Any of you men play piano?

[lacy1101]

I ask because my 14-year-old son wants to quit! He, along with my 10-year-old daughter, have been taking piano lessons for approximately 3 years. In the beginning, my son did very well. Now, my daughter does better than he does. I know its due to his age and possibly the idea that playing the piano isn't "cool." Should I let him quit? I have talked to so many grown men who say they wished they had stuck with it. Any advice?

 

[Laura]

I'm not a man, and I quit playing instruments some time ago, but maybe there's another instrument he'd like to try? Guitar? Saxophone?

 

[Disney Ella]

I'll bet all those men who wished they wouldn't have quit would have really resented their parents if they had been forced to continue. If he doesn't like it anymore, why not let him quit? He can always come back to it if he wants. And if he wishes he hadn't quit when he's an adult, he can always start taking lessons again.

 

[lacy1101]

I'm not a man, and I quit playing instruments some time ago, but maybe there's another instrument he'd like to try? Guitar? Saxophone?

He has mentioned guitar and he does play the baritone in the school band. I'm just really torn on what to do. When he is really applying himself, he is awesome! I guess I just hate to see him give that up for what might be a temporary disenchantment. On the other hand, it is painful to see him struggle through practices/lessons right now. He's just not into it.

 

[disney junky]

I do. Took 12 years through school because I enjoyed it. I wasn't terribly disciplined but I kept at it. I almost majored in music in college but didn't get much support and was intimidated by really good musicians. Used it as a basis to teach myself to play guitar. Still occasionally play in church, but mostly guitar now. If he wants to quit, it's probably best to let him or he'll just resist. At times there is a stigma attached to boys and music. Maybe that's part of it. My wife gave piano lessons for years and really struggled with kids not practicing. I told her that 9 out of 10 kids will quit and do nothing with their lessons, but that 1 out of 10 will actually do something with it. Less than that will become extraordinary. Tough call on your part, but don't expect to convince him that it's in his best interest.

 

[LiteBrite]

I'm a piano teacher ( majored in piano in college) and my hubby also plays. He took piano lessons through middle school, but by high school he was more into french horn and voice. He started out as a voice major, but switched to music business 2 years into college.

I'm not sure if he'd say he regrets not having piano lessons in high school or not. He's a great musician (he and I have both made our living various music-related ways most of our adult lives), but his music reading skills could be better. He's more chord-chart oriented. Still, it's obvious that not having those lessons didn't keep him from loving and participating in music later in life.

From my perspective as a piano teacher, I have mixed feelings about this issue. For one thing, I'm not so sure if this is a boy vs. girl issue, or if it's just a kid/teenager issue. If I was your son's teacher, I'd hate to see him give it up if he was really good at it, but on the other hand, it's really tough to teach any kid, and especially a teenager, if they don't want to be there. I have turned down parents who were trying to force an unwilling teenager to start lessons before, just because I knew how much of a pain that student was going to be. I told the parents they'd be wasting their money and both of our time.

We also have a daughter who's a talented musician - she plays several instruments, but her main focus is violin. Several times during those early teen years she wanted to give up her violin lessons, and we never let her. We would hang tough for a few weeks or months, and then she'd get over wanting to quit. She's 18 now, and in her first year of college as a violin performance major. I know she's glad we didn't let her quit, but then again, we knew she had the ability to go on and major in music and pursue music as a career. Not every kid is in that situation.

Bottom line, I guess my advice would be to do the same thing as we did with our daughter - don't let him give it up too quickly. If he persists in his unhappiness with his lessons, eventually I'd let him off the hook, but give him a chance to change his mind first. Just know that very few who quit lessons ever come back to them.

 

[Tigger_Magic]

I took lessons for nearly 10 years as a child and I do not regret it now. Then there were times I hated it and begged to quit. I hated the seemingly endless practicing of scales and different pieces and especially loathed the annual recitals.

However, I am so grateful today that I stuck with it. What I learned there helped in many areas of life. Indeed, I learned how to use a keyboard faster and easier because of the piano. I've learned other instruments, including the guitar, oboe and french horn much more easily.

I strongly recommend NOT allowing him to give up so quickly. It is tough, but he will be so grateful as an adult for having stuck it out.

