Any other AP parents nursing HN toddlers??

[tinkerbeth]

If you understood that title, then you must be one! It's short for Attachment-Parenting parents nursing high-needs toddlers.

Would love to hear from you if you're out there...I can't be the only one who is going crazy. Love that kid but

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Well, I practice some forms of AP. I am selective, but who isn't?
I am not sure what High Needs means exactly.

I nursed DD until she was 1 1/2 (she is almost 3.) I was SO ready to wean and she was ready too, I just had to give her that extra push.

 

[DawnCt1]

Originally posted by tinkerbeth
If you understood that title, then you must be one! It's short for Attachment-Parenting parents nursing high-needs toddlers.

Would love to hear from you if you're out there...I can't be the only one who is going crazy. Love that kid but

Could you define both terms? Sounds "new age" to me.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

Don't know what "High Needs" child is but I am familiar with Attachment Parenting.

Attachment Parenting is a philosophy based in the practice of nurturing parenting methods that create strong emotional bonds, also known as secure attachment, between the infant and parent(s). This style of parenting encourages responsiveness to the infant or child's emotional needs, and develops trust that their emotional needs will be met. As a result, this strong attachment helps the child develop secure, empathic, peaceful, and enduring relationships.

Taken from Attatchment Parenting International website

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that APing means catering to your child's every whim and never putting them down, even to the point of having the child sleep in YOUR bed.

Not something I'd want to do myself..but hey..there are as many different ways to parent as there are parents in the world.

TOV

 

[Jenn Lynn]

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/about.shtml

Parents who practice AP usually don't believe in CIO, they co-sleep, believe in child led weaning, wear their baby instead of using a stroller, use gentle discipline, use cloth diapers, etc.

Of course a lot of *AP* parents do some of these and not all. Some *mainstream* parents do some of the above and don't even know it can be called AP.

I don't think it is new wave since it has been around for a while. Maybe the label is new.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Originally posted by Jenn Lynn
...use cloth diapers...

We're out, we used Pampers and Huggies.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by TheOtherVillainess
Don't know what "High Needs" child is but I am familiar with Attachment Parenting.




Taken from Attatchment Parenting International website

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that APing means catering to your child's every whim and never putting them down, even to the point of having the child sleep in YOUR bed.

Not something I'd want to do myself..but hey..there are as many different ways to parent as there are parents in the world.

TOV

It is much deeper than catering to their every whim. It's about creating a bond with your infant. And I am NOT saying that anyone else cannot create a bond with your child. This is just one way of doing it.

DD was a co-sleeper and it was purely for selfish reasons on my part. She was BF and frankly, it's easier to roll over and nurse her than get up in the middle of the night. Plus I like being right by her to check her breathing. (Nervous first time parent and all. )

One myth of AP is that your child will not be independent if you carry them, don't let them cry, don't make them sleep in their own crib, etc. That is definitely false.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by Dan Murphy
We're out, we used Pampers and Huggies.

Me too....

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

tinkerbeth, not sure exactly what your issues are with the child, but I'm also still nursing my toddler (but looking to wean, mostly because of the dietary restrictions--if it weren't for that, I really wouldn't mind!)

With this child, I'm not so into the attachment thing--she didn't care for the sling after the first few weeks, although my second child LOVED it. We also moved #3 out of our bed a few months ago. The problem wasn't the idea of her being in there, so much as, she would wake up when her father did. she sleeps much better in the crib now.

Perhaps one of the reasons your child is high needs is because she needs to start learning separation? Just a thought--I do think it's possible to be "too" there for your child, to the point where they get upset if you aren't interacting with them every second.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

I read about APing before I gave birth to DS and tried it the first 6 wks I was home (maternity leave). It was too tiring for me, tbh. And even though I don't AP..I still have guilt about putting him down (or taking off the snugli) when he falls asleep, even if my arms are going numb.

TOV

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by TheOtherVillainess
I read about APing before I gave birth to DS and tried it the first 6 wks I was home (maternity leave). It was too tiring for me, tbh. And even though I don't AP..I still have guilt about putting him down (or taking off the snugli) when he falls asleep, even if my arms are going numb.

TOV

I never used a sling for DD. She didn't like it and it hurt my back! I laid her down to sleep all the time. I do a little of everything and try to go with the flow. The main thing is to listen to your child.

I do some things AP and some things not. I try to be flexible and use ALL of the tools I have learned and am learning to raise DD.

I believe that what you want to 'practice' will come naturally for you. Some things might be great for you and others not so great. If it's not working out and it's making you miserable then it's not for you and your baby.

Happy Mama=Happy Baby.

