Anyone else have a negative family??

[LiLIrishChick63]

I don't know about anyone else, but I find it so wierd that when a couple is getting married, everyone else feels the need to put in their two-sense and make the wedding "their" way. I couldn't imagine telling a newly engaged couple when, where, and how to get married. It's THEIR wedding!!

Sorry - frustrated bride here...

My future SIL is a bridesmaid in the wedding, and the second we told her where it was going to be she said, "Oh, well I can't afford that." The wedding isn't until December of '07...how much time do you need?? DH2B's mother also mentioned how it's too expensive. I was about to say, "You're invited, but that doesn't mean you have to come if that's how you feel." (which sounds horrible)
I just think that this is the most important day in her son's life and she can't just be happy for him that he's doing what he wants. I don't know. Grr...

I guess after all this rambling, my point is that you need to have the wedding that is going to make you and your fiance happy. It's YOUR day, 100%. If your family wants to support you in your decisions, that is awesome and wonderful. I hope everything works out for you, and you get to do what makes you two happy. Best of luck!

oh wow sounds like you're in the same boat! see, a year is plenty of time for someone to save up money and get the time off.........2 years should be easy, you know?

i love how everyone is automatically throwing their two cents in now. my mother keeps saying "you should have a church wedding! i can't BELIEVE you're NOT getting married in a church!" and my sister keeps saying "just elope! come on! just go and get married"....i'm assuming it's because she doesn't want to go.

thanks. i said in a reply earlier, i try to tell everyone "hey, this is MY day" but they either take offense or they just ignore me

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Family is complicated...we always want them to supportive and great...but a lot of times they can be difficult and frustrating and downright hurtful. In the end, you have to do what you want...the only thing in life you have control of is how you live and the choices you make. If your family wants to be difficult and hateful...then you just have to forge ahead on your own and make up your mind to be happy no matter anyone elses attitude.

I spent a lot of time being depressed and totally angst ridden b/c my family is just full of conflicting personalities. A big bunch of Irish Catholics are bound to cause a bit of drama no matter what it is...My family was aghast b/c I'm getting married at a vineyard and not in the church and not having a full Catholic Mass...a Vineyard raised eyebrows b/c it's "so expensive"...(whatever we are paying for this ourselves) My mom and dad divorced years ago and don't speak, my mom's brothers refuse to come if my dad is there, my sister fights with everyone, my other sister spends every dime she gets on stupid things and doesn't know the concept of saving, my cousins are total alcoholics and get into loud drunken fights eveywhere they go... It's been a blast trying to plan let me tell you! In the end I told my uncles that I would love for them to be there, but my dad is NOT going to banned from the wedding b/c they don't like him. He's my DAD...my mom has promised to be the Southern Belle that she is and have impeccable manners in regards to my dad...I ended up buying my sister's Bridesmaids dress and shoes b/c I could afford to and I want her there...I told my other sister that if she wants to be in the wedding I'm thrilled but toxic behavior will NOT be welcome...my alcoholic cousins will be seated away from the bar and there is a rule in place w/ the bartenders that anyone visibly intoxicated will be cut off...(and they have the description of said cousins!)

basically, I'm doing what I want the way I want it. Those who are difficult are welcome to come but have been told that if they are going to be anything but cordial and congratulatory they will not be allowed in the doors...the alcoholics are on notice to behave or be cut off and I'm surrounding myself with those who are supportive and loving and will make my day one to remember. Most of all, at the end of the day I am married to my best friend. That is all that matters to me.