 

[MinnieM3]

DH still plays. He's a natural! Don't know when he stopped lessons, though, but he kept playing all his life. Went on to tuba, trumpet, guitar, and violin. He's very musically talented!

 

[lacy1101]

Many thanks to all who have replied - I really appreciate it. I still don't know what I'm going to do, but just hearing from those who've been there really helps. I guess I feel that at some point, he will quit lessons (as much as I don't want him to), but I'm going to keep him going as long as I can.

I started lessons at around age 9-10. I took for approximately 4-5 years. I did not get the instruction my children are getting though - it was pretty much just learning the notes and timing. Not to toot my own horn, but I come from a musical family and it comes pretty naturally to me. I can still pretty much sit down and site read anything (you can just tell I'm rusty from little time to play since becoming a mom!). If my son is like me, maybe after a year or two more of lessons, he will be able to play well enough to play whenever and whatever he wants to. If either one of my children were to continue piano in college and/or make a career out of it, I see it being my daughter - she loves it! Of course, she's only 10 - we'll see when she's 14!

Thanks again!

 

[Servants of Evan]

Okay this is a bit harsh, but it will greatly illustrate the point to keep with playing the piano. It requires two photographs. First find a picture of Billy Joel. Next, find a copy of a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition with Christy Brinkley. It's obvious, this guy could have never been with that girl had he not played the piano. Case closed, let the lessons continue. Later in life if he's ever at a party and there's a piano, he'll soon find company...

 

[momsgoofy]

Many thanks to all who have replied - I really appreciate it. I still don't know what I'm going to do, but just hearing from those who've been there really helps. I guess I feel that at some point, he will quit lessons (as much as I don't want him to), but I'm going to keep him going as long as I can.

I started lessons at around age 9-10. I took for approximately 4-5 years. I did not get the instruction my children are getting though - it was pretty much just learning the notes and timing. Not to toot my own horn, but I come from a musical family and it comes pretty naturally to me. I can still pretty much sit down and site read anything (you can just tell I'm rusty from little time to play since becoming a mom!). If my son is like me, maybe after a year or two more of lessons, he will be able to play well enough to play whenever and whatever he wants to. If either one of my children were to continue piano in college and/or make a career out of it, I see it being my daughter - she loves it! Of course, she's only 10 - we'll see when she's 14!

Thanks again!

I just wanted to add my few cents on this for you.

I understand your situation...DS is almost 14, has been taking piano lessons for 5 years, trombone for almost 4 years and has tried electric bass and taught himself tuba so the school concert band would have a tuba. DS also sings in the school choir. He loves playing his trombone and does the piano grudgingly...I'm sure he'd be happy to quit, but hasn't said anything yet. Now, unlike you I am not a musical person, nor do I come from a musical family...the joke between DS, DH and me is that Mom plays the radio...lol

DH is DS's step-father and is very musical so they talk music all the time and I just nod my head. DH plays piano and sings...professionally, even though his day job is a math teacher. (Math pays the bills, but music gives the thrills!) He had about 6 months of lessons in junior high and got bored with the teacher, so he taught himself...he's very motivated with his music...even took music courses in college just because he wanted to...theory and such.

DH doesn't want DS to give up on the piano...neither does his teacher. So, when DH notices that DS is feeling like he is about to quit piano, DH uses the "chicks dig piano players" line. Even the piano teacher told DS a similar story one of her horn students told her...some high school kids were at a Key Club convention when one of the boys sits down at the piano in the hotel and starts to play Billy Joel. Well, apparently he drew quite a crowd of young ladies to the piano and they all fawned over the boy. Well, upon concluding the story, the horn student said..."I wanna take piano so I can get the girls like so and so."

DH also tells DS that he can earn some extra cash by playing piano...DH plays and sings for weddings as well as a member of a band...more money in the weddings though.

I hope your DS doesn't give up the piano, just as I hope my DS doesn't. For me I'm just in such awe and have great pride in my DS that is is so gifted, that I would hate to see him not use the talent. I don't know if you want to share the story with your DS, but thought you might like to hear it.

 

[mick67]

If he's been playing the piano for 3 years, he must have some ability by now. I don't know what his lessons are like. Is he learning music he wants to learn, or playing from a book the teacher provides? Maybe he'll enjoy it more if he learns to play the music he likes to listen to. Music is about expression...maybe you can find a way to get him in-touch with that.