Any parents here of children/young adults who've attempted or committed suicide??

[TwingleMum]

Seaspray

 

[SeaSpray]

Hi everyone... OP here.

I didn't mean to make anyone worry about me. This is actually something that has touched our family since Sept 30, 2008, and still is actively affecting us.... I'd wanted to post many times but just couldn't. Even now, it's hard to "talk" about. We're doing everything we possibly can. There's no single fix or cure or medication or routine or doctors or therapists or...anything, really, that can help everyone who has deep depression. There are really no safe-guards in place to help families while they help family members. There are recommendations, and there are "Hey patient, why don't you do this, or go to this outpatient program for a couple of weeks...?" and while it all sounds great on paper, and might be great ideas for a person who values their life, they may as well be telling these people to go write the next great novel. The doctors and therapists just don't realize how truly ineffective they sometimes are, however, I know they do their best. It's not their fault; medical/physical science is so inexact, let alone psychiatric science. And this is not something that all the love in the world can cure, otherwise I have no doubt that there'd be far fewer attempts and successes. If love alone could cure this, then my family member would be on top of the world right now, loving life, as would countless others who all have/had families and people who loved them and cared about them.

I'm rambling now... Thanks for reading, and thanks for all of the PMs. I will reply to them, and I truly appreciate all of the experiences and good thoughts you've all shared with me. My faith alone is getting me through this.

P.S. I just want to comment on suicide and "seeing it coming" and "not seeing it coming". Unfortunately, even in the same person, it can happen each way. Knowing something may happen, and then something happening when you thought they were doing very well. THAT is the scariest part to me, knowing that deep down you'll never feel secure that your loved one is "ok".

 

[minkydog]

Two of my children attempted suicide. They were both later diagnosed as Bi-Polar. My DS was around 14 or 15. He was depressed, not doing well in school and having GF problems. He was also abused by a trusted friend, she isn't any more. Thankfully he came to us after he tried to cut his wrists and we got him the help he needed. My DD was assaulted in school when she was 12 which sent her into a deep depression. She was on medication to help with the depression and one night she swallowed the whole bottle of pills. Thankfully my DS realized it and told us. As a parent I kept asking myself what I did wrong, where did I fail them. I went into therapy to help me cope with their problems, but they also spent several years in therapy. Thankfully neither succeeded they were crying for help. It was a tough road for several years. OP if this was asked because of a personal reason i hope all is well and realize that it isn't your fault and I hope they weren't successful. Most attempts are a cry for help to end the pain they feel.

I second everything. When person gets to the point that suicide has become a viable option, they are no longer rational. They have tunnel vision; all they can see is the enormous problem and none of the more reasonable solutions. Many of them can function on a high enough level so as to not tip off the parents and friends. That's what happened to my son.

DS23 had a very rocky adolescence. We tried every kind of therapy, meds, psychiatrists, school intervention, creative outlets, you name it. It was a very rough 5 years. He began cutting with a friend--they would sit around and listen to heavy metal music, cutting their arms. Of course, we knew nothing about all this. Maybe we should have but we didn't. I mean, we were already doing random room sweeps and drug tests because his whole demeanor was changing.

And then one night he decided to get serious. Cut himself 88 times from shoulder to wrist. Apparently got scared that his little sister would find him and *that* was the thing that stopped him from finishing. The next day he went to school and showed his arms to some friends. One of them got scared and told a teacher. From that point, John was in verbal restraints--the counselor called me, I took him straight to the psych hospital. He had one long laceration on his arm that reallly needed some treatment, but I was afraid if I stopped the car I'd never get him back in it. He stayed in the hospital for a week, then home for recovery for several months until it happened again. ` Today, John is doing okay. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when he was 17 and chooses to be unmedicated.

Something I never told him until recently was that *I* have lived with suicidal thoughts since I was a teen, also. I've had many bouts of serious depression, anger, irritability, and reckless behavior. This year I made an attempt and wound up on a locked down psych unit. The diagnosis: bipolar. How did I not know that? I have 8 first- or-second- degree relatives who have depression, bipolar, or alcoholism(strongly associated with bipolar.) My grandfather spent over a year in a psych hospital when he was my age, 52.