You have to embrace the love and ignore the rest...Toxic behavior in any form only sucks the life out of you. Tell your family that you don't want to hear one more word about how much things cost or their displeasure with your choice of location. If they don't come it's one less person you have to pay to feed! Yay extra Mickey t-shirts!!!

breathe and enjoy!

that's one reason why my sister doesn't want to come. she "can't afford it" yet she blows her money on things like digital cameras and everything extra you can get for your computer and movies and cigarettes(sorry, totally against smoking here so to me it's "blowing your money"). she won't get a job either. her husband works at a grocery store and he works his butt off while she sits at home and is on the computer doing nothing all day. i think it's more of she doesn't want to have to deal with getting everything packed up and everyone down there.

oh yes the drunken cousins, i have a few of those as well! that usually happens when you're Irish! lol

 

[JDR2b777]

So, I am just LIKE YOU! I started planning my Disney Wedding two years before I was engaged because i wanted a July 7, 2007 wedding. Well, I would always mention it to my parents and they blew off their shoulders like whatever. Well, last summer I was on the way to Costa Rica and my parents were taking me to the airport. I told them, in the car that I had looked last night at the disney wedding page and I had a wishbook and this and that and how much I could do it for - 15,000 and that the average wedding is about 20,000+ and I would have fireworks and it would be awesome. Once again they blew my idea off.. My mom was saying the SAME exact thing - NO ONE will COME.. This is so STUPID! Well, I continued doing what I wanted to do and the MORE I showed my mom things (FORCED her TO LOOK) at the Disney wishbook... SHE got EXCITED especially telling her friends.. that was so cool to them and so now.. MY MOM is MORE excited it seems than I am.. I mean, I guess talking about it for two years and be the only one excited can be exhausting.. well, my MOM and I did comprise on ONE thing.. THE DATE. The Date I wanted sooo BAD - (No signifance just a cool 7-7-7) My mom said July is too hot in Disney and she wanted me to do it in May. MAY IT IS!! May 27,2007 and if you add 5+2 =7-7-7.. GOOD LUCk No WORRIES.. Just talk about 24.7.!

 

[momofdbsdc]

It is your day!!!! Plan it the way you want it to be! If they show fabulous, if not have the wedding you want. Families always want to control weddings for some reason. I was married almost 10 years ago and had the same problems. I am surprising my husband with a vow renewal and I am only telling a select few! They all complain when I tell them we are going to Disney again, none the less having a vow renewal there!

Have fun planning!!!!

Kim
momofdbsdca

 

[Tink-n-Belle]

I'll come!!! then you'll have 6 on your side!!

I have 2 DD's and I tell them that they are getting married at Disney, whether they like it or not! LOL

My cousin who lives in NYC had her wedding there and the whole family (no one lives in NYC except her) came to the wedding. They came from Arizona, California, Florida & Massachusetts. We all stay between 2-4 nights and everyone loved getting the chance to see NYC especially the cousins from California. Some even brought their friends with them. She got married in ST Patricks Catherdral which was so cool-- something very different. If she decided to get married in Arizona, we would have had to travel there.

As all the other posters have said, it is your wedding!!! You are the only ones who are going to be dreaming about it before and after it happens. Think of how you'd feel if you didn't get married at Disney because of them. I don't think you'd be happy at all and then there is no guarantee that they'd come even you got married in your hometown. Weddings are expensive, no matter what, but at least with a Disney wedding you get a vacation out of it too.

Good luck and live YOUR DREAM!!!

 

[ItGirl753]

thanks. i swear that it's going to look like the wedding in My Big Fat Greek Wedding.....his side will be filled and my side will have like, 2! lol.

i'm actually in Niagara! so not too far from you!

OH, I hope it won't be that bad! Like I said, I have not approached the subject with family -- still waiting for the ring. I am at the point that I do not care. I know my parents won't act that way -- I am their princess -- but if anyone else doesn't like it, I don't care. Well it's easy to say that now......

You live in the Town of Niagara, or NF? My DBF works at the Air Base. We are so close! I am just inside the Buffalo border near Tonawanda/Amherst.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

OH, I hope it won't be that bad! Like I said, I have not approached the subject with family -- still waiting for the ring. I am at the point that I do not care. I know my parents won't act that way -- I am their princess -- but if anyone else doesn't like it, I don't care. Well it's easy to say that now......

