often than not) & the 'tweens' are the ones that don't always. I'm not sure if this is a problem or not, but maybe they need to have more of a variety of activities for the older 'tweens'. My son (again, 12) told me that he loved making the flubber the first time he went (10yo) but "didn't find it as fun" the next time.

 

[budwmn]

I too have an only child (DS age 7). Our first trip, he loved the Club and didn't want to leave when we came to pick him up.

Our last trip was VERY different. He didn't really want to go, and when he did, he was bored after about an hour.

We're planning a trip next winter when he'll be old enough for the Lab. He's not very excited about it, and asked if he could go back to the Club instead.

He will go if we tell him Mom and Dad need some date time, but we won't force him in there otherwise. He would rather spend time in the cabin watching TV or hanging out with us. He is very independent and enjoys time on his own or with his family. We consider it a blessing that he wants to hang out with us because we know it won't last forever!

 

[Tiiiigergirl]

Our son is an only who loves the clubs. He is excited about our fourth cruise. We just told him tonight. He is one who would spend every day from 9A to midnight if we let him. In his book Mom and Dad = boring (aka I get to spend 51 weeks out of the year with them). I think the fact that he is an only makes him want to go to the clubs more.

 

[hawkrn]

My DS, 10 didn't set foot in the club on Xmas cruise 2003. He went once last year on the Wonder to make flubber and he thought it was boring. He did however go to the movies by himself!

 

[tpseller]

We were on our first cruise last May with our only child DD, who was less than a month shy of her 5th bday. We had her in the 4-5 year group at the club. Needless to say, she was one of those kids that you have to drag out of the place - so my husband and I had a great time!

One concern I have now, is that when I mentioned that she would be in the lab this time, she was less than excited. She LOVED the dress up part of the club.

Has anyone else had experience with a girl going into the lab from the club and not having a good time? Is it just me, or do most of the events in the lab seemed more geared toward boys?

Just curious for some feedback from someone who has experienced the "next level" on the clubs.

 

[Mickeyhugger]

Thanks to those of you who posted. I'm glad I'm not alone. It sounds as if those of us whose children don't care for the clubs, LOVE THE CRUISE, but want to 'do their own thing.'

Each child is different and WONDERFUL in their own way

 

[PiperG]

Our DS6 is a lot like some of the other only children described. He is very, very comfortable with adults and also very conversational.

While he did enjoy the clubs, we fell into a routine that worked well for our family on the cruise. Most of our time during the day was spent together as a threesome (playing shuffleboard, swimming, etc). At night, he would wolf down his dinner (early seating) and either DH or myself would take him to the club in between our courses, which gave us some adult time during the second half of the meal. He could not wait to get there and that worked out great for all of us.

He either paged or we picked him up later in the evening. That was a nice balance, and we plan to deploy the same routine with our upcoming Wonder cruise.

Once or twice on the Magic we had him go to the clubs while we did the wine tasting or another adult activity. He was fine with that also. Once again, a nice balance for everyone.

 

[fred ferdlap]

My 10 year old was fine in the club, but the 12 year old did not like the club at all. TOO babyish!

They have some real work to do to improve the club for preteens.
We spoke to other parents of 12 yr olds and had same experience. In addition if this is not their first cruise, kids get bored doing the same thing. How many times can you make flubber?

 

[kleubanks]

We too have an only child (a six year old). She never refused to go to the Oceaneer's Club and never balked when we took her but never initiated the visit. I don't think it was a matter of not really meeting other kids but she is the kind of kid that feels like she's missing out if she's not with us. I think your idea of pairing or grouping (in case that paired child isn't going in) is a great one. Disney seems to be open to new suggestions, perhaps a letter or note on the comment cards.

 

[rae519]

With an age difference of 14 years between sons, my youngest at 8 is pretty much an "only". I find that he takes a day or so to get used to being there and making new friends, but after that, he doesn't want to leave for anything!!!

Guess it's just a matter of who else is there and what is going on at the club/lab.

Rae

 

[clh2]

Our "only" DD, who was 9 1/2 when we cruised last October really didn't like the clubs. She is very outgoing, has done very well with any situtation she's been in, she makes friends easily etc.

She read the navigator daily, picked which activities she thought would be interesting, and did those. She also went to the club the night DH and I went to Palo - without a complaint. (Of course - she was able to order room service that night!)

DD is in a variety of day camps throughout the summer, has been making versions of "flubber" at least once or twice or more times per year since she was about 4. For her, being on the ship was being able to spend some time with DH and I - not being stuck with the kids.

If it makes a difference, we were only on the 4-day cruise. On Monday, we went to Atlantis, Tuesday was Castaway Cay, and Wednesday was the day at sea. So she didn't really have lots of time for her to go there either.

She found a similar aged friend. DD and her friend and friend's sister had a great time at the pool, going for autographs. But the 3 of them spent very little time in the clubs.

 

[newholiday]

DS went the 1st night and then wouldnt go back

 

[plutospup]

I am always amazed at how my shy DD6 makes friends on vacation, especially on DCL. After a few days she starts talking about her friends like she's known them forever. I feel the counselors do a wonderful job.

 

[BGN]

I could have written your post! Our DD is 9 & we just got back from Eastern Jan 10 cruise. DD is very shy & thought that everything in the clubs was "boring". We did meet (through these boards) another girl about her age who bacame pen pals last August. It was really fun meeting her however we had early seating & her family had late. They spent some time together, but she really didn't want to go to the lab. We told her at the beginning that we were going to Palo & she would have to go to the club then. She wasn't thrilled, but she went The rest of the time she just wasn't interested. Since my DH & I don't get that much time with her anyway we didn't mind having her with us. I do wish I had insisted that she go a little more than I did, as the other post suggested. She may have had fun in spite of herself. I have to admit, alot of what they were doing at the clubs didn't sound that interesting to me either. It's a hard call, you hate to take a vacation for fun, then worry that she's miserable.