I'm a nurse. Why did I not recognise my symptoms? Because that's what mental illness does. It tells your mind things that aren't true, distorts reality and introduces abnormal ideas as rational thought. You can't trust what you see, hear, feel, or taste and you sure as heck can't trust what you think. People with mental illness, diagnosed or not, have a 20-30% risk of suicide in their lifetime That ought to scare the heck out of all of us.

 

[scottishduffy]

I had several friends attempt suicide in high school, they all took the pill route and ended up getting their stomachs pumped. One of them eventually passed away secondary to an eating disorder.

I was suicidal for the larger portion of high school. I literally had no friends, ate lunch alone daily, was teased, and i just KNEW that something had to be terribly wrong with me. All those other kids couldn't be wrong when they told me how ugly or stupid I was. I had an eating disorder, I cut and beat myself (mainly the hitting and bruising myself), and seriously contemplated suicide twice. Once i took my parents blood pressure medication (well, i only got two down before mom came home.. othherwsie i would have had more). At age 18 i spent a long contemplative evening with a loaded rifle, finally deciding to give college a try after 3-4 hours. I figured if life wasn't better after my first year of college I would go back to the rifle.

A new environment and new people made my life better. But i had a few dark years there. I still get depressed at times, but never to the depth I did between the ages of 15-18. I hope all is well with you. No ideas on how to help.... i kinda muddles through my issues without therapy and my parents were in *complete* denial about me. They knew about my depression and food issues but not the true extent of it, they just assumed it was a phase.

 

[Buckalew11]

Hugs, SeaSpray. I hope your loved one has faith to draw from. My prayers will be with you.

 

[SeaSpray]

Thanks so much everyone, for sharing such personal and painful experiences. You are all very brave to do so.

Some may ask "Why discuss such personal things on a public open forum such as this?" and they may make fun at what terrible parents/relatives/friends that I/we may be, in order to have loved ones who would want to kill themselves. You know what? THIS IS SUCH THE PLACE to discuss this.

I know it's upsetting. The last several months I'd avoid threads similar to this like the plague. The DIS has always been a fun place for me, to plan trips to Disney World, Disney cruises, or just to ask who likes their washing machine, car, etc to get opinions.

I do have a wonderful extended family who are fully supportive, and I have the best congregation in the world... but none of them are going through this, which is what prompted me to start this thread last night. I had a feeling that there might be others who have personal experience with this, to some extent or other.

I feel no shame in admitting (although I prefer to leave out specifics) that I have a family member who is fighting this awful disease/illness whatever the heck it is. The shame is not mine, nor is it my family members'. Shame on anyone who makes fun of anyone in this situation, or anyone who reaches out in any way they can, including on an internet message board.

My heart breaks for all of us dealing with this, but especially those who feel they need to take their own lives in order to alleviate their pain.

 

[Nik's Mom]

Seaspray, you are not alone. Even though people around you may not share their stories, there are many people who have battled depression. They may not have attempted suicide, but may have had suicidal thoughts.

I struggled with depression when I was younger. I'm sure most of us have, whether we want to admit it or not. And many of us have even had suicidal thoughts at one point. Your family is not alone with this.

Please continue to lean on those around you for support. It's too hard to deal with this on your own. I will be praying for you tonight!

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I second everything. When person gets to the point that suicide has become a viable option, they are no longer rational. They have tunnel vision; all they can see is the enormous problem and none of the more reasonable solutions. Many of them can function on a high enough level so as to not tip off the parents and friends. That's what happened to my son.

DS23 had a very rocky adolescence. We tried every kind of therapy, meds, psychiatrists, school intervention, creative outlets, you name it. It was a very rough 5 years. He began cutting with a friend--they would sit around and listen to heavy metal music, cutting their arms. Of course, we knew nothing about all this. Maybe we should have but we didn't. I mean, we were already doing random room sweeps and drug tests because his whole demeanor was changing.