 

[tinkerbeth]

Hmmm. Interesting replies. AP is definatly not new age, it's about as old as humanity. It's actually more new age to let babies cry, have them sleep on their own and put them down...we're really one of the only cultures in the world who does a lot of that stuff and it started in the 18th century, largely due to the male-ization of medicine and telling women not to listen to their bodies but that they shouldn't let their babies "control" them..

Anyways I don't want to have a debate really. I was more looking for support. High needs is a nicer (and imo more accurate) way of saying "fussy", or "strong willed". I don't think I 'made' him that way b/c he's been very needy since birth. I think he's hard-wired.

We do co-sleep, are still nursing (ds is 32 months) and we never let him cio alone. Sometimes he cries b/c he can't have what he wants but we try to be with him during those times. THese things seem wierd in our culture sometimes but this is mostly due to corporate influence (there is a lot of money in baby accessories and don't even get me started on the formula companies...) and our culture.

Our ds is a great kid. Super bright and very compassionate but lately I just am feeling worn out by being there for him all the time...likely b/c it's the end of the school year and I'm also dealing with exams (I'm a teacher), and report cards. Sometimes I just need more "me" time but I didn't have a baby for convenience!

Anyways thanks for letting me rant.

Beth

 

[Jenn Lynn]

tinkerbeth-Do you plan on letting him self wean? That was my plan with DD, but it got to the point where I was becoming resentful and not enjoying it as much. Plus she was at the point where she mostly nursed because it was what she was used to NOT because she needed to. It took me 1 week to totally wean her and she NEVER asked again. That part is kind of weird for me. It's like she doesn't even remember! LOL!

I have no advice for your HN child. I commend you for keeping up with the BF so long.

 

[issa]

i mostly lurk


I am mom to a 8yr old and 10 month old. i breast fed my frist for 8 months and now with my second I am reaching for a year.

I belive in AP, I think what confuse people is that alot of "weak parents" use it to just get along with thier child instead of parenting a child.

By weak i mean, coddling, giving in to a tantrum cause little johnny want a lollipop, changes plans on the childs whim of the day or demands. I AP with compassion, I listen to her concerns ( my older) we discuss and spend a lot of time just exploring our feelings about a subject. With my younger, we do co-sleep, i do carry her though she does not like a sling, and I dont use cloth diapers.

I am actually stricter than most parents I know....but i try to always be fair, and follow through with my statements. I guess what I tend to do is AP and then slowly morph into a Love AND Logic parent. hey..it works for our family and we are all happy and loved at the end of the day.

my little one isnt HN..but she is VERY stuborrn *whew* she can be tough. bu tshe is generally always smiling and in a great mood from wake up till sleep.

 

[tonyswife]

Originally posted by tinkerbeth




Sometimes he cries b/c he can't have what he wants but we try to be with him during those times.

Beth,

I would say we practice "semi" AP. I nurse, co-sleep, don't use cio, etc.. within limits. I weaned my DD at 15 months because I was done, I moved her to her own bed at 10 months because that is what I wanted, etc...

I understand how you feel with the crying. But, tantrums are NOT the same thing as other kinds of crying. Your toddler is no longer an infant with no other way of communicating. We MUST teach our children to communicate in other ways. I do not think you "made" your child nigh needs with AP but i DO believe that if you reward tantrums with attention, you will continue to have tantrums.

FOr example, if my DD wants a cookie and I tell her "not right now" and she starts scraming, thrwing herself on the floor, etc.. I simply and calmly pick her, put her in her bedroom with the child gate and tell her that as soon as she calms down she may come back and join the family. FOr a few days after I began this strategy, she upped her efforts and the volumn of her tanturms. However, after a few days, har tantrums are shorter, quieter and far fewer in number. I have not "broken" her will or her attachment because overall SHE is happier more often. She is learning to use her words and exercise control over her emotions. I strongly feel it is our job as parents to teach our children these skills.


If the crying is related to sleep issues. I recommend the book, "The No Cry Sleep Solution" By Elizabeth Panteley. Dr. Sears recommends this book in his updated version of "The Baby Book" and wrote an introduction for Ms. Panteley's book.

 

[tinkerbeth]

Thanks Jenn Lynn. Idealistically, (sp?) Yeah I would like to do the self weaning thing but I also don't want to accompany him to university, if you know what I mean! We have gotten down to only nursing at bed-time but I've sort of been not great at enforcing that in the last few days b/c dh was away. DS also nurses for comfort. I agree that when you start to resent it, it's time for a change. It's tough to rough out the screaming fit, but usually if you do, the next one is a bit shorter.

I too am one of the less "permissive" paretnst that I know. I like Barbara Coloroso's 'backbone parenting' idea. We have some flexibility in our house, but there are a lot of things that are not negotiable. If you hit, you sit!