Another potty training issue

[justhat]

I've read many great potty training tips here, so hopefully someone can help with this question. My son, who will be 3yo in a week, has been potty trained since last summer. Completely day-trained all of that time, using the potty totally independently whenever he needs to go both at home and at school/camp. At night he does wear a pullup and always has, which is totally fine with me. It's wet every morning so I know he's not ready to sleep without it yet.

For the past month or so, however, my son has decided to wait until he is in bed to poop in his pullup. Everynight. We goes to the potty right before bed so it's not that he wasn't given the chance to go, and there's a bathroom right outside his bedroom that he can freely get to if he needs to go after he's already in bed. But he is not doing that, he's going in his pullup instead. He then goes into the bathroom, cleans himself up (which of course makes a huge mess that involves poop on the floor and about 25 baby wipes in the toilet, which consequently stops it up), gets a new pullup (and often new pajamas as they frequently get dirty in the process), and then goes back to bed. He's pretty secretive about it, so we don't always hear him do this, and only when we go to bed do we see the mess and know what went on.

Let me add, this kid never has accidents during the day and basically self-potty trained last year. So it was not that he was forced to train too early, he wanted to wear underwear cause he was the youngest kid in his preschool class and the rest of them (about a year older) were in underwear so he wanted to be like them (and his sister too). He made the decision on his own and we had to do very little to help him make the transition, he was totally self-motivated. If he has to poop during the day he goes right to the potty, so it's not a problem with pooping specifically, he's not constipated or anything like that.

We assumed that this problem was because he knew the pullup was meant to handle that so he had no desire to get to the potty. So this week we stopped putting pullups on him before bed, planning to put one on after he fell asleep, only to have him poop right in his pajamas, go through the same cleaning process, and leave poopy pants in the hamper for me!

So I'm lost. I have no idea what to do. I cannot keep cleaning poopy clothes everyday, or having the bathroom stopped up, not to mention the expense involved in going through 2 pullups each night. We ask him to try to poop before bed and he says he doesn't have to go, we ask him to tell us if he has to go and we'll take him from his bed to the bathroom if he doesn't want to go himself (though clearly that is not an issue for him), but none of that is working.

Tonight I plan to just send him to bed without pants on at all cause I really don't think he'd just poop in his bed, but I honestly don't know anymore.

Sorry it's long, but any advice is greatly appreciated!

 

[laughinplace199]

I don't have any experience with this particular issue, but I'll try to see if I can help. I noticed in your signature that you're expecting another baby. Do you think this could have anything to do with the new baby on the way? Your little guy seems very self-sufficient for one so young, so maybe he's regressing a bit? It's weird that he's only doing it at night, though. Perhaps he's too busy during the day to think about it, but at night when he's quiet and in bed, he could be thinking about the new baby coming.

Is there a chance that he's asleep when he poops? My DS went through a phase where he pooped in his Pull Up while he was asleep.

I wish I had more to offer. Whenever I'm dealing with a difficult phase with one of my kids, I just keep reminding myself that it's a phase and it won't last forever. Good luck!

 

[mjkacmom]

Many, many children pee train before they poop train - my oldest ds didn't poop in the potty for a full year after he was 100% pee trained (and never pooped in underwear - he would ask for a pullup). DO NOT withhold the pullup, because he'll start to withhold the poop, which causes a lifelong medical condition. Let him use the pullup.

 

[justhat]

laughinplace - I did think at first that he was asleep, but I sat in my room a few times to see if that was the case and he had ever fallen asleep, just lying in his bed with a book or talking to his sister. He just found out about the baby last week so I don't think that is the problem, yet anyway. My fear is that he will be worse when the baby comes if this doesn't stop now.

 

[LuvBaloo]

If you have a baby monitor, I'd put it upstairs in his room or in the bathroom so that you can hear if he gets up to do his clean up in the night.
Since he's trying to clean it up himself, it seems like he knows he shouldn't be pooping in his pants.
Have you told him to call you for help when it happens?

My DD was very lazy when she had pull-ups on, so we switched her back to diapers for bedtime. If she wanted to go pee, she could open the diapers, and would just have to ask for help to put it back on.

 

[justhat]

Many, many children pee train before they poop train - my oldest ds didn't poop in the potty for a full year after he was 100% pee trained (and never pooped in underwear - he would ask for a pullup). DO NOT withhold the pullup, because he'll start to withhold the poop, which causes a lifelong medical condition. Let him use the pullup.

I know some kids pee train first, but that isn't the problem here. Like I said, he has been totally trained for an entire year, pee and poop. Never has accidents of either kind. If he's not in bed and has to poop, he goes right to the potty without question. We never have to remind him to go or take him to the potty, he goes all on his own. I do prefer to help him wipe, but since he's been going on his own so long I don't always know that he is using the potty until he's done, but he usually does a pretty good job on his own anyway. He usually goes twice a day (he eats a ton of fruit!), the 2nd time being after he goes to bed, which is when the problem is. In the mid-morning when he goes it is always in the potty, he's never had a daytime accident (well, never recently anyway, when he was first training he did, but that was in no way unexpected-it's been about 9 months since his last accident though).