And then one night he decided to get serious. Cut himself 88 times from shoulder to wrist. Apparently got scared that his little sister would find him and *that* was the thing that stopped him from finishing. The next day he went to school and showed his arms to some friends. One of them got scared and told a teacher. From that point, John was in verbal restraints--the counselor called me, I took him straight to the psych hospital. He had one long laceration on his arm that reallly needed some treatment, but I was afraid if I stopped the car I'd never get him back in it. He stayed in the hospital for a week, then home for recovery for several months until it happened again. ` Today, John is doing okay. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when he was 17 and chooses to be unmedicated.

Something I never told him until recently was that *I* have lived with suicidal thoughts since I was a teen, also. I've had many bouts of serious depression, anger, irritability, and reckless behavior. This year I made an attempt and wound up on a locked down psych unit. The diagnosis: bipolar. How did I not know that? I have 8 first- or-second- degree relatives who have depression, bipolar, or alcoholism(strongly associated with bipolar.) My grandfather spent over a year in a psych hospital when he was my age, 52.

I'm a nurse. Why did I not recognise my symptoms? Because that's what mental illness does. It tells your mind things that aren't true, distorts reality and introduces abnormal ideas as rational thought. You can't trust what you see, hear, feel, or taste and you sure as heck can't trust what you think. People with mental illness, diagnosed or not, have a 20-30% risk of suicide in their lifetime That ought to scare the heck out of all of us.

You are such a strong and brave person to recognize this...
and to OP and all else dealing with depression and other mental issues.

 

[Jillpie]

Now this is the Dis that I know and love, not the coldness of that ridiculous thread of suicide and the carpet situation of this past week. I'm so glad you came back and opened up, I think everyone was very concerned. Thank you for doing that! And my support and hugs go out to you tonight, it must be very rough to be going thru this. We're here for you Terry, you are not alone.

 

[Rence]

I am 53 - when I was 23 I attempted suicide and almost succeeded (had a near death out of body experience while in the emergency room).

I had thought about it for years - I actually had items hidden in my room as a teen that could have been used to commit suicide. I never really shared my feelings with anyone. At 23 things just go too much and I did it - I had made my mind up.

I am not a religious person, but while I was looking down at my body in the emergency room I got a profound sense that what I had done was very very wrong and that I would be returning to life and "don't let it happen again".

Now this many years ago there wasn't a lot of help available. After the suicide attempt I met with a counselor once before being discharged from the hospital. No followup - nothing - was more or less left to deal with things on my own. But after my experience I have never considered it as an option again.

I am grateful that I did not succeed. There have been bad times since then, but there have been so many good times that I would have missed. Each year on the anniversary of the attempt, I take a few minutes out to reflect on all that has happened since that day and all that I would have missed out on if I had succeeded.

 

[LukenDC]

Mental illness is a serious matter and shame on anyone who casts aspersions on you or your loved ones. It is also not indicative of your skills as a parent or the amount of love in your home. Mental illness could touch any one of us directly or indirectly.

 

[Pikester]

Your question is a very timely one for me as my cousin just tried to commit suicide last Thursday. She is a 25 year old married mother of 3 and is bi-polar. They kept her for 72 hours but since she is an adult she wouldn't stay longer. Went home and tried to do it again. She is now being held again for 72 hrs. I feel so bad for my Aunt and Uncle as his son from a previous marriage commited suicide back in May. Your question also led me to think about if I had know anyone else who had either tried or succeeded and I came up with 3 others.

 

[DaisyLynn]

My heart goes out to you, SeaSpray and others sharing on this thread. My heart also breaks for you.

I, too, have a close family member who suffers from a mental illness (bi-polar) as well as severe substance addiction. While he has never attempted suicide, I am scared every day of my life of that phone call. Right now he is in jail...and as awful as it sounds, I feel relief when he is there (this is not the first time for him). He wants to be "normal"...whatever that may be...but his addictions and urges are much stronger than he is right now.

 

[4nana]

Seaspray, know your Dis friends are here and their hearts and prayers go out to you and yours through this very difficult time . Thank you and everyone for sharing your experiences and stories. My heart and prayers truly go out to all those who have experienced this type of great suffering.

