Another what would you do?

[barkley]

What the heck has happened in the world since I got married nearly 17 years ago??? I cannot even fathom where somebody would get the nerve to do either of those. WOW!

this was'nt a recent occurance (though i've heard similar stories much more these days)-first one happend 15 years ago (tackyness is timeless ), and the second was 20 years ago (i was appalled it was even considered-but apparantly someone had read about it in a magazine and thought it was 'neat-o', tried it at their own shower and then it spread among their circle of friends like some fungal disease).

i have to admit i've yet to be invited to a shower that required me to pay for my own meal, but i don't think i'de be surprised by it-we already got a 'taste' of that kind of 'hosting' when several years ago dd was invited to a birthday party and the invitations required the parents to stay (preschool set at a public bowling party place)-but then instructed the parents to send or provide at the door so much per adult 'to help defer the cost of party refreshments' dd needless to say did'nt attend that one, and i was'nt surpised to hear the mom of the bday boy complaining after the party how few kids showed up ('i can't believe more people did'nt attend-we always have a marvelous time when we go to parties there'-um yeah, but i bet you were'nt being charged a cover charge at those parties ).

sometimes i honestly think the best gift some people could receive for a shower or wedding is a simple etiquate guide.

 

[PolyHereWeCome]

I would give a gift certificate to the restaurant you are eating in and then tell the host they can use it to pay for my meal! Just kidding, I think under the circumstances a $20 gift card to Target would be fine.

Oh my gosh, excellent post!

If you feel you must go (which like others said, I'd politely respond "something suddenly came up"), then $20 off Target registry seems reasonable.

 

[crz4mm2]

Being invited to a restaurant and expected to pay for your own meal doesn't surprise me much. That is done fairly frequently around here..... We don't think of it in bad taste at all... Different strokes for different folks I guess.

It is the part about it being a "casual" friend that gets me.

I wouldn't expect to be invited to a shower for the son (DIL) of a casual friend. Heck, my good friend's daughter didn't even invite me to her shower. She said "I didn't invite you because I knew you were on call and it would just look like I wanted a gift from you". Smart girl

We have been invited to showers at local restaurants before, such as Perkin's and Sirloin Stockade. Didn't bother me in the least. We had a great time in fact. I wasn't asked to pitch in for the Bride's meal either (although I would have!) Saved paying a 'fee' to rent a hall

 

[Hannathy]

You know the stomach virus has really been going around here and it hits you really fast.....like late this afternoon. There is no way I would attend a shower that I had to pay for my meal and bring a gift for the child of a casual friend! Talk about fishing for presents and they didn't even bait the hook.

 

[hiwaygal]

Thank you all for your thoughts and ideas (some were pretty clelver and funny!)

I did go to the shower. Let's just say it was interesting. Really it wasn't bad. And I actually felt kinda sorry for the hostess and the bride. She really was trying to make it a nice event.

I knew no one (except my friend)...and just to point out how "casual" this friendship is. My friend was the BRIDES mother (not the grooms as I originally thought). Turns out I have actually met the bride. Once. I think it was shortly after she was engaged.

Here's the funniest part. Currently, the couple hasn't even set a date yet.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Wow, hiway, this truly takes the cake, no pun intended!

 

[poohluvrs]

Here's the funniest part. Currently, the couple hasn't even set a date yet.

Next time, remember the wisdom of the lovely Marcia Brady...
"something suddenly came up"...

 

[Beca]

I understand about not going...but like I said, I kinda feel like I have to be there. I will be seeing the grooms mother (my friend) later tonight at another function. And at this point, I think it's too late to RSVP.

I would get a gift card, and give it to the grooms mother when you see her this afternoon, along with my apologies for not being able to attend the event.

 

[sugarpie]

Here's the funniest part. Currently, the couple hasn't even set a date yet.

That is ridiculous!!!

The shower is obviously just a greedy gift-fest.

 

[Nancy]

Thank you all for your thoughts and ideas (some were pretty clelver and funny!)

I did go to the shower. Let's just say it was interesting. Really it wasn't bad. And I actually felt kinda sorry for the hostess and the bride. She really was trying to make it a nice event.

I knew no one (except my friend)...and just to point out how "casual" this friendship is. My friend was the BRIDES mother (not the grooms as I originally thought). Turns out I have actually met the bride. Once. I think it was shortly after she was engaged.

Here's the funniest part. Currently, the couple hasn't even set a date yet.

Seriously? they are having a bridal shower but there is no wedding date in sight? Are they moving in together and throwing the shower so they can furnish their new place?

I have such huge issues with so much that gets done at things like this now. I have been to the "fill out the envelope" showers and and by the way here is one more (which turned out to be the thank you for the wedding). Then no hand written notes just a pre-printed generic thanks.

I hand wrote all my cards, personal notes for each one for 2 bridal showers and my wedding. I would never invite someone to a shower and expect them to pay for their meal. It's one thing if it is just a small group of friends getting together at a restraunt and not a "formal" shower....but as they say.."it takes all kinds"

 

[shirleyb]

Sounds like this situation took the cake!!!

It kind of illustrates what I've said on other threads - whatever happened to showers being for close friends and family? If you've never met the bride, you're obviously not close, LOL!

 

[Stacerita]

Silly me, I hosted my best friend's shower with only her close friends, coworkers and family who couldn't make her other shower. I didn't know I could invite anyone who ever heard of her to get her more gifts. And wow, I probably could have made a profit if I made everyone pay for their own meal. Too bad I didn't read this thread first.

I still would decline the invite, and probably would not send a gift either. You don't even know the couple. If I got invited to the wedding, I would probably go and get them a practical gift.

 

[Sherri]

I got invited to a wedding shower today. It's at a nearby restaurant and we have to pay for our own meal (no biggie).

I do not know the bride. I do not know the groom. I'm "casual" friends with the grooms mother.

The couple is registered at Target.

I kinda feel like I have to go to this shower, and I would guess I really shouldn't show up without a gift . I just don't know how much I should spend on a gift. I'm thinking $20 or $25...what do you think?

Will the bride to be, just be mortified after her shower when word gets round that everyone had to pay for their own lunch?
I think I would just about die.

 

[Shugardrawers]

I think I would just die knowing my mother or future mother in law invited people who had never met either of us to my bridal shower And isn't it a breach of etiquette anyway for the mothers to host the shower to begin with?