He also doesn't withhold the poop without the pullup. He didn't have a pullup all week at night and just went in his pants instead, with no qualms about it.

So this is only at bedtime which I cannot figure out. And only the past month or so.

 

[justhat]

If you have a baby monitor, I'd put it upstairs in his room or in the bathroom so that you can hear if he gets up to do his clean up in the night.
Since he's trying to clean it up himself, it seems like he knows he shouldn't be pooping in his pants.
Have you told him to call you for help when it happens?

My DD was very lazy when she had pull-ups on, so we switched her back to diapers for bedtime. If she wanted to go pee, she could open the diapers, and would just have to ask for help to put it back on.

Yes, we have told him to call us cause we do not want to clean up the bathroom everynight and he says "I do it myself". I think I will buy a baby monitor though, it would be worth it to avoid the mess.

I have thought about diapers at night instead, cause at least if he takes that off himself then it won't get all over his legs, but I don't think he'd wear one. Did your daughter protest the diaper at all? I know we had to use one about 6 months ago for a long car trip when we knew he'd fall asleep for the night and forgot to leave a pullup out, and he flipped out over the 'baby' diaper.

 

[LuvBaloo]

DD liked her pullups and did not want diapers, but I just said pullups cost too much money to use all the time, and she eventually accepted it. I know one shopping trip when she wanted me to get the Pullups with Princesses, I told her we had to get the diapers so we would have enough money for ice cream. So its diapers and ice cream or pullups and no ice cream. She picked ice cream.

I think the baby monitor will help. He might not want it in his bedroom, but maybe in the bathroom or hallway would be enough for you to hear when he gets up. And you'll probably want a baby monitor when new baby comes anyway.

 

[justhat]

DD liked her pullups and did not want diapers, but I just said pullups cost too much money to use all the time, and she eventually accepted it. I know one shopping trip when she wanted me to get the Pullups with Princesses, I told her we had to get the diapers so we would have enough money for ice cream. So its diapers and ice cream or pullups and no ice cream. She picked ice cream.

I think the baby monitor will help. He might not want it in his bedroom, but maybe in the bathroom or hallway would be enough for you to hear when he gets up. And you'll probably want a baby monitor when new baby comes anyway.

Good plan. I have a bunch of leftover diapers that I found in a closet so I'll try it.

We did have a monitor, but for whatever reason it was constantly static-y in our house so we got rid of it. I planned on trying a new type with new baby anyway so I may as well get it now.

 

[ekatiel]

Can you bribe the little man? Maybe a skittle if he goes before bed or a sticker-- or if you get really desparate-- a hot wheel?? --Katie

 

[laughinplace199]

Yes, we have told him to call us cause we do not want to clean up the bathroom everynight and he says "I do it myself". I think I will buy a baby monitor though, it would be worth it to avoid the mess.

I have thought about diapers at night instead, cause at least if he takes that off himself then it won't get all over his legs, but I don't think he'd wear one. Did your daughter protest the diaper at all? I know we had to use one about 6 months ago for a long car trip when we knew he'd fall asleep for the night and forgot to leave a pullup out, and he flipped out over the 'baby' diaper.

I think the diaper is a good idea. He might not like it, but you can explain that if he chooses to poop in bed, he has to wear a diaper. If he chooses to wear underpants, he must poop in the potty. Maybe giving him choices and letting him feel that he is in charge of the situation will help.

 

[justhat]

I had forgotten bribery. Another good strategy to try tonight!

I will add that part about choosing the diaper or not, maybe he'll see the light.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I think that the pull up should go as well. He sounds as though he does great all day. When he knows that he will have to wear a diaper at night and big boys don't wear diapers, he may want to wear underwear and use the potty. I would try and figure out a time to get him up and on the potty after he has gone to bed. Then check on him again before you go to bed. When I trained so many years ago, I stopped diapers all together and woke them up during the night for a short time. We didn't have pullups when my kids trained, and I never thought they did much to help kids train. I used the thick cloth underwear. I personally think that pullups just make the training process longer. And they make a mess when you try and take them off of the child.

Also when he has woken up clean and dry for a few days, take him out to lunch or something. Or go to a place he doesn't normally go, mini golf, etc. Once the new baby comes, you may not get out much with him at first so these special times will be even more special. Sometimes a reward of going out is more special than buying him something.