You live in the Town of Niagara, or NF? My DBF works at the Air Base. We are so close! I am just inside the Buffalo border near Tonawanda/Amherst.

lol my father is really cool about the wedding and everything. he's so excited. but it'e my mother who runs the show so he really has no say in anything. my mother is like this about everything tho, i should mention that. she really just doesn't like anything i do with my life at all.

i live in Niagara Falls! that's so awesome we live close lol. it's hard to find people who are from around here espically on a board that has this many people on it! you're actually where i'm planning on moving when i move next year. around Amherst or the Tonawandas.

 

[PottersMom]

I hear you! I totally wanted a Disney wedding- very intimate just mom & dad and the CLOSEST relatives- I got vetoed- HARD. Hello- bride here!!!! They told me it was crazy- too expensive, nobody would be able to afford it, etc. ok- and intimate ceremony is about 3grand.. lets round up to an even 5 grand for arguments sake- would have gotten: Magical ceremony* Beautiful cake* beautiful flowers* beautiful photos*beautiful accomodations* park tickets, (hello honeymoon included!)
instead- everybody pitched a fit, so instead of doing what I wanted, I tried to please everyone else... so we rented a beachhouse on Hilton Head Island, ($5,000 ahem)
my parents and their siblings stayed there. We had a private ceremony on the beach, which ended up being the back yard because beach patrol erected fencing all along the beach three days before the wedding. Spent about another $5,000 on the rest- food drinks clothing etc. As you can see from this budget it was a very humble affair. Plus we froze our you know whats off because it was like 50 degrees outside. (which I also told everyone it would be freezing on the beach in March- but my New York relatives think 60 is tropical and it was almost 2grand more to rent the house three weeks later.) Plus my sister ruined everything but that's neither here nor there on the Disney issue.
Moral of the story, when you really investigate the cost, a Disney wedding isn't that much more than a normal wedding. If you don't throw in expensive extras like ridding to your site in Cindy's carriage it works out about the same. Is it expensive for people to travel there? yes . Will they still be happy for you and your new husband if they can't make it? they should be. Is it worth a little inconvenience to a few other people for you to enjoy your wedding day? I certainly think so. To be totally honest, I did not enjoy my wedding. I couldn't stop thinking about how much we would have loved a Disney wedding, (and that by the time I walked down the aisle I spent twice as much on this crappy wedding than i would have on the one I wanted)
So print this out and give it to everyone griping and tell them if they can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. And tell your sister... if she can save $5 a day for two years, she will have $3650! No more caramel macchiato's for her!
Good luck, luv

 

[Angel Ariel]

i live in Niagara Falls! that's so awesome we live close lol. it's hard to find people who are from around here espically on a board that has this many people on it! you're actually where i'm planning on moving when i move next year. around Amherst or the Tonawandas.

I grew up on Grand Island! I've since moved, but it's cool to find people from the area!


And I'm going to agree with everyone else, and say just do what makes YOU happy. If you want a disney wedding, go for it! I'm having my honeymoon there, and people make comments. Like it's just for you, your FH doesn't want to go, why are you doing such a childish thing...it's irritating. But I'm still going to do it

I know it hurts. My situation isn't the same..everyone's happy. But my best friend chose not to come to my wedding. He moved Seattle (I'm in Philly now) and is working for Microsoft. Now, I understand it might be difficult and such. I'd be a little more sympathetic if he hadn't been back here the week after memorial day to spend a week at his alma mater, drinking it up with the college buddies. It hurts that he chose to do that (since reuinion weeks like that are an annual thing for his alma mater) instead of coming to my wedding. My cousin also may not come, b/c she feels embarrassed that she can't afford a gift. The best gift I could get is just her being there, really...but she's stubborn. Family is irritating sometimes

 

[JonetteA]

I think we have all hit this situation unless your family is a HUGE Disney fanatic. I mostly hit this with my family, rather than Leif's. After digging into it, it seemed that the problem was that I was not getting married in a church. Well, I had a few counters to that 1) Let my stepbrother who is a minister do the wedding, 2) Tell my dad that God is everywhere with you.

I think it finally hit home when I told the family, and it actually came to this part "Come or don't come that is up to you." I think I had a few converts along the way when they realized that this wasn't a joke wedding. That it is serious business for Disney and Mickey does not marry you and Goofy is not the best man.

