Sorry this is going to be long. I have a very dear friend that for the last 9 months I have been her shoulder to cry on, venting post, and words of wisdom giver, but the last 2 months have gotten really rough. Right now, I truely don't know what to tell her and neither does her sister.
Long story short - Her DH of 6 years left her 9 months ago. No kids are in the picture. Says he just fell out of love with her. Just a little over 2 months, after he left, they had been going to therapy to try and work out their issues, when she finds out that he had since late 2005, been involved with another woman. There was no making it work, divorce is final.
At her sisters and my urgings, she went and got the full STD spectrum of testing done. Better safe than sorry was our logic of thinking. Every thing came back negative, accept for herpes. And this is where we are at a lost as to what to tell her.
According to her DR, seeing as she use to get cold sores, that is what could be giving the positive result and she may not have the other strand. But also according to the DR, there is no test to tell the difference between the two strands, unless there is an actual outbreak for the other strand. When she asked about outbreaks and what to look for, it makes her even more upset. Her DR is telling her that there is a % of people who have it and only ever have the initial outbreak. Then another % that will only ever have a couple of outbreaks over the years, then the other % that have regular outbreaks. If she falls into the 1st or 2nd %, she may never know or it could be years before she knows if she actually has it. And nothing she is reading is helping her, all she see is the negatives. She has been scouring the internet looking for info.
She has gone from the most outgoing fun loving person, to pulling herself up by the boot straps to get over the hurt her soon to be ex has delt her, to depression that she sees no end to. She has stated that she can't move on to trying to build a new love relationship with someone, when she doesn't know if she can give them a horrid disease. And that she may never know.
Her sister and I are totally lost as to what to say or do to help her. Nothing we say seems to help for more than a couple of hours. We keep telling her, she doesn't have to say anything to a guy she has a casual date with. Only if it is someone that she wants to have an physical relationship with, would she need to tell him and then practice safe sex. She says, she should be up front right away, so he know exactly what he could be dealing with and that if it isn't something he wants to deal with he can go on his way.
A group of just us girls went out last weekend. We actually got her to go with us. A guy, who we have known since high school, was there. Told her if she ever wanted to grab a bite to eat to call him. She FREAKED out, had to leave. She was sobbing all the way home. Couldn't hardly understand a word she said. Thought we heard the word "unclean" once, but really didn't want to push her. Her sister and I don't know what else to say or do for her. If we thought it would help, we'd take turns smacking the ex up side the head with a baseball bat for putting her thru this. The DR even told her, that if the ex would get tested and it came up negative, it would make him feel that more than likely that her positive result is due to the cold sore strand. She will not ask him to get tested, nor does she want either of us to address the issue with him. I am soo lost as to what else to do or if I, and her sister too, are just doing all that I/we can. Her sister has talked to both the regular DR and the physic dr. Both tell us to just keep being there for her.
If you made it thru this, thanks for listening.
Long story short - Her DH of 6 years left her 9 months ago. No kids are in the picture. Says he just fell out of love with her. Just a little over 2 months, after he left, they had been going to therapy to try and work out their issues, when she finds out that he had since late 2005, been involved with another woman. There was no making it work, divorce is final.
At her sisters and my urgings, she went and got the full STD spectrum of testing done. Better safe than sorry was our logic of thinking. Every thing came back negative, accept for herpes. And this is where we are at a lost as to what to tell her.
According to her DR, seeing as she use to get cold sores, that is what could be giving the positive result and she may not have the other strand. But also according to the DR, there is no test to tell the difference between the two strands, unless there is an actual outbreak for the other strand. When she asked about outbreaks and what to look for, it makes her even more upset. Her DR is telling her that there is a % of people who have it and only ever have the initial outbreak. Then another % that will only ever have a couple of outbreaks over the years, then the other % that have regular outbreaks. If she falls into the 1st or 2nd %, she may never know or it could be years before she knows if she actually has it. And nothing she is reading is helping her, all she see is the negatives. She has been scouring the internet looking for info.
She has gone from the most outgoing fun loving person, to pulling herself up by the boot straps to get over the hurt her soon to be ex has delt her, to depression that she sees no end to. She has stated that she can't move on to trying to build a new love relationship with someone, when she doesn't know if she can give them a horrid disease. And that she may never know.
Her sister and I are totally lost as to what to say or do to help her. Nothing we say seems to help for more than a couple of hours. We keep telling her, she doesn't have to say anything to a guy she has a casual date with. Only if it is someone that she wants to have an physical relationship with, would she need to tell him and then practice safe sex. She says, she should be up front right away, so he know exactly what he could be dealing with and that if it isn't something he wants to deal with he can go on his way.
A group of just us girls went out last weekend. We actually got her to go with us. A guy, who we have known since high school, was there. Told her if she ever wanted to grab a bite to eat to call him. She FREAKED out, had to leave. She was sobbing all the way home. Couldn't hardly understand a word she said. Thought we heard the word "unclean" once, but really didn't want to push her. Her sister and I don't know what else to say or do for her. If we thought it would help, we'd take turns smacking the ex up side the head with a baseball bat for putting her thru this. The DR even told her, that if the ex would get tested and it came up negative, it would make him feel that more than likely that her positive result is due to the cold sore strand. She will not ask him to get tested, nor does she want either of us to address the issue with him. I am soo lost as to what else to do or if I, and her sister too, are just doing all that I/we can. Her sister has talked to both the regular DR and the physic dr. Both tell us to just keep being there for her.
If you made it thru this, thanks for listening.