My 38yo young handsome loving brother battled alcohol and prescription drugs for years . We did everything in our power to help, but the demon was stronger . Sadly one morning 8 yrs ago he passed away from a heart attack caused by an overdose. It is the greatest hearbreak any family could possibly go through, devasting my dear elderly parents and our family. Somehow you lean on your faith and take one step at a time. We hope and pray his troubled soul is finally resting in peace with no earthly pain or suffering.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Oh my gosh my heart breaks for so many of you in this thread. I just have no words.

My son(15 at the time) attempted suicide after being on Paxil. His story is one of many and their experiences resulted in the FDA mandating black box warnings for suicide on antidepressants. Safely off paxil he has never been suicidal again(and never was prior to paxil)
It was a hellacious time in all our lives.

My SiL is a lawyer who has pretty much dedicated her life and career to this issue. I truly belive she is personally largely responsible for that warning label It is so hard to hear the stories Karen tells of the young people she has met whose lives were affected in this way. I am glad your DS is off Paxil and better now

And this is not something that all the love in the world can cure, otherwise I have no doubt that there'd be far fewer attempts and successes. If love alone could cure this, then my family member would be on top of the world right now, loving life, as would countless others who all have/had families and people who loved them and cared about them.

:

So true. It tears me up when someone does succeed in a suicide attempt and their poor family questions what they could have done differently. Most often the family was doing everything they could and LOVED that person immensly. I ahve no doubt that you love your family member with all your heart and soul and I am sure he knows it as well

 

[DVC Sadie]

Our son (only child) committed suicide in 2004 and he was 22 years old.

I have to admit that I feel the grief daily and even though I do try to go about my life I still have days that I do not get out of bed.

For the first 6 months after he died I did not get out of bed at all other than to do just the basic necessities. I did choose to self medicate myself until my dh physically hauled me into see a very good friend/therapist.

If you ever need to talk, just pm me.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Gosh bless every one of you...my heart and prayers go out to you. SeaSpray we are all here for you!

Like someone else said..this is a perfect example of the DIS that I love.

 

[bettyann29]

I responded to your post early on and boy Ive thought about this so much over the last 2 days...

I thought some of my grief and sadness was starting to go away but Im crying all over again.. DD17 tried to commit suicide last July and the pain is still there for me.. I still worry daily that I will come home and she will have tried it again.. sometimes you just want these feelings to go away.. I just hope one day I wont have to feel like that..

 

[minkydog]

I responded to your post early on and boy Ive thought about this so much over the last 2 days...

I thought some of my grief and sadness was starting to go away but Im crying all over again.. DD17 tried to commit suicide last July and the pain is still there for me.. I still worry daily that I will come home and she will have tried it again.. sometimes you just want these feelings to go away.. I just hope one day I wont have to feel like that..

I have the same feelings. It's been 6 years and I still worry about John. He lives in the basement and if he doesn't come upstairs at least once during the day I have to make myself go down there and peek in to make sure he's breathing.

 

[SeaSpray]

Thanks for all of the private messages, and also thanks to those who've posted here. I really hate that this thread has brought up some painful memories and feelings for some of you. I can go from feeling OK to being in tears, in an instant. The thing with this is, unlike a physical condition, there is no way that a doctor can give any of us an accurate prognosis. It's the unknown that is so scary to so many of us. If someone could just tell me that my loved one would never again attempt suicide I'd be beyond thrilled. It'd be the single most valuable thing anyone could ever give me. Sadly, nobody can give that to me. I think that the main reason for this is because the reasons that a persons' depression gets to such a severe state are so varied, that there's no real answer.

I am so sorry for all of us who are living with us, and again, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for just me, we also must not forget the pain that our loved ones are living with and dealing with that brought them to that point. I wish that I could cure them all and make them all feel good.

And also the people who've had to live with the aftermath of the attempts that were successful. I am so, so sorry. As much as I've been through already, I just can't imagine. It's awful.



Edited to add: I want to say thank you for all of the compassion and understanding from those of you who haven't been touched by suicide. It means a lot to know that so many people care.