I also tried to plan our wedding date around everyone. Hard to do but I got about 90% there. I also had a hard time b/c I wanted the wedding on a Thursday b/c of cost. Everyone said they didn't want to take off. Pretty much it came down to I am pleasing 90% of the people who are coming. Again, come or don't come that is up to you. I wanted everyone to come if they could. And out of 78 invited, almost 50 showed up. Leif's step sisters did not come with their families, and some of their family friends did not come.

I realized that I was paying a majority of the wedding regardless of where it was. So I went ahead and had my dream wedding.

One of the compromises we looked at was to have a wedding at home, and then do a VR with friends a week or so later for our honeymoon. I am a bit older, and quite honestly doing all of that would wear me out. And I honestly believe we would have had over 300 people if I had done a home wedding.

Just a few ideas and for you. I know it is tough and a rollercoaster, but we are here for you no matter what you decide.

 

[robsmom]

oh wow sounds like you're in the same boat! see, a year is plenty of time for someone to save up money and get the time off.........2 years should be easy, you know?

using this logic you have 2 years to save for your sisters trip. You are asking her to come to be your MOH. Offer to pay for her and her family and I am sure that she will be more than happy to participate!!

As far as your mother, does she know that you are not looking for her to pay for it? Maybe she thinks you are. Have you discussed it. If she thinks it is going to be too expensive and you tell her you will pay maybe she will be happy. heck maybe she will pay for your sister to come!!

 

[princessblueeyzes]

I had the hardest time convincing my family and DF's family that it was going to be beautiful and that this is what I want. I ended up getting my mom who in turn got my family on board by showing her some disney wedding pictures and how beautiful it was. I have always been my mom's little princess so after seeing the photos she knew that it was perfect for me and I showed her the price differences from an intimate to a custom wedding- after seeing that I was going intimate she was very realived. As for DF's family I couldn't get them into it until they saw the invitations and after they tried to convince me to have it where I live I simply told them that the wedding is already paid for and I have a non-refundable deposit (which wasn't true that the deposit was non-refundable). I figured that they had to jump on board sometime and it just so happened that last night I got DF's sister on board with it who I know will get the rest of his family on our side.

Hang in there it can be done even if it takes some time.

 

[TinkyBelle]

I don't know if this will help but my little sister is going through something fairly similiar. Her fiancee's family is driving her insane and our other sister isn't any help. She has been trying for over a year to even start planning a wedding and they are all hampering her. She finally said, "forget it...I'm doing this my way." Robin contacted me (I live in Florida) and asked about getting a marraige license and then getting married on the beach with just me, my husband and our daughter there to share it with her. Our mom would love to be there but can't and she is actually the one that mentioned doing this to Robin because of how upset she was getting. Then we are all going to DisneyWorld for 2 weeks. So basically my advice for you is to do what you need to do to make your wedding day the special event you want it to be.. Remember that the important thing is that you are getting married to the man that you love and if your family and friends can't or won't be supportive then stop talking to them about it. If they really want you happy they'll ask you about it.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

I think we have all hit this situation unless your family is a HUGE Disney fanatic. I mostly hit this with my family, rather than Leif's. After digging into it, it seemed that the problem was that I was not getting married in a church. Well, I had a few counters to that 1) Let my stepbrother who is a minister do the wedding, 2) Tell my dad that God is everywhere with you.

I think it finally hit home when I told the family, and it actually came to this part "Come or don't come that is up to you." I think I had a few converts along the way when they realized that this wasn't a joke wedding. That it is serious business for Disney and Mickey does not marry you and Goofy is not the best man.

I also tried to plan our wedding date around everyone. Hard to do but I got about 90% there. I also had a hard time b/c I wanted the wedding on a Thursday b/c of cost. Everyone said they didn't want to take off. Pretty much it came down to I am pleasing 90% of the people who are coming. Again, come or don't come that is up to you. I wanted everyone to come if they could. And out of 78 invited, almost 50 showed up. Leif's step sisters did not come with their families, and some of their family friends did not come.