 

[justhat]

You know, I actually did train both kids that way, no pullups at night, waking them to go to the potty (if they didn't wake on their own), but have long since stopped. With my daughter it was because she was diagnosed with kidney reflux so her urologist said to just put her in a pullup because the reflux causes her bladder to never be empty. So after my son was fully day trained I just went to pullups with him at night. I fully agree though, I never used them during the day because they totally know it works like a diaper and have no incentive to use the potty (hence my son's nighttime issue!).

The good news tonight is that he did not nap today, so he was exhausted at bedtime, did poop on the potty before bed, and chose to go to sleep without pants rather than wear the diaper. He went right to sleep so I know I'm safe tonight, we'll see how tomorrow goes.

Thanks for all the help!

 

[floydfamily4]

I had forgotten bribery. Another good strategy to try tonight!

I will add that part about choosing the diaper or not, maybe he'll see the light.

I totally thought I would never bribe my children, or as I like to call it "find the currency that works for them to get the results we need" but now with 4 year old twins do what you have to do!

Good luck dear I didn't have this issue (many others but not this one) so no advice just some

dawn

 

[JenLanDisney]

Can you bribe the little man? Maybe a skittle if he goes before bed or a sticker-- or if you get really desparate-- a hot wheel?? --Katie

I agree with this tactic. When we had our own poop problems, I took DS3 to the pedi who (along with fiber foods) recommended that we go back to making the potty fun. He stressed that poop problems at the 2-3 year old age that go untreated manifest themselves as poop problems for teenagers.

So, we've gone back to small rewards and singing our special song when there's success. It's been about 3 weeks and we've had great improvement.

 

[mousygirl]

you have to love a ton of wipes in the toilet. We have been there, so I understand the frustration of coming upstairs and seeing the huge mess in the bathroom.
We bought our DD the Gerber underwear (soft underwear). It is a lot thicker than regular ones and it does make it less messy for accidents. The only place I have been able to find them is at Kmart in the baby section. If you paired those with the waterproof sheet, it may work.
My DD balked at first, but now she doesn't really care which underwear she wears, but if she wears a pullup, she will pee in it.
Good Luck!

 

[justhat]

We do have that thick training underwear, and actually, one of those pairs is his 'favorite'. Interestingly, it's his sister's old underwear with little pink hearts all over it. Maybe I'll stick him in those with those plastic underwear things on top if he keeps refusing the diaper. He never soils his underwear so I wouldn't think he'd do that, then again, he went in his pajama pants so what do I know!

And his 'currency', for those interested, is a vacuum. Yes, an actual vacuum. We bought him a real vacuum a few weeks ago and he is beside himself with it. I hate having to take it away, but I think that will be the bribe-as in, keep your pants clean and you get the vacuum, otherwise it stays in the closet the next day.

1 last question: My plan this past week had been to put a pullup on him after he went to sleep so he wasn't peeing in his bed all night. SHould I do that? Or put on a diaper? Or the underwear? Or leave him be? The thing is, when he pees overnight, if he's just in his pajamas, he wakes up from the cold/wet feeling and then gets me, and I have to clean him up and change his pants and sheets (or stick him in my bed, but he kicks so that is not my 1st choice). But if changing him after he's asleep will perpetuate the problem then I won't do it and just live with waking up everynight.

 

[dyna]

OP I know it's frustrating but it could be worse I had 1 that was totally potty trained that did not want to take a nap so she would poop at nap time smear poop on her bed an walls an even went so far as to get in her dresser get all her clothes out an smear just enough poop on all of them that I had to wash all her clothes every day after nap time.

This was in the old school days when spankin was not a NO NO Of course she was getting spankings for messing in poop funny 1 day I went in cleaned up the mess said nothing to her an that was the day the poop problem stopped. Seems we had a battle of wills going once I let her get away with it once problem solved she thought she'd won but in the end my hand did not hurt, I wasn't spending rest of the day doing her laundry etc I actually came out a head on that one lol

HMMMMM could it be an attention getter for the little guy? OR that it's a way he has found to drive mom an dad nuts?

 

[justhat]

Funny you should mention that, cause I've been wondering if the problem is a stall tactic cause he doesn't want to go to bed. The kid never complained about bedtime in his life, used to tell us he wanted to go to bed, and he still will, BUT, only if he doesn't nap. He's sort of outgrowing the nap, but because we have to pick his sister up at camp at 3pm, he falls asleep in the car then most day. When that happens, he is not tired at bedtime and fights going to bed. So I thought maybe he was just trying to stall or fight sleep, but then I thought that was insane. Now I'm thinking maybe not....

And OMG, yes, your problem was so much worse!! I would die if I had to do that much cleaning. Luckily, my husband usually cleans up after him cause right now just about anything makes me gag/vomit, but if it happened at naptime and I were home alone with him, ugh,I can't imagine. And all over everything like that! She was quite clever though, with the opening of the dresser bit. She really knew what she wanted to do!