Anybody have a "social mentor" for their child at school?

[riu girl]

DD has been in a social skills class for three years at school (20 mins twice per week). She has numerous issues including ADHD (main diagnose), sensory integration disorder, some Aspergers characteristics, depression, anxiety, socially VERY immature.

At this point I would say that the issues are all fairly mild except the social stuff and MAJOR anxiety disorder.

I wrote a note to the school last week asking about whether or not they were having a social skills class this year and if DD would be in it. I was informed that they would not be having a class this year and in a round about way was told that the resource teachers would be working more on academic needs. DD is an A/B student therefore, would not require this sort of assistance.

I went on to ask about her having a "social mentor". I explained this as a person (teacher, resource teacher, assistant etc) who could meet with her once per week one on one and work on social skills, discuss how she is making out on the school yard and in the class with the other children etc. Maybe help her develop some strategies etc.

I was told by the resource teacher that she would see what she could do.

Well today (less then a week later) DD comes home and informs me that she was taken out of class and had a long one on one chat in an empty class room "about her life" with a teacher. She was also told that she would meet with this teacher on a regular basis.

So needless to say, I am simply thrilled about this. I have to add, DD has been a student at this school for over 5 years and I have yet to be upset about anything regarding how she has been treated. The IEP and IPRC (I think like a 504 plan in the US) has always been followed to a T, and I really feel like I have a "voice" at the meetings.

My ?: Has anyone else had a social mentor at school for their child? And if so, is there anything else I should be doing about it? Hopefully I will get some feedback from this teacher, but am wondering if there is anything I can do to assist.

I just feel so blessed to have DD and also because of her incredible treatment by the school.

 

[GreenGirl8]

Having a social mentor is a good start, but you should have this mentor role play social situations with her and then have the mentor actually set up the situations on the playground, classroom...etc. It is very different to be 1:1 or in a small group discussion social skills and actually applying them to real life situations that occur.

 

[vhoffman]

*****************************************************************!

 

[TEWINOHIO]

I have never really had experience with a "social mentor." But I would certainly want to meet with that person to see what they picture the role of a social mentor as. There is a big difference between a "social mentor" and someone that is playing the role of amateur psychologist.

I have not have this situation with my autistic son. But I do have a daughter that was eventually medically diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. We hoped her counselor and teachers could help her develop some strategies for dealing with things at school, but they seemed at times to be more interested in figuring out the root cause of things by " discussing her life with her." It took some time to undo the damage of "why are they asking me those type of things?"

 

[katymae]

My jaw is on the floor b/c you have totally described my dd7 (almost 8.) Unfortunately, I am at my wit's end trying to get her some social skills help at school. They have refused the one-on-one idea, saying that she will be "ostracized"; I tend to think that her own immature behavior ostracizes her already. She has already been labeled by her peers as "mean", and she doesn't really have any playmates at recess. Her self esteem is rock bottom.

Just wanted to say that I totally know what you're going through, and it's great for me to know that there's someone else out there with another little "princess" like our dd. Please PM me if you want to talk more!! And just for fun, here's some pixie dust, b/c you're bound to need it at some point today!

 

[riu girl]

Have you had the chance to look outside the school for social skills groups? I have had DD to a child mental health clinic she had social skills classes there as well.

At this point, besides the social mentor, she now has a peer mentor. If she runs into difficulties on the school yard or in her class and there are no teachers in the immediate area she seeks the assistance of an extremely mature girl (who has also been her best friend for 6 years , also we are very close to the parents) who helps her come up with a strategy to solve the current problem. DD would never be labelled as mean. Just the oppostie sadly. She is bullied and teased a lot since she has no idea how to interact with kids her age. She gets along much better with much younger kids and plays at their level.

The school also reccommends as much one and one time with peers as well as lots of time with peers in a group setting (ex. swimming lessons etc.). So we do a lot of this also.

Perhaps you could look into some programs outside the school as well.

Good luck.

 

[belle&beast]

I am a speech pathologist and work with preschoolers now, but in the past I have worked with elementary and middle schoolers. I always included children with social needs with my groups that were working on articulation, for example. That way, while we played games and had group activities, the kids working on social skills were in real life situations with peers- sharing, turn-taking, asking questions and answering others' questions. I think it was a great way to involve them in social situations with peers. I also spent a lot of time in the cafeterias and on the playground to help them in social situations. We practiced social stories in an individual session and with the paraprofessionals before they were in a situation that may be challenging. Check with your SLP at school and see if any of this type of therapy would be possible.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I agree with the speech path that posted above. My son started speech in kindergarten for articulation problems and those have long since cleared up. Now in 5th grade, he continues to see the speech therapist for social skills. He is in a group with 1 or 2 other kids. They play games, practice taking turns, winning and losing gracefully and role-play different social situations (taking "no" for an answer, asking for help, dealing with bullies, etc.).

I would worry about a "social mentor" and whether this person has any experience in this area. I am comfortable having the speech therapist work with my son on these issues but I'm not sure if one-on-one meetings with another teacher would be a good solution.

 

[riu girl]

Thanks for all the info.
DD had speech therapy from the time she was 8 months old (MAJOR feeding difficulties so speech and OT wanted to see her together ) until she was 6. She still had a mild/borderline delay and mild/borderline pragmatic issues but due to her age the agency had to discharge her (along with a referral to the school board). I was told by the first agency that they doubted that the school board would help DD with speech issues since the issues at that point were pretty minor. Amazing for a kid who had no speech before age 3.


The school board evaluated her and didn't take her on since her speech issues did not meet their criteria. Between 6 and 7 her speech drastically improved and at 7 she won a public speaking contest at her school. At 7, I asked again for an evaluation just to make sure she was on track and was told that she was.

Today I spoke to the head resource teacher about the "social mentor" and found out it is the inclusion assistant in DDs class. DD used to have an inclusion assistant but by age 7 she no longer met the criteria so she no longer has one. This particular assistant has been in DDs class since the beginning of last year so I feel comfortable that she is very familiar with DD. The resource teacher today told me to get in touch base with this individual at any time to get/give feedback etc. So I plan to meet with her once per week to go over how things are going.

Thats about all I can think of doing at this point. DD seems to be settling into Grade 4 nicely. Hopefully it will be a good year.

Thanks again for all the advice. There are very bright people on this board an I really value everyones opinion.

 

[spotdog]

I hope your child continues to do well in 4th grade.

As an adult living with severe anxiety and "social issues" I know how important it is to find friends and co-workers who can act as social mentors. Since children can't depend on peers, it seems important for them to have a parent, teacher or therapist who can help them to sort out the social quandries of "why are THEY treating me this way" and "am I doing something to upset THEM".

I cannot always tell if I am reacting "appropriately" to comments or situations, it is good to have someone to ask "What would YOU do or say in order to handle this?". I take their advice and balance it with my own feelings.

Everyone's situation is different, but I KNOW that just doing well academically doesn't necessarily mean a person is prepared for ALL aspects of life. Feel free to PM.