Any foster parents here?

[peg2001]

We are trying to decide whether to become foster parents. I think we have a lot to offer and would love to provide a safe and loving home for children who don't have one. However, I am hesitant to subject ourselves to the heartbreak and frustration with "the system."

Any words of advice?

Peggy

 

[Wishydoo]

We are board certified foster parents...not a county agency but a private one.
It's actually Theraputic Foster Care, and involves much more than caseworkers visiting the house once a month.
We haven't had a child in our home in awhile. I needed a break from frustrations with "the system" of the particular agency we were working with.

 

[Robinrs]

My best friend and her DH have been foster parents for 5 years. I have seen them go to Heck and back with the "system" but they are much stronger people than I will ever be.

Through it all they have been successful in adopting 4 of their foster children, four of the most adorable little girls you've ever seen.

There are definitely plusses and minuses. She now teaches to prospective foster parents. If you'd like, PM me your email and she'd be more than happy to "talk" to you.

And God bless you for wanting to do this!

Robinrs

 

[Denine]

We had talked about fostering as a way to adopt quicker, but I couldn't deal with the heartbreak. So, we waited and adopted a beautiful little girl.
She was in a foster home for 1 month. Catholic Charities has their own foster parents. The foster mom was great. She is able to say that she only wants to take baby's. Kaleigh was her 14th foster child.
Good luck on your decision!

 

[mamajoan]

Said it before.. saying it again.. GOD BLESS FOSTER FAMILIES!!!

We were licensed Foster parents in order for placement of a Fos/dopt child.. (Foster kids who are in line for adoption)

I know that most counties are always recruiting Foster Parents, therefore have many classes and information seminars during the month. Attending information seminars is the best way to introduce yourself to the intracacies of the system. Private agencies, ie Catholic Charities and ASPIRA also use Foster Parents. The system is far from perfect but is trying hard to do the best it can to support families.

Family reunification is the goal in most foster placements.. that is something that many find difficult. Strong, loving, Foster families are the key to that process. There is joy and heartbreak. Foster parents seem to have a good support system btwn one another.

There are as many uplifting, joyous stories of foster care as there are sad, gut wrenching tragedies. But the stories always begin on a sad note because kids don't end up in foster care because they are having an outstanding family life. Hopefully you will be able to bring out the joy in a childs life. That is a grand gift to be able to give to anyone.. that is to give a child "possibilities".

 

[tkd lisa]

My aunt and uncle were foster parents for about 20 years. They finally stopped about 8 years ago. When they started foster care, the children were the focus. Yes, there were heartbreaking stories, but the goal seemed to be protecting the children.

The reason they finally quit was because the system is geared more towards "preserving the family" which means that the parents are given every opportunity to continue abusing the kids.

It's heartbreaking to see kids leave when you know they are going to happy homes (either adoptive, or parents you know just needed to learn how to take care of kids or get over some addiction problem). The last 5 years they were in foster care, I can't think of one child who wasn't placed back into a bad situation.

God bless the foster parents who can take the heartache! I'm sure that every child that went through my Aunt and Uncle's house has at least that little bit of happiness to remember, but I know that I couldn't take the pain.

Bood luck in your decision.

 

[Wishydoo]

The issues I had with our agency...
The Theraputic foster care program involved support and resources from a myriad of folks. The child had a "team", versus a single caseworker. The children placed in Theraputic foster care came from home situations that were the absolute, most horrendous, worst case scenerios.
Yes, the ultimate goal was to reunite the child with the family once all involved have received the help, therapy (in a variety of formats, btw), and life skills/parenting skills to have a stable (not perfect) home environment.
Many children that came to my home had no chance of being returned to their parents and were put up for adoption.

Anyway, the frustrations I had came from the fact that there just seemed to be too many chefs in the kitchen, (and yet it was the very reason I thought it was a good concept at first).
At least 3 days a week someone from the agency was at our house for some kind of session with the child. Then there were several meetings and additional training for us to attend each month, as well as visits with the parent(s).
Mostly, the gameplan was reinforcing positive behavior and having consequences for negative behavior....common sense.
But, it doesn't work if all the players (I mean the social workers, et al)., don't stay consistent.
Time and time again the progress made was wiped out by uninformed or uncaring members of the "team"....not very supportive.
There were many who were VERY helpful, but again...consistency was the key to success for the child, and that's what I cared about most...the child.
I did as much as I possibly could...but the team thing wasn't working, and I found myself wondering if some of them really had the child's best interest at heart...or were they just punching a timeclock. (sorry, but that's what it seemed like)
I really started to question in my mind what the whole point of calling it Theraputic foster care was, if in the long run, children would be returned to their families because the time limit was up...and nothing had changed.
If loving, caring homes are needed to keep a child safe and well...yes I could provide that. But, don't have me attend training and tell me about the team gameplan..and then not follow thru. It all took alot of time that could have been better spent fostering the child just by what we were doing with them...living with them.

So...my frustration was with the "system" of the agency I was working with.
My experiences with the kids were at times heartbreaking, but also, and mostly.. rewarding.
My hopes were always that every child could be re-united with their family in a safe and loving home.