Anybody have a SO who works 2nd shift?

[yoopermom]

I work M-F (gone 9 am-8 pm), DH works F/S/S (gone 5 am-7 pm). We started it when we found out I was pregnant, because we both agreed that minimizing childcare was an imperative for our family (I taught the first 10 years, so worked days). It was and is WORTH IT, but you really have to work at it. If you're technogeeks, do shared calendars/lists/etc. If you're old school like us, keep running communications on the frig and/or bulletin board. We have ten days a year that are sacrosanct, "couples" time (some of which I have to use vacation time for, but luckily I get quite a bit). On those days we do not plan ANYTHING with others and NO chores! (For us it's Valentine's, anniversary, Memorial Day, each of our birthdays, Labor Day, Thanksgiving,Xmas, New Years, and the anniversary of the day we met.)

Don't let little resentments build, talk them out. If it means hiring help, and you can afford to do so, do it. We have a rule that whoever is coming home from work gets half an hour of decompression time, with no talk of what needs to be done, bills, etc. We also are aware of when the other person is at their best (aka don't try and talk to me before 8 am ).

Good luck, you'll be fine!

Terri

 

[glaserjm]

I work M-F (gone 9 am-8 pm), DH works F/S/S (gone 5 am-7 pm). We started it when we found out I was pregnant, because we both agreed that minimizing childcare was an imperative for our family (I taught the first 10 years, so worked days). It was and is WORTH IT, but you really have to work at it. If you're technogeeks, do shared calendars/lists/etc. If you're old school like us, keep running communications on the frig and/or bulletin board. We have ten days a year that are sacrosanct, "couples" time (some of which I have to use vacation time for, but luckily I get quite a bit). On those days we do not plan ANYTHING with others and NO chores! (For us it's Valentine's, anniversary, Memorial Day, each of our birthdays, Labor Day, Thanksgiving,Xmas, New Years, and the anniversary of the day we met.)

Don't let little resentments build, talk them out. If it means hiring help, and you can afford to do so, do it. We have a rule that whoever is coming home from work gets half an hour of decompression time, with no talk of what needs to be done, bills, etc. We also are aware of when the other person is at their best (aka don't try and talk to me before 8 am ).

Good luck, you'll be fine!

Terri

Thanks Terri! That's some good advice. We are, like you, both in agreement that minimizing outside childcare is important to us not just financially, but also having our baby in the care of either a parent or grandparent the majority of the time is just more comforting to both of us.

The good news about his shift is that he has every Friday, Saturday and Sunday off so we have those evenings together and we have decided that at least one of them each weekend will be family time only. We do sit and have coffee/breakfast together each morning before I leave since he doesn't get home so late that he's not up when I'm getting ready. We use this time to discuss upcoming obligations, chores, make lists, etc.

I do think we'll be ok, it's just a big change!

 

[nkereina]

When I was a kid, my mom worked 1st shift (8am-5pm) and my dad switched to graveyard shift (6pm-6am) so that someone was always home with me and no daycare was needed. Even when I was old enough to be home alone, they still kept this schedule because it worked out so well for them - going on 25 years now. Monday-Friday, they see each other briefly in passing when my mom gets home, and sometimes they catch each other in the mornings. They each have their own time alone and then spend all weekend together. Cuts down on the bickering (all married people do it!) and they appreciate their time together on the weekends moreso. They're close to retirement now and will be spending A LOT more time together then, so that will be a new adventure in itself.

 

[java]

Mine works third shift. I work days. We are ships passing in the night. We do eat dinner together but really breakfast seems to be the best reconnect we get. (Now that is on weekends) it's working for us but it was a bumpy go at first. It was a new rhythm to get into.

 

[leshunlenese]

I know this is a few days old but I basically work the same shift. I work four days a week 1pm to 11pm. I get weekends off and one other day during the week that changes every week. I use to work 3 12 and every other weekend. It is very hard because I am a single parent but I thankfully have my parents and sisters and family who help me out! What i can tell you is I do not like that when I get off my child is sleep and when I wake up he is at school. Luckily my mom teaches at his school so she takes him and brings him back. I find myself getting 5 hours of sleep just to have that time with him in the morning. It sucks that I miss things during the week but I am thankful for those weekends because i do not work and has no school so I miss his practice and games during the week but I am always able too catch one on Saturday and I no longer miss out on family events that happen on weekends and time with my family. I see it as a trade off and I most certainty like it better than working 9-5 5 days a week. It still sucks especially since my DS is so young, I miss out then I see other parents and basically with the career we chose we will miss some things. Everyone here says this is the single person shift and a few people have told me they tried it but switched back. Some people like it. I am just happy to be employed!!Good luck to you! Congrats!

 

[njmom47]

Dh worked 3rd shift for a couple of years (11p-730a) then went to a p/t job a few days a week too (9a-2p). He slept from 3-10 usually but his weekends varied. Sometimes he didn't sleep during the day, sometimes he slept for a short while in the morning, stayed awake during the afternoon/evening, slept at night again. We didn't see each other much but I know he missed things with the kids, especially ds who played sports. I was ok with it because I am somewhat independent.

 

[nkereina]

Dh worked 3rd shift for a couple of years (11p-730a) then went to a p/t job a few days a week too (9a-2p). He slept from 3-10 usually but his weekends varied. Sometimes he didn't sleep during the day, sometimes he slept for a short while in the morning, stayed awake during the afternoon/evening, slept at night again. We didn't see each other much but I know he missed things with the kids, especially ds who played sports. I was ok with it because I am somewhat independent.

The sleep schedule is tough and my dad always struggled with that. He works 7pm-6am going in Monday night and finishing up Friday morning. Since he wants to be a "daytime" memeber of society on the weekends, he usually on sleeps a few hours during the day Friday and will wake around 2 or 3pm to have some semblance of a Friday night. He'll then be up until 2 or 3am, and sleep until mid-morning Saturday. By Monday, he's waking at 10am but then has to go into work Monday night and doesn't sleep again until 7am Tuesday morning. He's used to it but it's certainly not for everyone!