I realized that I was paying a majority of the wedding regardless of where it was. So I went ahead and had my dream wedding.

One of the compromises we looked at was to have a wedding at home, and then do a VR with friends a week or so later for our honeymoon. I am a bit older, and quite honestly doing all of that would wear me out. And I honestly believe we would have had over 300 people if I had done a home wedding.

Just a few ideas and for you. I know it is tough and a rollercoaster, but we are here for you no matter what you decide.

thanks for the ideas! i appreciate it. i don't really want TONS of people there anyway. i'm gonna guess that i'll have 60 or less people come. and that's perfectly fine with me!

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

using this logic you have 2 years to save for your sisters trip. You are asking her to come to be your MOH. Offer to pay for her and her family and I am sure that she will be more than happy to participate!!

As far as your mother, does she know that you are not looking for her to pay for it? Maybe she thinks you are. Have you discussed it. If she thinks it is going to be too expensive and you tell her you will pay maybe she will be happy. heck maybe she will pay for your sister to come!!

well yes i'm paying for the wedding, hence why i would not be able to pay for my sister, her husband, and her 2 kids to stay somewhere. besides, that's not my responsibility to pay for her to stay there. when we called the Disney Planners the first time they even told us that.

i've discuseed it with my mother as well. she will be giving me a small amount for the wedding, which is more than i ever expected because i didn't ask her for any money. i keep telling my mother that maybe her, my father, and my sister's family should all chip in and stay in one of the cabins that sleeps 6....but she doesn't seem too keen with the idea.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

I can relate. I'm not formally engaged yet, but BF and I look at Wish Book often and we know we want a Disney wedding.

My family is full of very strict Catholics and I don't think they like the idea very much, esp. my SIL who has made many insulting remarks about Disney Weddings. "Aren't you a little old for this Princess thing?" and "If you could ever *afford* a Disney Wedding, I'll be there." but I"m still pushing ahead. I think my parents have finally realized how much it really means to me and that I really wouldn't care if certain extended family members didn't come, didn't give a gift, whatever. I just want one day where DBF and I can start our life together in a way that expresses who we are and what we believe.

I don't believe in Catholic dogma anymore, but I am willing to get a Catholic blessing before or after the wedding or anything else they want me to do. I am just saving and planning and planning and saving and everything will fall into place.

So, I guess my advice is to be who you are and do what you feel is best for you and be willing to compromise on little issues but if you forge ahead and just say "this is what will make me happiest", people who really love you will come around- your mom and sister are probably going to moan and complain if they don't like it, but are they really the type to *not* come once they realize you're serious?

I wish you good luck and I will hope for the best for all of us.

 

[janine]

We agonised for a month or so when deciding on either a Disney wedding or a wedding at home in England.
I love Disney through & through and could not think of a better place to have my special day, even if it meant upsetting people.
The main worries were my Mum & Dad, nobody else. I asked them and they said yes they would come as it was my wedding day, but it was a lot of money and not really their thing. They decided to come for a week.

We then just mentioned it to everyone else and said if they wanted to come they were welcome to, but to let me know as soon as possible so that we can plan either an intimate or a custom wedding. 15 people eventually came with us. (even though I have a huge family, and we both have lots of friends).
We figured a 3 week stay in Florida with the wedding would cost as much for just the wedding day back home, around £17-20,000.
We knew it would cost a lot of money for people, so they were never pressed. That was their choice not to come, and our choice to have the wedding where we dreamed of, end of story really.
Now my Mum & Dad regretted not coming with us for longer, as they both enjoyed themselves so much. They never imagined what Disney World was like except they thought it was just a 'theme park'. Even our other guests thought it could be 'tacky' but were so impressed on actually how elegant it was, and so well done, and we all had such a good time together. They all reckon they will never go to another wedding as good as ours ever again.
I am sad that so many others didn't get to see us get married, but so be it. I have the precious memories of a Disney World wedding more than anything else.
Don't stress on what others think. Give them a choice, you can come with us, or you don't basically, but were going anyway.
Your wedding day is for you and your H2B, and you want to remember it well.