Another School Discipline (or lack of) Thread

[tjmw2727]

We had a horrible year with bullying two years ago - luckily my dd is at a new school and LOVING it and her new friends.

Keep your eyes and ears open, I don't know that you can do much about what may have already happened but you can be on alert. If nothing else I would ask for a locker switch. I would think that since the boys have a history she may at least consider it.

Talk with your son - let him know your stance on telling vs tattling. In our house tattling is to get someone else in trouble or for personal gain. Telling is getting someone (including yourself or the person your tattling on) out of trouble. I find the car a great place to get a discussion going - they can't go anywhere !!

A pp mentioned that kids sometimes try to be brave or grown up by trying to handle things themselves. This is what my dd did and it escalated too far before my dh and I got involved.

Our experience was that the school tried to put on a good face, classes on bullying, a teacher assinged to mediate etc but they never had a good discipline policy in place so the bullies never got consequences. If they discipline it goes on the schools record - if they "alleviate" the problem goes away for the school but not the victim. We had a horrible case of blame the victim in our situation. My then 11yo dd was harrassed and bullied by two sometimes 3 boys two years older and much larger. On more than one occasion during meetings where she was obviously bullied I was asked "When DO you plan to teach your daughter to stand up to bullies". No kidding.

So keep talking with your son - and IMHO try and at least get lockers re-assigned.

Good luck -

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Thank you all for your advice and support. I know my son is not an angel and he did not say he did not step on the boys foot - he said he did. But he said he did not push him. My son is 8 years old, 54" tall and weighs 83 lbs. He not a small child by any means. However, this other boy is 10 years old, about a head taller and atleast 25 lbs. heavier than my son. I get the impression from my ds that he is not the only child bullied by this kid.

The locker situation was coincidence - our last name starts with H, his with K - the lockers are assigned alphabetical. My son loves school, he loves going to school, he loves this techer (did not love last years teacher). He was so excited for school to start. When we saw that class listing, his only comment was "great, now I'll get hit every day".

The teacher said that she would be watching them both as did the principal. I will wait to see what happens. I was more concerned that this adult man would feel comfortable enough to threaten another persons child - it really makes me wonder what goes on in their home.

Off topic, but this made me laugh. Your son is the same size as mine. But mine will be 14 in January!

 

[Cadiewampus]

Thank you all for your advice and support. I know my son is not an angel and he did not say he did not step on the boys foot - he said he did. But he said he did not push him. My son is 8 years old, 54" tall and weighs 83 lbs. He not a small child by any means. However, this other boy is 10 years old, about a head taller and atleast 25 lbs. heavier than my son. I get the impression from my ds that he is not the only child bullied by this kid.

The locker situation was coincidence - our last name starts with H, his with K - the lockers are assigned alphabetical. My son loves school, he loves going to school, he loves this techer (did not love last years teacher). He was so excited for school to start. When we saw that class listing, his only comment was "great, now I'll get hit every day".

The teacher said that she would be watching them both as did the principal. I will wait to see what happens. I was more concerned that this adult man would feel comfortable enough to threaten another persons child - it really makes me wonder what goes on in their home.

Here is what I told my son to do when he was about 9 or 10 and was being picked on. We let the teacher know but it continued. I told him to let the bully know that if he continued to pick on him he would defend himself. I let my son know that if he was defending (and not starting anything) he would not get into any trouble by me. I told him to be prepared to be in trouble with the school but not me. (I hate bullys). I let the teacher know what I had told him and also told my son to let the bully know what I had said. Well apparently the bully did not believe him cause one day he started in on my son. My son told him to quit or he would defend himself. Apparently the bully thought he was bluffing. We had no more trouble with the bully after that. When I asked my son what had happened he said "I took care of it" . Must not have been to bad as I never got a call from the school. That bully was making my son feel bad about himself which is the bad thing about it. Bullys not only want to beat you up but want to take away your dignity. It seems to me we as parents sometime try to hard to rescue our kids from situations like this instead of just giving advise and letting them work it out themselves if they can. Now if they can't I agree they need us to step in. I am not advocating fighting and in fact I will be 50 in a couple of months and have probably been in about one fight in my life.

 

[disykat]

I would be concerned about the child, but even more concerned about the father. I agree with others that a grown up threatening to beat up an 8 year old child is a matter for the police.

 

[playswithstars]

All I can say is wow to the fact that the school has let this happen. The elementary school I'm student teaching at has a very strict no bullying policy. We have no issues really because of it because they knew even the smallest thing could get them in pretty big trouble.

Is the principal aware of your concerns?